36 year old woman's longest relationship has been 7 months

[Kentucky]

I once gave a woman the benefit of a doubt who has never had a relationship and was in her early 40s. She seemed perfectly fine and we chatted a lot. I was quite optimistic after the first date, but by the third date the reasons became obvious.

 

I think the OP will have to decide for himself. There are good or bad reasons why somebody wouldn't have had a relationship. But I can't tell from afar.

 

Do you mind telling us those reasons? I'd be curious to know.

[JuneL]

Although I read all the arguments on why it’s not a red flag, I’m still going to go with an unpopular opinion and say that yes, to me it would be a red flag,if I was looking for a LTR. There is no point in asking why, they’ll never give you the truth. Maybe they don’t even know it. I say move on or proceed with caution. Saying there is no problem with that may be tolerant and politically correct but it doesn’t ring true to me.

 

But people can easily tell a white lie about their relationship history. She could have said she had a long-term relationship quite a few years back.

[BluEyeL]

or there are no suitable men of her age group where she lives.

 

Not every 50-something year old woman wants to play nursemaid to a man who didn't take care of his health or his finances and through poor judgement has made a thorough mess of his life and health.

Look that’s fine . But if you are one of the men in her area and want a LTR, what would make you think that you are better than EVERYONE and SO special that after at least 30 years of being of age she’s choose you for a LTR? Someone over 40 already has patterns and if the patterns are those specific of a single unencumbered life, who’s not into taking care of anyone else but themselves that’s not a character issue but it definitely is an incompatibility with the lifestyle specific to a long term relationship, where whether or not you are a nursemaid , you’re sometimes have to do what you don’t want to do and to put up with another.

 

I also did give the benefit of the doubt to a44 yo man who never had a relationship longer than 3 months but swore up and down that finally FINALLY is ready to settle down ina LTR. He dumped me after 3 months ?What made me think I’m so special ? He’d been dating a lot .

 

As for the divorcees I’m not saying everyone is sane or great but even if they say they don’t want to marry again blah blah most also have patterns, they tend to be relationship oriented and they end up in another LTR. Or are much more likely to.

 

Again , this speaks only of ability and will to be in a LTR , nothing else. From there on it depends of the individual compatibility etc

[BluEyeL]

But people can easily tell a white lie about their relationship history. She could have said she had a long-term relationship quite a few years back.

She could have. But the question was would this be a red flag if the information was available. I say yes.at least she’s not a liar.

[olivetree]

I'm going to go against the grain here.

 

If a man in his 30's told me his longest relationship was 7 months, I'd see it as a red flag - not that I think there is anything wrong with him but that we are likely incompatible.

 

It's highly likely (not 100%) he either can't keep a relationship going or he hasn't prioritized love.

[CptInsano]

Do you mind telling us those reasons? I'd be curious to know.

 

That woman showed a huge discrepancy between her self-Image and what her current life had become. She was still looking for the type of guy who got away 25 years ago. She was also still living with her parents and had progressed into adulthood only to a small degree, which ultimately caused her to look down on the "old men" around her, who were actually her age.

 

You cannot become part of somebody's life if that person is living in the past.

[GreenTea937]

Idk what you are looking for but I dont think you two are compatible. I agree with other posters who said that atleast she doesnt have baggage, a bunch of baby daddies, etc. She seems smart that she can walk away from bad men and bad relationships. She actually seems like a strong woman.

 

You sound like a kidney doctor I had one date with. The whole date he asked me to name the last five relationships and why they didnt work out. I peaced out mid lunch.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I am close to 30 and I have had 1 relationship that lasted almost a year, currently in a relationship. I have struggled finding a nice guy to be w/, someone who will respect me, have my beliefs and won't just use me for sex. Give her a chance and feel her out.

[fieldoflavender]

What is up with discussing old relationships this early in the game? I mean if it happens to come up, okay then. But unless you have 3 ex-wives you are paying alimony to and 5 kids and that should be declared in the first date, then what gives?

 

I don't think I want to hear about someone's ex or opposite gender "best friend" at all in the first date. Save it for later.

 

And I'm more determined to escape settling. How many desperate people in this world settle or don't end bad relationships? It's way easier to stay status quo than rock the boat? I overstayed my last relationship because of those reasons. It was 9 months - should I be "prouder"? I'm actually more ashamed I didn't end it at 4 months. Duration means nothing. If someone in their 30's was dating someone for 5 years, I would question it more - do you have commitment problems?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I had a two year relationship from 18-20 then I didn't have a relationship again till 32 for when I dated someone for 2 months and then 9 months later I dated someone for 9 months and 5 months later after that just started dating someone again.

 

The guys that dated me didn't see my long stretch of singleness like an employment gap on my resume. They didn't judge me at all. In fact one of my exes said he preferred it.

I think at the end of the day, you asked a question and she told you the truth. Sure, you have the right to view it as a red flag or be curious about it but you may miss out on someone fantastic and outstanding due to being a bit critical of someone not meeting some societal expectations of having enough experience or long term relationships for someone whose thirty six.

Maybe give her a chance and actually get to know her. Because from my experience, theyll be plenty of guys willing to date her and not care about her dating history or lack there of.

[TheFinalWord]

I recently started dating this girl. She is 36. Born and raised in the US. Yet her longest relationship in her life has been 7 months. I am confused AF

 

I always ask this question( How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it) to see what a girls relationships have been like, what I should be aware of, if we are the same page on relationships, I do not want to waste my time or hers.

 

even MD's and super successful career and business minded people I know have done better, much longer.

 

focusing on a career is not a viable excuse. Though that was her excuse when i asked her about it....She just has a normal white collar Management job.

 

if she was 18-23 I guess I would have more slack for her lack of commitment , maybe she just played around in college......

 

but 7 months?

 

My relationships after age 24 have been

2 years

4 years

1 year

 

Am i seeing red flags for no reason?

 

That's one way to look at it. I've always found it weird to hear people that have had multi-year relationships and then break up. I wonder why did it take so long to figure out you weren't compatible? You've gone years together, what could have changed at year 3 that didn't come up in years 1 and 2? I've always been able to tell in a few months. I guess it's a matter of perspective.