When will it be ok to ask her out again after flaking on me? **Updates**

[LilySun]

On a side note, if a girl says "so what are you doing afterwards" while on a date, does that mean she's alluding to sex?

 

 

Maybe, maybe not. It could also be she was just making conversation.

 

You shouldn't consider that anything of significance... The big picture says she isn't interested in you as a person, but more or less only interested in your attention from time to time because it validates her ego, perhaps.

 

Set your sights on someone eager to hang out with you and get to know you. Because she is certainly not that.

[bobross00]

On a side note, if a girl says "so what are you doing afterwards" while on a date, does that mean she's alluding to sex?

 

 

Maybe, maybe not. It could also be she was just making conversation.

 

You shouldn't consider that anything of significance... The big picture says she isn't interested in you as a person, but more or less only interested in your attention from time to time because it validates her ego, perhaps.

 

Set your sights on someone eager to hang out with you and get to know you. Because she is certainly not that.

 

I think initially she really was interested in me as a person, as for now... probably not based her her and my own actions.

 

And I responded to her by saying i was going to do homework after the date (its true).. She looked really disappointed. Like a complete change in facial expression and she just looked away. I then said "let's smoke" and she immediately lit up.

[act00]

On a side note, if a girl says "so what are you doing afterwards" while on a date, does that mean she's alluding to sex?

 

I'm just thinking back to this. If so, then her interest may have been high at one point. I know it isn't high now.

 

Would no contact by me still apply given that her interest was high at one point?

 

No, it wouldn't necessarily mean it's an invitation for sex. I would see it as wanting to extend the evening, talking, hopefully some kissing, snuggling...the evening not ending just yet because things are going well.

[LilySun]

No, it wouldn't necessarily mean it's an invitation for sex. I would see it as wanting to extend the evening, talking, hopefully some kissing, snuggling...the evening not ending just yet because things are going well.

 

 

Yes. And maybe she felt rejected by the homework thing. But still, you have expressed your interest by asking her out and texting her and she only seems to half-care. Maybe best to back off and let her be the one to make more effort.

[bobross00]

Yea, so i just caved and listened to some guy i know. I just sent 'merry christmas'. She replied 20 mins later with "you too :)".

 

-

Now i'm going to leave things alone for real and let things bake. I'll let her come to me completely. I wouldn't feel right about sticking my neck out to ask her out again unless she shows significant interest.

 

-

I run into her each weekend at the college bar, so ill just keep it as an option, but wont chase her by asking her out or texting her until i see more.

Edited December 26, 2017 by bobross00

[d0nnivain]

You messaged her & she immediately responded. That is a good thing.

 

If you are close enough that NYE is a possibility, ask her to do something.

 

Otherwise, on NYE send her Happy New Year. Then chat her up again when classes resume.

 

Everything I'm seeing / reading here is positive & on pace for two people who are apart for the winter break. She can't very well declare her undying love for you.

 

What are you expecting that you are not getting? I don't understand what you want beyond this.

[alphamale]

What are you expecting that you are not getting? I don't understand what you want beyond this.

 

yes, i'd like the answer to that too

[ChatroomHero]

The answer is usually very easy unless you are the one in the situation and then it seems like something elaborate and deeply encoded, but it never really is.

 

 

Over the years I had the same issue, I think most people do. What it comes down to is you know the answers, you know the situation, there is little or no gray area, but emotion is over ruling your common sense. It happens and even when you know it is happening it is hard to escape.

 

 

I look at relationship interactions now with women the same as I would with a mechanic or a car salesman etc. If I drop my car off at a mechanic on Monday and he says he will call before the end of the day Tuesday and let me know the cost, I expect he will call me. If he doesn't, strike one, I may give a little leeway. If I call Weds to ask what's going on and what the price is, if he hasn't gotten to it or doesn't give me a straight price, I'm pretty much out.

