Husband has no interest in sex

[Silvia García]

Could just be he is afraid you will get pregnant.

 

 

I don't think so, as I've mentioned in another response, he is always talking about wanting another child. However, I do not.

[S2B]

Thank you. Yes, I think he's working too much. Besides this particular issue, I would love more time with him, the kids would like more time with him... I can see how tired he is sometimes. He's been doing this job for 16 years. I know it's terrible hours. He often goes to bed by 8-9 pm, I try to get the baby to bed by then, but I usual don't get to bed until a couple hours later.

 

You don't work at an outside the home job. Get things done earlier so you can head to bed with him and share time together.

 

The things you're doing at the end of the day can be done earlier.

 

Build intimacy so maybe he gets more interested in sex with you. Use birth control.

[BarbedFenceRider]

A couple years back, I took a second job to "help" bring in more funds. As my wife makes alot more than I. I was exhausted and not into sex at all. While I did bring more money in, I was less involved with the family and had less time for myself. Very defeating. And as for the porn. It could go both ways. A little kink or guys messing around with phones and such, no big problem. But it can ruin a libido over time and then, nothing works "down there". So, the way it was described to me was : watching porn releases dopamine into the brain. And as we constantly do this, dopamine releases get less and less. kinda like a drug addiction. This impacts emotional response and physical intimacy. It always takes more and more to get that "fix".

[Els]

He works Monday- Saturday from 4:30 am to 5:30 pm. He has always complained of just being tired from work. Also lately he's been pretty unhappy, wanting a different job.

 

So, 13 hrs a day 7 days a week = 92 hrs/wk. That's pretty darn brutal, IMO. It's not entirely surprising that sex (as in, partnered sex that actually takes effort) is the last thing on his mind in that case, especially on work days. What is stopping him from looking for a new job? If you worked part time and brought in a bit of money, would that make the transition possible for him?

 

I mean, I completely agree that sex is important, but focusing on that will be counterproductive in the long run for you guys. IMO, focus on fixing the job situation first - it's likely that better sex may follow.

[Silvia García]

You don't work at an outside the home job. Get things done earlier so you can head to bed with him and share time together.

 

The things you're doing at the end of the day can be done earlier.

 

Build intimacy so maybe he gets more interested in sex with you. Use birth control.

 

 

No, I don't work, I'm a stay at home mom. Yes, pretty much everything is done, besides the kids aren't in bed. Do you have a teen and a toddler that magically stop wanting attention when it's not real convenient? I am on birth control. We are very affectionate with each other and stay in touch during the day... I've already listed all the things I do to "build intimacy". It's lacking in his part, not mine.

[Silvia García]

A couple years back, I took a second job to "help" bring in more funds. As my wife makes alot more than I. I was exhausted and not into sex at all. While I did bring more money in, I was less involved with the family and had less time for myself. Very defeating. And as for the porn. It could go both ways. A little kink or guys messing around with phones and such, no big problem. But it can ruin a libido over time and then, nothing works "down there". So, the way it was described to me was : watching porn releases dopamine into the brain. And as we constantly do this, dopamine releases get less and less. kinda like a drug addiction. This impacts emotional response and physical intimacy. It always takes more and more to get that "fix".

 

 

Yes, it could be a combo of both things. I think, now that I've gotten some feedback and read a bunch of articles and other similar situations (posts), that he's basically being lazy. He's not wanting the extra stress or effort of worrying about my needs and making sure I feel good. Maybe he feels I want or need to much, and it's easier to just worry about himself in that manor... He's not showing any signs of an actual addiction. He's not looking while at work, it's not even daily, he easily gets an erection and maintains it, with me. I'm just mentioning a couple of things from what I've read.

[Silvia García]

So, 13 hrs a day 7 days a week = 92 hrs/wk. That's pretty darn brutal, IMO. It's not entirely surprising that sex (as in, partnered sex that actually takes effort) is the last thing on his mind in that case, especially on work days. What is stopping him from looking for a new job? If you worked part time and brought in a bit of money, would that make the transition possible for him?

 

I mean, I completely agree that sex is important, but focusing on that will be counterproductive in the long run for you guys. IMO, focus on fixing the job situation first - it's likely that better sex may follow.

