Zahara Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Do you all reckon his reasoning for breaking up to ‘focus on court and his son’ was a lie then? Was he just really bored of me? If I hadn’t of suggested a break so he could focus on the court and his son would he have stuck around or just ended it at a later date? Of course. If he was that concerned about his son's wellbeing and court proceedings, he wouldn't be on a dating site trolling for other women. He only said that so that so you would buy it as a reason to dump you and to excuse his crap behavior. You already noted he was hot and cold. Men like that aren't emotionally healthy. It was only a matter of time. Instead of wondering if and when he would have broken up with you, start focusing on the bullet you dodged. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 Of course. If he was that concerned about his son's wellbeing and court proceedings, he wouldn't be on a dating site trolling for other women. He only said that so that so you would buy it as a reason to dump you and to excuse his crap behavior. You already noted he was hot and cold. Men like that aren't emotionally healthy. It was only a matter of time. Instead of wondering if and when he would have broken up with you, start focusing on the bullet you dodged. I genuinely thought it was because of the court. Do men like this just do for this for their entire lives? Just jump from bed to bed without any feeling for the people they’re stringing along? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 I genuinely thought it was because of the court. Do men like this just do for this for their entire lives? Just jump from bed to bed without any feeling for the people they’re stringing along? If his head was truly on court and his son - he wouldn't have signed up on a dating site. Even worse, after dumping you, he sends you a dick pic and asks for sex. That alone should repulse you. Who knows but when you see the signs, make sure you exit rather than stick around hoping they'll change or that you're different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 If his head was truly on court and his son - he wouldn't have signed up on a dating site. Even worse, after dumping you, he sends you a dick pic and asks for sex. That alone should repulse you. Who knows but when you see the signs, make sure you exit rather than stick around hoping they'll change or that you're different. It definitely wasn’t what I was expecting at all. He’d texted me to let me know what was going on with social services and then tried to turn it dirty! Like wtf man. Yeah I suppose going into a relationship on a lie about a child (and it’s only cos I found his Facebook that he told me about him) should have put me straight off. Good luck to the next girl I suppose - I put up with a lot of **** and mood swings around the court dates, I’m sure another girl won’t be too impressed. Hopefully any other girls have their head screwed on and realise that when his bio on tinder is ‘I have a 1 year old who lives with me and I work full time’ will realise that he can’t make time for them minus one thing. What a pig, poor little boy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 So I finally got it into my head fully that the only way to get better from this is to remove ANY way of contacting him (the only last way was tinder) so I’ve now removed him and removed tinder. I don’t have his number, blocked him on every social media and even if I wanted to cave in and speak to him now I can’t which is the best way forward I think. I didn’t block his number, just deleted it and now realise I probably should have blocked it. Do you reckon he’ll try and contact me again when he can’t find anyone else or (highly doubt it) he realises he’s made a mistake? Or do you think I’ll bever hear from him again? I’m kind of hoping the latter tbh so that I’m not tempted to reply 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 So I finally got it into my head fully that the only way to get better from this is to remove ANY way of contacting him (the only last way was tinder) so I’ve now removed him and removed tinder. I don’t have his number, blocked him on every social media and even if I wanted to cave in and speak to him now I can’t which is the best way forward I think. I didn’t block his number, just deleted it and now realise I probably should have blocked it. Do you reckon he’ll try and contact me again when he can’t find anyone else or (highly doubt it) he realises he’s made a mistake? Or do you think I’ll bever hear from him again? I’m kind of hoping the latter tbh so that I’m not tempted to reply I'm sure he'll contact you again. He did it before, why wouldn't he try to get sex from you again? Even if he came back and claimed he made a mistake, why would you want someone like him back? People don't usually change. If you care and want to prioritize YOUR healing, you'll block him. You wouldn't be putting the onus on him, hoping he doesn't tempt you. Where is your responsibility for your own wellbeing? Why even risk the possibility of temptation and derail your healing? Dumpees usually keep at least one door open because they're hoping the dumper has a change of heart. You have to ask yourself why do you want that? Aim higher for yourself, create better standards and boundaries. Self-realization will one day dawn on you that you deserve better and you want nothing to do with the likes of him. The sooner you come to that, the better. Otherwise, you'll keep going down this path of renting space and time to unhealthy men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm sure he'll contact you again. He did it before, why wouldn't he try to get sex from you again? Even if he came back and claimed he made a mistake, why would you want someone like him back? People don't usually change. If you care and want to prioritize YOUR healing, you'll block him. You wouldn't be putting the onus on him, hoping he doesn't tempt you. Where is your responsibility for your own wellbeing? Why even risk the possibility of temptation and derail your healing? Dumpees usually keep at least one door open because they're hoping the dumper has a change of heart. You have to ask yourself why do you want that? Aim higher for yourself, create better standards and boundaries. Self-realization will one day dawn on you that you deserve better and you want nothing to do with the likes of him. The sooner you come to that, the better. Otherwise, you'll keep going down this path of renting space and time to unhealthy men. Just about the sex thing, he wanted it but I didn’t do it - I literally didn’t see him from when before the ‘break’ to Sunday when he dropped my stuff off. I will admit when I deleted the number I was hoping he’d get back in touch - probably for my own ego but now I can’t physically block his number because I don’t have it. I never saw him as a liar before (god knows why) but with the rose coloured glasses off I can see that everything that he does is purely for his own, selfish benefit. Even taking his kid off his mum was because he was bitter that she moved on. I have wasted so much time being upset about someone that only cares about themselves and their genitalia. He doesn’t think about how much he has affected everyone’s lives through his actions. His parents have now got a young child that they now look after every day, they’re having to re arrange the house for