Men 35-40 - would you have a LTR with woman your own age?

[heartbrokenlady]

You know what. I got to say this. If you are a woman in your late 30s and single and looking for date -- you are still a young good looking women and you have you looks. Stop being so bloody picky. Find a guy and settle in thats what you want to do. Dont create those endless 100+ lists of all the things the guy you want needs to have in order for you to hook with him. Just lower your standards a bit and take a chance. Don't let this drag you into your 40s and late 40s.. it will only get worse.

 

 

Statements like this make me VERY glad I'm single.

 

I'd like to see you suggest to guys that they settle. From a bloke that dumped his wife for a younger woman then wanted his wife back once she was well again, that's a pretty judgmental thing to say.

[Purepony]

Would these opinions only apply here or worldwide?

Reason I say worldwide is because I’m not is the cultures are different

[NuevoYorko]

You know what. I got to say this. If you are a woman in your late 30s and single and looking for date -- you are still a young good looking women and you have you looks. Stop being so bloody picky. Find a guy and settle in thats what you want to do. Dont create those endless 100+ lists of all the things the guy you want needs to have in order for you to hook with him. Just lower your standards a bit and take a chance. Don't let this drag you into your 40s and late 40s.. it will only get worse.

Seriously, even just because a person is of a certain age does not mean that they need to abandon their standards and hitch their wagon to a person they do not care for.

 

I'm not a woman, I do want to be in a relationship, and I will continue to have my standards. Life is fine single. The only way it will be better is if I share it with an outstanding person. It's not different for women.

[jjgitties]

I think my statement is more that people should really be a little more realistic about who they are and the expectations they have of the types of people they think (or wish!) they could hook up with and get into a relationship. No one is saying drop your standards, but maybe look in the mirror and around yourself and your life and be a little more realistic of who and what you are.

 

A lot of single women 40+ i see who are holding out, have pretty skewed expectations of the type of guy they think they can snatch.

[Froggi]

Yes. I would enter into a LTR with a woman my age. I look for people that are stable and mentally together.

 

The issue I see with a lot of single women in that age range is there is almost always a good reason they are single. The years have taken a toll on their personalities and their thinking pattern

.

 

Some have crazy expectations. For instance a average looking woman is waiting for a super good looking guy to come around and it never occurred to her that a super good looking guy in her age range had a lot more options than an average looking woman like her.

 

Another common one is the really pretty woman in that age range that only dates aholes but constantly complain s how there are no nice guys out there.

 

Much more common than you think.

 

Well, you know that looks don't always matter so much to everybody.

[heartbrokenlady]

I think my statement is more that people should really be a little more realistic about who they are and the expectations they have of the types of people they think (or wish!) they could hook up with and get into a relationship. No one is saying drop your standards, but maybe look in the mirror and around yourself and your life and be a little more realistic of who and what you are.

 

A lot of single women 40+ i see who are holding out, have pretty skewed expectations of the type of guy they think they can snatch.

 

 

You mean like a 50ish year old man, lusting after a 20 something year old woman?

[jjgitties]

You mean like a 50ish year old man, lusting after a 20 something year old woman?

 

I didn't lust about her . There was nothing sexual about it. I just let myself get emotionally attached to her personality. But I was fully aware there was never going to drop my family and ride off into the sunset with her.

 

But I see lots of very plain to average at best 40+ year olds that seem to be hung up on the idea that Vin Diesel type is going to come zooming into their life any day now and sweep them away off their feet.

[heartbrokenlady]

I didn't lust about her . There was nothing sexual about it. I just let myself get emotionally attached to her personality. But I was fully aware there was never going to drop my family and ride off into the sunset with her.

 

But I see lots of very plain to average at best 40+ year olds that seem to be hung up on the idea that Vin Diesel type is going to come zooming into their life any day now and sweep them away off their feet.

 

 

 

We don't want Vin Diesal. That is a MALE perception of what women want. We want someone intelligent and equal to us. Looks barely come into it. But intellect does. I can't be with someone dim, self obsessed or with any major differences to me. Single is hugely preferable.

