4 Year Workplace Affair Ends In Heartbreak

[Been]

I think also your caught up in trying to figure out her behavior so you analyze everything she does in attempt to understand the" why" she does what she does. People like to know the why.

And when your dealing with a manipulator who is skilled they play upon that and while people looking on the outside see it your so immersed in her you don't or refuse to acknowledge all these red flags flapping on your face.

Her why is ANYTHING she does is about her and only her.

[Rainmkr555]

[/b]

 

Before that happens, though, when her present relationship ends up souring, she may be back knocking on your door. I hope you don't let her in next time! If you don't let her back in, though, she may have an epiphany! That being you are her one true love! Until you capitulate and open your heart to her again. Then, of course, she'll toss you aside! Her need will have been to prove she's desirable to you and still has the power to reel you back in!

 

She's going to respect you only when you no longer allow her to toy with you!

 

 

But there’s one thing I haven’t mentioned yet. She knows how utterly devastated I am over this whole situation. We have talked a couple of times on the phone and she’s heard me crying and how hurt I am. I’ve told her how I’m going to miss her talking to me and all our nonstop texting. She then made the comment to me that even if it doesn’t work out with this man.....she’s not going to be talking to me like that ever again. Because she feels that I misperceived her intentions and feelings for her “obviously”.

 

She’s basically trying to tell me to just get over her because even if it doesn’t work out with this guy.....me and her are not gonna have that same “friendship” that we’ve had the past 4 years. Do you agree?

[ExpatInItaly]

No, you're not going to have the same "friendship" again.

 

You really need to stop communicating with her. She is not worth your pain and tears, and you're measuring your self-worth based on what she thinks of you. That is so very unhealthy.

 

You've wasted way too much time on this woman.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Correct. After a concert and alcohol was definitely involved.

 

BTW.....I’ve heard the term “Hot Mess” a bunch in my life but I’ve never really known the exact meaning. What does it mean in regards to this woman?

 

Someone who really needs to get their **** together.

[Rainmkr555]

God.....she just came in here to my office...

 

She was looking GORGEOUS of course

 

She was all tan....So obviously she went tanning to look sexy for this guy before they went away this past weekend.....

 

She came over to me to grab some supplies that are near my desk. She asked me how I was. I just said "ok" but there was no hiding the hurt on my face.

 

After she left the office, I ran downstairs to the parking lot and pretended to throw something outside in the dumpster. She swung around in her car and saw me and pulled to the side. She asked me if I'm getting any better.....I said no not really. And then she said "You must just get over. There is nothing I can do." I asked her if we can talk.....she said "we are talking". I said "You know what I mean".....meaning I just want to text and talk to her again like before. She almost drove off when I said that but I then said her name and she stopped and looked at me and said "Yes. But it won't be like before." She then drove off.

 

I can't do this. I can't stop talking to her cuz I miss her too much.....and I can't talk to her or see her because when I do.....I just imagine her screwing this man

 

Both equally hurt a lot and I don't know what to do....

[trustyourself]

Oh man.

 

You need to realize that this woman is using and manipulating you.

 

When she needs an ego boost she hits you up, or flirts with you. And then strings you along until she needs a boost again.

 

I am asking you to please take this time to break all contact with her. If you need to communicate for work, keep it to email or texting. Short answers, all business. Do not respond to questions about your well being or anything.

 

I know you are hurting right now, but the way you are acting makes you even more unattractive in her eyes. Dont run in the parking lot to find an excuse to run in to her. Dont tell her you are not doing well. I know it hurts, but it will hurt less than being dragged along by the hook this woman has in you. Trust me, I know.

 

Only you can break the cycle here. Walk away. Hang out with friends, make new friends, exercise, take up some new hobbies.

 

We have all been where you are. It hurts. I know. But unless you change yourself, you will never heal, and she will not be attracted to your Beta Male persona that you have now. Work on yourself. Become the confident Alpha Male you can be, and you will meet someone who will recognize that and blow your socks off.

