littleblackheart Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 Perhaps you are different, but most women don't want 100% honesty. I don't know that I'm that different (I'm sure the majority of people would prefer 100% honesty all the time when it's well meant and genuine) but I do know what I want, and it comes with %100 genuineness and well-meaning straightforwardness over people-pleasing or presenting a fake front. Someone who wants big jugs (don't have them), no kids (have them), an Asian woman (not me) or anything that also isn't me and states as much will have my full respect. I'm not going to cry all over my pillow because I don't fit that guy's criteria, however! I'm more interested in bumping into the one guy who will be just right for me, and I for him. I can't see it happening with dating online, but like I said, if others like to keep it vague in the hope of getting anyone that will do for now, more power to them. I don't have that sort of urgency. 2
kendahke Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 I contacted her and mentioned some of the things I found attractive about her and let her know how much I've enjoyed chatting with her, but that I'm not ready yet to date someone with kids. Also wished her good luck on her search. See? That was painless. Now you can continue on your search. 1
preraph Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 Lol. No thanks. Touché But at least it’s not because I might still want to have a friendship with that guy with ED, so I’m leaving it open. Also, the quickest way to give a guy is ED is to tell him he better not have it!!
preraph Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 She'll probably be butt hurt if it's her first time hearing it. But she needs to learn that some men don't like women with kids and that is perfect fine and understandable.. This guy is good. It's the ones who are iffy about it that are the worst. i.e. I don't want to say anything to scare off women with kids because I would still date them even though they aren't my ideal. She already knows it or she wouldn't have concealed it.
joseb Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 I guess if you find a way to make it sound less negative that would be fine. Yeah I guess that's a good compromise. I'm very put off by all the profiles that just have a list of "must not haves". They read as very negative and very bitter. Even if what they list is reasonable, it's probably not match them due to the negative vibe. 1
preraph Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 If there's a profile or blog or whatever you could put "Not ready for kids anytime soon, but someday, my own."
kendahke Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 So i don't get it...he's supposed to make himself sound like a jerk and not kid-friendly (when he may be it's just not where he is interested putting his life right now at this point). While the girl gets a pass for OMITTING a huge and most important part of her life that would affect anyone who dates her? We can't control what this woman wrote in her profile and she's not here complaining about not being able to find guys who are open to existing children. At the end of the day, it's still going to be negativity, but delayed, and he's going to come across as a jerk then, so it's a matter of when he wants this to land. 1
Better Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 I think it's best to be honest and up front from the beginning. That might not start in the OLD profile, but it should happen in the first few exchanges and before the first meeting in person. I am in my late forties. While I was married for an extended period of time and am now divorced, I have no children. I never wanted children. The woman I am with in my current LTR with has a young child. I didn't think that was for me but it I've enjoyed spending time with them. I told her up front that I didn't want children of my own and she agreed when we started dating, but that is now becoming a problem. Now we are into a multi-year relationship where she was hiding her preference for having more children. I was up front that I didn't want them from the beginning and she was hiding or at least masking that preference for years. That certainly becomes a trust issue.
littleblackheart Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 Yeah I guess that's a good compromise. I'm very put off by all the profiles that just have a list of "must not haves". They read as very negative and very bitter. Even if what they list is reasonable, it's probably not match them due to the negative vibe. Yes to being transparent and positive at the same time. Totally doable.
preraph Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 I think it's best to be honest and up front from the beginning. That might not start in the OLD profile, but it should happen in the first few exchanges and before the first meeting in person. I am in my late forties. While I was married for an extended period of time and am now divorced, I have no children. I never wanted children. The woman I am with in my current LTR with has a young child. I didn't think that was for me but it I've enjoyed spending time with them. I told her up front that I didn't want children of my own and she agreed when we started dating, but that is now becoming a problem. Now we are into a multi-year relationship where she was hiding her preference for having more children. I was up front that I didn't want them from the beginning and she was hiding or at least masking that preference for years. That certainly becomes a trust issue. It's so unfair when people do that to you. I mean, your painful truth you managed to be honest about with her was harder than her more "accepted" truth, so that's not fair. All I can tell you is YOU be in charge of the birth control if it's nonnegotiable and make sure she knows it.
Millie the Cat Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 I think that you don't have to give a reason at all, but just message her that it isn't going to work and you no longer wish to go out. If I received that message from a guy I never met in person, I would be fine with it.
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