 

He works 6 days a week. Yes, it's a lot of hours, he works hard. Maybe I should give that more consideration. The 2 main things keeping him from a new job are: Money. He makes really good money and he doesn't think he will find another job that pays so well. And He likes the work... He's not happy with some other people he's been working with, a couple of the bosses have turned into real jerks, plus they're paying new employees almost what he's getting paid, which he feels is unfair, since he's been there 16 years. And the hours suck. But the actual job, he enjoys. I'm willing to get a job, but he says no. He prefers me to stay home.

[Els]

He works 6 days a week. Yes, it's a lot of hours, he works hard. Maybe I should give that more consideration. The 2 main things keeping him from a new job are: Money. He makes really good money and he doesn't think he will find another job that pays so well. And He likes the work... He's not happy with some other people he's been working with, a couple of the bosses have turned into real jerks, plus they're paying new employees almost what he's getting paid, which he feels is unfair, since he's been there 16 years. And the hours suck. But the actual job, he enjoys. I'm willing to get a job, but he says no. He prefers me to stay home.

 

Ah, sorry, 78 hours a week, then. That isn't as bad as 92, but probably still understandable that he will be tired. What do you guys do on his day off?

[Silvia García]

Ah, sorry, 78 hours a week, then. That isn't as bad as 92, but probably still understandable that he will be tired. What do you guys do on his day off?

 

 

Well he likes to sleep in, which is expected. I mean he gets up at 4 am the rest of the week, so he usually "sleeps in" till 10- 11 on Sunday. Sometimes we just stay home so he can relax, watch TV, hang out with the kids. If we need to get shopping done, we'll go do that. We usually go out to dinner. That's pretty much it.

[Els]

Well he likes to sleep in, which is expected. I mean he gets up at 4 am the rest of the week, so he usually "sleeps in" till 10- 11 on Sunday. Sometimes we just stay home so he can relax, watch TV, hang out with the kids. If we need to get shopping done, we'll go do that. We usually go out to dinner. That's pretty much it.

 

Well, sleeping in is totally fine and normal, lots of couples don't have sex before 11am! But why not arrange for a date EVENING on Sunday? At least once a month, get a babysitter, go out for a date, have something slinky to wear when you get back? See if he responds in kind?

[MidlifeMama]

Silvia, I just want to say IT ISN'T YOU that is the problem. Wow. I can relate to this thread. I am sorry. This doesn't feel good, especially since you love your husband so much.

 

You have done everything you can to jump-start him and he isn't taking the bait.

 

I think your husband may be depressed. Work, and supporting a family for a man can be all-consuming and really mess with a mans head. If he isn't happy there and feels overwhelmed and tired, it will spill into other parts of his life.

 

Some of us get to be a certain age and go,"Is this all there is?"

 

I think he seriously needs to look at another job. Even if that means tightening the finances at home to do so. Sounds like a lot of pressure for him.

 

Having said that, I want to address the phone/porn thing. This is where I am a bit taken aback. He "Appears" to not have a high sex drive and yet you have offered to watch porn with him. He declines, but you find it on his phone. Many of us want to explore fantasies privately, but I think most of us would like to explore those with our partner. Can I ask you, the type of porn his history revealed? Any possibility he is gay? This has not been brought up and if you look at all you said...it's juts a thought.

 

No married man is going to tell his wife he is or thinks he is gay until or unless he is found out or can no longer have sex with his spouse at all.

 

It's just one thought of many. I hate to go there, but unfortunately it is a thought. I have had the thought about my own husband. I could have written this same thread myself, all of it. I do not suspect cheating. I constantly tell myself my spouse has a low sex drive. I tell myself he is older now, and tired from work. I tell myself he is afraid of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), which has happened only a few times, but has. I tell myself he is depressed. I tell myself he doesn't have a great body image. I tell myself it's me, he isn't attracted to me any longer. I try, and try. We talk, we try. 25 years for me and if I am honest it has always been this way in one way or another. Down to 2 times a month, if that.

 

My suggestion is counseling. Could I also put out there the possibility of depression on his part. A job search/change may also help. But think back, even if your early years were filled with tons of sex, has he really always been this way? Dig deep.

 

I feel for you. I understand the need to try and try. At some point you have to decide if it's enough. You have to decide how much he is willing to work on it or not. Right now, his job may not even allow him to put anything else on his plate..that is an issue. He will grow old and work himself to death for what?

 

You are both entitled to affection and love and sex and that is the icing on the cake, not another chore, but right now, it seems to be. Best of luck!

[BettyDraper]

It sounds like the poor guy is just very tired. His job and his schedule are both demanding. My husband went through a period where he didn't want to do anything on the weekends. He also stopped taking care of himself. The problem was he was spending more than 2 hours a day commuting to and from work. We bought a house closer to his office and that made a huge change.