 

 

If I went to a car salesman and he said he would check on a discount and get back to me, either he does or he doesn't. If he doesn't get back to me and then calls me in a day or two saying how much he wants my business, it's already too late. All the begging, apologies, explanations, I don't care.

 

 

In either case I am looking for a better mechanic or more trust worthy salesman because bottom line, how can I trust either of them at that point and why would I be surprised if say, I tell the mechanic to go ahead and fix my car and it ends up going over the price he told me and taking days longer than he would promise to fix it in? I know I would be stupid to not expect that because they have already shown how important I am to them. Why is it easy to bail on either the mechanic or salesperson? Because I have no emotional attachment and I read the facts without emotionally painting over them. I have confidence in my value to them and they do not value me as much as I am worth.

 

 

This woman will keep you at bay, act interested and then disappear, blow you off and then run hot when you are talking to another woman, make plans and then ghost, agree to go out and text back and forth and then develop narcolepsy when it comes time to put up or shut up....all of this you know. She is showing you who she is and your value to her. Your emotion is making you think her actions are irrelevant and that somehow she is really interested, just not showing it. Part of that is you are not confident in the value you have to her. If you feel you are/should be valuable to her as a partner, then it should be clear she is not putting much value in you.

[bobross00]

 

Everything I'm seeing / reading here is positive & on pace for two people who are apart for the winter break. She can't very well declare her undying love for you.

 

What are you expecting that you are not getting? I don't understand what you want beyond this.

 

 

Idk i took it as her possibly just being nice or something. I like her but im a little turned off for some reason. Like at the possibility that she doesnt really want to be around me. Its good to know someone is GENUINELY into you.. but idk. Ill may just go for it and see what happens when we see each other again

 

i ended up not respond to her text of "you too : )", so hopefully thats ok.

[Purepony]

Geez man let it go! The girl probably doesn’t feel the attraction of she took 20 minutes to reply or she found someone else or who knows got back with an ex.

 

Girls are glued to their phones so twenty minutes is a long long time to say “me too”

 

Next time finish your reply with “take care” and see how she replies

[bobross00]

The answer is usually very easy unless you are the one in the situation and then it seems like something elaborate and deeply encoded, but it never really is.

 

 

Over the years I had the same issue, I think most people do. What it comes down to is you know the answers, you know the situation, there is little or no gray area, but emotion is over ruling your common sense. It happens and even when you know it is happening it is hard to escape.

 

 

I look at relationship interactions now with women the same as I would with a mechanic or a car salesman etc. If I drop my car off at a mechanic on Monday and he says he will call before the end of the day Tuesday and let me know the cost, I expect he will call me. If he doesn't, strike one, I may give a little leeway. If I call Weds to ask what's going on and what the price is, if he hasn't gotten to it or doesn't give me a straight price, I'm pretty much out.

 

 

If I went to a car salesman and he said he would check on a discount and get back to me, either he does or he doesn't. If he doesn't get back to me and then calls me in a day or two saying how much he wants my business, it's already too late. All the begging, apologies, explanations, I don't care.

 

 

In either case I am looking for a better mechanic or more trust worthy salesman because bottom line, how can I trust either of them at that point and why would I be surprised if say, I tell the mechanic to go ahead and fix my car and it ends up going over the price he told me and taking days longer than he would promise to fix it in? I know I would be stupid to not expect that because they have already shown how important I am to them. Why is it easy to bail on either the mechanic or salesperson? Because I have no emotional attachment and I read the facts without emotionally painting over them. I have confidence in my value to them and they do not value me as much as I am worth.

 

 

This woman will keep you at bay, act interested and then disappear, blow you off and then run hot when you are talking to another woman, make plans and then ghost, agree to go out and text back and forth and then develop narcolepsy when it comes time to put up or shut up....all of this you know. She is showing you who she is and your value to her. Your emotion is making you think her actions are irrelevant and that somehow she is really interested, just not showing it. Part of that is you are not confident in the value you have to her. If you feel you are/should be valuable to her as a partner, then it should be clear she is not putting much value in you.

