ZA Dater Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I think being silly is to try persist doing the same thing (yes I know the mutterings of some seeing me type those words) but you also need to look at a situation dispassionately, sure, someone might not want to date you but they might be a great friend. You can turn a negative into a positive. I don't believe anyone should give up on what they want in life but along the road you need to create positive from negative. Love for me in terms of relationships, I don't believe it exists 99% of the time, purely because more often than not that love is for something tangible rather than love for the persons intangible qualities. Life is such a big journey, you need to persist but in a positive way, if someone really doesn't like you at all in, then walk but my experience is seldom will that be the case. Guys unfortunately, especially those who battle at dating can persist in the wrong creepy way and that never works well, all is lost. I have been guilty of this in the past, today I just let it go, if she doesn't like me then so be it, I'll ultimately open my eyes and find something I cant stand about her and feel much better for doing so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Your dates have never said you are not a match, but may I ask if one of your dates ever decided that you were not a match would you rather be told this or rather just show it? Personally, I'd rather just be hinted by lack of interest, but everyone is different. Some people find it more difficult than others If they did say it, I would tell them I respect their decision and go might sad for awhile but get over it Though I 'tone it down' a lot in interpersonal situations, I am stone-cold at the office. I find it easy to understand direct verbal communication and don't like the ambiguity inherent is trying to 'read' someone's thoughts if they 'just show it'. So, my quick answer to your question is that I'd rather be told if a date felt that we were not a match. But I have to hedge my answer. Regardless of my personal preference, I understand that people don't like to hurt other people's feelings. Especially in the potentially romantic situations we are discussing, I recognize that there is emotional pain in the giving as well as in the receiving of a 'we're through' message. So I couldn't and wouldn't fault a woman who breaks up without a blunt, in your (my) face verbal statement. By the same token, if the shoe was on the other foot (like going nuts, hasn't happened yet) I dread having to deal with how to deliver a break-up message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) Persistence is often effective, but it doesn’t mean love. It's been over 2 weeks. I unblocked him about a week ago. Today I received "Hi, xxxxx, It's xxxx xxxxxx. I was able to keep all my employees and successfully managed to navigate through one of the biggest challenges of my career thus far. My mindset when that whole thing began caused me to not act like myself. That wasn't me. I would like the chance to get to know each other better and casually date as our schedules allow. Can I please see you again? Also, hope your classes are going well." MidnightKnight is right. It works. I am going to text this guy this afternoon that his persistence did scare me a little but I understand and we can give it a shot. Mainly because he is really good looking. I know...the flesh is weak. And it's a casual date. What's the worst that could happen? I become a skin suit? Edited February 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 My prediction? You are going to lose sleep over this / him. Take from that what you will. And stay observant of his behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 MidnightKnight is right. It works. I am going to text this guy this afternoon that his persistence did scare me a little but I understand and we can give it a shot. Mainly because he is really good looking. I know...the flesh is weak. And it's a casual date. What's the worst that could happen? I become a skin suit? Good on you for giving him another chance. Some times, when you’ve got a date you’re really excited about and you feel like you’re giving off a bad impression, you try to fix the situation out of desperation and make things worse. This is probably what happened to him. Hopefully he can be a bit more composed this time around! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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