 

I don't have children and one of the reasons is I don't want to lose time with my husband. You mentioned the responsibilities of parenting taking a toll. Maybe carving out adult time by getting babysitter once in a while would help.

 

If your husband isn't willing to quit his job, then you'll have to accept that your sex life will be adversely affected by his demanding career. Show some appreciation for how much he does for your family rather than focusing on sex. Respect and appreciation are aphrodisiacs for men.

[Silvia García]

Well, sleeping in is totally fine and normal, lots of couples don't have sex before 11am! But why not arrange for a date EVENING on Sunday? At least once a month, get a babysitter, go out for a date, have something slinky to wear when you get back? See if he responds in kind?

 

 

Yes, sometimes if the kids are good and occupied, I try on Sunday mornings. But that just doesn't happen too often. Yes, good idea. I think finding time, on Sunday, or Saturday night, without the kids would help quite a bit. That's our fault. Not making that a priority. I will definitely plan on that, on a regular basis if I can.

[Silvia García]

Silvia, I just want to say IT ISN'T YOU that is the problem. Wow. I can relate to this thread. I am sorry. This doesn't feel good, especially since you love your husband so much.

 

You have done everything you can to jump-start him and he isn't taking the bait.

 

I think your husband may be depressed. Work, and supporting a family for a man can be all-consuming and really mess with a mans head. If he isn't happy there and feels overwhelmed and tired, it will spill into other parts of his life.

 

Some of us get to be a certain age and go,"Is this all there is?"

 

I think he seriously needs to look at another job. Even if that means tightening the finances at home to do so. Sounds like a lot of pressure for him.

 

Having said that, I want to address the phone/porn thing. This is where I am a bit taken aback. He "Appears" to not have a high sex drive and yet you have offered to watch porn with him. He declines, but you find it on his phone. Many of us want to explore fantasies privately, but I think most of us would like to explore those with our partner. Can I ask you, the type of porn his history revealed? Any possibility he is gay? This has not been brought up and if you look at all you said...it's juts a thought.

 

No married man is going to tell his wife he is or thinks he is gay until or unless he is found out or can no longer have sex with his spouse at all.

 

It's just one thought of many. I hate to go there, but unfortunately it is a thought. I have had the thought about my own husband. I could have written this same thread myself, all of it. I do not suspect cheating. I constantly tell myself my spouse has a low sex drive. I tell myself he is older now, and tired from work. I tell myself he is afraid of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), which has happened only a few times, but has. I tell myself he is depressed. I tell myself he doesn't have a great body image. I tell myself it's me, he isn't attracted to me any longer. I try, and try. We talk, we try. 25 years for me and if I am honest it has always been this way in one way or another. Down to 2 times a month, if that.

 

My suggestion is counseling. Could I also put out there the possibility of depression on his part. A job search/change may also help. But think back, even if your early years were filled with tons of sex, has he really always been this way? Dig deep.

 

I feel for you. I understand the need to try and try. At some point you have to decide if it's enough. You have to decide how much he is willing to work on it or not. Right now, his job may not even allow him to put anything else on his plate..that is an issue. He will grow old and work himself to death for what?

 

You are both entitled to affection and love and sex and that is the icing on the cake, not another chore, but right now, it seems to be. Best of luck!

 

 

Thank you for the kind words and understanding. Now that I've been researching a bit and coming across articles and other posts, I do think he's really overwhelmed with work and stress. Maybe a bit of getting depressed. He's unhappy at his job. He's always worried about money, but not really with good reason. I mean, the bills are paid and we have enough for everything we need, we're not in debt... It's just his nature I guess. I offer all the time to work, to help out if that would make him feel better. But he says no. He prefers me home. Available to the kids, and I take good care of the house and all meals, shopping... Everything else, pretty much. I think he knows it might not be so, if I also work. He's old fashioned in many ways, and me working is just not a good idea to him. I do love him so much. And I can tell he loves me. It's just this specific issue where we have problems. Yes, the porn was hard to comprehend. I also thought, if he has such a low sex drive, how can he be so interested in porn? But many have pointed out, and I've read, that the sex drive/ desire with a partner, has almost nothing to do with porn or masterbation. If he's really tired, or just not willing to give me the effort, then on his own is the way he prefers... Lazy and less stress, basically. I'm not concerned he might be gay or some other certain fetish... I have seen what he looks at, and I think it's pretty typical. Women with men, hot, nice ass... He never searched anything real particular. I am still confused as to why he will not watch with me. He says, it's just too awkward. He has always been shy, reserved, serious, leaving it all to me. I don't mind, but I would like more desire on his part, instead of feeling like I'm a pervert and I "force" him to enjoy me.

