I broke no contact with an email...

[central]

Maintain no contact. Eventually, you will move on and find someone else, and she will have no more influence on your thoughts.

 

Perhaps someday you'll run into her someplace, and you can share a moment of nostalgia without losing your perspective. Don't be weak.

[Blanco]

I know it may sound cheesy, but when you love someone and you know it is very real, never is a long time to just not do anything..

That just seems so dead endish.

 

No, what's dead endish is holding out hope for someone who was hot and cold and then ultimately cut you loose.

[AT575]

Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it! I was at NC for three weeks the other day. I had a terrible day where I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was an anxious mess and thought three weeks have gone by maybe he’s missing me or maybe he is waiting for me to reach out. I called and then sent a text and got no reply. I spent the next 24 hours checking my phone every two seconds and making me feel even less cared for, wanted and rejected. Contacting her will make you feel worse especially if you don’t get a reply. Trust me do not do it. If she wants to talk to you she will reach out. That’s how I’m thinking about it in my situation. If he wanted to talk to me he would call or message and he hasn’t. It’s awful and I feel the same way you do, physically sick, mentally messed up but I’ve started some counselling and I hope that helps.

[SpecialJ]

There's all those websites etc. that say NC for 30 days will fix everything. It's really not true. 30 days isn't enough time for either of you to fix whatever went wrong and change and grow. It's not much time at all for most people trying to recover from a breakup either, even if they are just trying to move on and don't want to reconcile. If you reached out now, it wouldn't accomplish anything new.

 

Stay strong on the no contact for now, for yourself. See if you can make it to 3-4 months and then do a mental check in on your feelings and perspective. In the meantime, try to do things for yourself, that will build up your self esteem. You don't have to decide if NC is forever or not right now, but give yourself enough time to gain good perspective before you decide to either reach out (as a friend, expecting nothing) or to stay in NC for the long-term.

[bluecastle]

Don't reach out.

 

A month seems like forever right now, but it's only that: a month. Nothing substantial changes in a month. You are both in the exact same place you were 30 days ago: she's done, you're not, and that just sucks.

 

Your mind will inevitably keep spinning for a bit. You'll wonder if she's thinking about you, about what you can do to get her back. Accept that those thoughts are part of the process, but don't react to them. The next month will be easier, and so on, and before you know it the spin will slow. Reaching out will only start the painful cycle anew. You're being stronger right now than you know.

[Arieswoman]

Should I reach out? It's been 30 days.

 

No, no and no again.

 

She's an ex, keep it that way.

 

Any break in NC will just set back your healing.

 

Stay strong.

[alterest]

No, no and no again.

 

She's an ex, keep it that way.

 

Any break in NC will just set back your healing.

 

Stay strong.

 

I agree with that. And you only keep feed your hope by doing that.

Stay on NC, you may think right now that you both could be friends, but you couldn't. You only want to keep in touch with her, and that will brings nothing to you. Stay strong and let it be. Trying to keep in touch only delay your pain. I did it with my first ex and I dealyed my pain for 8 months. It was awful and I felt dead inside for this entire time. We backed together and she broke up again after 4 months and this time I cut all contact with her and my healing process was just about 3 months. So, don't put yourself in this situation. You will get nothing from it.

[Beachead]

Today is 30 days since my ex and I had our final "goodbye" conversation. It was emotional and I hated it. I did not want to walk away but after 6 months of hot and cold, indecisive behavior from her, and no real signs if change to move forward together, she said she wanted it to end because she is "tired."

 

I told her I would not reach out. With tears and losing my composure I kissed her goodbye and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore even though we were together for 3 years. I'm blocked on all social media, she said she did that so she can move forward without seeing my face.

 

I want her. I just want to be with her. We said goodbye on December 1st and it has been so hard. I've been sick mentally and physically missing her literally every single day.

 

The only way I would be able to reach out to her would be to send an email through gmail. That's the only place I'm not blocked to my knowledge.

 

Should I say Something?

 

No OP.

 

Although there are situations I'd advise breaking NC, this isn't one of them.

 

Reason is you gave the best you had to give; your time, your love, your energy, materials everything. And she basically felt for whatever reasons that the best you had to give wasn't enough. Don't reach out. Don't chase. She knows she hurt you. She knows she could reach out to you at any point but has chosen not to because she doesn't care to be with you. You can't force her to love you and there's no point in being friends because down the road if she dates someone, that guy won't be cool with you being around and she'll most certainly cut you out of her life for him.

 

If you reach out to her, I can guarantee you will regret it. She either won't respond or will respond with some kind of emotionless short reply that'll make you feel pathetic. Don't do it.

 

She has to be the one that reaches out to you if she ever does. We don't know if she will or not but I really suggest you adopting the mentality that she's gone and not coming back. Remain in No Contact and continue to concentrate on healing. You'll need all the energy you can get for it because as you've come to realize, it isn't easy at all. It's slow. It's up and down. Sometimes, it can take well over a year to completely heal but regardless, it is the fastest way to getting back on track. So be patient and kind to yourself. Let time and silence do the healing.

