Bit of a rant about a crappy ex

[Buttercups]

You can't generalize that all guys are anyway, just like all women are not any certain way. Fortunately, we are all amazingly different.

 

 

He may have cared about you in some way, but not in a love way.

 

I meant the guys that do this. The ‘love bombers’ so to speak. Are chances are the next girl he’ll do the same to?

[Zahara]

Are the guys that do this the same? Just a continuous cycle of girl - be with for a little - leave - next week next girl etc?

 

Did I mean nothing at all?

 

Not all men are like that -- the issue here is that you saw the red flags and you ignored them. This is why you have to go in with strong/healthy boundaries and standards and stick to them.

 

You're asking what you meant to a man that has no sense of how to connect emotionally on a healthy level. Again, their feelings are shallow -- he may have felt a high in the beginning and presented it as love but when the high was gone and his attention waned, he moved on. You meant what you meant to him when it was good for him. Evident in his short term relationships.

 

It's painful. You have to start looking at him for who he is and not what he could have been for you.

[Buttercups]

Not all men are like that -- the issue here is that you saw the red flags and you ignored them. This is why you have to go in with strong/healthy boundaries and standards and stick to them.

 

You're asking what you meant to a man that has no sense of how to connect emotionally on a healthy level. Again, their feelings are shallow -- he may have felt a high in the beginning and presented it as love but when the high was gone and his attention waned, he moved on. You meant what you meant to him when it was good for him. Evident in his short term relationships.

 

It's painful. You have to start looking at him for who he is and not what he could have been for you.

 

Yep, it has started to resonate that he never saw a future with me. At the beginning he was always like yeah one day I want to get married, I want more kids etc. Which then in the last few weeks turned to I’m never getting married and I don’t want any more kids. I did notice these but again blamed it on the stress of court.

I probably should have taken that as his way of ending it then

[Buttercups]

I realise I’m double posting a lot and stuff but I think it’s helping to use this as a kind of journal as it’s somewhere I can get my feelings out.

 

So I e been listening to quite a few self help things in YouTube (feel like a saddo but it’s definitely helping). It’s starting to get into my head that I just need to let this go. There’s no hope in hating him, he gave me some good memories (although they were probably fake from his side but they weren’t on mine and I really did feel happy).

But at the end of the day, I did so much for both him and his son, I dedicated so much time, money and effort and if he can’t see how good I was for both of them and how much I have to offer then he isn’t worth my time and upset.

And to just walk out, dump me over text with no real reason and to go back to trying to find someone else so quickly shows he has much more maturing and issues than I do

 

 

I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them and it isn’t one sided of me trying to make them happy and keep them wanting me. It should be mutual

Edited February 14, 2018 by Buttercups

[Buttercups]

Keep seeing Facebook posts about Valentine’s Day and it’s making me sad

[CantTakeMySmile]

Keep seeing Facebook posts about Valentine’s Day and it’s making me sad

 

 

 

Get off facebook? Is there a reason you HAVE to be on facebook? (work, etc.)

[Buttercups]

Get off facebook? Is there a reason you HAVE to be on facebook? (work, etc.)

 

I have family and friends across the world so it’s a way to keep updated and in touch

[CantTakeMySmile]

I have family and friends across the world so it’s a way to keep updated and in touch

 

 

 

 

 

Is there another way to keep in touch that isn't social media? direct phone ? It seems like so many people get caught up in social media, and I can see how it could hurt, and hurt your progress.

 

 

Since it making you sad today, what not just not look at it.

 

 

I took a break from social media for 15 months and it was refreshing. I didn't feel like I missed anything really. I was still able to talk to the people I really wanted to.

[Zahara]

I have family and friends across the world so it’s a way to keep updated and in touch

 

Get off social media at least for awhile so you are not triggered. Pick up the phone and call your family. Email your friends. Take the time to focus inward and don't get distracted by people's lives and what they're doing.

[springy]

I have family and friends across the world so it’s a way to keep updated and in touch

 

Tell them you are taking a hiatus and give them your email address or another way to make contact...or your phone number for calls and texts?

[Buttercups]

That’s a good idea, I’ve got a lot of friends that I don’t have here numbers because Facebook messenger is just easier. Is there a way to delete Facebook but not the messenger?

 

It helps when I’m starting to feel down to listen to the motivation self love stuff on YouTube haha.

Going out with friends for Valentine’s Day so I won’t be alone

[CantTakeMySmile]

I am not sure about messenger and facebook, but I would thin they go hand in hand. But, with that being said, take a few minutes and get your good friend phone numbers, social media is way too much when you are vulnerable. Plus, really what are you going from it. You can just deactivate your account and revisit in a few months.

[Buttercups]

I am not sure about messenger and facebook, but I would thin they go hand in hand. But, with that being said, take a few minutes and get your good friend phone numbers, social media is way too much when you are vulnerable. Plus, really what are you going from it. You can just deactivate your account and revisit in a few months.

 

Yeah I’m going to do that - yesterday wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be regarding feeling lonely.

I went out with friends and then had a bath and read a magazine before bed.

