vickyp Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 i dont care that my ex called me names. i know who i am, and what im not. But honestly im struggling with why after such a long time ( 3yrs) would someone get up and go? Im not even speaking regarding my situation, just in general. Are these people mentally stable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 i dont care that my ex called me names. i know who i am, and what im not. But honestly im struggling with why after such a long time ( 3yrs) would someone get up and go? Im not even speaking regarding my situation, just in general. Are these people mentally stable? Thats what i always ask myself; In my past relationships i cut off some relationships but that was at the very beginning when i figure out that i dont think i can be with this particular guy. But after years of relationship, i never thought i would be able to do it especially if there is no major reason ( cheating, verbal-physical abuse ). How can people just leave everything behind and just move on ? I really wanted to ask my ex how he could do it ? Maybe they are tougher than us ? maybe they had a tough childhood & maybe they have been through a lot so they dont mind just to walk away ?? Link to post Share on other sites
vickyp Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Thats what i always ask myself; In my past relationships i cut off some relationships but that was at the very beginning when i figure out that i dont think i can be with this particular guy. But after years of relationship, i never thought i would be able to do it especially if there is no major reason ( cheating, verbal-physical abuse ). How can people just leave everything behind and just move on ? I really wanted to ask my ex how he could do it ? Maybe they are tougher than us ? maybe they had a tough childhood & maybe they have been through a lot so they dont mind just to walk away ?? my ex had a tough childhood, and life up until the age of 25. were in our 30's now. But, how can that be an excuse for leaving a relationship , that consisted of no cheating, abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 my ex had a tough childhood, and life up until the age of 25. were in our 30's now. But, how can that be an excuse for leaving a relationship , that consisted of no cheating, abuse? We need a third party that was a dumper & walked away easily to answer this. Maybe they are suffering a lot but simply we cant know this because we cant see it. I sometimes imagine my ex crying & clicking my phone number to call me then changing his mind ( my fantasies lol ). But it scares me to imagine that my ex that i shared a lot with is careless now & just moved on, as cruel as it sounds but very much wish him he in pain now & he wants to contact me but he doesn't have the guts to do it. Maybe he met someone new & fell in love, nobody knows hehe ! people are monsters. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 my ex had a tough childhood, and life up until the age of 25. were in our 30's now. But, how can that be an excuse for leaving a relationship , that consisted of no cheating, abuse? It isn't. He was just ready to go. Link to post Share on other sites
vickyp Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 It isn't. He was just ready to go. and im letting him go. If my dumper thinks the grass is greener on the other side, then go discover it. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 There was a good post earlier. Just because someone didn't want to be in a relationship with someone doesn't mean they have a personality disorder - it just means the dynamics of the relationship had issues. It's easy to blame other people, but maybe just let it go. And look for better dynamics in the future. And look within yourself. People don't need a reason to be unhappy in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
vickyp Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 There was a good post earlier. Just because someone didn't want to be in a relationship with someone doesn't mean they have a personality disorder - it just means the dynamics of the relationship had issues. It's easy to blame other people, but maybe just let it go. And look for better dynamics in the future. And look within yourself. People don't need a reason to be unhappy in a relationship. I disagree. My dumper suffers from depression anxiety and ptsp from many years ago. So really he never dealt with the issue at hand. Plus, his current living situation is toxic. So I just think my dumper couldn't handle someone being there for them, loving them how I did and not ask for anything in return. Plus, he's been on medical leave for about a year and a half so lost of income I'm sure is affecting him too Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 I disagree. My dumper suffers from depression anxiety and ptsp from many years ago. So really he never dealt with the issue at hand. Plus, his current living situation is toxic. So I just think my dumper couldn't handle someone being there for them, loving them how I did and not ask for anything in return. Plus, he's been on medical leave for about a year and a half so lost of income I'm sure is affecting him too That is true, people that leave without turning back are either really done with the relationship or they have their mental issues. Both ways, we dont deserve any of those. We deserve a very stable person who can love us always the same. Link to post Share on other sites