it, he barely looks after the kid even when he’s in charge because he sits on his phone all the time. Bloody hell i was love struck and dumb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Is it normal to still feel a bit sad and lonely even though they’ve treated you like **** for over a month? Keep getting moments where I get really sad Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Is it normal to still feel a bit sad and lonely even though they’ve treated you like **** for over a month? Keep getting moments where I get really sad Yes, it's very normal. In time the pain will lessen and you'll start to feel more optimistic about moving forward. It's not so much the loss of him but likely the potential you thought you had with him and the disappointment and loss of hope that you're now having to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Is it normal to still feel a bit sad and lonely even though they’ve treated you like **** for over a month? Keep getting moments where I get really sad Yes it is normal. I think it would be abnormal to have some type of residual feelings. Just dont' answer the phone if you don't recognize the number. Who does that anyways? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Yes it is normal. I think it would be abnormal to have some type of residual feelings. Just dont' answer the phone if you don't recognize the number. Who does that anyways? lol No, I don’t anyway. I’m not even sure he will try and get in touch tbh. I think I’d it goes badly on tinder he’ll try and get back but only for one thing - if tinder works out he’ll bugger off and I won’t hear from him again. I don’t want him to move on, that doesn’t feel fair but I don’t want him to put me back to square one again. This site is helping a lot though. It’s nice to be able to write all of my feelings out Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I agree, if it comes back it will be to only have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 I agree, if it comes back it will be to only have sex. He definitely won’t get it. I don’t understand how someone can literally join tinder then message you with a load of **** saying how their heads messed up, they’re only on their for confidence. And they love you etc. When they don’t mean any of it. Like why even bother? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 He definitely won’t get it. I don’t understand how someone can literally join tinder then message you with a load of **** saying how their heads messed up, they’re only on their for confidence. And they love you etc. When they don’t mean any of it. Like why even bother? People who are selfish and don't have much of a conscience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 People who are selfish and don't have much of a conscience. Ugh true. Same as what kind of father introduces their young child to their girlfriend of 6 weeks, teaches them your name, let’s you spoil them and see them 3x a week for 6 months and then dumps you just to try and find someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Going forward, it would be best to have stronger boundaries about meeting a partner's child. Six weeks is far too early for something like that. That's on him, yes, but push back on something like that if faced with a similar situation again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Going forward, it would be best to have stronger boundaries about meeting a partner's child. Six weeks is far too early for something like that. That's on him, yes, but push back on something like that if faced with a similar situation again. Yeah there was quite a bit of pressure on me to. I should have backed off but he was always going on that he’d like me to meet him and how he loves me so he wants me to Love his kid and stuff. He really went for it head first to then back off so quickly. Really weird - I never known someone to give someone everything so soon. He said he loved me after like a month, then the kid, all his family and then just went cold I really don’t get it and don’t think I ever will tbh Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Yeah there was quite a bit of pressure on me to. I should have backed off but he was always going on that he’d like me to meet him and how he loves me so he wants me to Love his kid and stuff. He really went for it head first to then back off so quickly. Really weird - I never known someone to give someone everything so soon. He said he loved me after like a month, then the kid, all his family and then just went cold I really don’t get it and don’t think I ever will tbh It's called love bombing. There's much you can find online as to why these types fast forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 It's called love bombing. There's much you can find online as to why these types fast forward. Ooohhhh that makes sense to be fair. Especially with the calling thing. He used to call everyday on his way home from work and when I went out would be like ‘oh you’re going to find someone better than me’ I don’t get why he would end it though? Boredom? No chase anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Ooohhhh that makes sense to be fair. Especially with the calling thing. He used to call everyday on his way home from work and when I went out would be like ‘oh you’re going to find someone better than me’ I don’t get why he would end it though? Boredom? No chase anymore? It's because they aren't emotionally healthy. They cannot love in a manner that is genuine or that is sustaining. The moment you do not fill their selfish needs anymore, whatever it may be, they move on to the next. Their attachment to another is shallow. Hence, easy words and easy exits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 It's because they aren't emotionally healthy. They cannot love in a manner that is genuine or that is sustaining. The moment you do not fill their selfish needs anymore, whatever it may be, they move on to the next. Their attachment to another is shallow. Hence, easy words and easy exits. Makes sense as to why he has so many 6 month to year long relationships, none of them work and he just goes into the next one within 3 weeks. My guess is he’ll be with someone new by next week tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Day 2 of absolute no contact and it has only really been hard once I think about it. Maybe it won’t take as long as I thought to heal bit by bit Won’t be looking to get myself into anything else for a long time though 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Makes sense as to why he has so many 6 month to year long relationships, none of them work and he just goes into the next one within 3 weeks. My guess is he’ll be with someone new by next week tbh. Your guess is probably right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttercups Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Your guess is probably right. Are the guys that do this the same? Just a continuous cycle of girl - be with for a little - leave - next week next girl etc? Did I mean nothing at all? Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 You can't generalize that all guys are anyway, just like all women are not any certain way. Fortunately, we are all amazingly different. He may have cared about you in some way, but not in a love way. Link to post Share on other sites
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