[Silvia García]

It sounds like the poor guy is just very tired. His job and his schedule are both demanding. My husband went through a period where he didn't want to do anything on the weekends. He also stopped taking care of himself. The problem was he was spending more than 2 hours a day commuting to and from work. We bought a house closer to his office and that made a huge change.

 

I don't have children and one of the reasons is I don't want to lose time with my husband. You mentioned the responsibilities of parenting taking a toll. Maybe carving out adult time by getting babysitter once in a while would help.

 

If your husband isn't willing to quit his job, then you'll have to accept that your sex life will be adversely affected by his demanding career. Show some appreciation for how much he does for your family rather than focusing on sex. Respect and appreciation are aphrodisiacs for men.

 

 

Yes, all good points. I'll have to try to get time away from the kids. That would help, no doubt. I know he works hard, he happily provides for us, and I do appreciate it. I tell him as often as I can. I text him and write him notes, and tell him I love him and he's a good dad. I guess, I feel like if we had sex more and he just let himself enjoy more, and he would be more willing to have fun with me, then it would help his stress. He would feel better, less tired. It would get him thinking about what to do with me, instead of just paying the bills... This is about him feeling good and me wanting him to feel good too. Not just me. I guess, I also feel like my effort and attention should (most of the time) "cure" his tiredness... ?

[BarbedFenceRider]

Counseling sounds like a good choice. "Call it a marriage tune-up". I won't stay at a job where I am unappreciated and defeated all day. I stay at jobs with lower pay but high reward in the work and those I work with. I get more satisfaction from life in general. Since he wants you as a stay at home mom, maybe compromise and work seasonal or part-time. It will bring in the necessary funds and you get an outlet other than your libido. Nothing wrong with that of course, your story sounds great from my end.

ie: Endearing Latina wife with great children. Home cooked meals and lots of physicality. And a libido to boot. Win win. lol

Luckily, I think your dead bedroom issue is a symptom and not a diagnosis. Get your man back to the proud young fella you married, and your desires in the private area should take care of themselves. Best of luck.

[Silvia García]

Counseling sounds like a good choice. "Call it a marriage tune-up". I won't stay at a job where I am unappreciated and defeated all day. I stay at jobs with lower pay but high reward in the work and those I work with. I get more satisfaction from life in general. Since he wants you as a stay at home mom, maybe compromise and work seasonal or part-time. It will bring in the necessary funds and you get an outlet other than your libido. Nothing wrong with that of course, your story sounds great from my end.

ie: Endearing Latina wife with great children. Home cooked meals and lots of physicality. And a libido to boot. Win win. lol

Luckily, I think your dead bedroom issue is a symptom and not a diagnosis. Get your man back to the proud young fella you married, and your desires in the private area should take care of themselves. Best of luck.

 

Yes, that sums it up nicely. He would try counseling with me, so he says... But again, how? When? His job just doesn't allow it. I think we have to talk very seriously about him getting a different job, maybe me getting just a part time job, at least try it out for a while. Also, number one priority is time without the kids. Going to dinner or doing something, just us two. Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it very much.

[Cullenbohannon]

Sylvia, you sound like a very good woman that any man would love to have. And your husband sounds like a hardworking and honorable guy.

 

With that said, you must take the lead in this marriage. Your husband has worked for 16 years at this schedule. He is going to burn out. For a man, the loss of libido, is a huge flag. Save him from himself. He is a beast of burden. If you change his hours, you will probably change your marriage. Be strong and take control.

 

Have blessed Holiday season, and hopefully your Husband gets a long overdue vacation and the 2 of you live happily ever after.

[Silvia García]

Sylvia, you sound like a very good woman that any man would love to have. And your husband sounds like a hardworking and honorable guy.

 

With that said, you must take the lead in this marriage. Your husband has worked for 16 years at this schedule. He is going to burn out. For a man, the loss of libido, is a huge flag. Save him from himself. He is a beast of burden. If you change his hours, you will probably change your marriage. Be strong and take control.

 

Have blessed Holiday season, and hopefully your Husband gets a long overdue vacation and the 2 of you live happily ever after.

