Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 In my mind, she is likely to have a response that is not favorable to me. But I figure, it's like that right now anyway so what is the difference. This will give her self-esteem a huge boost and that was my intention. I was not put me on this earth to hurt people, tear them down, the opposite is true. I got everything I deserved. If she never speaks to me again, I deserve that. We had almost 2 years invested. We know each other well enough not to hurt each other further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 (edited) She texted me after reading the letter at about 5PM yesterday, that is 27 hours ago. She says she wanted to respond but needs time to process everything that I wrote. She said she too did not feel good about our final phone call. She said that we have way too much history for it to end with a rushed phone call. Still has not responded. I wonder what is going on. She can have everything she ever wanted from me but I also know that feelings change. If she is dating and it's going great, then she probably puts this whole thing at low value. If she is not dating or it's not going great, then it's at higher value. In the mean time, after putting my heart on the chopping block, I sit here dying a little. I just keep telling myself that if we are not together after this, then it was not meant to be. I certainly will not sit around waiting and I will not be her platonic friend. She will have to deal with that finality. She does things on reflex often so I think it is very good that she takes her time, with what I wrote. I am prepared for the worst and I am trying not to have these visions of love but it is difficult. Does anyone have any idea what she may be thinking? Also, am I reading into this too much when she wrote: "we have way too much history for it to end with a rushed phone call" Does that mean she may have been open to talk it out? or does that mean it should have at least been in person or something like that? Edited February 15, 2018 by Lostsoulseeking Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 The longer she takes to get back to me the better? She may be just trying to find a way to let me down as easy as possible. Any idea? Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyPSmith Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Jeez man you really make me want to send a letter myself. I too took my ex for granted. She didn’t treat me great either. But when SHE dumped me, the rejection was unbearable. I lost my best friend. I miss her so much. Good luck to you. The fact that she responded is a good sign Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 The longer she takes to get back to me the better? She may be just trying to find a way to let me down as easy as possible. Any idea? I thought you didn't want to be with her? I thought that I read that in this thread? Link to post Share on other sites
chassmash Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I'm in the same situation as you and I understand it 100%. The regret, the longing, the sadness, the anger. But it makes me want to take the advice given to me here even more . You need to take the fuel out of the fire. You need to take all the emotions out somehow. Going NC is the only thing that makes real sense. See how things shake out with your own life. And then see how you feel months down the road Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 It’s been 48 hours and no official reply to my letter after she said she had to process and think. I emailed her yesterday to give her a heads up about the box I sent with her stuff, it had no note in it. I told her that it did not mean that I did not want to see her. I wrote that I hope she had a wonderful Valentines Day and I love you. She replied this morning to that admitting that she was confused about the timing of the box. She hopes I was doing okay. She wrote, I love you too. This is the first time ever she has said or wrote this. I don’t know what it means. Is it a friendly I love you too or was she reciprocating my romantic gesture? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I thought you didn't want to be with her? I thought that I read that in this thread? I realized I was in love with her this week. I thought she should know this before possibly pursuing something serious with someone else. I have no idea if that is true. We have not spoken yet. It could have been one date, or they could have been together many times over the last 3 weeks, I have no clue. It does not matter, if she still loves me then we will be together. If not, It was not meant to be. I’ll tell her to give me a call if she changes her mind but I won’t be waiting and I’m sure my feelings will change over a short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 It’s been 48 hours and no official reply to my letter after she said she had to process and think. I emailed her yesterday to give her a heads up about the box I sent with her stuff, it had no note in it. I told her that it did not mean that I did not want to see her. I wrote that I hope she had a wonderful Valentines Day and I love you. She replied this morning to that admitting that she was confused about the timing of the box. She hopes I was doing okay. She wrote, I love you too. This is the first time ever she has said or wrote this. I don’t know what it means. Is it a friendly I love you too or was she reciprocating my romantic gesture? Please anyone? Any idea? Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 You’ll have to wait for her to respond. Not sure the intent but best not to over think it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I got dizzy reading this. You're all over the map here,man. My only advice is wait and see if she responds and go from there,but be calm if she does respond. You seem very 'spazzy' emotionally right now. Knee jerk reactions normally don't work out very well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I had to tell her how I felt. It took me a week to realize that I was in love with her. I didn't even know, I was just hurt that she was possibly dating someone else. I should have talked to her directly after her request to take a step back. I know that she would have stayed with me if I explained that I wanted to be with her exclusively. Now its been 3 weeks since the step back call so I don't know how far into any relationship she has gone since then. I am offering everything she ever wanted from me and more. My instinct says if she is happy with something new, then she is just thinking of a way to let me down without hurting me too badly or keep me in backup position. I have no idea. My only hope is that she finds clarity and makes the decision that is best for her based on the fact that she will lose me if she does not chose me soon. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Just wait, and no matter what you do , don't reach out again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I will wait, even if I am dying inside. I am moving forward every day, working out every day, eating right, getting my life in order. I have taken a big step toward following my dreams. It's hard but I am because at the end of the day, my happiness does not rely others. Happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself before you can completely give yourself. Her decision has should have no bearing on how I feel about myself and who I am. I hope it works out, mostly because I think we can help each other heal from a lot of different issues from our pasts. I think we can grow together as people. It could be a beautiful thing. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket. If she does not reply by this weekend, I will just move forward and start seeing other people as I had planned to do. I cannot put my life on hold, it's not a good look. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I will wait, even if I am dying inside. I am moving forward every day, working out every day, eating right, getting my life in order. I have taken a big step toward following my dreams. It's hard but I am because at the end of the day, my happiness does not rely others. Happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself before you can completely give yourself. Her decision has should have no bearing on how I feel about myself and who I am. I hope it works out, mostly because I think we can help each other heal from a lot of different issues from our pasts. I think we can grow together as people. It could be a beautiful thing. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket. If she does not reply by this weekend, I will just move forward and start seeing other people as I had planned to do. I cannot put my life on hold, it's not a good look. What do you mean by a good look? Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 What do you mean by a good look? I'm sure he means it mean that it's not a good quality to put his life on hold. It's just a common saying when something isn't good for oneself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 She is asking if we can talk today or tonight. All of this has been on her mind and she thinks we need a real conversation. I texted her and said sure, she could come to my place at 5PM. Then I attempted to call her, but no answer so she must be busy at work. She will let me know soon about the venue. Maybe a phone call, not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I'm sure he means it mean that it's not a good quality to put his life on hold. It's just a common saying when something isn't good for oneself. AHHH. I thought it meant a good look for her...and I was thinking that it didnt' really matter Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 She came over, told me that I was always “the one” for her and that she loves me. She said I was always the standard by which she would compare others to and nobody else came close. She chose me. She’s breaking it off with the other person, she doesn’t really even like him. We will be together now. I’m going to make up for all the pain I caused her in the past. I made it clear that communication has to be very good for now on. I told her I’d take down my dating profiles and I did last night. The entire conversation and evening was surreal. I’m still trying to gain clarity myself. I could tell she was not 100% present all the time. She was thinking of the best way to let the other person know that it’s over. She said it would be a phone call, I have to trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Ok, well good luck Lost. I truly hope what you are experiencing is genuine and not just a knee jerk reaction to losing her. I hope you will keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 The reason why I know it is not a knee jerk reaction is because I actually wanted to take the next step before I lost her. I was just being lazy in the relationship taking her for granted. I got stuck in the rat race and put it off. I learned my lesson now and I am going to give it a real shot. I don't think I have ever been with anyone in my life that I truly love and now I will experience that. My goal is to boost her and help her heal and heal together from past things. Grow strong together emotionally and become fully independent where we both are the best versions of ourselves. She doesn't know it yet but I plan to sweep her off her feet like no other could ever do. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 The reason why I know it is not a knee jerk reaction is because I actually wanted to take the next step before I lost her. I was just being lazy in the relationship taking her for granted. I got stuck in the rat race and put it off. I learned my lesson now and I am going to give it a real shot. I don't think I have ever been with anyone in my life that I truly love and now I will experience that. My goal is to boost her and help her heal and heal together from past things. Grow strong together emotionally and become fully independent where we both are the best versions of ourselves. She doesn't know it yet but I plan to sweep her off her feet like no other could ever do. Good luck,bud! Yeah..I've messed up a few good relationships by not going "all in"..I've also messed up a few by going "all in" too soon.. it's a fine line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostsoulseeking Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 Yes. I plan to take it one day at a time and not push too hard, let the relationship grow organically. I will be proactive in the relationship and make sure I touch on the 5 languages of love: Affirmation- Tell her she's beautiful, she did a great job Quality Time - Take time together and give undivided attention Service- Help her whenever I can with acts of kindness Gifts - not monetary but little tokens that will remind her you are thinking of her Touch - hold her hand, kiss her, make her feel loved. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I hope it all works out for you. True love is hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Yes. I plan to take it one day at a time and not push too hard, let the relationship grow organically. I will be proactive in the relationship and make sure I touch on the 5 languages of love: Affirmation- Tell her she's beautiful, she did a great job Quality Time - Take time together and give undivided attention Service- Help her whenever I can with acts of kindness Gifts - not monetary but little tokens that will remind her you are thinking of her Touch - hold her hand, kiss her, make her feel loved. don't be a doormat though. Those things are all great and should be done,but..don't over do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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