Is my husband jealous or upset ?

[usa1ah]

This makes three that are on LS. All three dealing with infidelity. At least this one isn’t as bad as the others. Unless LW hasn’t been completely truthful with how far she went.

[Space Ritual]

Update,

 

 

Yesterday arrived in Los Angeles to meet my husband, he came to the airport,

 

 

I tried to hug him or kiss him, he refused to do that and maintained distance,

 

 

Through out the driving back to the hotel, he was silent and distant,

 

 

When we entered our suite, he told me he will be staying in a king suite bedroom and I have to live in a different room, I asked him the reason for this, he asked me, if I want to freshen up and eat food and relax, we will talk after that, I agreed.

 

 

I went to shower alone and had a nice bath and then we had diner together,

 

 

After diner, he gave me an envelope, consisting of documents, the moment, I opened it up, I saw post nuptial agreements and divorce paper documents,

 

 

I was shocked, tears came through my eyes and like lot of emotions were going in my mind, I asked him, why all of a sudden, these things, he said, his signature is already there on the postnuptial agreement, but not on the divorce paper,

 

 

He requested me to go though these documents, and sign on the postnuptial agreement document,

 

 

Then after going through that document, I have signed it but I told him, I am not going to sign on divorce paper, we need to talk,

 

 

I told him, I know you are not happy and I am sure, I might have done something which upsets you.

 

 

Then he came near to me, wiped my tears, he told me that he will try his best never to hurt me,

 

 

Then conversation started, few excerpts are here

 

 

My husband: Then he asked, did I ever hurt you or upset you.

Me: No.

 

 

My husband: do you love me or trust me or do you have faith in our relationship

Me: Yes

 

My husband: You can’t change your past, and I can’t change mine, but hiding your past and present, not sharing with each other, and doing certain acts or things which is very strange for a married woman or a married man and to indulge in other activities, raises many doubts, and questions in my mind, where I am lacking or where my support to you or faith in you went wrong.

 

 

You are the first person with whom I started my relationship, we fell in love with each other, I lost my virginity to you after marriage, you were my emotional support, I have never cheated on you, neither I have hidden anything from you,

 

 

You know when we do sexual act, or when we cuddle or kiss or caress or do any other intimate acts.

 

 

It means a lot to me, because emotionally I am connected to you, that’s why I enjoy those things with you. I consider you as my soulmate, life line, a kind of motivational and essential factor for my survival, these things mean a lot to me.

 

 

I am not getting those kinds of feelings towards you anymore,

 

 

If you feel certain changes are required from my side, please tell me.

 

 

Can you answer that?

 

 

Me: I do understand your concern, and what I have done, those are bad things, which I am not justifying, but will you give me another chance.

I am sorry for that, I am sorry I did hurt your feelings, trust, emotions.

I beg you to give me another chance.

 

 

You give me the boundaries setup, and border line, I will change, if not you are free to take decision on that.

 

 

Let me tell you, the best thing happened to me is our marriage, the best person in my life is you, and the best sex or intimate activities, or excited physical activities, I have done is with you.

 

 

Then I started crying.

 

Husband: I don’t feel good to make you beg or feel sorry,

but after all you are my companion, if I won’t share my feelings with you, then I don’t know with whom I will share.

 

 

Me: can I kiss you or hug you ?

 

 

 

and

 

 

I started crying, he hugged me, and wiped my tears.

 

 

Then again, we had a conversation for few hours, my husband told me, you are not a bad person, we have setup the certain timeline period and dos and don’ts.

 

Now we are taking rest in our separate rooms in the same suite.

 

Honestly speaking, I am happy that we had a talk, and I am going to take some positive steps, and deep down inside I know, I will be incomplete without my husband, my life will be meaningless without him.

I am happy to have such a wonderful, loving, loyal, caretaking and happy going man as my husband.

 

What a farce. Certainly you don't think that any of us reading this post would believe you have any intention of following through with your promises.

 

You talk a lot..talk is cheap. Thus far the only action we have seen was you undertake being surprised when you saw the divorce papers.