 

That's a good analogy. And she really only blew me off this one time,.. i think. She acts wishy washy, which doesn't indicate high interest. If it were Justin Bieber or another celebrity, they would not act like this.

 

I'm not going to take her too seriously. Most likely i'm not going to go out of my way to pursue her. I'll probably end up asking her out one last time at some point and see what she does. That's if i feel a good vibe about it.

[bobross00]

Geez man let it go! The girl probably doesn’t feel the attraction of she took 20 minutes to reply or she found someone else or who knows got back with an ex.

 

Girls are glued to their phones so twenty minutes is a long long time to say “me too”

 

Next time finish your reply with “take care” and see how she replies

 

I've heard some girls purposefully take extra time in order not to seem needy. She always responds in like 15-25 minutes on the dot.

[d0nnivain]

I can't believe you actual time her responses. What is this world coming to?

 

I think your expectations may be unreasonable right now. It's the holidays / Christmas break. You are not on campus. The distance makes things more difficult. You are in contact. That is a good thing. Don't jump to any conclusions until you are back at school. Judge only her behavior when you see her in person; everything else is fake. Stop putting stock in it.

[bobross00]

I can't believe you actual time her responses. What is this world coming to?

 

I think your expectations may be unreasonable right now. It's the holidays / Christmas break. You are not on campus. The distance makes things more difficult. You are in contact. That is a good thing. Don't jump to any conclusions until you are back at school. Judge only her behavior when you see her in person; everything else is fake. Stop putting stock in it.

 

i dont time it haha. its just really obvious when it takes nearly 20 minutes exactly everytime. Like literally its almost exactly 20 minutes each time... or 15

[ChatroomHero]

I'm not going to take her too seriously. Most likely i'm not going to go out of my way to pursue her. I'll probably end up asking her out one last time at some point and see what she does. That's if i feel a good vibe about it.

 

 

 

That's a good attitude. Nothing lost, just don't get invested if she doesn't value you.

[bobross00]

So i posted about this before. We're in college, and i've known her for like 3 months. She's shown strong signs of interest at one point. We've been out together like 2 times. We even went back to her place and smoked.

 

-

Anyways she flaked on me recently, by not messaging me back the day of our day. She only did so like an hour or so after the set time, with a text saying "sh*t sorry i fell asleep". I then called her, but she never answered the phone or returned it. She also said the same thing in person, about how she fell asleep for "like 5 hours". It's weird because I texted her at around 2:00, and she responded back at around 7:00..... exactly 5 hours... She never offered to reschedule, but she did mention about her and her friends "going to the bar across the street", (she wanted to initiate tagging along, but i never did).

 

 

-

Whether it was a good or bad idea, i texted her "merry Christmas" during the 1 month long school break. She responded with 'you too :)".

 

I've since seen her at the bar. I was sitting in a corner looking at my phone and i look up. She's in my line of sight sitting down (i think purposefully). I don't walk past her until some time has past. She then reaches out for a hug and asks 'how i'm doing'. I have a straight face the whole time and i just respond, ask her how she's doing then leave.

 

-

I've posted elsewhere (reddit) and they were saying the only time that it would be ok for me to ask her out, would be if she contacts me first via txt/phone. The thing is she has NEVER done so. I only text her to set up dates, and that's it. I never try to hold a conversation via text. Part of the reason that we don't text each other, i think, is because we see each other ever weekend at the bar. We don't talk a lot or anything though.

 

-

This is my question: Was her initiation in hugging me enough to mention going out again? Should i refrain from holding a long conversation with her at the bar? I've just been keeping it very short.