vickyp Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 That is true, people that leave without turning back are either really done with the relationship or they have their mental issues. Both ways, we dont deserve any of those. We deserve a very stable person who can love us always the same. Good morning I think my dumper just had issues which I ignored I do admit. We had a fight over something I read on the news. He had to prove me wrong as usual, then texted me saying I'm done lol Bc were in our 30s and that's how people break up over text lol. That's when right after I started getting called a loser a cu## a whor# etc etc I did the pleading and begging and got "were done leave me alone" what hurts most is we had a reglious day for my dad's pasting and he knew about it and still couldn't put his bs on the side and be there for me. This is why I say dumpers to suck to say the least Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 Good morning I think my dumper just had issues which I ignored I do admit. We had a fight over something I read on the news. He had to prove me wrong as usual, then texted me saying I'm done lol Bc were in our 30s and that's how people break up over text lol. That's when right after I started getting called a loser a cu## a whor# etc etc I did the pleading and begging and got "were done leave me alone" what hurts most is we had a reglious day for my dad's pasting and he knew about it and still couldn't put his bs on the side and be there for me. This is why I say dumpers to suck to say the least I am sorry for this How long have u been NC with him? Link to post Share on other sites
vickyp Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 It was on and off since April. Then a poster here really opened my eyes. Now it's been 7 weeks Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I have been thru several break-ups before my ex-fiance & i always moved on immediately with no baggage taken from the relationship.But with this break-up, i think & for the first time i am having trust issues & a hard time digesting what happened. I am afraid i will carry this baggage with me into my next relationship. It has been 2 months since he left my country, we were together for 1 year & a half, it is not a very long time but a lot happened during this period. We were supposed to get married in this upcoming December. Similar time frame to my last relationship...short yet intense. We had no grand plans to get married although she gave me lots of lip service that suggested I could be her one. Nope. This breakup hit me hard too, the intensity and sacrifice was very real. Have a previous post about it.."45 and going through a breakup." 3 months later and it's feeling way better...so perhaps a little more time for you and you can start seeing thing clearly...but he doesn't sound like a keeper anyway. My two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Similar time frame to my last relationship...short yet intense. We had no grand plans to get married although she gave me lots of lip service that suggested I could be her one. Nope. This breakup hit me hard too, the intensity and sacrifice was very real. Have a previous post about it.."45 and going through a breakup." 3 months later and it's feeling way better...so perhaps a little more time for you and you can start seeing thing clearly...but he doesn't sound like a keeper anyway. My two cents. Yes time heals all, and it gets better by time. Forgetting is a blessing. The hurt will go eventually. 45 is not that old, you re still young & you will find the one eventually that you will spend the rest of your life with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 BTW i had a nightmare today; i went to my ex-fiance's apartment & found out he is in a relationship. I started yelling & saying she is ugly in front of her & crying & convincing him to come back & he was like stop it i love her, please get out of my apartment. WTH Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 I was looking on whatsapp for an old topic & I stumbled upon with some of my ex-fiance's chats on my family group where he was kicked out when he left. I forgot to clear those convos & i read something immediately where he sent a pic on our group & said thats where he met me & he was joking. That was like 3 weeks before break up. I found my tears falling when i read this at work. Obviously i am still not close to getting over him. I immediately cleared all those chats. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 I am feeling a little bit down today & decided to write a letter to him here because i will never send it ( i hope he will never come to my thread, I WILL BE SCREWED ).If i ever wanted to talk to him i would tell him this: Why you left this way ? Why you turned out to be someone who showed me otherwise ? Why you moved here & got engaged to me if we have cultural differences ? why our cultural differences are a problem ? Remember when you told me you will cross miles to be with me, I was hesitated at first. Back then, i have had my enough number of failed relationships & I wanted to settle with the one. I was not sure u were the one. I was scared, i didnt want to be hurt, but you were so persistent to get me. You wanted a relationship with me knowing all the challenges that we will face. Then you broke up with me because of the cultural differences ? How rational is that ? Or is it just an excuse to get rid of me ? So why you were not honest with me ? I, till now, still think of why you did that ? I trusted you. I never expected this behavior from your side. Do you want to know how your actions affected me ? You burnt my soul ! You never communicated with me ! You never told me your concerns ! You know why ? because