Men 35-40 - would you have a LTR with woman your own age?

[elaine567]

For starters, I'm curious why you assume that Vin Diesel is not an intelligent guy. You don't have to answer, but I suggest you take some time and think about why you feel this way.

 

Vin Diesel is 49 years old and his girlfriend of 10 years, who is also three times his baby mama, is doing very well on her own and doesn't need Vin for financial reasons. Not to mention the fact that she is absolutely stunning. Her name is Paloma Jimenez. Google her.

 

So, Vin Diesel, the guy that the ladies here say that women don't really like, has a gorgeous girl over 15 years younger than he is, and she has been with him for a decade. Yeah, that guy really is struggling with women.

 

He is just too rough around the edges... and embarrassing...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbulJd2tUmc

[jjgitties]

Oh. man, now I feel bad for picking on poor Vin. He actually seems like a pretty nice guy and I think his PR folks do a pretty good job of translating that on news media.

 

I think I picked on him cause his fast and furious character and that bald head beefcake look sort of embodies certain certain womens very unrealistic expectations of a regular male. you know what i mean? "ohh, i want my man to be strong and muscular but oh so sweet and gentle like teddy bear".

[OpenBook]

Who is Vin Diesel? Sounds like an old model truck in a used-car lot.

 

And speaking of car dealers, the following attitude (no offense, road, I actually agree with you that this is what mating really boils down to in the real world) is why I am perfectly happy to remain single:

 

We have a winner. I have seen so many women. Complaining

they can't find a good man.

 

Yet they must have no mirrors in their house. They do not

realize that they do not bring enough to the table to close

the deal to get the man that they want.

 

Mating is a business deal. It is a life contract. No one wants to

over pay when making a deal. No one expects to walk into the

Chevrolet dealer and buy the $50,000 Silverado for $20,000.

 

Though as a man, it would not bother me if a woman never

went to college and all she could do was a $10 hour job. Her

financial income would not keep me from marrying her.

Though her being in credit card debt and not handling her

finances well would.

 

Is she clean, keep her house clean, willing to take care of

me, attractive to me, be my best friend, like sex as much as

I do, share hobbies, share values.

 

How romantic! My value as a woman (in men's eyes) is determined by how clean I keep my house, and how sharp my nursemaid skills are. Very nice. No thanks.

[Popsicle]

I don’t even know how this conversation turned to Vin Deisel. He does nothing for me. But I’m sure he has no shortage of woman.

[heartbrokenlady]

 

 

 

Don't patronize me. I suggest you do your own self analysis about why you feel the need to talk down to women. Also about why you insist you are right and anyone that holds an alternative opinion is automatically wrong.

 

I know exactly why I'm not attracted to him. His muscles and the stereotypical parts he plays. I'd rather be single if that is the only type of guy available.

[CptInsano]

He is just too rough around the edges... and embarrassing...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbulJd2tUmc

 

I think Vin Diesel has more of a "buddy appeal" to many guys than he is attractive to women. Rough around the edges yet funny is a good quality in that regard. (In fact, he does remind me of my best friend in High School, maybe because he appears somewhat immature.)

[road]

Who is Vin Diesel? Sounds like an old model truck in a used-car lot.

 

And speaking of car dealers, the following attitude (no offense, road, I actually agree with you that this is what mating really boils down to in the real world) is why I am perfectly happy to remain single:

 

 

 

How romantic! My value as a woman (in men's eyes) is determined by how clean I keep my house, and how sharp my nursemaid skills are. Very nice. No thanks.

 

My wife never shoveled the snow, mowed, painted, trimmed hedges,

repair the plumbing, changed the oil, split the firewood, painted, repaired

the furniture, electrical repairs, an endless list of man jobs. Including

put gas in her car.

 

I do all those things because my wife does a very long list of things

for me.

 

A man can take care of him self.

 

The hunter in us wants to provide for a woman.

 

If we have to take care of ourselves then the need for a wife

has been eliminated.

[LurkerXX]

With the exception of house painting (I rent, though I have painted enough damn buildings when I worked in state parks and in private and nonprofit sanctuaries) and snow around here, all of those things are either infrequent or quick (especially if you have modern pipes) that they are on the easy part of my chore list. It is the day to day cooking, cleaning, the weekly laundry, that make up the majority of my household labor as a single person who can manage a good bit without hiring out.

[heartbrokenlady]

A man can take care of him self.

 

The hunter in us wants to provide for a woman.

 

If we have to take care of ourselves then the need for a wife has been eliminated.

 

 

You know, the longer I'm on this site, the less I want another relationship. Not necessarily because I'm over my ex but because so many people of the opposite sex on here have TOTALLY diametric views to me of what constitutes a relationship.

