veganpilot Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 My boyfriend and I had a fight. He has been pulling away recently. He told me why he was pulling away, and it was because I constantly thought he would get back with his ex and me questioning his love for me. He told me it hurts him a lot. I told him if he wanted to continue the relationship. He said he did not know what to do. I gave him space. Around midnight, he told me I deserve better than him. That he doesn't deserve me or my love. He told me that he didn't treat me the way I need to be treated. He then told me he has been suffering and battling from a long episode of depression. He told me he wants to die and nobody would care about him. He said he doesn't want to bring me down with him because he was broken. I tried to reassure him but he said he has tried to fight depression for so long and it did not work, and he didn't want to fight anymore. He thought all my kind words were lies. Then he said he is going to sleep. He did not block me on Whatsapp. Did he breakup with me or is he just depressed? What should I do?
KBob Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 He then told me he has been suffering and battling from a long episode of depression. He told me he wants to die and nobody would care about him. This doesn't sound good. He hasn't ever been suicidal, has he?
Author veganpilot Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 This doesn't sound good. He hasn't ever been suicidal, has he? No. It was only recent. He was battling depression and had self esteem issues while we were dating. But only now was when he officially told me and how bad it was affecting him. He said every time he tried staying positive it did not work.
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 It's a cry for help and no, he didn't break up with you. He is going to keep pulling away from you and may want you to pursue him to convince him life is worth living. How far away does he live? Are you a person of faith in God? 1
KBob Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 No. It was only recent. He was battling depression and had self esteem issues while we were dating. But only now was when he officially told me and how bad it was affecting him. He said every time he tried staying positive it did not work. If it's genuine depression you should be there and be supportive, that's what a good partner does. He's going through a rough time right now, show him that he's wrong about nobody caring for him. 2
coolheadal Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 My boyfriend and I had a fight. He has been pulling away recently. He told me why he was pulling away, and it was because I constantly thought he would get back with his ex and me questioning his love for me. He told me it hurts him a lot. I told him if he wanted to continue the relationship. He said he did not know what to do. I gave him space. Around midnight, he told me I deserve better than him. That he doesn't deserve me or my love. He told me that he didn't treat me the way I need to be treated. He then told me he has been suffering and battling from a long episode of depression. He told me he wants to die and nobody would care about him. He said he doesn't want to bring me down with him because he was broken. I tried to reassure him but he said he has tried to fight depression for so long and it did not work, and he didn't want to fight anymore. He thought all my kind words were lies. Then he said he is going to sleep. He did not block me on Whatsapp. Did he breakup with me or is he just depressed? What should I do? Oops Around midnight, he told me I deserve better than him. That he doesn't deserve me or my love. He told me that he didn't treat me the way I need to be treated. He then told me he has been suffering and battling from a long episode of depression. He told me he wants to die and nobody would care about him. He said he doesn't want to bring me down with him because he was broken. I tried to reassure him but he said he has tried to fight depression for so long and it did not work, and he didn't want to fight anymore. He thought all my kind words were lies. Then he said he is going to sleep. He's with his ex, you gut was right.. Made up excuse to push you away. You knew this was going down. Just the other light of the candle with him. What do you get out of all of this nothing but excuses! You don't need this sort of man. There are so many out there would be enjoy you for you and want to be with you 100%.
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Your previous posts about him: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/641115-why-does-my-boyfriend-pick-up-pointless-fights-me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/635355-do-guys-lie-about-being-virgin To me, that conversation absolutely screamed Breakup! If he really valued you, he wouldn't risk losing you. But no matter what, you weren't happy in the relationship. You didn't trust him, you thought he didn't love you, he was annoying you with stupid arguments and you thought he was lying about his virginity. It's too much drama. If you think he's at risk, call emergency services. Otherwise, cut him loose. Given that you think so poorly of him, your company could only make him feel worse about himself anyway.
