S2B Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 She knows about everything I posted here. I grew up in an Asian family. I'm from Singapore. I guess I could see sometimes my dad would be not so nice to her in terms of his tone. But she said, as long as my dad doesn't go out to drink or play with women, she's okay. So your Mom taught you to accept unacceptable behavior from men? Well... you can teach yourself better as you grow up! It IS unacceptable!!! No person should need/have to allow another person to treat them unkindly. You are strong girl - show him the door and only allow men to treat you well, VERY well!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixandfix Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 I'll talk to my family again. But I'm just not so sure how to tell him also Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Just tell him it's over, in a public place and then block him from everything. Asian culture is different, I live in Asia, there is a lot of pressure to get married and not be a spinster (yes they still use that word here). Do yourself a favour and get out. Your mum wants you to be happy, but has a different idea or relationships. Don't stay with this man for your mum. Get out now. Like today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Please.... PLEASE save yourself and get some counseling so that you never accept be this sort of treatment again. He doesn't respect you. He be littles you. He controls you through fear. He manipulates you to blame yourself. He intimates you. He physically lashes out on you. He has the anger and impulse control of a child. If you stay with him you will lose all respect for yourself. You will lose your self worth. Abusive relationships like this will break your will. There are no excuses for his behavior. It's not how you treat someone you respect and love. You deserve more, you need to open your eyes and realize he will be your ruin. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisisIt606 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Break up with him, now! Cut off all contact. Tell your friends and family what he has done (the physical and verbal abuse) so they are aware and can help protect you if needed. Get a restraining order if needed. You owe him nothing. He's a monster and you should be thinking of yourself and your own safety. You don't need this abuse or stress. Better to be alone than to be abused. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixandfix Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Thanks all. I've told my family and some friends about it. They told me to leave him as well. I'm trying my best to sort out my emotions now before I meet him to tell him. It hurts so badly, I cry everytime I think about it, and I cry myself to sleep that it's so so so unhealthy. But I cannot hold back my tears. I'll leave him, but I'll need a lot of courage to do so. Especially when I'm reminded of the 6 years we have together, I cannot just say leave and leave that's it. I need some time to sort out these emotions in me even after I've left. It hurts and it's my first long term relationship and we've even had plans to settle down this year. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 You can't stay based on the sentimentality of the 6 years you have had together. He's becoming dangerous. Maybe it was good once but it's bad now. When you feel weak, think about the violence. It should give you the impetus to move forward & away from him notwithstanding your long history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixandfix Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Okay, i will talk to him about the break-up tomorrow and see whats going to happen. I've informed my family members about my decision. Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Good luck, but it's not a discussion. You are going in to tell him it's over. The result will be it's over. You need to be firm on this in your mind as he will try to stop you from leaving and he knows how to get to you, he won't play fair. Whether he is as sweet as candy or makes you feel bad about yourself, or physical. Be strong, do this for yourself, your happiness, safety and future children. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 How did he take the news, fixandfix? How are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixandfix Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 I'm telling him today. I'm meeting him in a few hours time. But my friends have been asking why the sudden change and losing patience so easily? He said it was because of job but my friends tell me could it be because of another girl? Idkk. Cos people who've met him before or my friends were all shocked. Even my family members. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Abusers are often very good at hiding their behavior from others. They are sweet and nice to everyone, then terrible to the one they supposedly loved. When my sister was young she was in a long term, abusive relationship. Us family members had no clue until she told me about the things he did behind closed doors after she got the courage to break up with him. My dad used to love him, "he's so nice, polite, and takes care of my daughter". I really liked him, I thought he was a fun, cool, friendly guy. He also used to tie her to a chair, and scream in her face that she as worthless. We had NO CLUE. Again, he has no respect for you. Shoving food in your face? Grabbing your ear as if you were an unruly toddler? Your mother unfortunately set a terrible example. Partners in a relationship should be equal, you are not subservient to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fixandfix Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Abusers are often very good at hiding their behavior from others. They are sweet and nice to everyone, then terrible to the one they supposedly loved. When my sister was young she was in a long term, abusive relationship. Us family members had no clue until she told me about the things he did behind closed doors after she got the courage to break up with him. My dad used to love him, "he's so nice, polite, and takes care of my daughter". I really liked him, I thought he was a fun, cool, friendly guy. He also used to tie her to a chair, and scream in her face that she as worthless. We had NO CLUE. Again, he has no respect for you. Shoving food in your face? Grabbing your ear as if you were an unruly toddler? Your mother unfortunately set a terrible example. Partners in a relationship should be equal, you are not subservient to him. This time I am determined. I wrote down my speech (lol) to make sure I don't get distracted and make sure I tell him what he has done to me is wrong and I'm out. If he wants me back, he will need to sort his **** out first and not do it onto me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 This time I am determined. I wrote down my speech (lol) to make sure I don't get distracted and make sure I tell him what he has done to me is wrong and I'm out. If he wants me back, he will need to sort his **** out first and not do it onto me. We are rooting for you! Stay safe! Link to post Share on other sites
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