 

My last relationship was not one of chores, for financial reasons, or for us to take care of each other. It was one where we were together solely because we enjoyed each others company and loved each other.

 

So thanks guys. It may be for ALL the wrong reasons, but you're totally putting me off EVER having another relationship.

[joseb]

You know, the longer I'm on this site, the less I want another relationship. Not necessarily because I'm over my ex but because so many people of the opposite sex on here have TOTALLY diametric views to me of what constitutes a relationship.

 

My last relationship was not one of chores, for financial reasons, or for us to take care of each other. It was one where we were together solely because we enjoyed each others company and loved each other.

 

So thanks guys. It may be for ALL the wrong reasons, but you're totally putting me off EVER having another relationship.

 

Don't worry, I don't think most guys view romantic partners that way. If I want someone to look after me, and my mum's too old, I'd hire a maid !

[heartbrokenlady]

Don't worry, I don't think most guys view romantic partners that way. If I want someone to look after me, and my mum's too old, I'd hire a maid !

 

 

 

YOUR MUM!!!! *facepalm*

[jjgitties]

You know, the longer I'm on this site, the less I want another relationship. Not necessarily because I'm over my ex but because so many people of the opposite sex on here have TOTALLY diametric views to me of what constitutes a relationship.

 

My last relationship was not one of chores, for financial reasons, or for us to take care of each other. It was one where we were together solely because we enjoyed each others company and loved each other.

 

So thanks guys. It may be for ALL the wrong reasons, but you're totally putting me off EVER having another relationship.

 

Different people have different views of gender roles in society. Some are more progressive than others.

[road]

You know, the longer I'm on this site, the less I want another relationship. Not necessarily because I'm over my ex but because so many people of the opposite sex on here have TOTALLY diametric views to me of what constitutes a relationship.

 

My last relationship was not one of chores, for financial reasons, or for us to take care of each other. It was one where we were together solely because we enjoyed each others company and loved each other.

 

So thanks guys. It may be for ALL the wrong reasons, but you're totally putting me off EVER having another relationship.

 

To be in a relationship is to be loved.

 

To love is to want to take of them.

 

To be loved is to be taken care of.

 

Caring is the currency of love.

[road]

Don't worry, I don't think most guys view romantic partners that way. If I want someone to look after me, and my mum's too old, I'd hire a maid !

 

YOUR MUM!!!! *facepalm*

 

joseb, you have it all wrong. Shame on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A smart man will not pay a maid when he can get his wife

to do the work for free.

 

Plus when mom is too old you move her in so the maid, err,

I meant to say the wife has to take care of mom.

 

What are you thinking?

What kind of ungrateful son are you?

 

Shame on you, double.

[heartbrokenlady]

To be in a relationship is to be loved.

 

To love is to want to take of them.

 

To be loved is to be taken care of.

 

Caring is the currency of love.

 

 

Plenty of relationships without love, as seen on LS on a daily basis.

 

Doing things for someone is a gift, not a requirement. I am an adult. I can take care of myself. I don't need someone else to do it.

[jjgitties]

Plenty of relationships without love, as seen on LS on a daily basis.

 

True, but that's not something to strive for. A loveless relationship is lacking and unfulfilling to the human mind and spirit.

[Chris2016]

Are you and your friends looking at the right places?

 

I would imagine that there are guys in this age bracket who also want something serious, and would be interested in the woman you describe.

 

How do we get both sides to look at the right places?! Asking for a friend.

 

It is a precarious age group I think, if you want to have kids.

 

And if not why not? I don't mean few dates and some sex but would you actually consider her for something serious.

 

This is a trend that my friends and myself have noticed where men will only stick to casual if at all with their peers..

 

I just want to hear some answers without sugarcoating.

 

Assume that the woman has no baggage in terms of ex H and kids and is in good physical shape and attractive.

[Quirkster]

We have a winner. I have seen so many women. Complaining

they can't find a good man.

 

Yet they must have no mirrors in their house. They do not

realize that they do not bring enough to the table to close

the deal to get the man that they want.

 

Wait. You mean facial contouring, micro-blading eyebrows, booty gains, and french bulldog puppies aren't enough?

 

Man I tell you it's scary where I live. Even the early to mid 30's women are behaving like the 20 somethings. It's like they're all trying to emulate the proverbial "Instagram" girl. The lone few career-oriented women with passions in life seem to abandon the desire to be physically attractive - so there doesn't seem to be any tangible middle ground.

[SammySammy]

When I was that age, I was with a woman 12 years younger than me.

 

It wasn’t because I couldn’t be with a woman my age. The woman I was with before her was five years older than me. That’s just the way it worked out. I didn’t select either of them for their age.

