Author kakoy Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 Thanks, guys! Well, I insist on splitting with my dinner date tonight. It was our 2nd date and I am definitely not interested, so I would never let him pay. Kind of funny, lunch date texted while I was preparing for dinner date. He is awkward, so that explain the comment? I think I agree with most of you; I can afford my own food and doesn’t need anyone to pay for me. After finishing training next year, I will make at least 2.5 times more than these gentleman, so money isn’t an issue. I just don’t understand this new world of dating. Why is it so confusing?!?!? Maybe I should just find a trophy husband instead of an equal! ? Thanks for humoring me guys!? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 It's just a smart ass comment that guys say that think makes them so clever. Pay it no mind. (Literally and figuratively.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 OMG!! SO TRUE!! Early on in my present relationship, I was cooking dinner and my girlfriend started complaining about me not taking her out that night and being cheap. So, I took a post-it note & wrote "DOOR" on it and put it on the front door of my home. She asked what is that for?? I said "Apparently, you forgot where the door is... If you are going to continue to put me down or complain, I suggest you use that thing marked "DOOR"." Lol! Good for you dude! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I just think if a new guy asks you out, you let him at least pay for the first date and do not offer or anything. Now, if he asks you for a second date and you have enough money that it's no hardship, you can always say, Okay, if you buy the movie tickets, I'll buy the refreshments. Or just wait until you're there and say, Oh, no, you got the tickets. I'm paying for our popcorn. That's how I usually would do. But not the first date. Honestly, to me this would be after a couple of dates at least. But why split hairs. Only after you know them well enough, you can offer to buy the drinks since he bought the dinner, but don't do it until you know him awhile. Plenty of guys would take advantage of that and really run up a bill and get crazy drunk and out of control. People are absolutely crazy about free drinks. Some people are real sticklers about if you invite them out, the inviter must pay for everything. This varies by locale. Mostly it's not that way where I live, but I do have one friend who will jack me up saying we should hang soon and then I'll call him for lunch and he expects me to pay. I mean, he's not a date either. And I can only think of one time he's said "I'll pay this time." It's annoying and I don't get together with him as often because of it. You don't dare offer to buy drinks with him. You're lucky if it's lunchtime and he's not still up from the night before (DJ alcoholic). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Just had a lunch date with this guy and he offhandedly said I was a cheap date since I offered to split the bill! I do that every time but the guys sometime accept and others had refused. I agree with everyone else - it was a joke. He just meant it in the way that he didn't have to spend as much money as he normally might. Don't read into it, there isn't anything to read into Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) pretty sure the guy put 0 thought into it before saying it; it just popped into his head as a funny thing to say. It wasn't very clever though. Dude needs to get a new line if it happens again. I will say, if I ask someone, anyone, to lunch or dinner, I pay for it. They accepted an offer for ME to take THEM out. The times a woman has asked, or rather demanded to split the check for something, it has always been the last date we had (and not by my choice). Then again I'm in sales and the majority of my days are taking someone to lunch on the company dime, so that certainly skews my perspective a little. Edited March 9, 2018 by rightondude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 i also value women more if they offered to pay the bill i would still pay it myself but to hear them offer it feels good cause i know if we have more dates i wouldnt want to pay all time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 i also value women more if they offered to pay the bill i would still pay it myself but to hear them offer it feels good cause i know if we have more dates i wouldnt want to pay all time and you shouldn't have to feel like you do have to pay...deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 One poster spoke of having standards. I have mine and a girl who doesn't offer to pay falls below them. I find it entitled and selfish not to at least offer. A woman not offering to pay doesn't tell you a single thing about her being selfish or not. What actually speaks volumes is a guy who expects a girl to offer to pay when he's the one who asked her out. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) OP, it probably was a clumsy attempt at a joke. I don't date but I think splitting the first bill on a first meet with someone you don't know from Adam should actually be a 'rule'. It's not about good manners or who invited whom (someone has to, or there's no date!) - it's about not giving any sort of impression one way or the other, especially when you multi-date or date frequently total strangers from online. Totally different scenario to when you already know the person or are already friends, imo. Anything that comes after the first date is more of a give-and-take situation. Edited March 9, 2018 by littleblackheart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Me too. Any of the serious gf's I've had offered to pay on the first date. I never accepted, but it speaks VOLUMES as to who they are as a person. One poster spoke of having standards. I have mine and a girl who doesn't offer to pay falls below