He’s still all on his ex’s social media. Should I be worried?

[Leojax]

Sweetie, this has red flags and bright orange caution cones ALL OVER IT!

 

Aliens on Mars can see that this is a train wreck in the making for heaven's sake.

 

Time to abort.

 

How does this have red flags all over it? It’s just casual fun/dating. The guy in question doesn’t want his ex girlfriend so what’s the big deal?

[Emmafive]

Ehhh not really, except that she’s still part of their group I guess.

 

So the breakup wasn’t that long ago

They really loved each other

This guys best friend’s gf is asking the ex to do something. They weren’t really close before.

 

Unless the gf is socially awkward/inept more than likely she had to have asked either her boyfriend/the best friend of your guy or the guy you’re seeing/ex boyfriend if this way okay to do. Someone said sure aka they have no problem with her still being around. If your guy or his friend thought she shouldn’t/didn’t want her to be around she wouldn’t have asked the ex gf. I hope all of that made sense haha. Bottom line they still feel like they want her around in some form or fashion; the ex still wants her around.

 

 

Again, this is just how I view it.

[kendahke]

Ehhh not really, except that she’s still part of their group I guess.

 

and if she's getting invites from those within the group, that means they see something afoot that you don't between the two of them.

[kendahke]

How does this have red flags all over it? It’s just casual fun/dating. The guy in question doesn’t want his ex girlfriend so what’s the big deal?

 

No, he does want her and he's doing the usual human nature stuff guys do when they're the one who was dumped and they weren't ready for the relationship to be over.

 

A guy who is truly done with his ex WHO DUMPED HIM doesn't tell her he still loved her, he doesn't keep in contact with her and he doesn't stay connected through social media. He goes NC.

 

OP's dude is marking time with her until his ex says the right thing for him to get back with her.

[Noproblem]

you are his rebound girl.

Or worse, you are the girl that is used to spark jealousy in the heart of the ex soon to be girlfriend again.

[Leojax]

Hmm. Have you ever seen him or has your friend told you that he looks at her Snapchat (I’m assuming you all use that as well)?

[zawadi16]

Hmm. Have you ever seen him or has your friend told you that he looks at her Snapchat (I’m assuming you all use that as well)?

 

Yea she told me he does that as well.

[zawadi16]

No, he does want her and he's doing the usual human nature stuff guys do when they're the one who was dumped and they weren't ready for the relationship to be over.

 

A guy who is truly done with his ex WHO DUMPED HIM doesn't tell her he still loved her, he doesn't keep in contact with her and he doesn't stay connected through social media. He goes NC.

 

OP's dude is marking time with her until his ex says the right thing for him to get back with her.

 

I was told (not by him) that he doesn’t go back when a relationship is over.

[Leojax]

[/b]

 

I was told (not by him) that he doesn’t go back when a relationship is over.

 

Ehhh people say that all the time so I’d take that with a grain of salt.

[Leojax]

No, he does want her and he's doing the usual human nature stuff guys do when they're the one who was dumped and they weren't ready for the relationship to be over.

 

A guy who is truly done with his ex WHO DUMPED HIM doesn't tell her he still loved her, he doesn't keep in contact with her and he doesn't stay connected through social media. He goes NC.

 

OP's dude is marking time with her until his ex says the right thing for him to get back with her.

 

Good insight, but don’t you think he’s just liking his ex’s posts because he’s genuinely happy for her? I know you said he’s doing it to keep a connection/attention, but isn’t he more than likely liking her pictures because he’s happy for her. Happy/relieved to see that she’s okay.

[heavenonearth]

Generally i would say to not give too much credence to social media activities. My boyfriend is friends with his ex on fb, why shouldn’t they be? He likes pictures of other women too, and so he does of other men, families, babies, animals, you get the gist.

 

But the issue here is not the social media activity but the fact he’s only been single for a week when you met.

 

You’re the rebound. Clearly.

Please do yourself the favor and don’t get too invested in this guy. Otherwise you may have your heart broken sooner rather than later.

[zawadi16]

Generally i would say to not give too much credence to social media activities. My boyfriend is friends with his ex on fb, why shouldn’t they be? He likes pictures of other women too, and so he does of other men, families, babies, animals, you get the gist.

 

But the issue here is not the social media activity but the fact he’s only been single for a week when you met.

 

You’re the rebound. Clearly.

Please do yourself the favor and don’t get too invested in this guy. Otherwise you may have your heart broken sooner rather than later.

 

Thanks. So you’re saying him liking her posts doesn’t mean anything?

[Leojax]

He is obviously still hot for her.