 

You are one misstep away from being alone. Frankly, I think you are well on your way to divorce but you've manipulated your poor husband to the point where he thinks this is all his fault.

 

I feel the pain in his words, because they are words that show a deep distrust in you , your motivations, and your commitment. He would like to pull the plug on this right now but he doesn't want to be faced with the Tanker Truck full of histrionics that are sure to ensue from you if he does.

 

Basically your LA experience is nothing short of putting a Band Aid on a Bullet hole.

 

You are incapable of thinking about anyone but yourself. The words you speak are words that have been uttered by cheaters hundreds of times to their spouse in order to try to save their own skin and skirt consequence.

 

I'll just go out on a limb and say you better see an attorney. You WILL be getting divorced. Not by your choice, as I doubt you will be able to check yourself and your behavior. Attempting reconciliation like this is a gift from your husband. A GIFT. And I figure it will be one you'll want to return at some point when somebody else shows you a scintilla of attention.

 

If you can do something positive, send your husband here so we can help guide him in his healing. Because even though you've put him through the wringer, you have not a single clue how to help anyone, let alone yourself.

 

 

A very sad thread indeed....

Edited January 27, 2018 by Space Ritual

[JS84]

It was a good move on his part to bust out that post-nuptial agreement. I'm pretty sure he's going to need it sooner rather than later.

 

If you really do want to save your marriage then be transparent, don't lie, lose the guy friends (all of them), and stop acting like a horny teenage girl with men you're not married too instead of a married woman who seems to humiliate her husband to others on a regular basis.

 

You also might want to get into therapy if you haven't. The fact that you couldn't figure out what the cause of the problems in your marriage were and how to deal with them until your husband and a bunch of strangers on the internet told you doesn't exactly scream Self-Awareness or Critical Thinking.

 

Marriage counseling might not be a bad idea either but I think you have to work on yourself first.

 

Honestly you better pull out all the stops and get your **** together quick because most men would have kicked you to the curb by now. I'm sure your husband isn't going to put up with you forever if you keep acting the way you do and living life obliviously.

 

And he can kiss you, say all the sweet words in the world, promise not to hurt you, blah blah etc. He picked you up from the airport with divorce papers ready. Don't forget that.

Edited January 28, 2018 by JS84

[KBob]

Remarkable memory, where you recording this?

 

Exactly what I was thinking, they must have had a stenographer with them.

 

I've noticed a pattern with cheating or unfaithful people. Their threads become a narrative rather than a discussion.

[S2B]

Any update lovelywife?

[lovelywife]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

[Space Ritual]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

 

Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

 

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

 

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

 

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.

[S2B]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

 

Have you had a discussion with him about what you

plan to change about your actions?

 

In other words - it is important to communicate with him about exactly how you intend to change... and see if he thinks it will be enough to reconsider a future with you after you prove that you keep your word over an extended period of time.

[lolablue17]

Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

 

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

 

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

 

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.

 

Don't you agree that when a person (especially female) says NO, it's a NO? Even if she has a reputation of that kind, she has the right to say "No more". If she proves that she did say NO in a very clear and unambiguous way... that she doesn't want it any more, the other side must stop, and will find it very hard to defend themselves, while facing a solid evidence of the NO that was clearly pronounced.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

 

 

I didn't realize that you had been sexting coworkers but it figures. At least you understand that now has to stop. I applaud you for trying.

 

 

As a first step I suggest you inform your husband of this progress & how you said no. He can't see that from all the way in LA.

 

 

At this point if your husband is not kissing you & is talking about a 6 month trial to see if you can behave, he already has one foot out the door. He is obviously concerned because he spend the money to have a post nuptial agreement & a divorce complaint drawn up.

 

 

Transparency & lots of affection for him, even if it's not returned, is in order. Suggest that you two get some MC when he comes back to Chicago. I doubt you will be able to heal the rifts without professional assistance.