Author veganpilot Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) Oops Around midnight, he told me I deserve better than him. That he doesn't deserve me or my love. He told me that he didn't treat me the way I need to be treated. He then told me he has been suffering and battling from a long episode of depression. He told me he wants to die and nobody would care about him. He said he doesn't want to bring me down with him because he was broken. I tried to reassure him but he said he has tried to fight depression for so long and it did not work, and he didn't want to fight anymore. He thought all my kind words were lies. Then he said he is going to sleep. He's with his ex, you gut was right.. Made up excuse to push you away. You knew this was going down. Just the other light of the candle with him. What do you get out of all of this nothing but excuses! You don't need this sort of man. There are so many out there would be enjoy you for you and want to be with you 100%. I gave him many opportunities to go back to his ex and we would remain friends. No hard feelings. He always pleaded me to go back to him. Telling me it hurts him whenever I tell him to give his ex another chance. A few days ago, he told me this: Stop. There’s nobody else and I completely cut my ex off. I’m done with her entirely. I blocked her on everything and it’s staying that way forever. I’m yours. I’m not gonna find anything better because 1. You’re the best. And 2. I’m not looking for anyone else. So if I never want to look then how would I end up being with anyone other then you. I love you. I really do. Some days I’m so busy and I lose track of time I don’t talk to the ones I love the most... I’m sorry. you deserve far better then me ... And he told me I am better than him throughout the relationship. And yesterday, he sent me this when I told him to go back to his ex: Sometimes I swear you try to get rid of me No matter how many times I tell you the same thing you don’t believe me. I’ve told you countless times already why I don’t date people near me. You don’t listen. It does matter how I word it or what I do you just don’t believe me. Maybe I pull away because you constantly question my love for you. Or If I play truth or dare with you i can never pick dare because you always try to get me to do something gay or humiliating. Then you keep saying that I’ll go back to my ex or I’ll find someone else. You have no idea how much that hurts. Edited November 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out PII
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) I gave him many opportunities to go back to his ex and we would remain friends. No hard feelings. He always pleaded me to go back to him. Telling me it hurts him whenever I tell him to give his ex another chance. A few days ago, he told me this: Stop. There’s nobody else and I completely cut my ex off. I’m done with her entirely. I blocked her on everything and it’s staying that way forever. I’m yours. I’m not gonna find anything better because 1. You’re the best. And 2. I’m not looking for anyone else. So if I never want to look then how would I end up being with anyone other then you. I love you. I really do. Some days I’m so busy and I lose track of time I don’t talk to the ones I love the most... I’m sorry. you deserve far better then me ... And he told me I am better than him throughout the relationship. And yesterday, he sent me this when I told him to go back to his ex: Sometimes I swear you try to get rid of me No matter how many times I tell you the same thing you don’t believe me. I’ve told you countless times already why I don’t date people near me. You don’t listen. It does matter how I word it or what I do you just don’t believe me. Maybe I pull away because you constantly question my love for you. Or If I play truth or dare with you i can never pick dare because you always try to get me to do something gay or humiliating. Then you keep saying that I’ll go back to my ex or I’ll find someone else. You have no idea how much that hurts. Oh Veganpilot, you were doing his head in! Between the depression and your behaviour, he just couldn't deal with you anymore. All that stuff about you deserving more.....I reckon it was just breakup lines. You know, the "it's not you, it's me" thing. Edited November 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit for PII ~ V 1
coolheadal Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) I gave him many opportunities to go back to his ex and we would remain friends. No hard feelings. He always pleaded me to go back to him. Telling me it hurts him whenever I tell him to give his ex another chance. A few days ago, he told me this: Stop. There’s nobody else and I completely cut my ex off. I’m done with her entirely. I blocked her on everything and it’s staying that way forever. I’m yours. I’m not gonna find anything better because 1. You’re the best. And 2. I’m not looking for anyone else. So if I never want to look then how would I end up being with anyone other then you. I love you. I really do. Some days I’m so busy and I lose track of time I don’t talk to the ones I love the most... I’m sorry. you deserve far better then me ... And he told me I am better than him throughout the relationship. And yesterday, he sent me this when I told him to go back to his ex: Sometimes I swear you try to get rid of me No matter how many times I tell you the same thing you don’t believe me. I’ve told you countless times already why I don’t date people near me. You don’t listen. It does matter how I word it or what I do you just don’t believe me. Maybe I pull away because you constantly question my love for you. Or If I play truth or dare with you i can never pick dare because you always try to get me to do something gay or humiliating. Then you keep saying that I’ll go back to my ex or I’ll find someone else. You have no idea how much that hurts. Gut tells you the truth.. I agree with you 100% he's not over his ex.. He can be in denial you know him better than we do.. Edited November 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit for PII ~ V
Author veganpilot Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 Gut tells you the truth.. I agree with you 100% he's not over his ex.. He can be in denial you know him better than we do.. My gut feeling is telling me it's not over. I don't know why.
coolheadal Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Oh Veganpilot, you were doing his head in! Between the depression and your behaviour, he just couldn't deal with you anymore. All that stuff about you deserving more.....I reckon it was just breakup lines. You know, the "it's not you, it's me" thing. BS with him he's still loves his ex and she did the right them to tell him to go back. I did this with the married women I told her to go back to husband but she's too infatuated with me. I can't do this push back and let them be. I need better she the OP needs better than him. I agree with her 100% she had to do what she thought was the best but no matter what he told her his heart is with the ex.
Author veganpilot Posted November 13, 2017 Author Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) My gut feeling is telling me I'm putting too much pressure and stress onto him while he is depressed. So he's pulling away and does not know what he wants. I don't think it's over. We talked every single day prior to this, both of us equally initiating conversation. Our relationship has been mostly positive. I gave him a lot of chances to break up with me and go back to hi ex but he keeps begging me to go back to him. And he feels hurt because he feels like I am pushing him away. It didn't happen just this time, but I said this a lot of times. I want to help him through depression but first I will give him space. I will send him inspiring messages and check in on him once in a while. He didn't remove me from FB or block me on Whatsapp so I guess he needs space. Edited November 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mortensorchid Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Despite what his issues are or are not, yes he did just break up with you. Move on. You don't need this emotional constipation which will bring you down right along side of him. He hates himself and he's coming up with a reason or excuse as to how and why he can't continue things. Let him rot in his own filth and then get double depressed later down the road why he let a good woman like you go. He deserves it.
basil67 Posted November 13, 2017 Posted November 13, 2017 Our relationship has been mostly positive. I gave him a lot of chances to break up with me and go back to hi ex but he keeps begging me to go back to him. If your relationship had been quite positive, you wouldn't have been repeatedly suggesting he go back to his ex. You would have been happy and content and not willing to risk losing him. If Coolheadal is right and he was still in love with her and you knew it, then the relationship wasn't positive. If he had absolutely no feelings for the ex but you didn't trust him and were harping on it, then the relationship wasn't positive. Between the lack of trust and stupid arguments, this thing was a disaster. 5
Recommended Posts