 

THAT isn't being picky. It is being experienced and knowing that a partner who we're not happy with is more lonely than being on our own.

[jjgitties]

We don't want Vin Diesal. That is a MALE perception of what women want. We want someone intelligent and equal to us. Looks barely come into it. But intellect does. I can't be with someone dim, self obsessed or with any major differences to me. Single is hugely preferable.

 

THAT isn't being picky. It is being experienced and knowing that a partner who we're not happy with is more lonely than being on our own.

 

I can't even being to comprehend what does that even mean?

 

Everyone has intelligence!! Everyone you meet everyday in your life has a very high level of intelligence ad knows a lot more about certain subjects and areas that you probably know nothing about -- and vice versa. Be it art, history, culture, sports statistics, machines, numbers.. . .. What sort of intelligence are you looking for exactly? So I have a degree and know a lot about arts and culture -- it doens't mean I will want to sit around and talk about it all day long with my partner or someone I want to date. So of what use is my intelligence or expertise?

 

And what does "equal to us" mean? Equal in what way? Height? Status? Looks? Salary? What sort of special status has been bestowed upon you in your particular society that seems to make you convinced you are walking among "unequal" people to yourself?

[jay1983]

That's true on so many levels.

[elaine567]

We don't want Vin Diesel. That is a MALE perception of what women want.

 

I would definitely second that. Vin Diesel??????

Seems to me older women are now in the main fairly self sufficient, so have time to wait...forever if that is how it turns out, so be it.

Many are not willing to take second best or make do.

They are often not that desperate to snap up just any old man who shows up.

 

I know some older men have persuaded themselves that they can pick up a 20yo at the drop of a hat and keep her, and that it will be "easy" if they were ever single again, but I think that is a big delusion for most.

 

With ageing and barring any bad life events, the guys who were good at picking up and keeping women will still be good at that, the guys who are successful and have monetary wealth may be good at that, it depends, but the others will seriously struggle.

It is not only 40+ women that the years have taken their toll on their looks and their thinking, it is not only 40+ yo women that we can say "well I know why they are single..."

Men are in exactly the same boat and such men are as unattractive to women as their female counterparts are to men.

[heartbrokenlady]

I can't even being to comprehend what does that even mean?

 

Everyone has intelligence!! Everyone you meet everyday in your life has a very high level of intelligence ad knows a lot more about certain subjects and areas that you probably know nothing about -- and vice versa. Be it art, history, culture, sports statistics, machines, numbers.. . .. What sort of intelligence are you looking for exactly? So I have a degree and know a lot about arts and culture -- it doens't mean I will want to sit around and talk about it all day long with my partner or someone I want to date. So of what use is my intelligence or expertise?

 

And what does "equal to us" mean? Equal in what way? Height? Status? Looks? Salary? What sort of special status has been bestowed upon you in your particular society that seems to make you convinced you are walking among "unequal" people to yourself?

 

 

I want someone I can talk to on an equal, intellectual basis. It isn't about education, it's about curiosity about the world, news, politics, literature, art.

 

Equal as in financial stability and work ethic. Similar class status, life goals, interests.

 

I've been in 3 LTR. 2 were not my equal. I settled and was miserable for it. The 3rd was on a similar level. I know the difference.

 

Equal or single are my choices. You can keep Vin Diesel. He'd bore me.

[Quirkster]

Would these opinions only apply here or worldwide?

Reason I say worldwide is because I’m not is the cultures are different

 

It's getting really bad here in the United States - especially if you live in a densely populated area that's big with social media.

[Quirkster]

I can't even being to comprehend what does that even mean?

 

Everyone has intelligence!! Everyone you meet everyday in your life has a very high level of intelligence ad knows a lot more about certain subjects and areas that you probably know nothing about -- and vice versa. Be it art, history, culture, sports statistics, machines, numbers.. . .. What sort of intelligence are you looking for exactly? So I have a degree and know a lot about arts and culture -- it doens't mean I will want to sit around and talk about it all day long with my partner or someone I want to date. So of what use is my intelligence or expertise?