 

 

Thank you so much. Your kind words help more than you'll ever know.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Sylvia, I must admit I have not read through your thread but sampled it at different points. What I have gathered is that your husband is a hardworking, honourable man and you are a model housewife. Others have given you some good advice and suggestions so I am not going to repeat those. It appears to me that your husband is in a state known as a 'Dead Battery' husband. That being so I think you have to think of ways and means to revive him. One suggestion I have is that the two of you should take 'Yoga' classes. Yoga is known to be a great stress buster and will also rejuvenate your minds. Your husband's company may provide for such classes, either free or on payment of subsidized fees. It is worth looking into.

 

You could also get him to take 'Ashwagandha' capsules. Ashwagandha is a naturally occurring herb which has been proven to be a stress buster, libido enhancer and general immunity builder. Where I live it is available across the counter and needs no prescription. It may be the same in the US. I have been using it for health benefits and it has no side effects. You could consult your physician about it. You could also Google it to find out more information about it. I wonder if you and your husband are into taking walks in the evenings when he gets home maybe after dinner? This could also help him destress. These are just some thoughts and I hope some of it helps. Warm wishes.

[Cullenbohannon]

JAG, you write some weird stuff sometimes, but you are totally cool.

Ashwaghando?......ok.

Edited November 21, 2017 by Cullenbohannon

[Just a Guy]

Hi Cullen, I was serious about 'Ashwagandha'. It is something like Korean Ginseng and has similar effects. It is a herb which has been prescribed in Ayurveda, the ancient Indian system of medicine and has proven benefits. You could research it on Google and see for yourself. In any case as the saying goes " Desperate situations need desperate measures"! Have fun.

[Cullenbohannon]

I researched and I stand corrected.

Edited November 22, 2017 by Cullenbohannon

[Silvia García]

Hi Sylvia, I must admit I have not read through your thread but sampled it at different points. What I have gathered is that your husband is a hardworking, honourable man and you are a model housewife. Others have given you some good advice and suggestions so I am not going to repeat those. It appears to me that your husband is in a state known as a 'Dead Battery' husband. That being so I think you have to think of ways and means to revive him. One suggestion I have is that the two of you should take 'Yoga' classes. Yoga is known to be a great stress buster and will also rejuvenate your minds. Your husband's company may provide for such classes, either free or on payment of subsidized fees. It is worth looking into.

 

You could also get him to take 'Ashwagandha' capsules. Ashwagandha is a naturally occurring herb which has been proven to be a stress buster, libido enhancer and general immunity builder. Where I live it is available across the counter and needs no prescription. It may be the same in the US. I have been using it for health benefits and it has no side effects. You could consult your physician about it. You could also Google it to find out more information about it. I wonder if you and your husband are into taking walks in the evenings when he gets home maybe after dinner? This could also help him destress. These are just some thoughts and I hope some of it helps. Warm wishes.

 

 

Yes, that's a fair sum up of everything. I'll look into that herb, I believe something like that would help, maybe just some vitamins in general... I do yoga, on my own. He's not interested in it, I've brought it up, showed him my videos. He does need more outside work activity. I walk, jog, do the stepper, jump rope... I've told him to do these things as well, even join the gym. He says he will, but then never wants to. We used to go for walks together all the time. Go dancing. He really enjoys that. But since I had our second child, we do nothing. In the evenings, when he's home, after he's showered and had dinner, it's pretty close to bedtime and I start getting the kids ready for bed. It's also usually too cold to take the baby out. I tell him, he should go on his own, a walk to feel good. But he says he's too tired. His only day off is Sunday, and if the weather is nice I try to go to the park, be outside, be active with him and the kids... But he usually doesn't want to. It's also the only day he has to relax, to sleep in, to do any house work (yard, fix something, work laundry...) I think the best fix would be him getting another job. Better hours. Not so physically demanding. Thank you so much for the suggestions, I need all the help I can get.

[Triggs1126]

Silvia, I just want to say IT ISN'T YOU that is the problem. Wow. I can relate to this thread. I am sorry. This doesn't feel good, especially since you love your husband so much.

 

You have done everything you can to jump-start him and he isn't taking the bait.

 

I think your husband may be depressed. Work, and supporting a family for a man can be all-consuming and really mess with a mans head. If he isn't happy there and feels overwhelmed and tired, it will spill into other parts of his life.

 

Some of us get to be a certain age and go,"Is this all there is?"