 

Good luck man.

[goldengirl11]

OP - This is just to say that your situation really reflects my situation! I too am in a painful hot mess right now, have been for 3 months now. The only differences really is that it is a man who's treated me this way and that we don't work together. So after a big bust up last month, he's not making time for me anymore. This might sound like it makes it easy for me to move on, but really it isn't. He's the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about at night, both times with a knot in my stomach. I am currently seeking counselling in person, as I don't think this online counselling really helped me that much. Better in person or over the phone I think.

I wish you the best, especially as Christmas is coming, which for me makes it harder, as there is something about then (and Valentine's day of course), when sharing it with a partner. Especially for us, when this Christmas will be different from the last few years. Hope I haven't rubbed it in more!

Edited November 20, 2017 by goldengirl11

[Rainmkr555]

****UPDATE****

 

So on Monday, as I posted earlier, this woman came to the office and of course it was painful for me to see her. Once she left I went down to the parking lot and talked her in her car before she drove off.

 

Obviously for the rest of the day I was hurt and wishing I had not seen her.

 

I went home and was expecting another night full of depression, sadness, and pain when something amazing happened.

SHE CALLED ME.

 

We talked for a good 25 minutes. At first she seemed like she was nervous about me and even told me maybe I need to get some professional help. The way she was talking about it was not in a mean way but in a caring way. I guess when I went down to the parking lot to see her before she left that day it kind of scared her. She mentioned again how she only ever wanted friendship from me and that she's not attracted to me in that way (even though she had sex with me on 3 different occasions and made out with me on 10 other occasions but she's not attracted to me apparently....but anyway). And she said that attraction is not a choice and that this man is not really her type but the first time she met him it was like "BOOM". She was instantly attracted to him.

 

So we talked and talked and I told her a bunch of times that I'm fine with just friendship with her as long as we just talk like we used too. I told her how I miss talking to her and that yes of course I want more and this whole situation has been very difficult for me and painful but I don't want her out of my life and I'm just a nice guy and there's nothing to worry about.

 

She listened and seemed like she started to feel better and in agreement to us being friends and talking again.

 

However, during our conversation she said some things and acted in a way that suggested to ME and my crazy brain that maybe she did not have the best time with this man this past weekend and perhaps her intense interest in him is fading. My intuition is most likely wrong (it normally is) but this is what happened to make me think this:

 

1) I mentioned to her that I'm on a dating website now. She had kept telling me before to go online to see what is out there. So when I told her this it seemed to make her happy. She said "well good, you are looking and I am looking."

She is "looking"? Why would she still be "looking"? I thought this guy was fantastic and she was dating him now? She should not have to be looking at all right now. I didn't ask what she meant by that but I thought that statement was pretty revealing. What do you guys think that means?

 

2) In order to assure her that I am totally fine with friendship and that I acknowledge that she is seeing someone now. I said FOUR different times during our conversation that "I'm sure this man is your boyfriend now." After each time I said this she neither confirmed nor denied that. She was just silent. She could have easily just said to me "yes he's my boyfriend" but she did not say it ONCE. She didn't even mention that they are dating during our whole conversation either.

 

3) In order to further put her mind at ease.....and to let her know that I fully acknowledge that she is seeing someone now..... I said to her that I'm sure her and this man had an absolutely wonderful time with each other this past weekend and that I'm sure she is very happy with him. She did not say AT ALL that yes I'm correct they had a great time.....she just made sighing noises while I was saying this.... which to me possibly might indicate that she is saying "well no, it actually was not as great a time as you think." Possible?

 

Anyway, the conversation ended on a pleasant note. I told her I would not bother her that evening but that I'm happy that we can be talking again.

