Mkn1010 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 OMG I just need to say how inaccurate the male perspectives here are about a female not being interested if she hasn't dropped her undies after a few dates.... that is just completely ridiculous and shows serious insecurity if you ask me! I am a woman and so bloody glad I'm dating a good guy who has waited 7 dates so far for me! ***FYI fellas: some women actually have values and respect for their bodies (not to mention avoiding STIs) and don't bang randoms off the net who they have been in the presence of 4 times*** 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 OMG I just need to say how inaccurate the male perspectives here are about a female not being interested if she hasn't dropped her undies after a few dates.... that is just completely ridiculous and shows serious insecurity if you ask me! I am a woman and so bloody glad I'm dating a good guy who has waited 7 dates so far for me! ***FYI fellas: some women actually have values and respect for their bodies (not to mention avoiding STIs) and don't bang randoms off the net who they have been in the presence of 4 times*** That is not accurate at all. She hasn't initiated any phone call. Only simple text. She has not initiated any dates or get togethers. IN 4 OPPORTUNITIES. She is not there. Sorry OP. But it's true. When I had my first LTR back long ago. (In a galaxy far, far away) Sorry, I had too. Anyways, after the first date of just talking until the sun rose. I went home we kinda hugged but that was it. I waited to call as I used the 48 hour rule for call backs. She ended up calling me the next day. She wanted to know how I was and excited for our next encounter. We were together for 5 years....YMMV Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 That is not accurate at all. She hasn't initiated any phone call. Only simple text. She has not initiated any dates or get togethers. IN 4 OPPORTUNITIES. She is not there. Sorry OP. But it's true. When I had my first LTR back long ago. (In a galaxy far, far away) Sorry, I had too. Anyways, after the first date of just talking until the sun rose. I went home we kinda hugged but that was it. I waited to call as I used the 48 hour rule for call backs. She ended up calling me the next day. She wanted to know how I was and excited for our next encounter. We were together for 5 years....YMMV Maybe that's true for you but the guy I'm seeing has initiated 80% or more of our convos and ALL of our dates. And yes, I'm SUPER KEEN! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Maybe that's true for you but the guy I'm seeing has initiated 80% or more of our convos and ALL of our dates. And yes, I'm SUPER KEEN! like you i also find it disheartening when theres comments like" dont put that much effort in " like its ...a comp to do the least amount of work or something.... i think its quite normal...for a guy to show interest and call when he wants to call not hang back going i have to wait for her call i called last time like a girl would in the initial stages..... i feel in the initial stages its quite common for guys to chase..personally it shows commitment and drive..i need to see the fight in the fighter.......strength to be vulnerable and be confident and thats what i look for with men...that commitment to set things up shows determination and spirit......it becomes more equal later....i respect a guy who doesnt give up .........normally means he is invested...then....i feel we could go somewhere ...if his drive could match mine and the effort i will put in ........im not interested in knocking boots till much much later.....after i know him well enough to trust him to be long term material...as in life partner..deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 like you i also find it disheartening when theres comments like" dont put that much effort in " like its ...a comp to do the least amount of work or something.... i think its quite normal...for a guy to show interest and call when he wants to call not hang back going i have to wait for her call i called last time like a girl would in the initial stages..... i feel in the initial stages its quite common for guys to chase..personally it shows commitment and drive..i need to see the fight in the fighter.......strength to be vulnerable and be confident and thats what i look for with men...that commitment to set things up shows determination and spirit......it becomes more equal later....i respect a guy who doesnt give up .........normally means he is invested...then....i feel we could go somewhere ...if his drive could match mine and the effort i will put in ........im not interested in knocking boots till much much later.....after i know him well enough to trust him to be long term material...as in life partner..deb Couldn't agree more! Great way to articulate it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 In this vein, beta is supplicating and subordinating your own wants and desires to those of the prospective female. What you want from an interaction is equally as valid and important as what they might want. If no minds meet, move on. As men we're programed to serve and protect so we have to balance that programing against what we want out of mating. It's 'nice' to sacrifice ourselves at the altar of another's wants or whims. Noble. Chivalrous. Up to you what you want to do. My worst fears were correct: “Hey, so I’ve had a really nice time hanging out with you, but to be totally honest, I ended a long term relationship/engagement not long before I met you. I thought I was ready to start dating again but I just don’t think I’m up for it yet. “ What do I do now? I want to call her and discuss, be bold be different Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I'd do nothing more than acknowledge the contact and wish her well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 My worst fears were correct: “Hey, so I’ve had a really nice time hanging out with you, but to be totally honest, I ended a long term relationship/engagement not long before I met you. I thought I was ready to start dating again but I just don’t think I’m up for it yet. “ What do I do now? I want to call her and discuss, be bold be different In my experience, there's not really anything you can do at this point to