[fieldoflavender]

This thread is very interesting. A dilemma I've been faced with since I turned 30 years old. I'm in the 30-35 age group with the clock ticking. At this point, I'm struggling to find the balance because yeah at the 35-40, it becomes harder to have children. I feel like it would almost be easier if I was 40+ and I wasn't going to have children anyways.

 

At this point, I still can - but do I want to settle to have children? I've decided the illusion is not worth it - I had it all - the illusion of a guy who on the surface hit checkmarks, a ring, and a "normal life" on the right trajectory. My career has been very successful and I didn't ever fall off trajectory and if I was a male, I could find 10 years younger and be all good. But I'm not male. And life isn't fair - based on society, and so be it, I've come to terms with that.

 

The illusion is not worth it in the end. I do need to be a bit less picky and more practical - but not to settle again. I settled in my last relationship and it burned away in ashes. People shouldn't make the same mistake twice. I think the issue is to recognize for myself that I can NOT have it all - especially not at my current age.

 

I will never find the most compatible personality, cultural background, non married, no kids, reasonably good looking, height appropriate, salary appropriate man at this age. People keep telling me I am a good catch, that I look 5-10 years younger than my age, and I make a salary that is up there - but something's gotta give.

 

While I would be a GREAT catch if I was a male, I am not. I could find someone who makes less and it would open up the dating pool, and I am willing at 50% of my salary, but even that's becoming difficult. But I can't be with someone I find physically unappealing either. They don't have to be super hot, they just have to be somewhat attractive to me. So maybe something's gotta give.

 

But all I know is that at the end of the day, I can't live life for an illusion.

[road]

This thread is very interesting. A dilemma I've been faced with since I turned 30 years old. I'm in the 30-35 age group with the clock ticking. At this point, I'm struggling to find the balance because yeah at the 35-40, it becomes harder to have children. I feel like it would almost be easier if I was 40+ and I wasn't going to have children anyways.

 

At this point, I still can - but do I want to settle to have children? I've decided the illusion is not worth it - I had it all - the illusion of a guy who on the surface hit checkmarks, a ring, and a "normal life" on the right trajectory. My career has been very successful and I didn't ever fall off trajectory and if I was a male, I could find 10 years younger and be all good. But I'm not male. And life isn't fair - based on society, and so be it, I've come to terms with that.

 

The illusion is not worth it in the end. I do need to be a bit less picky and more practical - but not to settle again. I settled in my last relationship and it burned away in ashes. People shouldn't make the same mistake twice. I think the issue is to recognize for myself that I can NOT have it all - especially not at my current age.

 

I will never find the most compatible personality, cultural background, non married, no kids, reasonably good looking, height appropriate, salary appropriate man at this age. People keep telling me I am a good catch, that I look 5-10 years younger than my age, and I make a salary that is up there - but something's gotta give.

 

While I would be a GREAT catch if I was a male, I am not. I could find someone who makes less and it would open up the dating pool, and I am willing at 50% of my salary, but even that's becoming difficult. But I can't be with someone I find physically unappealing either. They don't have to be super hot, they just have to be somewhat attractive to me. So maybe something's gotta give.

 

But all I know is that at the end of the day, I can't live life for an illusion.

 

See this is the problem many women place their number

one value on having "the career" instead of having their

traditional "career" as a wife and mom.

 

So they wait for Mr Perfect to go along with their perfect

job and carrer.

 

There are a lot of shy men out there that do not have the

social skills to date a woman. Though they are stable and

have a history of stable employment.

 

Time to maybe for you to go after those types to find

your gem in the rough.

[Interstellar]

When I was on Match.com a while ago the most common theme I see from women ages 30-40 is that they want a guy who’s 6-foot something, makes a six figure salary, blue eyes, etc..etc..etc...they can get super detailed and super duper picky. It’s not a good impression ladies. It pretty much eliminates a majority of decent guys.

 

I find that women on dating sites at my age range tends to be very picky and super structured as far as what they want. Maybe it’s from their bad experience and whatnot...so guess where most men would gravitate to? younger women who have way less to zero mileage relationship wise with very little to no baggage at all.

Edited January 13, 2018 by Interstellar

[carhill]

^^^ So, your answer would be 'no'

 

I had considered changing my mind on this own age thing but nah, still good with it. Nowadays it's like Jack and Diane in Something's Gotta Give - "Birth control?" "Menopause"

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

Not in that age bracket just yet, not for a while. I think the way i'd view it is focus on the here and now. And just enjoy people. Its not something i would focus on. If you focus on "Age", "People by a certain age should be settled down", "They want child quick"

 

All its doing is swimming someone else race. And using other people thoughts. Its hard in this world to be yourself, Make your own mind up in life. And have lots of fun.