grays Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I got the advice too late again -_- I texted him"I'm sorry. I can't wash your clothes. I feel really weird. I am just super awkward and just wanted to help out, since I've done it for friends, but I've never done it for a dude. I also think maybe we shouldn't see each other tomorrow" (or something like that) He goes "What? What's wrong?. You offered the laundry thing. I could have waited or figured something else out but you kept insisting" "I dunno why I thought it was a great idea to do your laundry. And I feel bad now for taking it back." "It's ok! Honestly, it's fine. I appreciate you trying to help me. I think you're awesome." "I just can't" "Are you serious? Because of the laundry?" "No, it's not the laundry" Blocked/deleted Another one bites the dust This is your usual story, you know? If you dont want to see him bc youre not into, fine. But that doesnt seem to be the case. This looks like the usual "cookies likes the guy, the guy likes cookies, cookies kicks him in the nuts and blocks him." I wish I could warn your future dates. Those poor guys dont know your patter. When you do this to them they feel bad bc they think its about them when it almost never has anything to do w them. When people treat me ****ty like that in the future, Im going to try to think of you and remind myself, maybe theyre a nut job like cookies and its not about me at all. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted February 26, 2018 Author Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) I'm on my way to go see him now anyway, I have to drop off his dirty clothes :/ its too awkward to have date dhim after this. I think its that feeling some people get after they sleep with someone too soon... except I did his laundry too soon which is arguably worse Edited February 26, 2018 by Cookiesandough 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) I thought you said you were going to take a break from dating? Cripes. Every time you try dating, you do the come-on-too-strong-freak-block-n-delete thing. This has to suck for the guys you make contact with. This most recent dude has to be confused out of his (dirty or clean) boxers. Aren't you embarassed by this? Edited February 26, 2018 by Imajerk17 18 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I'm on my way to go see him now anyway, I have to drop off his dirty clothes :/ its too awkward to have date dhim after this. I think its that feeling some people get after they sleep with someone too soon... except I did his laundry too soon which is arguably worse Nope!!! This is your MO. It has nothing to do with his laundry. Every freaking time you articulate some reason, but that is obviously not *the reason*. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kakoy Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Cookie’s threads always make me laugh! I feel bad for the guys, but she is just so cute! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 You didn't do his laundry too soon--you're dropping off his dirty clothes. A broken hand isn't something to sniff at, he should really get it checked out, so I don't think it's a red flag that he made a big deal out of it hurting when his thumb was dangling off (but western medical care excels at treating broken bones, so I do think it's odd he didn't seek care for it). However, I also think it's weird that you rescinded on your offer to help, even though it was an awkward situation. I can see why you volunteered given the circumstances and were bothered by it in retrospect. In the future, I'd suck it up, follow through with the help, and not agree to overextend yourself again. Like the other posters mentioned, you seem to long to get involved with a man, like him for a bit, then find any reason to shut things down when the reality of them becoming more presents itself as an opportunity. I would examine why you do this-- it's not about the surface reason, there's a deeper issue of emotional unavailability going on here, imo. What are you afraid of with getting close to a man or into a relationship? What about that makes you uncomfortable? You don't seem to have a lack of male interest, so I'm guessing there's some reason why you don't want to be that vulnerable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I think it was a spur of the moment kind gesture from one human being to another. A bit odd but not much considering the situation. For me what was wierd was that you've given it back unwashed and used that as a reason to get rid of the guy. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 You offered to help someone then help! Help like one human being to another.... why thinking so much? If his thumb is as wounded as you described, you would only have gained some good karma helping a person in need. Doesn't matter what he thinks of it. The problem here is something else though. You have boundary issues. You want to look like you are a nice person, a people pleaser but you don't really want to help them or please them... LOL..you only want to look like that. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) I got the advice too late again -_- I texted him"I'm sorry. I can't wash your clothes. I feel really weird. I am just super awkward and just wanted to help out, since I've done it for friends, but I've never done it for a dude. I also think maybe we shouldn't see each other tomorrow" (or something like that) He goes "What? What's wrong?. You offered the laundry thing. I could have waited or figured something else out but you kept insisting" "I dunno why I thought it was a great idea to do your laundry. And I feel bad now for taking it back." "It's ok! Honestly, it's fine. I appreciate you trying to help me. I think you're awesome." "I just can't" "Are you serious? Because of the laundry?" "No, it's not the laundry" Blocked/deleted Another one bites the dust haha cookie , sorry , chuckling here. How beautiful to see something so real round here. Some of the stuff l read , just can't believe people are so damn formal where ever they are. l think it was a gorgeous gesture , and so human. Really sorry it went to shyt. But just to make you feel better. When l first got divorced l went on a date site and met a few girls. One loved cooking but she had a fkd neck and couldn't chop her fire wood. l love home cooked bread, if l can get it , like 3 times in my life. So l chopped her firewood and she baked me home made bread. later that night we got drunk. 2nd girl l met , my place had an old shed with all these old bottles. She was into fossicking and antiques , she came down and we spent 3 hours going through the old shed and bottles. Later we went in and she made us lunch and later tea and we talked all night/ The 3rd one was 3hours away and l said long drive there and back in one day after we do stuff. She said ahh , just stay over , on the couch of course haha. Well l stayed 3 days , couch first night though, promises. And then l went back on the date site a few mths ago, met a gorgeous chinese girl , my fav food haha. So l went to her place and she made me chinese , later we drank and talked, it was beautiful night. So there , hope ya feel better now. Me , l love a girl that's just human . Edited February 26, 2018 by Chilli 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 You really need to take a break from dating, OP. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Laundry on a second date - in your situation, I don't know how strange it is given the circumstances, but I question why a guy would even take you up on that offer with someone they only met. Laundry was your concern, and it's really sweet. You offered twice - once to carry his basket (not sure how laundry popped up) and the second time to take it home. Better if you could have invited him to your place to do his own laundry, but having only gone out with him once, maybe not the best idea for that. Does he dislocate his thumb often, or did he need to seek medical attention? I find it strange he didn't seek help, maybe too expensive and he's hoping it wasn't that bad, but he probably wouldn't if this is something that happens a lot, and if the pain is worse than usual, then he'll go in. You run so fast and then do the full nuclear block and delete, and it's really unfair to these guys, Cookie, as there seems no rhyme or reason for your fast exit half the time. You barely let anything have a chance. Something like this with the laundry is not the end of the world. If this were to go long-term, it would be a funny story to share. You hopefully learned that you shouldn't offer what you can't follow through on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Seriously , did you not date him now just because you took his laundry back ? Anyway , my point wasn't that l'd want a chick doin my laundry , it was the gesture that would blow me away. Same with the meets that l talked about , it's not that l'd choose stuff like that , they just happened like that and every time it was their idea, l just thought things like that about them were just very cool, loved the real. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Funny though.. I'm almost 55 been married twice and lived with many women and NOT ONE woman in my life has ever done my laundry... Really? Wow! I did my husbands laundry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 An old joke goes something like this: I don't know why women complain about being used for sex. Sex is fun. At least they aren't being used for laundry! OP, always make them wait at least 4 dates before you do their laundry. You don't want to be seen as too easy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) haha cookie , sorry , chuckling here. How beautiful to see something so real round here. Some of the stuff l read , just can't believe people are so damn formal where ever they are. l think it was a gorgeous gesture , and so human. Really sorry it went to shyt. But just to make you feel better. When l first got divorced l went on a date site and met a few girls. One loved cooking but she had a fkd neck and couldn't chop her fire wood. l love home cooked bread, if l can get it , like 3 times in my life. So l chopped her firewood and she baked me home made bread. later that night we got drunk. 2nd girl l met , my place had an old shed with all these old bottles. She was into fossicking and antiques , she came down and we spent 3 hours going through the old shed and bottles. Later we went in and she made us lunch and later tea and we talked all night/ The 3rd one was 3hours away and l said long drive there and back in one day after we do stuff. She said ahh , just stay over , on the couch of course haha. Well l stayed 3 days , couch first night though, promises. And then l went back on the date site a few mths ago, met a gorgeous chinese girl , my fav food haha. So l went to her place and she made me chinese , later we drank and talked, it was beautiful night. So there , hope ya feel better now. Me , l love a girl that's just human . I am thinking like chilli. Life is unpredictable and shyt happens. I've been reading your post and it would be interesting if you actually dated someone consistently. It would be especially interesting if you just let things happen without over examining everything or questioning what is normal. It seems these guys are doomed before the date even happens. Oh yea, your question about doing laundry on the 2nd date. While it is unusual, given the guy breaking his hand, I think it was kind and selfless to offer to help. However, you didn't follow through and then blocked him. I think that was not so cool, to put it nicely. I would also add, I have trust issues, and I was always labeled the tease in high school. So I understand fear and insecurities, but it seems, like you've made a habit, of how to control the outcome of dates ,to the point that they are not unfolding naturally. Edited February 26, 2018 by skywriter 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Laundry or no laundry, your behavior in this one is pretty much textbook. You generally have consecutive threads about how you went out with a guy, gave him reasons to think you liked him, and then desperately scramble for ways to get out of what you started. Just a novelty twist in this one. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 In a weird way, if I was *really* into the guy, doing his laundry would make me feel closer to him 5 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 In a weird way, if I was *really* into the guy, doing his laundry would make me feel closer to him why would seeing the skid marks on his underwear make you feel closer to him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 awwww cookie ! what are we gonna do with you eh! You could have invited him to your place to use your washer *not do his laundry for him*. And while his clothes are washing and drying you could have played board games and it would have been a fun 2nd date. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 In a weird way, if I was *really* into the guy, doing his laundry would make me feel closer to him Yes. Real intimacy happens when you and the other person become vulnerable. Being vulnerable means you let someone in. You show your underbelly to them. Not only is letting someone help you a sign of vulnerability and intimacy, it's also a sign when you sacrifice, even if it's just your time and energy to help someone else. So letting someone help you and helping someone else lend themselves to intimacy. These are the kinds of things that really mean something, and thus why people who are afraid of intimacy avoid doing those things like the plague. Of course, we all know there are users who just want something for free too and that can sometimes be the case too. You have to have a finely-tuned intuition to tell the difference between someone being intimate and someone who is just a user or opportunist. I had an ex who would never let me do anything for him. Turns out he was deathly afraid of intimacy (both ways) and thus we broke up! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 You really know how to pick em... You lost nothing....The guy sounds like a little boy...TBH, I think the fact that he made a big deal about his finger is more of a flag than the laundry... Stop playing with boys and find a man already.... TFY Exactly. His whole demeanor screamed peter pan syndrome. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Yes. Real intimacy happens when you and the other person become vulnerable. Being vulnerable means you let someone in. You show your underbellypants to them. Fixed that for you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I'm on my way to go see him now anyway, I have to drop off his dirty clothes :/ its too awkward to have date dhim after this. I think its that feeling some people get after they sleep with someone too soon... except I did his laundry too soon which is arguably worse Lolololololol. This is hilarious. I love it. You should do stand up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Cookies where do you find these dorks ? What state are you in ? Are you in a city where people ride elephants to work ? I’m only asking because you’re a catch and I’m sure everyone agrees 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I’m only asking because you’re a catch and I’m sure everyone agrees I would date C&d 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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