 

Since when has a ‘like’ meant you still have the for an ex, especially if he like his previous exes posts was well? He’s probably just letting his current ex know that there’s no hard feelings and he’s just being cordial.

[kendahke]

[/b]

 

I was told (not by him) that he doesn’t go back when a relationship is over.

 

They aren't him and they aren't privy to the conversations he's having with his ex, despite what either of them are telling you or what your friend thinks he/she knows.

 

He's acting like a guy who wants back in and he's doing it by making indirect connection. He keeps planting his hooks.

 

Stomp what he or your friend is saying.

[kendahke]

Good insight, but don’t you think he’s just liking his ex’s posts because he’s genuinely happy for her? I know you said he’s doing it to keep a connection/attention, but isn’t he more than likely liking her pictures because he’s happy for her. Happy/relieved to see that she’s okay.

 

From post #1:

They broke up in early October. I do know she broke up with him

 

I'd agree if he wasn't the one who was dumped.

 

People who are dumped don't get the emotional running head start that the dumper has when the break up goes down. They play emotional catch up and tend to not want to let go. If the one who dumped them gives them any inkling of connection, then they hold onto it like a life raft.

 

And as heavenonearth pointed out, he'd only been broken up for a week when OP floated past and he swam for her raft. He was no where near being in the right head space to move forward in a romantic capacity in his life. That was a selfish move on his part.

Edited December 15, 2017 by kendahke

[Leojax]

From post #1:

 

 

I'd agree if he wasn't the one who was dumped.

 

People who are dumped don't get the emotional running head start that the dumper has when the break up goes down. They play emotional catch up and tend to not want to let go. If the one who dumped them gives them any inkling of connection, then they hold onto it like a life raft.

 

Yes she broke up with him, but he rejected her when she tried to patch things up. So now isn’t she the dumpee and he the dumper? Him rejecting her changed the dynamics.

[kendahke]

Yes she broke up with him, but he rejected her when she tried to patch things up. So now isn’t she the dumpee and he the dumper? Him rejecting her changed the dynamics.

 

No, it didn't. That was pride on his part.

 

If he had the courage of his convictions instead of the vanity of his pride, he's just leave her be and focus on OP 100% and not give OP anything like a reason to doubt his feelings for her.

 

That's not going on.

[Emmafive]

Originally Posted by Leojax View Post

Yes she broke up with him, but he rejected her when she tried to patch things up. So now isn’t she the dumpee and he the dumper? Him rejecting her changed the dynamics. [/Quote]

No, it didn't. That was pride on his part.

 

If he had the courage of his convictions instead of the vanity of his pride, he's just leave her be and focus on OP 100% and not give OP anything like a reason to doubt his feelings for her.

 

That's not going on.

 

This. The ex seriously wounded his ego when she broke up with him. He didn’t really want to turn her away. He wanted to punish but went too far.

 

I bet all of money that he’s not thinking how he turned her away. In his mind he’s thinking how she broke up with him. He felt good about turning her away in that moment but clearly by him incessantly messaging her the same day he still felt like the dumpee, not the dumper.

 

I also bet all of my money this man is miserable right now. He’s definitely the dumpee.

 

Good insight, but don’t you think he’s just liking his ex’s posts because he’s genuinely happy for her? I know you said he’s doing it to keep a connection/attention, but isn’t he more than likely liking her pictures because he’s happy for her. Happy/relieved to see that she’s okay. [/Quote]

 

If he wanted to be friendly or cordial he would have said thanks or thanks you too to her well wishes about him ‘moving on’. Instead he was kind of a a$$, but let’s forget that part for a second. More importantly, someone who wants to be friendly isn’t going to try and make you jealous or throw another person in your face a few weeks after a breakup.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Emmafive

[Leojax]

No, it didn't. That was pride on his part.

 

If he had the courage of his convictions instead of the vanity of his pride, he's just leave her be and focus on OP 100% and not give OP anything like a reason to doubt his feelings for her.

 

That's not going on.

 

Oh I see now.

 

So my ex broke up with me, then tried to return and contacted me crying saying she still wanted to be with me but confessed she broke up with me because she cheated. I, of course, rejected her. She’s in the same social circle as my good friends from school (we’re actually both going go be in our friend’s wedding). I kept her on social media and liked her posts months later after the breakup.

 

So are you saying that I wasn’t the dumper? All this time I thought I was haha. Also, me liking her posts months later did that mean I was still trying to have a connection with her?

[Mx12345]

I'm with you OP, I HATE social media. Unfortunately, its the world we live in these days.