 

And what does "equal to us" mean? Equal in what way? Height? Status? Looks? Salary? What sort of special status has been bestowed upon you in your particular society that seems to make you convinced you are walking among "unequal" people to yourself?

 

My favorite are the women who demand the world's wittiest message on dating sites if you wish to contact them. Most of that stuff ends up in a thirst vault never to be responded to.

[heartbrokenlady]

My favorite are the women who demand the world's wittiest message on dating sites if you wish to contact them. Most of that stuff ends up in a thirst vault never to be responded to.

 

 

 

You perceive it as thirst. We see it as a lucky escape.

 

Why do guys see women as desperate? We're fine alone. The right partner would be great, but the wrong one isn't worth having.

 

A LOT of sexism around here.

[road]

Seriously, even just because a person is of a certain age does not mean that they need to abandon their standards and hitch their wagon to a person they do not care for.

 

I'm not a woman, I do want to be in a relationship, and I will continue to have my standards. Life is fine single. The only way it will be better is if I share it with an outstanding person. It's not different for women.

 

It is not about standards.

 

It is all about facing reality. I was never getting Sophia Loren so

I "settled". Everyone has the wants and needs.

 

The trick is to learn that a want is not a need.

 

If women hold out for George Clooney and the men hold out for

Penelope Cruz (feel free to substitute your own ideals) mankind

would become extinct.

 

Then maybe not. For all of the cheaters among us will then

repopulate the world with OC's carrying the DNA to be cheaters.

[road]

We don't want Vin Diesal. That is a MALE perception of what women want. We want someone intelligent and equal to us. Looks barely come into it. But intellect does. I can't be with someone dim, self obsessed or with any major differences to me. Single is hugely preferable.

 

THAT isn't being picky. It is being experienced and knowing that a partner who we're not happy with is more lonely than being on our own.

 

You say that but VD does not go home alone when he leaves

the bar on a Saturday night like the average Joe's.

 

VD is the man wives have for their AP.

[road]

 

A lot of single women 40+ i see who are holding out, have pretty skewed expectations of the type of guy they think they can snatch.

 

We have a winner. I have seen so many women. Complaining

they can't find a good man.

 

Yet they must have no mirrors in their house. They do not

realize that they do not bring enough to the table to close

the deal to get the man that they want.

 

Mating is a business deal. It is a life contract. No one wants to

over pay when making a deal. No one expects to walk into the

Chevrolet dealer and buy the $50,000 Silverado for $20,000.

 

Though as a man, it would not bother me if a woman never

went to college and all she could do was a $10 hour job. Her

financial income would not keep me from marrying her.

Though her being in credit card debt and not handling her

finances well would.

 

Is she clean, keep her house clean, willing to take care of

me, attractive to me, be my best friend, like sex as much as

I do, share hobbies, share values.

[jjgitties]

You perceive it as thirst. We see it as a lucky escape.

 

Why do guys see women as desperate? We're fine alone. The right partner would be great, but the wrong one isn't worth having.

 

A LOT of sexism around here.

 

 

Well, you dont have to settle but you are going to have to learn to compromise a bit just like everyone else out there who has ever gotten into a relationship or marraige.

 

Just think about the flaw in the logistics of what you are seeking? You will hold out for a very very long time for "the one" who looks and seems intelligent enough for you and you deem you are not "settling downwards". But if his personality or something weird like a sexual kink or he turns out to be a player looking to bang new women ever two or thee months -- you have to start your long arduous search for "the one" all over again -- in the meantime, time is passing you by, you are getting older, and everyone else around you is humping like rabbits and popping out babies. Next thing you know, 10 years have passed by and you find yourself the only single childless woman at a gathering with your old friends and wondering why and how did you get here.

[jjgitties]

Though as a man, it would not bother me if a woman never

went to college and all she could do was a $10 hour job. Her

financial income would not keep me from marrying her.

Though her being in credit card debt and not handling her

finances well would.