 

Best of luck.

Edited December 31, 2017 by Beachead

[elaine567]

The long letter/email pouring your heart out to her sounds like a great idea.

She will read it and realise what a terrible mistake she made and run back to you and cover you in kisses.

 

BUT that doesn't tend to happen, no response at all is common, as is a short nondescript text/email back, one poster got "K" in response to a 6 page letter and never heard from them again.

Some will get very angry, and feel aggrieved that you haven't got the message yet, and some will post it on social media or pass it around to everyone they know, to give all their friends, colleagues and family a "good laugh" or to show them what a loser/liar you are.

 

So don't, just don't.

(Writing a long letter can be cathartic, but never send it.)

[Marc878]

Today is 30 days since my ex and I had our final "goodbye" conversation. It was emotional and I hated it. I did not want to walk away but after 6 months of hot and cold, indecisive behavior from her, and no real signs if change to move forward together, she said she wanted it to end because she is "tired."

 

I told her I would not reach out. With tears and losing my composure I kissed her goodbye and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore even though we were together for 3 years. I'm blocked on all social media, she said she did that so she can move forward without seeing my face.

 

I want her. I just want to be with her. We said goodbye on December 1st and it has been so hard. I've been sick mentally and physically missing her literally every single day.

 

The only way I would be able to reach out to her would be to send an email through gmail. That's the only place I'm not blocked to my knowledge.

 

Should I say Something?

 

You are projecting your feelings onto her. She doesn't feel that way about you.

 

Doing the needy, reaching out will just push her farther away. She's moved on probably to some one else. That's normally the case.

 

You can't fix this. If some doesn't want you it's over. You are powerless to change that.

 

Complete no contact is you're only option or you'll just keep yourself where you are.

 

She's not that special you'll find. It'll take awhile but there's always someone else.

 

It'll take some time but you'll be fine. Move on like she did.

[Marc878]

The long letter/email pouring your heart out to her sounds like a great idea.

She will read it and realise what a terrible mistake she made and run back to you and cover you in kisses.

 

BUT that doesn't tend to happen, no response at all is common, as is a short nondescript text/email back, one poster got "K" in response to a 6 page letter and never heard from them again.

Some will get very angry, and feel aggrieved that you haven't got the message yet, and some will post it on social media or pass it around to everyone they know, to give all their friends, colleagues and family a "good laugh" or to show them what a loser/liar you are.

 

So don't, just don't.

(Writing a long letter can be cathartic, but never send it.)

 

Good advice. It'll just irritate her and make you look weak and unnattractive.

[Whodatdog]

No. It doesnt matter if its 30 days or 300 days. She said she's done with you and is moving on. It doesnt matter how you feel as far as the relationship goes; a relationship is two people, not one. It does matter how you feel to you, and you need to try and deal with it and get over her. Even if you have to go day by day. Do not even think about contacting her, it will only hurt you.

[Sterners]

Today is 30 days since my ex and I had our final "goodbye" conversation. It was emotional and I hated it. I did not want to walk away but after 6 months of hot and cold, indecisive behavior from her, and no real signs if change to move forward together, she said she wanted it to end because she is "tired."

 

I told her I would not reach out. With tears and losing my composure I kissed her goodbye and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore even though we were together for 3 years. I'm blocked on all social media, she said she did that so she can move forward without seeing my face.

 

I want her. I just want to be with her. We said goodbye on December 1st and it has been so hard. I've been sick mentally and physically missing her literally every single day.

 

The only way I would be able to reach out to her would be to send an email through gmail. That's the only place I'm not blocked to my knowledge.

 

Should I say Something?

Maybe I am the only one to post this but I also was like your girlfriend and broke up with my boyfriend like she did. It took me about 2 weeks to realize that I made a huge mistake and I think about him every second of the day. He has pulled the NC on me and blocked me on everything and I keep praying time will heal this but trust me I know what you are going through. She might be waiting to hear from you so I would reach out and keep it simple and say something light hearted like Happy New Years to see if she responds. I don't know if I believe in this NC crap and seems like such a game to me personally.

[Marc878]

If she was open to anything he wouldn't be blocked.

 

I suspect she doesn't want him seeing her new boyfriend.

[NewPageTurner]

After 35 days of no contact I sent an email...I couldn't take it anymore. I don't really know if I expect a reply back, but it would be nice.

Background is we've been broken up for 8 months with 7 of those months still including hot and cold treatment from her. We were together for 3 years. We ended contact on December 1st, said goodbye in person, it was an emotional mess. I did not want it to end. Here is what I sent.

 

[My dear M,

 

It's taken me a long time to find the words to write you.

I hope you are doing well.

The holiday season brought in more uneasiness than joy, I missed you every day.

I hoped to hear from you even if only in the slightest.

 

I've used the last month to my advantage. Sifting through our memories, wonderful moments and even the hardships we endured, I've reflected on everything we've been through.