 

The next morning (yesterday) I texted her about a work issue and thanked her for calling me and that I feel much better after talking to her and I meant what I said about us just being friends and that everything is all good as long as we can just keep talking to each other. I asked her if she also feels better after talking to me and she said "Yes :)"

 

The rest of the day we texted a little bit and then something else happened that made me think things aren't all roses between her and this new guy.

She asked me which nurse was on call this weekend (again, I work in healthcare and in my job one nurse is on call every weekend to cover visits for the other nurses if needed). I told her the nurses name and then she said "Ok good

I want to be off . I want to stay home and rest lol".....

Why did she feel it was necessary to tell me that this weekend she will just be staying home and resting? Did she think that my first thought was "oh gee. I wonder what she's doing with this new guy this weekend" and she just wanted to put my mind at ease and let me know the reason she doesn't want to work this weekend is only cuz she just wants to be home to rest?

 

Anyway, I kind of feel in a good place right now SHOCKINGLY. I just need to be strong and not act hurt anymore and work on myself and if she sees me acting like a true Alpha male now and not this weak pathetic Beta who is crying over her..... maybe her attraction and value in me will increase again. I seem to be totally fine talking to her as long as this man is not mentioned. I just need to get into the mindset that when she does mention him (i'm sure they are still dating and my intuition is wrong but what do you guys think?) to make sure I am strong and act like it does not bother me at all.

Edited November 22, 2017 by Rainmkr555

[Chi townD]

 

The rest of the day we texted a little bit and then something else happened that made me think things aren't all roses between her and this new guy.

She asked me which nurse was on call this weekend (again, I work in healthcare and in my job one nurse is on call every weekend to cover visits for the other nurses if needed). I told her the nurses name and then she said "Ok good

I want to be off . I want to stay home and rest lol".....

Why did she feel it was necessary to tell me that this weekend she will just be staying home and resting? Did she think that my first thought was "oh gee. I wonder what she's doing with this new guy this weekend" and she just wanted to put my mind at ease and let me know the reason she doesn't want to work this weekend is only cuz she just wants to be home to rest?

 

Anyway, I kind of feel in a good place right now SHOCKINGLY. I just need to be strong and not act hurt anymore and work on myself and if she sees me acting like a true Alpha male now and not this weak pathetic Beta who is crying over her..... maybe her attraction and value in me will increase again. I seem to be totally fine talking to her as long as this man is not mentioned. I just need to get into the mindset that when she does mention him (i'm sure they are still dating and my intuition is wrong but what do you guys think?) to make sure I am strong and act like it does not bother me at all.

 

 

Christ on a Bike....this was painful as hell to read. ALL OF IT!!!!!

LET THIS BITCH GO!!!! Why are you still hung up on a woman that treats you like absolute garbage! "I want to stay home and rest LOL!" You read it as, "Oh, she's trying to tell me she's not going to him this weekend" I read it as " I need to recover from what happened last weekend" Thus, rubbing your nose in it.

 

You have been her whipping boy. She doesn't give a damn about you. She has always had one foot out the door. And she only paid attention to you when SHE wanted affection, when SHE wanted an ego boost. And you keep running back to her like a puppy dog.

 

The biggest problem you have is you put her up on a pedestal. Most women do not like being on a pedestal and be elevated. Because they realize that they are looking down at you and it's much easier to walk all over you at that height. Women want to be by your side. Walking through life hand in hand. This bitch gets off on kicking you when your down. You need to stop that!

 

Anything I wrote painful to read? GOOD! Sometimes you need a smack on the back of your head to open your eyes again!

 

You need to take back control of your life and you need to distance yourself from her. Stop texting her. If you have business with her, then only do it by text. Very professional and to the point! Discuss nothing else. Do not take phonecalls from her, let them go to voicemail. Listen to the voicemails later. If they pertain to work, text her back. If they're not, IGNORE THEM! If the urge to contact her is too great, fire up the computer and come on here. Someone will always be on here to talk you through it and out of it. If she shows up to your office, make it look like you are WAY TOO busy to talk to anyone. if she asks questions, short one word answers. And she's going to try. Because she's pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. If she discovers the dog gone, she'll go looking for the dog.

