Complex Friendship and Possible Relationship don't want to screw up

[carhill]

Yep, R's don't go backwards if they're healthy. They progress or end.

 

BTW, pissing her off, if a blow off does (no one can read her mind), creates an emotional response and memory. She may be pissed at you but she remembers you and that you pissed her off and went to the rave by yourself. There are women at this rave, right?

[andrewimecs]

Yep, R's don't go backwards if they're healthy. They progress or end.

 

BTW, pissing her off, if a blow off does (no one can read her mind), creates an emotional response and memory. She may be pissed at you but she remembers you and that you pissed her off and went to the rave by yourself. There are women at this rave, right?

 

I understand and of course there are women. But i do not want to been seen as a douche bag.

[carhill]

Impossible to navigate the minefield of what a woman does or doesn't feel about you. Even the best laid formulas are subject to the vagaries of human nature and its unpredictability.

 

I messed with this stuff a lot decades ago and finally, long before the internet came about, figured out to live my own life and whatever women did, they did.

 

I dabble in it now, mostly for sport. Women are fun to play with, not in a mean way but an equally vagary of the moment way, the way they've always treated me. Good luck with your process!

[andrewimecs]

Impossible to navigate the minefield of what a woman does or doesn't feel about you. Even the best laid formulas are subject to the vagaries of human nature and its unpredictability.

 

I messed with this stuff a lot decades ago and finally, long before the internet came about, figured out to live my own life and whatever women did, they did.

 

I dabble in it now, mostly for sport. Women are fun to play with, not in a mean way but an equally vagary of the moment way, the way they've always treated me. Good luck with your process!

 

That is a fair statement and I need to live by that but right now I am in my own world. I am stuck between getting over something or pursuing it. Peronally I feel lile I am losing my mind because I really want her but dont know how to get her or even get over her. When you care about something I believe its almost impossible to get rid of it in your mind bad or good it takes awhile to adjust especially if emotions are involved. You find a cute dog and it dies suddenly after having it for 2 weeks you become devastated. I am at that faze that something has died and I want it back but i dont know how to get it back. Of course the person is alive but i mean the relationship is dead of course! But i believe there is always a way. I have a lot to learn but I also experienced way too much!

[alphamale]

That is a fair statement and I need to live by that but right now I am in my own world. I am stuck between getting over something or pursuing it. Peronally I feel lile I am losing my mind because I really want her but dont know how to get her or even get over her. When you care about something I believe its almost impossible to get rid of it in your mind bad or good it takes awhile to adjust especially if emotions are involved. You find a cute dog and it dies suddenly after having it for 2 weeks you become devastated. I am at that faze that something has died and I want it back but i dont know how to get it back. Of course the person is alive but i mean the relationship is dead of course! But i believe there is always a way. I have a lot to learn but I also experienced way too much!

 

girls like men who are confident, have backbones and stand up for themselves...

[andrewimecs]

girls like men who are confident, have backbones and stand up for themselves...

 

I agree for sure and I am working on that but its tought right now. Emotions get the best of me right now.

[alphamale]

I agree for sure and I am working on that but its tought right now. Emotions get the best of me right now.

 

well, good luck man, we're all rooting for you

[NuevoYorko]

Maybe you don't need to treat her (or any woman) like ****. It's possible that your relationship wasn't working for her for valid reasons - the ones she told you. Learn from this and behave differently next time.

[andrewimecs]

well, good luck man, we're all rooting for you

 

Thank you I appreciate that!

[andrewimecs]

Maybe you don't need to treat her (or any woman) like ****. It's possible that your relationship wasn't working for her for valid reasons - the ones she told you. Learn from this and behave differently next time.

 

Ya it is true but I dont know how to act anymore. Everything is confusing and right now I want her to be honest and will do anything get her. I want to stretch out my options and try everything to re attract her. Once i do that then I will move on! I dont't want to go down without a fight!

[jjgitties]

1st, 2nd, 3rd, and home run. We did everything together.

 

i fail to understand how you managed to do all the above if you posted you could not get an erection?

 

you sound a little disillusioned with what is attraction and what is romance. i think its best you move on and meet other young women your age and gain more experience.

 

btw.. clingy never works out. trust me. think about it. imagine if you met a girl and she became too clingy to you off the bat. would you be attracted or repulsed by it?

[andrewimecs]

i fail to understand how you managed to do all the above if you posted you could not get an erection?

 

you sound a little disillusioned with what is attraction and what is romance. i think its best you move on and meet other young women your age and gain more experience.