[Poutrew]

Look lovelywife, just tell all your men friends that its temporary. Just explain to them that your husband threw a hissy fit, and laid the law down to you (yuck yuck ) and you just need to lay low until he calms down. So no crotch grabbing, or twerking or sexting for a few weeks until you put lovely husband back to sleep, and then it'll be fun fun, fun, fun, until the sun goes down once more.... and besides, even if you do get a Divorce and can no longer be lovelywife, you still can be lovely mistress to all those lovely office hunks... no need to deprive them of their fun after all....after you explain the situation to them I am sure they will understand and back off for the required time...

[usa1ah]

LW I think it might be best for you to see a marriage counselor on your own.

 

Ask your husband to find one for you. Then explain everything you have done during the three years of your marriage to this person. After the counselor picks their chin off the floor, listen to what they say. Because you have no clue what it means to be faithful. It’s not about rules it’s about loving the one you are with. If you did, you would have never acted out the way you have.

 

He gave you 6 months to realize yourself why the things you were doing were wrong. Hope you are able to figure it out.

[BluesPower]

Does anyone else...find it hard to believe that LW has not slept with any of these guys since she has been married?

 

I am not accusing anyone, I am just asking the question?

[lolablue17]

Does anyone else...find it hard to believe that LW has not slept with any of these guys since she has been married?

 

I am not accusing anyone, I am just asking the question?

 

I know women who are sexually liberal, but still have the ability to tell the diference between sexting \ twerking than explicit sex. So yes' it's possible.

 

Remember, her female friends let her do all this stuff with their husbands because they know her, she's their friend and they probably trust her her. Her husband, however, isn't friends with any of them. Of course he shouldn't trust them, and I think even if he did, her actions alone bother him, without the need to suspect cheating.

Edited January 30, 2018 by lolablue17

[Try]

Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.

Man you are tough. The husband met the OP at the airport with divorce papers and a post nuptial, and told her to sign whichever one that she wants, yet you call him a "doormat"? Just because he does not want to spend much time getting angry and laying down the law for the rest of his life, does not make him weak. When he had enough, he took decisive action.

 

In the Infidelity section, I am going to regularly start suggesting that OP's in that section hand their out of line spouses divorce papers and post nuptials, and to tell them to sign whichever one that they want. That is just so bad ass. If more posters did what the OP did, many of the treads in the infidelity section would be much shorter.

[lovelywife]

hi,

 

yesterday came back to Los Angeles,to spend some time with my husband.

 

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

i was shocked, what kind of comment is this,

 

but i said sorry, i just wanted to share those things,not to put you down.

 

my hubby replied " sometimes, i can be humorous,and he laughed.

 

i dont know what to tell.

 

still he is distant and silent, not even holding my husband or giving me hug, not even a kiss,

 

i am dying of not able to touch him, caress him or making love to him.

[d0nnivain]

Try -- I actually think the doormat finally had enough & is standing up for himself.

 

LovelyWife

 

At this point you have a lot to make up for. Do what your husband wants & put your needs on the back burner. Do be flirtatious with him. Listen. Be respectful & devoted to him.

[S2B]

Why don't you ask him directly what you can do to fix the damage you've caused?

[usa1ah]

hi,

 

yesterday came back to Los Angeles,to spend some time with my husband.

 

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

i was shocked, what kind of comment is this,

 

but i said sorry, i just wanted to share those things,not to put you down.

 

my hubby replied " sometimes, i can be humorous,and he laughed.

 

i dont know what to tell.

 

still he is distant and silent, not even holding my husband or giving me hug, not even a kiss,

 

i am dying of not able to touch him, caress him or making love to him.

 

You still can’t see the problem. You were playing the hotwife and your husband knows it now. These guys coming up to you expecting you to go along with what they wanted just proves it to your husband.

 

You acted like you were single while married.

[road]

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

 

The area that I highlighted is your husbands observation of

what other men think of you.

 

They think (these other men) that you are easy to get in bed

from the way that you act with these other men in public.

Even if your husband is there you act inappropriate with the

other men right in front of your husband.

 

You will have to stop this behavior and never repeat such

behavior again. You need to keep showing your husband

that your new behavior is permanent by never acting

inappropriate with other men again.