them. I find it entitled and selfish not to at least offer. Sure, I may have sex with her for a few months but after a while I get bored of always footing the bill which is what her not offering usually entails. They seem surprised when I end it like their vagina is enough to off set the costs. Temporarily perhaps, but not long term. These are the same type of women who will take you to the cleaners in a divorce. They claim to be traditional yet won't take on other traditional roles like cooking, cleaning, laundry. You sound like a great woman - keep it up and you'll find a great guy. I think I understand the differences in this conversation. I was referring to a situation where it’s a first date or early into the relationship. Yes, down the road, there’s nothing wrong with splitting the tab or the woman paying. Men don’t need that pressure all the time. My statement strictly had to do with this situation where it appeared to be a first date. And I agree that the guy was just making a joke and it shouldn’t be taken seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 What actually speaks volumes is a guy who expects a girl to offer to pay when he's the one who asked her out. Louder for those in the back! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Louder for those in the back! I agree that if it's someone you already know at least a little bit from real life, the one who invites pays. What's the reasoning behind that when you are total strangers to each other? You are both on a website to look for someone; it's not a chance meeting. I'm not trying to be controversal btw, I'm just wondering what the logic is behind it? After that first meet from online, by all means go for your own preferences or standards or cultural customs and such but expecting a total stranger to pay for you? I'm not sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I agree that if it's someone you already know at least a little bit from real life, the one who invites pays. What's the reasoning behind that when you are total strangers to each other? You are both on a website to look for someone; it's not a chance meeting. I'm not trying to be controversal btw, I'm just wondering what the logic is behind it? After that first meet from online, by all means go for your own preferences or standards or cultural customs and such but expecting a total stranger to pay for you? I'm not sure. Asking someone out is asking someone out. What difference does the venue make? Guy sees girl, guy likes the girl, guy asks her out. Age old stuff, no? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) Asking someone out is asking someone out. What difference does the venue make? Guy sees girl, guy likes the girl, guy asks her out. Age old stuff, no? Age old stuff from different, pre OLD-times and pre-equality movement, yes. You are both there for the same exact purpose - to find someone. It's not a random meet at all. I guess it depends on how often you go on these first meets with strangers. I wasn't being argumentative btw, nor am I judging. You do you Edited March 9, 2018 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 A few decades from now young people studying sociology will read about how sex and dating used to be transactional... that women felt entitled to receive consideration (monetary value) for the mere possibility of forming relationships or what they considered the privilege of being in her company. And they'll say, "Eweeewe, gross! There's virtually no difference between that kind of gender-based entitlement and outright prostitution or human trafficking?" They'll say, "We thought gender emancipation and the presumption of equality was firmly established by the mid-twentieth century. How could this entitlement thing have persisted into the twenty-first century... did women not have a larger perspective?" Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 A few decades from now young people studying sociology will read about how sex and dating used to be transactional... that women felt entitled to receive consideration (monetary value) for the mere possibility of forming relationships or what they considered the privilege of being in her company. And they'll say, "Eweeewe, gross! There's virtually no difference between that kind of gender-based entitlement and outright prostitution or human trafficking?" They'll say, "We thought gender emancipation and the presumption of equality was firmly established by the mid-twentieth century. How could this entitlement thing have persisted into the twenty-first century... did women not have a larger perspective?" They'll only learn this if the person saying this is bitter and resentful. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I definitely think after maybe 5 dates and you both seem to like each other, it's a good idea and should just come naturally for the woman to ask the guy to something and pay. I tended to mostly do this to something I was invited to, a party or gig, where I could get them in and then they could buy drinks if they wanted. I never was one to let a guy buy me drinks all night. I would switch off with them. Both men and women, if they think ahead can plan really good cheaper dates. Like one girlfriend of mine always buys season passes to museums and another to the zoo. Then you can take someone anytime you want and get them in for free. And it makes a better date. One guy friend bought season passes to the Women's Museum, a stroke of genius, when he was still dating. A yearly investment just to get you and a guest in like that will pay off if you date or socialize with friends much at all. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I think it's situational. A few weeks ago, I met a guy who works at the same company I do at a social event. That night he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I want to take you to lunch." There was zero equivocation there. It wasn't, "we should grab drinks sometime." When he took me to lunch, I let him pay, because it was very much his inviting me. Just last week, I took a friend out for a belated birthday dinner. It was very much implied by my invitation that I was treating my friend. When the check came, I paid. I didn't wait for her to pull out her wallet or offer to pay. I invited her in a very specific way, and it was my treat. The way that man asked me out was very similar, though I can imagine a scenario, and have been in scenarios, where I would happily pony up half/all/just the tip. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I think it's situational. A few weeks ago, I met a guy who works at the same company I do at a social event. That night he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I want to take you to lunch." There was zero equivocation there. It wasn't, "we should grab drinks sometime." When he took me to lunch, I let him pay, because it was very much his inviting me. Just last week, I took a friend out for a belated birthday dinner. It was very much implied by my invitation that I was treating my friend. When the check came, I paid. I didn't wait for her to pull out her wallet or offer to pay. I invited her in a very specific way, and it was my treat. The way that man asked me out was very similar, though I can imagine a scenario, and have been in scenarios, where I would happily pony up half/all/just the tip. did you have sex with that guy? or are you going to see him again? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) I think it's situational. A few weeks ago, I met a guy who works at the same company I do at a social event. That night he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I want to take you to lunch." There was zero equivocation there. It wasn't, "we should grab drinks sometime." When he took me to lunch, I let him pay, because it was very much his inviting me. Just last week, I took a friend out for a belated birthday dinner. It was very much implied by my invitation that I was treating my friend. When the check came, I paid. I didn't wait for her to pull out her wallet or offer to pay. I invited her in a very specific way, and it was my treat. The way that man asked me out was very similar, though I can imagine a scenario, and have been in scenarios, where I would happily pony up half/all/just the tip. All of this makes sense to me. Not only is it situational, it's also real life stuff - you chatted in person, you had some idea of who each other was, you were on the same page, you could rely on body language, tone of voice, ... How do you have all this from messaging a random person you've never seen in your life and may or may not have represented themselves truthfully on their profile? It's not a magical encounter; it's two profiles matching up online, purposefully there to meet someone amobg many others also there to meet someone. I can see why a guy would be puzzled about being expected to prescribe to 'age-old' traditions of being 'gentlemanly' towards someone he doesn't have a clue about just because it's how it's always been. These traditions made sense back in the day for sure. Now? Not so sure... I totally get men who feel trapped in a lose / lose situation in that scenario - not positive it's bitterness either. It just doesn't make sense. After that first contact, take it in turns, have the guy pay, go halves, whatever you're into but that first meet from online? It doesn't feel quite right, even if you have decided you're going to marry on the spot, unless one of the two insists on footing the bill of their own accord, to signify strong interest. Edited March 9, 2018 by littleblackheart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Keep offering. He should not have said that and should not have accepted your offer. Why? I agree he shouldn't have said that. but I don't see why he shouldn't have accepted! Women want equality but yet judge guys if they treat them equal! Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 A woman not offering to pay doesn't tell you a single thing about her being selfish or not.My experience disagrees with you. All of the women I've dated who never offered to pay (or didn't reciprocate in some other fashion) early on turned out to be selfish. All of the generous women I dated offered to pay early on. I realize my dating history is not statistically significant, but the early actions of these women signified their future behavior.What actually speaks volumes is a guy who expects a girl to offer to pay when he's the one who asked her out. I always offer to contribute when invited out, date or not, with the exception of business events, which I know get expensed. I helped accrue those costs, I should offer to help alleviate them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I agree. Even if I'm invited, I can't just sit there and not offer to contribute. It just doesn't feel right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 My experience disagrees with you. All of the women I've dated who never offered to pay (or didn't reciprocate in some other fashion) early on turned out to be selfish. All of the generous women I dated offered to pay early on. I realize my dating history is not statistically significant, but the early actions of these women signified their future behavior.I always offer to contribute when invited out, date or not, with the exception of business events, which I know get expensed. I helped accrue those costs, I should offer to help alleviate them. My dating history meets statistical sample size requirments and I have had the EXACT same experience as you. As has every friend of mine. The funny thing is women who offer to pay can't think of any other way to act, women who won't offer to pay can't fathom any other way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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