 

btw.. clingy never works out. trust me. think about it. imagine if you met a girl and she became too clingy to you off the bat. would you be attracted or repulsed by it?

 

The first time we had sex I had an erection and we did all of the above and I also had alcohol in my system. After that i could not get an erection after for about 3 aessions.

 

And ya I understand what you are saying but I kist want hsr so bad! How do I get out of this mental state of wanting her so bad !?

[sdraw108]

you should be scoping out/talking to other chicks

 

You should be aware that this sort of thing only works on a certain kind of girl. For me personally, those aren't the kind of girls I would want to date, so this would be a terrible strategy. Might work for you, but I'd give it some proper thought.

[William]

Stopping by to direct members, thanks to a report by an eagle-eyed member, to a link moderation inserted into the starting post directing to some background on the sexual issue, which will appropriately remain in our sex forum. Please continue!

[jjgitties]

The first time we had sex I had an erection and we did all of the above and I also had alcohol in my system. After that i could not get an erection after for about 3 aessions.

 

And ya I understand what you are saying but I kist want hsr so bad! How do I get out of this mental state of wanting her so bad !?

 

everyone is different. but if you are a young guy and you weren't able to get an erection when trying to have sex with a girl you thought liked (assuming you weren't high or stoned at the time) ... that usually doesn't bode very well. it means she does not trigger sexual instincts in you.

 

you get your mind off people by finding other things for your mind to focus on and do. you keep doing them until you have placed enough space and time between you and the memories of that person and you gradually forget. it works every time. time heals everything (more or less).

 

[andrewimecs]

You should be aware that this sort of thing only works on a certain kind of girl. For me personally, those aren't the kind of girls I would want to date, so this would be a terrible strategy. Might work for you, but I'd give it some proper thought.

 

This is what I was told as well!

[andrewimecs]

everyone is different. but if you are a young guy and you weren't able to get an erection when trying to have sex with a girl you thought liked (assuming you weren't high or stoned at the time) ... that usually doesn't bode very well. it means she does not trigger sexual instincts in you.

 

you get your mind off people by finding other things for your mind to focus on and do. you keep doing them until you have placed enough space and time between you and the memories of that person and you gradually forget. it works every time. time heals everything (more or less).

 

 

Honestly everytime we cuddled, made out and played around I would get an erection no problem but when the panties came off i would freeze and get anxiety and worry about how i perform or even the the thought of getting an erection would make me limp. I believe I have sexual performance anxiety. I have had sexual encounters with about 4 different girls since my ex and each time i could not get it up. Whem I am alone and think about it I get an erection easily and finish with masterbation no problem.

 

I also want her as a friend at least because we have the same social circle and I want her in my life. She did not harm me just rejected me thats all.

[jjgitties]

Whem I am alone and think about it I get an erection easily and finish with masterbation no problem.

 

 

^^ this is your problem. online porn! it causes the problems you have when you interact with real human beings.

[andrewimecs]

^^ this is your problem. online porn! it causes the problems you have when you interact with real human beings.

 

I have not watched porn in a month. I have performance anxiety!

[Yosemite]

Ya it is true but I dont know how to act anymore. Everything is confusing and right now I want her to be honest and will do anything get her. I want to stretch out my options and try everything to re attract her. Once i do that then I will move on! I dont't want to go down without a fight!

 

So you want to get her back so that you can dump her? Is that what you mean? Doesn't sound very nice.

 

Look at the reasons that she gave you for breaking up, they sound like valid reasons and you haven’t fixed any of them. I don’t think she’ll want you back until you make major changes and even then it’s a long shot.

 

Sometimes it's easier to pretend that there's a chance to get her back than to face the fact that it's over and work on the issues that contributed to the break up.

 

Good luck OP.

[andrewimecs]

So you want to get her back so that you can dump her? Is that what you mean? Doesn't sound very nice.

 

Look at the reasons that she gave you for breaking up, they sound like valid reasons and you haven’t fixed any of them. I don’t think she’ll want you back until you make major changes and even then it’s a long shot.

 

Sometimes it's easier to pretend that there's a chance to get her back than to face the fact that it's over and work on the issues that contributed to the break up.

 

Good luck OP.

 

That is honestly not what I meant at all i meant to say i want to try all options to get her back and if I cant get her back I will just have to learn to move on haha.