 

^^ thats not really true and I dont believe that. I do believe we exist in a society that puts up invisible societal barriers and fences between people. We fully well know that if you are a college educated male and is making > $100k per year, you are not going to marry some plain 'ole woman who is working at McDonalds for min wage. She would have to be super hot and good looking -- in which case she will be fully aware that she is super hot and good looking and would have long ago found herself a lawyer and be living in a big fancy house and is driving a BMW SUV around town.

[elaine567]

We have a winner. I have seen so many women. Complaining

they can't find a good man.

 

Yet they must have no mirrors in their house. They do not

realize that they do not bring enough to the table to close

the deal to get the man that they want.

 

Mating is a business deal. It is a life contract. No one wants to

over pay when making a deal. No one expects to walk into the

Chevrolet dealer and buy the $50,000 Silverado for $20,000.

 

Though as a man, it would not bother me if a woman never

went to college and all she could do was a $10 hour job. Her

financial income would not keep me from marrying her.

Though her being in credit card debt and not handling her

finances well would.

 

Is she clean, keep her house clean, willing to take care of

me, attractive to me, be my best friend, like sex as much as

I do, share hobbies, share values.

 

Why do you actually care? You are married as far as I can ascertain.

 

People do what they want to do.

No amount of men telling women what they SHOULD do or SHOULD want, will make one iota of difference, in the same way a whole lot of women telling men what they SHOULD do or SHOULD want will make any difference either.

YOU have your preferences in women, good for you, but YOU do not think you talk for ALL men, surely?

Generalisations do not work, people are individuals, they live their life the way they want to.

 

Yes, some women are unrealistic in their expectations but so are some men, it is not a gender specific thing.

 

Many men are sore because many apparently available women will not even consider them, I get that, but why would they want a woman who is not keen and who does not see them as relationship material.

Dating is a two way street.

It may seem to some men that women are there for the picking, but they aren't and I guess that is where some of the bitterness creeps in.

[heartbrokenlady]

Well, you dont have to settle but you are going to have to learn to compromise a bit just like everyone else out there who has ever gotten into a relationship or marraige.

 

Just think about the flaw in the logistics of what you are seeking? You will hold out for a very very long time for "the one" who looks and seems intelligent enough for you and you deem you are not "settling downwards". But if his personality or something weird like a sexual kink or he turns out to be a player looking to bang new women ever two or thee months -- you have to start your long arduous search for "the one" all over again -- in the meantime, time is passing you by, you are getting older, and everyone else around you is humping like rabbits and popping out babies. Next thing you know, 10 years have passed by and you find yourself the only single childless woman at a gathering with your old friends and wondering why and how did you get here.

 

 

 

I'll say again. It isn't about looks. LOOKS are not as important to women. It is about the right match. I've had TWO bad matches. My one good match was a bloke 17 years older than me.

 

I have a child, who is now an adult. I've been married. I don't want to get married again. I have a great job and have moved overseas to live in my dream country.

 

A nice man would be lovely. But life is good without one too. It isn't the be all and end all.

 

All that marriage and popping out babies is social brainwashing. I never aspired to it. There are A LOT of women who no longer want that model. More do of course. But thankfully, those of use who do not are able to be financially independent and have great lives. Something women could not have done 100 years ago.

[heartbrokenlady]

willing to take care of

me.

 

 

SERIOUSLY????

 

No buyers. No thank you.

 

This is the 21st century. Learn to take care of yourself.

[heartbrokenlady]

You say that but VD does not go home alone when he leaves

the bar on a Saturday night like the average Joe's.

 

VD is the man wives have for their AP.

 

 

 

That may be the case. But they will not be professional women, women who support themselves to an excellent standard, live in homes that they own and drive good cars. They will be women looking for an easy ride.

 

If Vin is happy to pay for that ride, fair enough. Marriage did indeed always used to be a financial model. I'm glad I can exist outside that model.

 

And I can guarantee you, to educated, professional women, he is NOT attractive. I like big brains. Not brawn.

[jjgitties]

SERIOUSLY????

 

No buyers. No thank you.

 

This is the 21st century. Learn to take care of yourself.

 

for this i give you 100 + points. the year is 2017. you do not sit at home baking apple pies and ironing clothes.