 

I think it’s best to say now I’m not going to hear from him again and I’m actually relieved I’m slowly getting to the point where I don’t miss him and the good times in my head are just being replaced by the red flags that I missed

[Buttercups]

I think I’m getting to the acceptance stage.

I think in my heart I know he’s probably already starting on the next girl but I’m starting not to care. I knew that if I knew I would be hurt but because I don’t and I don’t have a way of knowing I can’t be upset

[Buttercups]

Everyday seems to be getting that little bit easier

 

I find myself thinking about him less and definitely missing him left - he wasn’t the person I thought he was.

I miss his family and his son still but not him.

 

NC was definitely the best way to go and it’s not even been a week yet but I’m feeling better

[1fish2fish]

Yes, you can delete Fakebook and keep messenger. Many of my friends have done it.

 

Just FYI.

 

 

Glad you're feeling better!

[Buttercups]

Thank you.

 

I do wonder whether he still thinks about me - im feeling better but I still think about him.

Do people like this just shut off once they’re done with you?

[Zahara]

Thank you.

 

I do wonder whether he still thinks about me - im feeling better but I still think about him.

Do people like this just shut off once they’re done with you?

 

I don't think they shut off. I think their emotions are shallow therefore they can easily move on to their next temporary high without feeling much of the aftermath.

 

When they do think of you it is most often based on what they can get from you.

[Buttercups]

I don't think they shut off. I think their emotions are shallow therefore they can easily move on to their next temporary high without feeling much of the aftermath.

 

When they do think of you it is most often based on what they can get from you.

 

Ahh, it’s a hard thing to hear but I think you’re right. I know I loved him and it hurts that he was only with me for his gain but at least I know what to look for now and not fall into the trap again

[Purepony]

I think I’m getting to the acceptance stage.

I think in my heart I know he’s probably already starting on the next girl but I’m starting not to care. I knew that if I knew I would be hurt but because I don’t and I don’t have a way of knowing I can’t be upset

 

 

 

You keep agonizing about who he’s seeing how he’s moving on but the reality is .... this guy is a scum bag! Did you really wanna marry or date a loser like this?

 

I mean he’s in court

Emotionally unavailable

A horrible father

And has no shame sending dick pics

 

Be thankful he left instead of wondering if he will call.

 

Suppose he calls ?! What is there to say ?

Hey it didn’t work out with some other girl on tinder wanna make it work again ?

 

Let that dirt bag go!!!

 

Get off Facebook get a life stop worrying just to worry about little things like people from Facebook texting you etc etc..

 

Close the chapter and move on and trust me I know it’s difficult but most things in life usally are

 

I sense you are a good person and you don’t deserve this I’m confident other posters will agree

[Buttercups]

You keep agonizing about who he’s seeing how he’s moving on but the reality is .... this guy is a scum bag! Did you really wanna marry or date a loser like this?

 

I mean he’s in court

Emotionally unavailable

A horrible father

And has no shame sending dick pics

 

Be thankful he left instead of wondering if he will call.

 

Suppose he calls ?! What is there to say ?

Hey it didn’t work out with some other girl on tinder wanna make it work again ?

 

Let that dirt bag go!!!

 

Get off Facebook get a life stop worrying just to worry about little things like people from Facebook texting you etc etc..

 

Close the chapter and move on and trust me I know it’s difficult but most things in life usally are

 

I sense you are a good person and you don’t deserve this I’m confident other posters will agree

 

There’s absolutely no way I would go back now. It’s just difficult to stop wondering, but it’s getting less and less and, like I said it’s wasiee now that I can’t see anything of his and it’s getting easier

 

Thank you, I know I did absolutely everything for him and his child and he doesn’t deserve me at all.

 

I have a young horse so I’m putting all of my effort back into him now

[Buttercups]

Been a week NC.

Felt a bit lonely this weekend as I’m still getting used to not having his company over the weekends.

 

Feel a bit crap that he hasn’t put ANY effort in - need to get past this wall of being sad that I didn’t mean a lot and move through it

[Buttercups]

Thought I’d deleted everything of him off my phone but stumped across a screenshot of an old chat with him - bought back the feeling of sadness and made me miss him again ? still don’t understand how someone can go from acting like they love you so so much to absolutely nothing with no regards to your feelings.

[Buttercups]

Sorry to bring this thread back up.

Been about 3 weeks NC now and I’m finding myself having a lot of sad feelings. He’s not once tried to reach out so he’s clearly not feeling the same.

I’m still plodding through slowly but there’s a lot of feelings of loneliness and missing his company

 

Any advice on how to get the sad days to stop?

[mrs rubble]

Sorry to bring this thread back up.

Been about 3 weeks NC now and I’m finding myself having a lot of sad feelings. He’s not once tried to reach out so he’s clearly not feeling the same.

I’m still plodding through slowly but there’s a lot of feelings of loneliness and missing his company

 

Any advice on how to get the sad days to stop?

 

 

You need a distraction, join a meet-up group or a club or something so you can meet new people, or reach out to friends and family and spend more time with them.