 

Say i am working towards those changes slowly , how do I show her or how does she find out. I know my goal is to not fake these changes and legitimately work on myself but at the same time I want her knowing I am dedicated to fixing it. I dont want to seem desperate but I want her to know without actually physically telling her!

[andrewimecs]

Hello Everybody,

 

I have done a lot of reading and research on the no contact rule and pretty much understand all of it but I still have important questions. Before I get into the questions I will briefly explain my situation.

 

I was friends with a girl for about 6 months so I met her in May through mutual friends. She had a boyfriend at the time but broke up with him in August. I had no intention of dating her because we were just friends and would always party together. I can't lie we did have some underlying connection but we never spoke about it.

 

October comes around and now we are talking a lot and of course we end up admitting we like each other. From mid November until now we dated and split up. Why did we split up well she said I overwhelmed her basically being too nice and too clingy and I had sexual issues like performance anxiety (couldnt get an erection because of anxiety and stress) we did have sex a couple of times but half the time I could not get an erection.

 

The 6 months that we have known each other and 1 month we dated she kept telling me I am the best human she has ever met. She said her birthday was amazing and she loved being with me and cuddling and what not. All of her friends said to her that I was perfect for her .We had so many hilarious memories and a bunch of romantic ones like going to the christmas market. Memories that can never be forgotten.

 

She said she wanted to be friends and I said sure of course and asked a bunch of people what to do now. Everyone said if you want her back you need to give her space because she did say you overwhelmed her. I started doing research on the no contact rule and got a lot of information out of it but still have a few questions.

 

During no contact would it be possible to post on snapchat to my feed and not directly to her as well as instagram or facebook?

 

I told her I am working on myself before the break up and pretty much told her I am going to fix my issues.

 

How do I interact with her now when I see her? I can apply the no contact rule but the problem is we are in the same friends circle so we are going to see each other 100 percent. Funny thing is I am seeing her tonight because of a function we have. How do I act in terms of no contact?

 

Last questions how do I show her I have changed sexually and with being clingy? Social media but not directly to her?

 

I know no contact you have to cut them out but there was nothing on posting on your feed for everyone else and not directly to her. I also red social media is a great tool to show that you have changed or make her jealous so she can come back.

 

If she texts me, how should I act and respond?

 

If anyone knows information just tell me because I want to maximize my chances with no contact and get her back. She suffers from anxiety and depression and she said me overwhelming her made it worse and she does not want to see any dudes or be in a relationship anytime soon. When I was with her I could 100 percent tell she was falling for me. Holding hands , making out, talking about the future and taking pics together in romantic settings. I obviously ****ed it up with my overwhelming clingy behaviour and sexual performance.

 

Any suggestions for no contact in my circumstance?

[andrewimecs]

Also I forgot to mention she is extremely active on social media and if you do not like her posts especially if you know her well she will be like wtf and ask questions and be all confused. But that means I should continue to not like any of her statuses or pictures as part of no contact right?

[ExpatInItaly]

In theory, she wouldn't even be on your social media anymore if you really in No Contact.

 

Performing on social media is transparent; she will know what you're up to if you're trying to show her how happy and busy you are. Everyone knows how that works, so I wouldn't bother trying to put on a show and make her jealous.

 

I also don't think she'll be confused as to why you're not liking any of her posts. She broke up with you, so I don't think she'll be upset that you aren't validating her online. She'll understand why.

 

You say that she told you you were clingy. Can you elaborate on that? Did you call or text a lot, or always want to spend with her?

[andrewimecs]

In theory, she wouldn't even be on your social media anymore if you really in No Contact.

 

Performing on social media is transparent; she will know what you're up to if you're trying to show her how happy and busy you are. Everyone knows how that works, so I wouldn't bother trying to put on a show and make her jealous.

 

I also don't think she'll be confused as to why you're not liking any of her posts. She broke up with you, so I don't think she'll be upset that you aren't validating her online. She'll understand why.

 

You say that she told you you were clingy. Can you elaborate on that? Did you call or text a lot, or always want to spend with her?

 

I was wondering if social media was a good alternative to show that I am changing indirectly. Obviously not putting or rubbing in her face because that is douche bag move but subtle things that show I am working on my issues and make her realize damn I miss this.

 

I called, texted, and loaded her with compliments every minute. As well as when I was physically with her. I always wanted to spend time with her and make her feel like the best girl in the world by complimenting like crazy calling and texting.

 

She seemed okay with it but eventually she backed off from it. She told me shouldnt could not handle how much I overwhelmed her with affection and she did not know how to habdle or show it back because that is how she is.