what you said is not true, What you accused me of is out of your fabrication ! You just had cold feet & ran away from me !! You definitely lied at me at certain points ! Maybe there was another girl from your past, i discovered that i didnt know everything about you & perhaps you re lying at me ! Who leaves this way ? Do you remember the last night we spent together before brutally leaving ? it was 2 nights before ! Remember what i told you back then ? I said that was the best night we spent together. You were so passionate, so in love. Were you thinking of leaving me for a long period of time ? I just keep thinking that i was really loyal & nice to you. I never ever treated you bad & i had to put up with your very hard to deal personality. I never complained, but you did. I hate you, i should stop hating you so i can move on but i do. I was a happy person, always was. I am not now, i am straggling to be. I want to stop crying, thats all. Please get out of my mind like you got out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 3 months since he left, 2 months & a half since we broke up, 1 month & 3 weeks since NC emotional update: I could feel better. Not in my best days. Not happy, not sad. I AM JUST NUMB. i feel nothing for anyone. Life doesn't desire me anymore. I dont believe in love anymore. I have abandonment issues. I have ups & downs. I wish i was happier. I should be happier. Maybe it is too early to be happy again, I am not sure. I want to be happy all the time life before. Nothing stimulates me. Family, work, friends. I just dont care. I am just careless as much as i am broken. I am hurt. I dont hate life but i dont like it anymore. I dont have suicidal thoughts but i dont care if i died. Am i exaggerating ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 Going out tonight on a date with the guy I am occasionally going out with since i broke up. I am yet not sure about this guy & i dont want to develop feelings for him. Actually a second guy just hit on me as well, & i this one is such a hottie hehe. Well since I am single I am planning to date everyone & choose carefully. I AM NOT SETTLING FOR LESS, I AM NOT GONNA CHOOSE AN INSECURE COWARDICE GUY LIKE MY EX-FIANCE. I WANT SOMEONE TO TRUST. ALWAYS NO MATTER HOW THINGS GET COMPLICATED ! Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheart415 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 It is been more than 1 month now after my break-up with my Ex-Fiance. The first 2 weeks were really really painful. I don't think i ever stopped crying. After those 2 next weeks, i started feeling better but still numb & bitter. We broke up because we had a fight & he accused me that i threw tantrums at him while i did not. He hurt me big time. am from the middleast & my ex-fiance is from the US, we met in UK, & immediately fell in love, he moved to my country to be with me.We got engaged after 6 months & we were planning to live in Europe. Everything was going so smooth until one day we had a big fight on very silly reasons & he left back to his country & broke up with me saying we dont culturally click, that nothing is wrong with me but we just are culturally different. I was shocked because our relationship was so special & we never talked about us being culturally different and it was never a deal breaker for us. We simply used to merge both our cultures so we can create the best of both. I was devastated when he said it is impossible to fix it and even though he loves me so much but he is thinking about the future positive outcome. After almost 1 month now from the breakup, i started the moving on process, started yoga, jogging, going out with friends, going on dates, whitened my teeth, new hair style, but at the end of the day I always ask myself why he didnt work on our relationship, why can someone that claimed to love me so much, leave so easily. A little background about him: he is divorced, his parents are divorced. He only said its culture but i dont think this is the reason. Well my e-fiance & i had to communicate about how i have to ship his stuff & how i should sell the rings & transfer him back the money ( my idea ) but he accused me that i am forcing a conversation by talking about stuff shipment so I had to cut off the communication so i can start moving on & he hurt me more by telling me this since even though he broke my heart i was still willing to ship all his clothes & ring money but he accused me that i am forcing a conversation. So 2 week ago i had to cut off communication like i said before & i told him when i move on in the next upcoming year i will talk to him about the shipment logistics since i wont keep his stuff as hostage. He never replied back then & i really felt better since i really needed to stop talking to him if i really wanted to move on. I really worked on myself those past weeks & had really good days where i started feeling relieved. On the other hand, I am still going through those hard days where I cant stop thinking about us , the reason why he left me this way, about the pain i went through and still slightly going through. I always feel like i was convicted in a trial even though i am innocent & i had to deal with this. I cant get over the idea of how unfair this breakup was. So i will be using this forum to let out all my feeling until i truly move on. And folks around here can help as well lol Just keep venting. Writing really helps more than you think, public or not. You may not know this, but another man is finding and looking for someone like you. The sooner you move on, the sooner the right person will find you. You need to stop trusting