 

I think he seriously needs to look at another job. Even if that means tightening the finances at home to do so. Sounds like a lot of pressure for him.

 

Having said that, I want to address the phone/porn thing. This is where I am a bit taken aback. He "Appears" to not have a high sex drive and yet you have offered to watch porn with him. He declines, but you find it on his phone. Many of us want to explore fantasies privately, but I think most of us would like to explore those with our partner. Can I ask you, the type of porn his history revealed? Any possibility he is gay? This has not been brought up and if you look at all you said...it's juts a thought.

 

No married man is going to tell his wife he is or thinks he is gay until or unless he is found out or can no longer have sex with his spouse at all.

 

It's just one thought of many. I hate to go there, but unfortunately it is a thought. I have had the thought about my own husband. I could have written this same thread myself, all of it. I do not suspect cheating. I constantly tell myself my spouse has a low sex drive. I tell myself he is older now, and tired from work. I tell myself he is afraid of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), which has happened only a few times, but has. I tell myself he is depressed. I tell myself he doesn't have a great body image. I tell myself it's me, he isn't attracted to me any longer. I try, and try. We talk, we try. 25 years for me and if I am honest it has always been this way in one way or another. Down to 2 times a month, if that.

 

My suggestion is counseling. Could I also put out there the possibility of depression on his part. A job search/change may also help. But think back, even if your early years were filled with tons of sex, has he really always been this way? Dig deep.

 

I feel for you. I understand the need to try and try. At some point you have to decide if it's enough. You have to decide how much he is willing to work on it or not. Right now, his job may not even allow him to put anything else on his plate..that is an issue. He will grow old and work himself to death for what?

 

You are both entitled to affection and love and sex and that is the icing on the cake, not another chore, but right now, it seems to be. Best of luck!

 

This is a GREAT reply, well great in the message not great that MidLife is going through the same thing.

Also, before I forget, I did like both posts because there is no "I Feel ya" button...

 

From the flip side, I too know your pains. I have a good relationship otherwise, but no physical interaction in any way.We really weren't breaking headboards before we married, so, in hindsight I should have expected to be where we are now. Your post isn't about me, so I'll end my sob story right there.

 

From this male's point of view, you seem to be doing all the right things. I like the effort that you are putting in and am sorry that it is not resulting in any reward for you. I am a huge believer in both partners putting in equal effort for equal reward, and again, it seems to me that you are doing more than your share.

 

MidLifeMama asked about the kind of porn you found on his phone. was there a theme that it revolved around? If so, maybe try to avoid that type of activity. I'll use the example of blowjobs. If that was his interest, maybe he has developed an unrealistic view of that act and will be more reluctant to engage with you in it. I don't know.

 

MidLifeMama also suggested that he may have depression. This is a real concern and should be treated because it goes well beyond sex. My wife told me that I showed many signs of being depressed and that I shouldn't be to proud or ashamed to talk to someone about it. She was right and I did talk with my doctor about it. It's funny, my doctor was very complementary of my "bravery" for being willing to open up to her about it. It was hard, but in the end, it has helped. The meds I was initially prescribed had side effects that I was not OK with, so we switched them up and that worked. My point is that my depression from being rejected and repressed sexually was affecting other aspects of my life, which are now much less affected.

 

In your case, since you are trying to encourage a healthy sexual relationship, maybe addressing a depressive stat could help out there?

 

I'd like to ask a couple of questions: (Don't answer them, just think on them)

 

1. When you have had sex, does he believe that you enjoyed yourself?

 

From your post I assume that you do enjoy, but does he believe it. I ask because for some, our partners satisfaction is key to our own. Not that we expect a parade, fireworks, or any porn style finish from our partner, but there is a level of intimacy in knowing you are able to please your partner. Not all pleasure finishes in an orgasm, one of god's gifts to women is being multi orgasmic. For men, its pretty obvious when we orgasm. A Lot of women love to see that moment, knowing that they were part of making it happen. Some of us like knowing that we caused you do orgasm too. We cant usually see it in women although we can feel it.

 

2. Do you masterbate in front of him with a toy?

Again, not that you arn't already trying very hard to get him to engage, but maybe this may help to get his juices going. I wont speak for any other man, but the sight of my partner using a toy is a huge fantasy for me. Asking me to join in or help her would push me over the top. Add in a little dirty talk or tell him how you would rather be with his warm body that a cold plastic toy and that just may do it for you both!

 

Thats it,

Hope there were some words of advice that helped in there...