 

Then, block her on all your social media. Twitter, snapchat.....especially facebook. Sooner or later, she's going to get pissed that you're ignoring her and she'll start posting pictures of her and this other guy just to get under your skin. But, you can't get pissed because "you're just friends" New flash. You're not friends. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into this with her for the ultimate outcome is that you're nothing more than a really good "friend".

 

Then, start working on YOU. You don't have to date right now. You've already admitted you look at girls and you compare them to this bitch. That's not fair to you and DEFINITELY isn't fair to the girl you would date. So, take some time and enjoy being single! Go to the gym and run on the treadmill and push weight. If you eat right, you'll be working on a rock hard bod that girls definitely like. Plus, you're working off the stress and frustrations that you're having now.

 

Then, get a new wardrobe! Be styling 24/7. Why? When people start saying, "Damn dude. Looking sharp!" IT'S GOING TO FEEL GOOD!!! It will boost your ego and help your confidence.

 

Then, get some new hobbies! Something that is going to occupy your time! Because you got way too much time on your hands if you're constantly thinking of her. With these hobbies, there's usually clubs in your area that have people with the same shared interest. JOIN THEM!!! SO, join co-ed sports, a men's soccer league, cooking classes, or get your dive certification. The key is to KEEP BUSY!!!!!

 

Then TRAVEL!!!! Go see the world! I mean, she went away for the weekend and you were probably sitting at home wondering what she was up to! Screw that!!!! Step out your front door. See something new! Think of a place you always always wanted to see. Make a plan, save and then GO!!!!

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life. You know what would be cool. If you make all of these positive changes and one day you step away from your desk. But, she comes in and looks at your desk and see's pictures of you white water rafting in West Virginia, or hiking in Yosemite, or you at the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, or a pic of you just diving the Great Barrier Reef and it's a picture of you with your arm around your dive partner that just happens to be a blonde haired, blue eyed Aussie girl that looks FANTASTIC in a wetsuit!

 

Time to heal and start living dude!

Edited November 22, 2017 by Chi townD

[sandylee1]

The simple truth is she isn't sexually attracted to you. The sex wasn't good enough for her and while you are a good enough ego boost...being 9 years younger... that's all you'll ever be.

 

She may have hoped the sex would get better every time...but it didn't for her. Being in a car like teenagers probably didn't help.

 

You didn't light her fire ... sorry to be blunt... and you're obsessed with her... that's another turn off.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, when your heart gets crushed yet again by this woman (and it will), you will at least have to concede you were warned. Come back and re-read this thread when it happens.

 

She isn't stupid; she knows you're not fine with only being her friend. She knows you're trying to make her jealous by telling her that you're on a dating website. She knows you're digging for information by mentioning her new "boyfriend." The problem with all of this is that she plays the push-pull game far better than you do, so I promise you she sees right through you and your covert attempts to appear "alpha" and fine.

 

As long as you remain fixated on her, you are passing up opportunities with better-quality women. Trust me when I say that this one is nobody special. If she were, she'd have men flocking to her. But she doesn't. Instead, she has to resort to yanking on your chain when she wants validation. Truly high-quality women don't do so.

 

You are enabling your own misery.

Edited November 22, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[Rainmkr555]

I appreciate all the concern of course.. It’s just that given the situation I’m in, having to text this woman every day and see her once in a while, cutting out total communication with her even on a personal level is very hard for me. Because, there’s no mystery of wondering whether or not she’s missing me or not. Does that make sense? Like, if I didn’t work with her and then I went full no contact, what would get me through the days is me wondering whether or not she’s actually missing me and maybe she will contact me on her own. When I have to interact with her daily and see her sometimes, that mystery is totally gone because in my mind she appears totally fine and healthy and normal and happy and not caring at all that I’m hurt or not talking to her. Which makes it worse.