your emotions, and think with your brain. If he says something like that, then there's something wrong with him, not you. My best coping mechanism is filling my schedule with things to do: go out every weekend with friends and try something new. It'll keep your mind off things. Just don't drink too much or at all. Also, find a new hobby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 Just keep venting. Writing really helps more than you think, public or not. You may not know this, but another man is finding and looking for someone like you. The sooner you move on, the sooner the right person will find you. You need to stop trusting your emotions, and think with your brain. If he says something like that, then there's something wrong with him, not you. My best coping mechanism is filling my schedule with things to do: go out every weekend with friends and try something new. It'll keep your mind off things. Just don't drink too much or at all. Also, find a new hobby. Thank you Brokenheart415 for your advice, actually we broke up almost 3 months ago now, what i did as a part of my moving on is i prepared a bucket list that i should finish them in 1 year to keep me busy such as go on an island for a vacation or do paragliding or get lost in a very good book or ask someone out. I have 75 things to do i finished 7 of them till now. It is really helpful, I am gaining my confidence too. Step by step i will be all over my ex forever !!! he lost me Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 Can you get out of my head already ? I was suppressing you for months, I didnt want to think about you, I thought if i think about you i would be wasting my time. Now that you are on my mind without my consent, i want you out of it, i hate it !!! I hate to think about the good memories of us because how you ended it was the worst memory in my brain !! I hate how you forced me to let you come inside my life, how you made me fall in love with you and you heartlessly left, i hate this !!! I would never get engaged to someone if i am not sure about him, why did you ? what changed your mind ? your silly reasons ? Or there are other reasons that i am not aware of ? I hate how numb you are. I am here, in my country, remembering all the placed we went to, all the jokes we said, all the memories we made & probably you are somewhere where nothing reminds you of me, dating, moving on & i am the one suffering. Could you please at least remove our pic from your whatsapp ? why keeping it ? to give me false hopes and make me suffer more? Can you please burn your sim card that you will never ever use because u will never come back here ? why u are keeping it in your phone ? Why someone would dump someone but dont erase everything related to him ? I hate this feeling !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Share Posted October 24, 2017 And i remember the day we first met, this day was magical, i was free, surfing around a complete strange country & then i met you, i wish i said yes when u asked me to go out with u at night, I had to say no because I was tired. then 2 weeks later you came to my home country & i started feeling for you. As times passed by i started loving you, by the time you broke up with me, i was totally & utterly in love with you, i was waking up every morning planning for our future together. I LOVED my engagement ring that you bought for me even though you accused me otherwise, i loved our lifestyle, i loved our plans, i loved our dreams. But you crashed them all, you destroyed my dreams with you, the trips we wanted to do, the camping, the cottage we wanted to build, the kids. How shall i forgive you & forgive myself ? Are you happy now ? I am trying to, but i cant feel like i want to be with anyone else other than you. I loved you, i loved you & I still love you ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 Today i will start my sessions with my psychologist because i am tired of my eyes tearing up while at work, I am tired to feel this huge disappointment from him all the time, I am tired of my sudden downs & i just want to move on. 5 months exactly since we broke up, the pain is different now. I just want to let go of those negative thoughts about how people can leave so easily, i want to let go of the hurt and damage he caused me. I really cant do this to someone, how people can do this is what i want to understand. And if i had to break someone's heart I will let them have their closure, i will explain to them why exactly i am doing this for hours and days if they need to. I will say the truth i will not say some lies if if its gonna hurt them. Why some people dont do this ? god it is so cruel !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkchan Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 I'm sorry for you to be in pain and sad 5 months after he broke up and left. I read your thread and it seems like you made quite some progress for a while. I decided to do the same thing, to have my thread as a diary and venting place. and like you I keep I list, not a bucket list, but I'm doing a daily task schedule. It helps me try to not sit and sob the whole day. It contains just small tasks such as eating dinner, go to work, take a shower. But without the list I start to neglect everything. I'm only on 9 days since he dumped me by just saying he didn't love me anymore and walk out on me. I'm curious if you made any progress on the bucket list of yours? Have you finished more than the 7 things you wrote earlier? I hope the thearapy will help! Link to post Share on other sites
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