 

 

-

Based on her previous interactions, she's either:

 

1. Playing hard to get (since she has signs of really liking me, but purposefully seeming aloof)

2. Just wants my attention or the idea of me liking her

3. Has a very low interest

 

I'm leaning towards 1 or 2.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

S

 

-

Based on her previous interactions, she's either:

 

1. Playing hard to get (since she has signs of really liking me, but purposefully seeming aloof)

2. Just wants my attention or the idea of me liking her

3. Has a very low interest

 

I'm leaning towards 1 or 2.

 

 

I'm leaning toward 2 or 3. Most girls who like you won't play hard to get because what if they are too hard to get and you find someone else in the meantime?

[Arieswoman]

BROO,

Personally I wouldn't bother.

 

If she was so tired that she needed a nap, she could have ;

 

a, Cancelled the date

b, Set an alarm clock.

 

So she's jsut plain unreliable.

 

Sorry x

 

And please stop smoking (I presume you mean weed?) it addles your brain and doesn't help with your studies

[bobross00]

I'm leaning toward 2 or 3. Most girls who like you won't play hard to get because what if they are too hard to get and you find someone else in the meantime?

 

I didn't realize i posted this in an old thread. And true.

 

She's done things like responding with "okay maybe" to SOME dates, but actually going on them. (despite recently). Or agreeing to a kiss, but then allowing my lips to meet her nose, but then actually saying "i do want to kiss you" when i question her. What she's done recently (flaking on me), i would say shows high disinterest though.

 

-

I just don't know when the right time would be to ask her out. Wait for her to text first (she will never do that) or is her coming up to me (hugging/trying to hold a conversation) enough for me to ask her out again.

[dumbass2]

Ask her out next time you see and interact with her in person. Have a specific date plan in mind. If she doesn't give you an absolute yes, then leave it on her to get back with you and don't contact her again.

[Cookiesandough]

Or agreeing to a kiss, but then allowing my lips to meet her nose,

 

OK 1) why are you asking for a kiss. Just go in for the kiss when the mood is right!!! 2) why are you then kissing her on the nose

 

Sounds awkward

[bobross00]

OK 1) why are you asking for a kiss. Just go in for the kiss when the mood is right!!! 2) why are you then kissing her on the nose

 

Sounds awkward

 

This was my first date ever, so i didn't know. Also, the mood did not feel right to just go out and kiss her. I just said "let me get a kiss" after hugging her lol.

 

That's when she was like 'ok'. She purposefully made my lips meet her nose. When i opened my eyes, her lips where inside of her mouth. She did it on purpose. I then said "you don't want to kiss me?" And then that's when she said "i do want to kiss you".

[bobross00]

BROO,

Personally I wouldn't bother.

 

If she was so tired that she needed a nap, she could have ;

 

a, Cancelled the date

b, Set an alarm clock.

 

So she's jsut plain unreliable.

 

Sorry x

 

And please stop smoking (I presume you mean weed?) it addles your brain and doesn't help with your studies

 

 

She lied about sleeping in my opinion. I called her at the time that we were supposed to meet. it rang once and went to voicemail. I called again and it rang all the way through.

[BarbedFenceRider]

This was my first date ever, so i didn't know. Also, the mood did not feel right to just go out and kiss her. I just said "let me get a kiss" after hugging her lol.

 

That's when she was like 'ok'. She purposefully made my lips meet her nose. When i opened my eyes, her lips where inside of her mouth. She did it on purpose. I then said "you don't want to kiss me?" And then that's when she said "i do want to kiss you".

 

I'm thinking....Whoa, now THAT is awkward! lol

 

I Think you were meant to kiss her on the head... Odd as that may seem. The only time lips are to nose have to do with resuscitation attempts during cardiac arrest and facial trauma. lol

[bobross00]

I'm thinking....Whoa, now THAT is awkward! lol

 

I Think you were meant to kiss her on the head... Odd as that may seem. The only time lips are to nose have to do with resuscitation attempts during cardiac arrest and facial trauma. lol

 

I meant to kiss her on the lips. She purposefully moved, i think.