 

Any opinions on my phone conversation with her 2 days ago? About the things that I wrote that she said? Any opinions on what they might mean?

[Been]

It never had anything to do with sex. She was just using him to fill a void until she deemed someone worthy enough to take up her time hence why she dropped him.

Same with the other man she met. She will ALWAYS be looking for an upgrade because in her mind they are not good enough.

[act00]

Throughout this entire, painful thread, I just wonder where in the world this "just friends" is coming from. She's messing with you. And I see this "friends" issue come up a lot with other posters, always couched with, "we flirt and cuddle, but we're 'just friends.'" Please tell me how often, with any of your other platonic friends, there's any level of sexuality, ever...flirting, touching, cuddling? When was the last time one of your guy friends plopped his legs on your lap, going commando in his loose shorts, spreading his legs to show off his junk, then recoiling with, "Whoa, dude, just friends."?? Do you see the ridiculousness of such behavior??

 

She likes the attention. She likes the feelings she gets during the time she's open to them, but she's not into you in that way, not long-term, commitment, happily ever after. She likes the hot, she likes the feelings, and she likes the attention, and then she moves on. That's not to say she isn't interested in you in "that way" when she has "nothing better" going on...unfortunately, this means you're a filler.

 

When she moves on, she treats you like a friend...more of a friend-friend, not a flirty, potentially-more friend, and this hurts you. Your previous dynamic disappears. Then, when this new guy doesn't work out, she's sucking all the affection and flirting, even sex and making out, out of you as she can...until the next guy rolls around.

 

It's really up to you to stop this. She doesn't know what she wants. She will constantly be a ping-pong ball, and this destroys you.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to accept that this situation with her is not going to work...ever...move on, find other things to occupy yourself, get back to the gym, etc. She probably cares that you're doing okay on the friendship level when she pulls the 180...but...she also wants to make sure you're still in her hooks for when she wants you as the backup. She'll be showing off her puder and panties in the next 4-6 months when the next boyfriend fails.

 

She creates boundaries when she needs them...sucks you back in when she's lonely.

 

Do you really want to keep up with this? You have to just make the acceptance that friends is it...either be a friend...or don't...no flirting, no sex talk, no spending time one-on-one. Just stop. Converse with her as it pertains to work and maintain that rapport, but do not stray to anything other than general pleasantries when it comes to the personal stuff that inevitably pops up with coworkers. YOU have to create the boundary and stick with it...she won't. She'll create it, cross it, adhere to it, cross it again...spread her legs...then claim "friends."

 

This is ON YOU. You just have to STOP.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to accept that four years later, it's not going to happen...ever...and why would you want to build something with someone so flighty and cruel? The level of mistrust and hurt will not go away. She's "in your face" at work, so that makes it harder, but you just have to let it go...no more chatting all day. You're not friends; you really can't be.

[Rainmkr555]

How do you do NC with someone you are soo desperate to talk to??? AND.....when they obviously have no interest in talking to you

 

I texted her Wednesday evening....I couldn't help it. I'm just soo craving her attention!!! We had a nice conversation as usual (she didn't mention anything about this man)....but the fact that I had to OF COURSE text her first....didn't make me feel all that great. Thursday morning however SHE actually did text me first. She wished me a happy thanksgiving. We talked briefly (no mention of this guy again) and that was it. Over 48 hours later though....I'm like dying for her attention again but I don't want to be the one who texts her first. Only like 6 weeks ago she would text me every day. I miss her. I know I could text her right now and she'll reply and talk to me...but it won't be the same. I'm honestly so miserable right now. I'm sure I'll break down and text her tonight and we'll have a bland non exciting "how are you" text exchange.....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How do you do NC with someone you are soo desperate to talk to??? AND.....when they obviously have no interest in talking to you

 

