guest569 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don’t think bumble has a list of questions such as “do you have kids?”. It’s a little free text bio. I don’t see her as dishonest. Are you supposed to declare it at a bar the moment a person smiles at you? Sure it’s nice to know up front but it didn’t happen. There are countless things that are good to know up front. It is what it is. Doesn’t mean OP should be a jerk and ghost her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Does Bumble require you to indicate that you have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Not feeling sorry for her here. If it's ok to cut him slack for not mentioning his preferences in his own profile, I don't see how it's ok to dump it all on her. I don't know online dating protocols (nor do I care to know) but judging on common sense only, both parties have been naive (at best). Why should he put "no kids" if he might want one of his own sometime. This is her issue, not his. It's not unusual for people not to want to date people who already have kids. It's more on her simply because if you were a good mother and protective of your kids, wouldn't the first requisite you'd want be that a man not only liked kids but didn't mind someone else's kids if you're thinking of dating him? Doesn't seem high on her priority list. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 "Hi there. I need to be really upfront with you about something - I don't date women with children. It just isn't my thing. I didn't realize you had a child until recently. I think you are great and I don't want waste your time so I think it is best if we not meet up. I wish you the best of luck!" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 What if it's the truth, though? At least they'd be garanteed to find like-minded people, no? Also, while 'fat' is subjective or cultural, 'kids' is not really open to ambiguity. I find it seriously confounding that people would be willing to waste time, energy and money not stating exactly what they want based on the fact that complete strangers they will never meet may find it offensive. No wonder so many people are frustrated with online dating! The reason you don't understsnd is you are a woman. You have never experienced the type of rejection a guy has. If you put your profile onlne there will be no shortage of men who will date you. As a guy, it is a much different picture. Guys do not have the sheer volume of suiters that women do so we cannot afford to put anything in the profile which would turn off otherwise compatible women. As mentioned, if I listed I won't date a fat girl then even thin girls may be turned off finding it shallow or worried if they got fat in the future. OLD is not about honesty, it's about selling a product (yourself). Women only need be concerned if they are unattractive though I have found even they can list demands as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Women only need be concerned if they are unattractive though I have found even they can list demands as well. Did you mean that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Does Bumble require you to indicate that you have kids? No, which is one of the problems with it. As I stated a lot of women write in their profiles they have children. Also noticed a lot stating they want you to swipe left (not contact them) if you didn't vote for their candidate in the presidential election. I wish I could filter the Bumble results so that I wouldn't see women with children or any of my other deal breakers. A lot of the descriptions have these symbols that I have no clue what they mean. Other times it's like reading hieroglyphics, with rainbows, waterfalls, giant colored letters, apples and just random junk. Basically if I don't see any other my deal breakers in the description or her pictures and if I find her attractive I'll swipe right, but I have no clue what some of this stuff is saying. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Did you mean that? I've seen EXTREMELY unattractive women listing demands of you better be this or have that. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 No, which is one of the problems with it. As I stated a lot of women write in their profiles they have children. Also noticed a lot stating they want you to swipe left (not contact them) if you didn't vote for their candidate in the presidential election. I wish I could filter the Bumble results so that I wouldn't see women with children or any of my other deal breakers. A lot of the descriptions have these symbols that I have no clue what they mean. Other times it's like reading hieroglyphics, with rainbows, waterfalls, giant colored letters, apples and just random junk. Basically if I don't see any other my deal breakers in the description or her pictures and if I find her attractive I'll swipe right, but I have no clue what some of this stuff is saying. Not sure where you are, but bumble in NYC is the same. I don't bother reading the profiles anymore as it's just good for sex so the only thing I pay attention to is how they look. It would be great if you could filter on more than just age though. Eliminating those with kids would be ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I've seen EXTREMELY unattractive women listing demands of you better be this or have that. Well, they could definitely word it more nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Well, they could definitely word it more nicely. "please don't contact me unless you are X tall, if you voted for X candidate, or if you Blah blah blah". Although it often starts with "Please" it's a total turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 "please don't contact me unless you are X tall, if you voted for X candidate, or if you Blah blah blah". Although it often starts with "Please" it's a total turn off. Is it a turnoff because they are unattractive or because women shouldn't have preferences/standards at all? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Is it a turnoff because they are unattractive or because women shouldn't have preferences/standards at all? It's stating the list of demands that's a turn off. A dating profile should not read like a job description. My comment was it is not limited to only attractive women, unattractive women do it as well (though not as often). Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 It's stating the list of demands that's a turn off. A dating profile should not read like a job description. My comment was it is not limited to only attractive women, unattractive women do it as well (though not as often). Well, you said EVEN unattractive women do it....like, "heh....can you believe the nerve??" Anyway, I agree that dating profiles should not read like a list of demands. That just shows a poor personality in my opinion. However, I don't really see a problem stating political preference in today's political climate of everyone being so nasty to each other about it, as well as other preferences like height, religion, education level, parenting status, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 (edited) I don't see anything wrong with asking people with certain attributes not to contact you. It helps people not waste time. In fact, I think the OP should state in his profile that he doesn't want women with kids to contact him. The main reason why I did not like the swiping dating apps is because there was not enough information in them. Edited March 4, 2018 by Popsicle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 "Hey X, I don't want to waste your time when you could be meeting someone that's a better fit. I'm just not looking to date someone who's raising a kid. It's definitely not you, it's me! I wish you the best of luck out there!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 You haven't even met her yet. If this is an issue with you (which it seems to be) then you should just ghost. I have been out on OLDs with people who tell me they have kid(s), but they are forthright with it. I know a guy who was with a woman for five years and she had a child, but he didn't know she had a child until a whole TWO YEARS LATER. Don't ask how that happened (I didn't). But just ghost. It'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don’t think bumble has a list of questions such as “do you have kids?”. It’s a little free text bio. I don’t see her as dishonest. Are you supposed to declare it at a bar the moment a person smiles at you? Sure it’s nice to know up front but it didn’t happen. There are countless things that are good to know up front. Yep. I'd like to know upfront if a man has ED or any type of sexual dysfunction. Would love for them to state that in their profile, it would sure save me some time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don't see anything wrong with asking people with certain attributes not to contact you. It helps people not waste time. In fact, I think the OP should state in his profile that he doesn't want women with kids to contact him. SevenCity's right; you do that and you'll get 0 swipes even from women without kids. "Hey I'm so and so and I like such and such. Let's meet up and have a great time! Oh BTW if you have kids please don't contact me!" Now, even if you're not, you're some heartless sleaze looking for a quick pump and dump without the possibility of EVER being serious (and having kids of your own). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 SevenCity's right; you do that and you'll get 0 swipes even from women without kids. "Hey I'm so and so and I like such and such. Let's meet up and have a great time! Oh BTW if you have kids please don't contact me!" Now, even if you're not, you're some heartless sleaze looking for a quick pump and dump without the possibility of EVER being serious (and having kids of your own). I don't think so. How are you a sleezebag who only wants a quick pump and dump if you don't want to deal with kids? Hell, I HAVE kids (adult ones) and don't want to deal with little kids. I only want something serious. Oh yeah, I just remembered.... you can't please everyone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 (edited) I don't think so. How are you a sleezebag who only wants a quick pump and dump if you don't want to deal with kids? Hell, I HAVE kids (adult ones) and don't want to deal with little kids. I only want something serious. Oh yeah, I just remembered.... you can't please everyone. I just tend to agree that on OLD a women can lay out certain requirements a man just can't. Supply and demand. So if you have adult kids, and I say I don't want to deal with kids, you'd be cool with that? Or would I have to specifically say I don't want to deal with little kids? It's hard out here for average joe looking dudes. We have to maximize our likeability on OLD. With that said I state I do in fact have two little ones on my profile. Edited March 4, 2018 by rightondude Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 (edited) I just tend to agree that on OLD a women can lay out certain requirements a man just can't. Supply and demand. So if you have adult kids, and I say I don't want to deal with kids, you'd be cool with that? Or would I have to specifically say I don't want to deal with little kids? It's hard out here for average joe looking dudes. We have to maximize our likeability on OLD. With that said I state I do in fact have two little ones on my profile. Yes, you would have to say you don't want to deal with little kids and then I would date you. If you said you don't want to deal with kids in general, I would not date you. Now see, it remains to be seen if the OP is one of those dudes who will go with that woman with kids anyway, or if he will stick to his guns and dump her. Edited March 4, 2018 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don't use those swiping apps anyway, so I never ran into this problem. I used POF where people had to say if they had kids. I also want to know if a childless man wants kids, which some of them do, so I avoid them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don't see the big deal here. You've found out she has children which is a deal breaker for you. A simple, "You seem like a great girl and I've enjoyed texting with you but I didn't realize you had a child. Right now I'm not ready to date someone with children so as much as I'd looked forward to getting to know you, it's probably not in either of our best interest to do so. Wishing you the best!" What's wrong with telling it like it is in a courteous way? You've just saved her from wasting any more of her time and emotions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Since you have had only very brief text correspondences, I would think any of the suggestions from the posters would be fine. But I don’t think it’s such a great idea for you to state you don’t date women with kids. It’s common knowledge that many guys don’t date fat women, but it would sound offensive (even to many slim women) if a guy actually states in his profile that he would stay away from fat women. I agree. To me, the burden of disclosing that she has a kid is on her. Probably better if she does it on her profile but if she doesn't she is probably going to run into a similar reaction along the way with various guys when she DOES disclose it. OP, to me, you should text or speak with her specifically about it--just that you didn't realize that she had a child but that you aren't interested in that. (someone worded like that but better than i have). Basically the two of you are at an impasse. It's virtually the same as if she left out a major detail such as she was just visiting the city that she made it appear as if she lived in but really lived 3000 miles away. Impasse. Don't feel bad. I agree with June not to put a negative statement like that in your profile as it will hurt your chances with almost ALL women not just those with kids. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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