[Space Ritual]

Don't you agree that when a person (especially female) says NO, it's a NO? Even if she has a reputation of that kind, she has the right to say "No more". If she proves that she did say NO in a very clear and unambiguous way... that she doesn't want it any more, the other side must stop, and will find it very hard to defend themselves, while facing a solid evidence of the NO that was clearly pronounced.

 

I absolutely do. However as you can tell by LW's last post she still is not getting the point of the entire exercise. So how can you expect her to actually even get to a point where it becomes an issue? I mean look at her replies....

 

That whole scenario isn't even in the equation. The simple fact is that she continued the behavior because she LIKED it.

 

************************************************************

 

 

OP, I am sorry, but your head is too far in the clouds to even be close to your husband feeling safe around at present.

 

I feel sad for you. Your posts would lead most to conclude that you really have no idea what you have been doing to your husband.

 

You may not have slept with any of these men(cough). However, by even acting out in public like that in front of your husband is pretty much second only to having sex in front of him with another man in the Disrespect My Spouse Department. Some people put up with it for a long time and accept their spouse's conduct as Fate. Some put up with it for awhile, then stop. Some refuse to put up with any of it from the outset.

 

In due time, your husband may come to the same conclusion and will be one of those who had put up with it and stopped,

 

You better get your head on straight and get it straight Toot Suite. You can't ask for reconciliation when you don't even understand that your husband is waiting to see what ACTIONS you are taking to make you a safe partner.

 

He is giving you every opportunity to either redeem yourself or hang by the rope you keep leaving behind you.

 

 

OP, you have a very hard road ahead of you. Good Luck

[smackie9]

It seems you only know to behave sensual, because you crave attention....low self esteem much? This is how you gotten by throughout your life to be accepted. Time to grow up. You need to shut it off, be mature and respectable. Time to put the french maids outfit into the closet.......in fact just burn it.

Edited February 3, 2018 by smackie9

[JS84]

Like I said before, I don't think you realize how much you've disrespected and embarrassed your husband. Married men or women, should not be acting the way you've acted around the opposite sex. Again, I don't recall an explanation given by you for why you thought/think it's okay to behave that way when you're married, or in a committed relationship at all.

 

Your husband was just saying exactly that in fewer words. Men see you as a flirt and most likely an easy lay. Someone to get their jollies off a little maybe, and not much more than that.

 

I have a feeling someone like you, who seems to have little self or situational awareness, would be extremely surprised and even more hurt if you had any real idea how people in your life truly see you.

 

If I were in your husbands shoes, I imagine I'd have little respect for you at this point and would be trying to maintain as much dignity and self-respect as possible for my own sake.

 

As someone else said, maybe ask what you can do to help your husband. And I forgot if you said you were in therapy or not but again I'd recommend it.

[lovelywife]

so finally i told my husband ,we have to be more open and i do understand my acts and texting and flirting were in appropriate,but i will need some time to change those things, for that you have to trust me,

 

i am ready to work on that, but it seems to be that you are not even ready to put any effort into this.

 

my husband replied really ? or are you serious ?

then he started laughing.

 

after that i started crying, he asked me politely to stop crying,

 

after wards he ordered pizza for us and he fed the pizza through his hand.

 

i was happy and i asked him, can we sleep together on the same bed and without clothes,

 

my husband quickly replied no way.

 

then today early morning i came back to chicago.

 

i know, its a long way to go for both of us.

[d0nnivain]

so finally i told my husband ,we have to be more open and i do understand my acts and texting and flirting were in appropriate,but i will need some time to change those things, for that you have to trust me,

 

i am ready to work on that, but it seems to be that you are not even ready to put any effort into this.

 

Three things:

 

He is not required to make an effort. He is the wronged party. You have to do all the work making it up to him for what you put him through.

 

He doesn't "have to trust you." You have to earn his trust.

 

Finally, there is no "time to change." You need to stop flirting like a shameless hussy immediately, right now, not over time. It's an on/off switch.

 

In your shoes I might send him nightly love letters / emails so he knows you are home thinking about him not out screwing some other guy.

 

Best wishes. I do hope you can turn this around but I'm not optimistic. You don't seem to understand how gravely you messed up or what is required to fix this & it's not sex or getting naked.