 

Not a day has gone by since you drove away that I haven't thought of you. I always wonder where you are, what you're doing, and if you think of me too. I'll be honest, it's not easy. I want to call you all the time, and hope I pass you in traffic just to see your face.

 

I just wanted to remind you that I love you, and I miss you. The boys still ask about you, and they miss you too. We all do.

 

I know neither of us expected this when we first met, but this is where we are. I want to thank you for being there. I thank you for being in my life for the time that you were and loving me in ways I've never had before. You are my best friend, and a window of light that opened my eyes to so many things. I know my love for you is real and always will be because I still feel it.

 

We experienced hardships that broke us, but nothing that should create a forever silence between us, no sin is that heavy.

 

I miss you. Every day. Always.

 

I'd love to hear from you buggy. You know how to reach me even if it's just to talk.

 

Take care.]

 

 

She blocked me on all social media, blocked my cell number, deleted all of my family from social media as well. I know the signs are all there that she's just done, but I can't stop thinking about her. I made mistakes and so did she but I still feel invested.

Any thoughts?

[HumanMachine]

Never chase a dumper

[alterest]

I do understand why you did that. Really do. But, as HumanMachine said, never chase a dumper. Her feelings have changed, not yours. She probably know that you love her and you want to be with her, so you don't need to chase. Every time you keep yourself attached in the past you can't move on. You were in NC for almost a month, but you keep your mind busy thinking about her. So the main purpose of NC wasn't achieved. I think you can use that last message as a closure. You made your point to her and now you can't do anything, she change her feelings about you is a thing that must occurs on her, you can't do that being active in that subject, if you do that you only gona hurt yourself. You send her an email? Fine. Now start to invest on you and think in moving on. She doesn't want to be with you and you can't change it, so change yourself, invest in yourself and move on.

[Marc878]

Only you will keep you where you are.

 

She's told you and shown you she doesn't want you. But you refuse to believe it.

[Been]

When you chase you just drive them further away.

When you beg you make yourself less desirable to them.

[FilterCoffee]

Very weak OP. Cmon, you're better than this. You lasted 35 days that included the holidays. Don't let your mind play these games with you.

[Fever of love]

After 35 days of no contact I sent an email...I couldn't take it anymore. I don't really know if I expect a reply back, but it would be nice.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Three possible outcomes:

 

1) She ignores your mail.

2) She writes back dismissively, either kindly or unkindly reiterating her wish to break up with you.

3) She melts at you words, and comes rushing back.

 

Which of these do you think is the most likely?

 

You probably shouldn't have written the mail. Its written by your heart, not your head, and at the moment your heart is broken.That's like trying to win an arm wrestling contest with a broken arm.

 

You have to use your head, that is- understand the dynamics of what has really taken place, and then use your new understanding combined with some degree of reverse psychology to reverse her emotional polarity.

 

Human beings want what they cannot have. She knows she has you at her beck and call, and your mail has re-affirmed that dynamic. She has to feel you are gone, before she will even begin to consider what she has lost.

 

Good luck.

[NewPageTurner]

Very weak OP. Cmon, you're better than this. You lasted 35 days that included the holidays. Don't let your mind play these games with you.

 

I know. I failed myself. I've been keeping busy, even hanging out with other women and still find myself dwelling on my ex.

I won't do it again. Maybe she has my email blocked too and she never even read it, I have no way to know.

[NewPageTurner]

Three possible outcomes:

 

1) She ignores your mail.

2) She writes back dismissively, either kindly or unkindly reiterating her wish to break up with you.

3) She melts at you words, and comes rushing back.

 

Which of these do you think is the most likely?

 

You probably shouldn't have written the mail. Its written by your heart, not your head, and at the moment your heart is broken.That's like trying to win an arm wrestling contest with a broken arm.

 

You have to use your head, that is- understand the dynamics of what has really taken place, and then use your new understanding combined with some degree of reverse psychology to reverse her emotional polarity.

 

Human beings want what they cannot have. She knows she has you at her beck and call, and your mail has re-affirmed that dynamic. She has to feel you are gone, before she will even begin to consider what she has lost.

 

Good luck.

 

I expect she will ignore it or it will never be read because she blocked my email account too. Idk.

I appreciate the reply.

[FilterCoffee]

Catch yourself every time your mind wanders towards her and get a grip on your emotions. It requires presence of mind and discipline which you have.

[realfriends]

Its okay. You will learn with time what works for you but you have to kind of trust everyone on here since most people have been through something similar. In my first breakup, I couldn't fight the urges for the first few months and I made a fool of myself by eventually sending her an email and letter in the mail as those were the only forms of communication I had left. It all just made me feel worse. I look back on it now and think how foolish it was of me.

 

You need to go pretty strong on NC. I even went as far as having websites like twitter and instagram blocked so I physically couldn't look at her social media. I would also count the days of NC until I stopped caring (>100). You can get through this but the first thing you need to do is accept that its over and that she will never contact you again and that its for the best.