 

 

My advice is just because he turned her down (and he may really mean that, that he does not want to be back with her) doesn't mean his heart has had time to heal from it. Him still liking/viewing/commenting on her social media is a CLEAR indication that he has not moved on. And how could he? As much as someone may want to heal from a break up, only time can actually do that, and there has not been enough time between the breakup and you meeting him.

 

 

If you are just interested in casually dating him then proceed. But if you are really starting to like him, just know, he is NOT over her.

[Mx12345]

 

 

 

I’m trying to tell myself it’s just him liking the content. He’ll like his other ex’s pictures too, but she’s from years ago. He’ll even like pictures of old flings that didn’t work out, so maybe he’s just weird?

 

 

 

So I just read this part. You guys are not exclusively dating, but please, watch out for this behavior if you decide to move forward with this guy. What kind of pictures is he liking? A night out with her and her girlfriends, her hiking through the woods, or her selfies where she looks gorgeous? I just got out of an exclusive dating situation where he would like the selfies of girls he had short term flings with (he was the type who would message a girl on online dating then immediately add them to social media, so he had tons of girl "friends" on his profile, some he had never even met in person.) This is the first sign that a guy is not serious about you. I associate "liking" someone's picture as giving them attention. And if hes giving his attention to all these other women, it doesn't bode well for you.

[kendahke]

Oh I see now.

 

So my ex broke up with me, then tried to return and contacted me crying saying she still wanted to be with me but confessed she broke up with me because she cheated. I, of course, rejected her. She’s in the same social circle as my good friends from school (we’re actually both going go be in our friend’s wedding). I kept her on social media and liked her posts months later after the breakup.

 

So are you saying that I wasn’t the dumper? All this time I thought I was haha. Also, me liking her posts months later did that mean I was still trying to have a connection with her?

 

I"m saying what I said in my posts about OP.

[Emmafive]

Oh I see now.

 

So my ex broke up with me, then tried to return and contacted me crying saying she still wanted to be with me but confessed she broke up with me because she cheated. I, of course, rejected her. She’s in the same social circle as my good friends from school (we’re actually both going go be in our friend’s wedding). I kept her on social media and liked her posts months later after the breakup.

 

So are you saying that I wasn’t the dumper? All this time I thought I was haha. Also, me liking her posts months later did that mean I was still trying to have a connection with her?

 

Hmm. You waited months (giving yourself time to heal) after she cheated on you to start liking her things. This guy hasn't at all. It's a lot easier to emotionally move on when someone has done something egregious to you. This particular breakup was different. Did you blow her phone up right after you turned her away? Tell her you're having a hard time? Tried to make her jealous? If not, then your case is very different.

[zawadi16]

No, it didn't. That was pride on his part.

 

If he had the courage of his convictions instead of the vanity of his pride, he's just leave her be and focus on OP 100% and not give OP anything like a reason to doubt his feelings for her.

 

That's not going on.

 

Well now I really do believe that he's just liked her things to be friendly.

 

His mother passed away this time last year. I was at his house and he was getting his mail. He opened it and he looked a little funny so I asked him what was up. He said his ex sent a sympathy card for he and his family.

 

We go inside and sit down on the couch. I see him text her thanks for the letter. I think if he was still interested he would've said more than that to her.

[act00]

Why would he say more to the ex in response to the card when you're sitting right there? Any major talk/text will happen when you're not sitting right there. To me, this whole situation reads like he's keeping his foot in the door. He hasn't moved on entirely. He wants her back, but even if he doesn't want her back, he hasn't let go yet, not fully. He's still in "mourning," so to speak. You're filling in some of the empty spaces she used to fill, but he hasn't processed her out yet or fully accepted the demise of the relationship, even if deep down he knows it just wasn't going to work. This is normal processing, and these things take time. They broke up so recently.

 

You're very uncomfortable with this continued contact through social media, and I think you need to pay attention to that. If you want to continue dating him, that's fine, but be careful and try not to get too invested because I don't know that his heart is truly in it right now. Right now it's hot and new, but a couple months from now, when things start to get real, you won't measure up to what he had with his GF (because he's not over her), and maybe he'll decide he needs to take a break from dating or he'll meet someone new, get that sparkly newness again.

 

Another question is how you feel about a boyfriend maintaining friendships with exes? Six months from now, if he's still liking all her posts and chatting with her, how do you think this will go over for you? Are you okay with it? He still maintains contact with a remote ex from years ago, and I think this bothers you as well. I wouldn't be okay with it, though there are situations where it isn't all bad, but it doesn't sit well with me. Six months from now, how well will it go over when you're telling your boyfriend to knock it off. What's happening now is a preview of the future. What's your comfort zone. Will there be communication around it, so you're more secure?