change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Uhhh... I just posted a similar thread but I'm the woman. Haven't read all the responses so hope the below makes some sense for someone. We've been on 8 dates already and it's starting to piss me off that my man is not MORE touchy and daring or so. We expect men to initiate in the beginning, and if they don't, it kinda raises red flags. Of course we still expect respecting boundaries, but men that are not that affectionate can also be a turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Don't call her, just wish her well. You don't want someone on the rebound who is not ready for anything. She's obviously not over her ex. And if it's an excuse, there's nothing you could do to change her mind anyway. Not a good prospect either way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I think she’s not interested. I’d move on and not have a stupid talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 OMG I just need to say how inaccurate the male perspectives here are about a female not being interested if she hasn't dropped her undies after a few dates.... that is just completely ridiculous and shows serious insecurity if you ask me! I am a woman and so bloody glad I'm dating a good guy who has waited 7 dates so far for me! ***FYI fellas: some women actually have values and respect for their bodies (not to mention avoiding STIs) and don't bang randoms off the net who they have been in the presence of 4 times*** Lots of generalisations going on in both camps to be honest. If two grown ups want to sleep with each other: They should. Arbitrary rules doesn’t help anyone. Yes, if you aren’t ready; wait - but don’t wait because of rule Y. Using sex as some form of reward for good behaviour - that’s at best disrespectful to ones own desires and at worst manipulative and cynical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 In my experience, there's not really anything you can do at this point to change her mind. I feel super embarrassed. I went to a networking event with an open bar and got super drunk last night. I ended up calling her around 1130 pm. She didn’t answer and I sent a couple of super lame texts: “Why don’t we chat on the phone or get some coffee? Sounds like you’ve had an interesting rodeo to say the least.” “You’re the most interesting woman I’ve met in a while, it’s really unfortunate” Hahahah, at least the probability of making anything happen was low or non-existent. I’m super disappointed, but I believe this explains her apprehensive nature pretty well. I really did get excited about her though. I thought about apologizing for the late call and stuff but it’s probably not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 No don’t apologize. You need to move on and let this One go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 No don’t apologize. You need to move on and let this One go. I am really having a hard time letting this go. Does anyone think it’s worth a shot? I’m really mad at myself for drunk calling/texting! Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I am really having a hard time letting this go. Does anyone think it’s worth a shot? I’m really mad at myself for drunk calling/texting! You could try (would not recommend it, though), but I definitely wouldn't get my hopes up at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I am really having a hard time letting this go. Does anyone think it’s worth a shot? I’m really mad at myself for drunk calling/texting! No, you need to let it go... She is not into you. You made a fool of yourself for the drunk calling/texting. You need to keep your self-respect in tack and just move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 No, you need to let it go... She is not into you. You made a fool of yourself for the drunk calling/texting. You need to keep your self-respect in tack and just move on. Did what I say sound all that bad? I didn’t leave a message when I called, it wasn’t absurdly late either. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Did what I say sound all that bad? I didn’t leave a message when I called, it wasn’t absurdly late either. Good grief yes... get a grip, you blew this one, OK????? You drunk called and texted, it was done forever once you did that. Have you ever been in a relationship, at all? My young brother, you have so much to learn. Yes, leave this one be. Start with a new girl and use what you should have learned here to do better next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I would be so annoyed at you if I were her because just you can't get the message. She is not interested. Is this the only available woman to date where you live? If not just move on and leave her alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Drunk calling and texting? Dude, you’ve been on four dates…you’re way too invested. If you dislike ghosting, don’t be that guy that makes ghosting seem like a good idea by trying to debate with her and convince her to be attracted to you. She told you what’s up, now do your part and respect her decision. Delete her number and move on. Anything else is embarrassing yourself and reaffirming her decision in her mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 (edited) Good grief yes... get a grip, you blew this one, OK????? You drunk called and texted, it was done forever once you did that. Have you ever been in a relationship, at all? My young brother, you have so much to learn. Yes, leave this one be. Start with a new girl and use what you should have learned here to do better next time. I’ve been on a ridiculous number of dates over the past year. She was a stand out. I hadn’t felt that excited about anyone in a very long time.after our third date, she was all I could think about. It was such an oddly strong feeling that I didn’t know was still in me, so yeah, it just felt very different, sorry for being human. I did reach out to her one final time. I apologized for calling late. Said I had fun getting to know her a little, and told her to contact me if she changes her mind. Interestingly, she replied back saying she had also had fun but just needed more time. I know there was a great connection there, circumstances suck! Edited December 15, 2017 by DMVeep Link to post Share on other sites
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