I texted her Wednesday evening....I couldn't help it. I'm just soo craving her attention!!! We had a nice conversation as usual (she didn't mention anything about this man)....but the fact that I had to OF COURSE text her first....didn't make me feel all that great. Thursday morning however SHE actually did text me first. She wished me a happy thanksgiving. We talked briefly (no mention of this guy again) and that was it. Over 48 hours later though....I'm like dying for her attention again but I don't want to be the one who texts her first. Only like 6 weeks ago she would text me every day. I miss her. I know I could text her right now and she'll reply and talk to me...but it won't be the same. I'm honestly so miserable right now. I'm sure I'll break down and text her tonight and we'll have a bland non exciting "how are you" text exchange.....

 

You need to find something else to focus your energy and attention on. This woman does not want you romantically. Surely there are other women out there as amazing as this one......

[Hoosfoos]

She is not your friend or lover, and you should probably find another job.

[rubyjuly]

To question 1--- hell no. Omg please do **not** go there again because you will feel more vulnerable and are giving her way too much power over you. Just try to have belief in yourself and even tho it's hard just try to bite the bullet and don't let yourself contact her.

 

2. That's hard since you work there... if I were you I would be already looking at other work options, and at same time asap get into see a counselor to help you be stronger and not consider her an option unless you are willing to accept a lot of bs and pain will go along with it.. best of luck to you

[rubyjuly]

Why do you think she’s a “psycho”? Someone else told me she may have borderline personality disorder....

 

But WHY?

 

I mean she did constantly tell me over and over we would only be friends. But I also realize her actions towards me didn’t always match those words.

 

I really wouldn't worry or wonder what disorder if any she may or may not have, its not possible for strangers on the internet or a friend or coworker etcto diagnose someone period, only a doctor or therapist who meets with her directly and evaluates her can do that

 

Anything else is a well aimed guess that could be off the mark

 

All that matters is the way she treated you and the nature of your relationship and if it was what you truly want-- I don't know you but could that really be what you want??

[BC1980]

This is a pretty bad situation. You really need to go NC from her, but you have to talk to her about work. In a nutshell, she used you for four years. You could drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, and she'd be fine. I'm not trying to be hurtful, but you need to face the facts ASAP. You need to take a good, hard look at this as objectively as you can. She has zero interest in you and this was a FWB situation that went on for 4 years until she found someone she wanted to date. She used you for an ego hit, sex, comfort, and just to eff with you mind. Someone always gets hurt in those situations. Some of the stuff she did you is downright cruel and sounds like stuff I would have done in college to eff with a guy's head.

 

I mean, to be very honest, it's going to be very difficult because you must talk to her with work. The only thing to do is you simply must not engage with her on any emotional level. At all. Ever. Like, not even a little bit. Not even talk about the weather. Work and that's it.

[Rainmkr555]

 

But how??? I'm literally addicted/obsessed with her. When we talk like we used too, I feel AMAZING. When she doesn't message me or does but is cold...I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I've just gotten soooo used to her over the past 4 years. Her always texting me and being flirty and super nice and calling me "honey" etc.....

I miss this soo much.

 

This past holiday weekend I talked to her Wednesday evening. Of course it was me who had to text her first. We had a nice conversation. Thursday morning she sent me a text first wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. We talked briefly.

Then of course all day Thursday all day Friday all day Saturday she did not try to contact me at all one time. I of course ended up contacting her on Saturday night because I was missing her. We actually had a really good conversation. And she was talking to me just like she used to. I asked what she's been up to on the weekend and she basically said she was just home resting. Making it very clear that she did not see this man. She even said good night to me in Polish just like she used to. It made me very happy.

Then of course all day yesterday Sunday she did not text me once. It seems like unless I text her first she will not talk to me. I ended up sending her a message at 9:45 last night asking her how her Sunday was and if she was able to get some rest.

She finally responded an hour later at 10:45 and all she said was "good night:)"

Basically completely ignoring my question about how her day was.

