Found out boyfriend slept with prostitutes in the past

[viatori patuit]

To the ladies who responded negatively to this a quick question:

 

Are you cool with being judged for behavior prior to your relationship?

 

For instance, if you were in a MMF threesome and it came out would you be upset if your boyfriend was to stop seeing you? Or husband divorced you?

 

It just seems off to me that someone would be able to randomly judge like that.

 

I personally don’t want to know anything about my wife’s sexual past. I think it’s like knowing the day you will die. It is useless information that can only harm. I just don’t see where this ends. Once I start judging you for one behavior I am not sure how I would stop.

 

Now contemporaneous behavior is a different story.

[elaine567]

To the ladies who responded negatively to this a quick question:

 

Are you cool with being judged for behavior prior to your relationship?

 

For instance, if you were in a MMF threesome and it came out would you be upset if your boyfriend was to stop seeing you? Or husband divorced you?

 

It just seems off to me that someone would be able to randomly judge like that.

 

I personally don’t want to know anything about my wife’s sexual past. I think it’s like knowing the day you will die. It is useless information that can only harm. I just don’t see where this ends. Once I start judging you for one behavior I am not sure how I would stop.

 

Now contemporaneous behavior is a different story.

 

I think it is very easy to "forgive" and "not judge" past behaviour if you are actually unaware of the details.

Much more difficult, if you are actually are aware.

 

Many men will actually dump women for past threesomes and sexual behaviour they judge as "bad" and not befitting of their partner, so I see no difference in judging men whose behaviour a woman sees as "bad" and not befitting of her partner either.

It is often the mind movies and the change in how they view a person after the "revelation" that sounds the death knell of the relationship actually.

[todreaminblue]

I do not have a fixation on sex trafficking. I've volunteered in several countries overseas such as Thailand and Kenya. I have rescued and even sponsored a child who I met for the rest of her life to avoid her getting into sex trafficking as she was raised in an abusive family who was about to sell her off. So yes, this is important to me.

 

The topic came up because my boyfriend really dislikes his abusive father. I had mentioned how I'd been to Thailand (never mentioned the specifics of my volunteer work) and he mentioned he's never been and always wanted to go. He'd mentioned his dad went and I asked how his father liked it, and he says he didn't know cause his dad was probably just there for the prostitutes and the drugs. I asked what his thoughts were on that, and that's how the subject came up and I realized my boyfriend was completely unaware about the dangers of prostitution as he had no idea about the horrors these people went through as children.

 

I'm quite misinformed/ignorant about many subjects so him not realizing wasn't shocking. I've learned so much about what happens in these places just from the volunteer work.

 

Anyway my decision is to leave the past in the past, give him a chance, and if he shows any dodgy behaviors in the future, then I'll get out of that relationship.

 

 

so smilin now......:0)...your decision just makes me feel happy..im happy for him to have that chance with you..and im happy because it also gives me another slice of hopefulness to add to my collection......i wish you the very best ...and i hope its with him.....deb....

[Iseult]

I do not have a fixation on sex trafficking. I've volunteered in several countries overseas such as Thailand and Kenya. I have rescued and even sponsored a child who I met for the rest of her life to avoid her getting into sex trafficking as she was raised in an abusive family who was about to sell her off. So yes, this is important to me.

 

The topic came up because my boyfriend really dislikes his abusive father. I had mentioned how I'd been to Thailand (never mentioned the specifics of my volunteer work) and he mentioned he's never been and always wanted to go. He'd mentioned his dad went and I asked how his father liked it, and he says he didn't know cause his dad was probably just there for the prostitutes and the drugs. I asked what his thoughts were on that, and that's how the subject came up and I realized my boyfriend was completely unaware about the dangers of prostitution as he had no idea about the horrors these people went through as children.

Excellent. I respect the volunteer work you did and applaud your efforts to educate your boyfriend on things he didn't know about.

[guest569]

Glad you have come to a decision. I will throw in my 2 cents. I could not care less if my partner had been to prostitutes and was/is free of STIs. If your relationship is otherwise great, you’re in love, you’re happy, it would be crazy to break up over this.

[kaitlynlily6]

If you can live with the truth then leave the past behind. He volunteered the information so i suppose he wanted to start a clean and honest relationship with you.

[Lamartine]

He's clean.

 

He's honest.

 

He regrets his actions and seems to have learned from them.

 

He manages his depression in order to prevent himself from being in the emotional state of his 19 year old self again.

 

If I were you, I would be glad I was with a man who was honest and who seems to learn from his mistakes. I'd also be happy that he trusted me enough to share a painful part of his past with me.

 

Of course, we'd all like to be with people who have no past indiscretions. But, after a certain age, we have all done things we regret.

[viatori patuit]

I think it is very easy to "forgive" and "not judge" past behaviour if you are actually unaware of the details.

Much more difficult, if you are actually are aware.

 

Many men will actually dump women for past threesomes and sexual behaviour they judge as "bad" and not befitting of their partner, so I see no difference in judging men whose behaviour a woman sees as "bad" and not befitting of her partner either.

It is often the mind movies and the change in how they view a person after the "revelation" that sounds the death knell of the relationship actually.

 

Well I suppose if the two wrongs make a right approach works for you that’s great.

 

Personally I know every girl I dated did things I would be uncomfortable with if I knew about them. I know this because when I was single I spent my time doing those very same things with different girls. If I found a girl attractive and engaging I simply don’t want to know those things. I would be ashamed to admit something I had no control over and was in the past was determining how I would live now.