So my theory is that she saw this man yesterday and she was probably still over at his place last night when I sent that text. And rather than lie to me about what she did on Sunday she just wanted to say good night.

 

However though, she texted me this morning about work and I asked her how her Sunday was....and she said she just worked on her paperwork all day. Again no mention of this man.....

 

I'm seriously freaking lost here!! It's like all I need is for her to talk to me like she used to and I'll be totally fine. I don't even care about being with her romantically. I just want to be her good friend and have her text me on her own and not mention anything about this other guy.

 

And honestly, over the past week she's kinda made it seem like myhe she's not seeing him anymore....

But I highly doubt that's the case.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Rainmkr555

[Rainmkr555]

Look.....I know you regulars on here are tired of me posting about this. Believe me I know. You feel that there is NOTHING else to say in terms of advice. I should just go complete NC with this woman and ONLY talk about work stuff.....and slowly my pain and longing for this woman will go away.

 

But seriously.....what if I am not ready for it to go away yet? What if I still want to hold onto what I had with her in hopes of getting her to be interested in me again? Whether that be romantically or just as really good friends like we have been the past 4 years (which is what I really want).

 

Putting aside your firm belief that there is NOTHING I can do to re-attract her and that I should just move on......

Can ANYONE just humor me and give me advice on what to do to get her into me again? Or even maybe make her even MORE attracted to me than she's ever been and show her that I really can be the man that she wants? Whether you think it's impossible or even just a 1% chance....can someone please put those odds aside and just tell me what steps I should take to get her back? Please?

[Hoosfoos]

You're fooling no one dude. If you only see her as a great friend, then you would not care how often or when you get texts from her in any way shape or form. You've made it perfectly clear that you can't go without her texting you at all which is the farthest thing from a healthy friendship.

 

If she wanted you as a lover (which is actually what you want), she would stop at nothing to get you. Instead, she is merely using you as an ego boost..she gets a an emotional charge from having you feed her selfish ego. She told you from the onset that there is no chance of the two of you becoming lovers.

 

She enjoys having you wrapped around her finger, and as a man, it is up to you what you want to do about this and how to deal with it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Look.....I know you regulars on here are tired of me posting about this. Believe me I know. You feel that there is NOTHING else to say in terms of advice. I should just go complete NC with this woman and ONLY talk about work stuff.....and slowly my pain and longing for this woman will go away.

 

But seriously.....what if I am not ready for it to go away yet? What if I still want to hold onto what I had with her in hopes of getting her to be interested in me again? Whether that be romantically or just as really good friends like we have been the past 4 years (which is what I really want).

 

Putting aside your firm belief that there is NOTHING I can do to re-attract her and that I should just move on......

Can ANYONE just humor me and give me advice on what to do to get her into me again? Or even maybe make her even MORE attracted to me than she's ever been and show her that I really can be the man that she wants? Whether you think it's impossible or even just a 1% chance....can someone please put those odds aside and just tell me what steps I should take to get her back? Please?

 

At this point, I'd be much more apt to warn her that you're becoming scarily obsessed with her, if I knew who she was. You seem to be developing a stalker mindset and this is NOT healthy.

 

My only advice is to find a new job.

[Rainmkr555]

You're fooling no one dude. If you only see her as a great friend, then you would not care how often or when you get texts from her in any way shape or form. You've made it perfectly clear that you can't go without her texting you at all which is the farthest thing from a healthy friendship.

 

If she wanted you as a lover (which is actually what you want), she would stop at nothing to get you. Instead, she is merely using you as an ego boost..she gets a an emotional charge from having you feed her selfish ego. She told you from the onset that there is no chance of the two of you becoming lovers.

 

She enjoys having you wrapped around her finger, and as a man, it is up to you what you want to do about this and how to deal with it.

 

Come on bro.....I've heard all this though!! And while yes I agree with what you're saying man......What can I do to get her interested in me again? Or even get her to see that she was wrong and that I CAN be the man she wants?