Sparta Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Hey buddy how are you doing any update on your situation.? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 How are things Rob? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Hi Folks, when Thread starters go silent after an initial flurry of posts, I get the feeling they have given up the fight, have gone back to trying to 'nice' their SOs back and are willing to accept the complete emotional humiliation of playing second fiddle to their SOs current squeeze. So it is with OP. He has been given a ton of good advice but he has not responded to any of it in a long while. So, as Merrmeade has suggested in her post, the OP is set to learn his lesson the hard way and the only saving grace here is that his SO is not his wife but his GF and so the parting is not likely to affect him financially, in a major way. The parting is inevitable, if not by his choice then by his SO's choice very definitely. So as they say "You can take a horse to water but......" Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Robbierob Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 So had a long, long chat. Took a long while but ive finally discovered it was a lot deeper than i knew. Im 100% sure there was no affair happening. Well not physical at least. But turns out her boss had most of it planned from day one. There was a lot of bullying happening inside the workplace, sexual harrassment ect... i wont go into too many details but my SO was basically trapped by her boss in a situation she didnt know how to get out of and she was worried about my reaction. Weve taken it to the relevant channels, and im sure if she was really pushing for it or at least was into it at the time. she wouldnt have brought it up to those higher than her boss. Thing is... i still kind of have a bit of resentment towards her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 So, which one of them is looking for a new job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Robbierob Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 She was signed off work for stress, shes now being transfered to a different store and HR are investigating although i doubt itll come to anything. It wasnt just her boss, and it wasnt all sexual harrassment but her boss was standing up for her, harrassing her and bullying her simultaneously. The way she delt with the whole situation was nothing short of terrible, but shes told me what she says is everything and i believe her. Its hit my ability to trust her pretty hard, but weve both agreed she cant be friends with guys anymore, her words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blueskies66 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 It sounds to me like she was pretty open with you. I wish the best to both of you. Keep talking and keep your hearts open and you might create something epic. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Verify as much of what she tells you as you can. Don't just take her words at face value. Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 It still bothers me that she searched for "I want to sleep with my boss." Is she really just a victim here? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 You are being played by her.! It seems like all the new guys seems so stupid, ignorant, don’t have a clue.! Come on basic common sense... Yeah how another poster before me mentioned how she searched for “I want to sleeping with my boss” hello did you just overlooked that.. that has no bearing on anything.? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Glad you talked but what you have related has nothing to do with her internet searches. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 So had a long, long chat. Took a long while but ive finally discovered it was a lot deeper than i knew. Im 100% sure there was no affair happening. Well not physical at least. But turns out her boss had most of it planned from day one. There was a lot of bullying happening inside the workplace, sexual harrassment ect... i wont go into too many details but my SO was basically trapped by her boss in a situation she didnt know how to get out of and she was worried about my reaction. Weve taken it to the relevant channels, and im sure if she was really pushing for it or at least was into it at the time. she wouldnt have brought it up to those higher than her boss. Thing is... i still kind of have a bit of resentment towards her. Have her take a polygraph - she may not be as innocent as you want to believe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 The ole damsel in destress act to cover her inappropriate behavior. Oh, man guys still fall for this one. Oddly she never thought to discuss this with you until AFTER you were suspicious. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) So had a long, long chat. Took a long while but ive finally discovered it was a lot deeper than i knew. Im 100% sure there was no affair happening. Well not physical at least. But turns out her boss had most of it planned from day one. There was a lot of bullying happening inside the workplace, sexual harrassment ect... i wont go into too many details but my SO was basically trapped by her boss in a situation she didnt know how to get out of and she was worried about my reaction. Weve taken it to the relevant channels, and im sure if she was really pushing for it or at least was into it at the time. she wouldnt have brought it up to those higher than her boss. Thing is... i still kind of have a bit of resentment towards her. Combine your update with your post number 28, how does it smell to you? Combine that with her Google Searches, "I want to sleep with my boss, monogamy, My boss wants to sleep with me" can you make sense of it? She didn't Google anything about being bullied or trapped into sleeping with him. If it's not about the money why did she choose to withhold this information from you? Why would she choose to share personal information with him rather than with you her partner? Why does someone confide with the person who is bullying her, refer to him as her best friend and consider sleeping with him(we don't know if she did or didn't but I would bet some other forms of intimacy may have already occurred, kissing, touching)rather then leave her job if it's not again about the money? Clearly, this man was taking your place and she allowed it to happen. She could have shut it down with one word(regardless of what he planned), "No." I would hold off on asking her to marry you until you have all the truth. Do you honestly think you have all the truth? Edited February 2, 2018 by aliveagain 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Combine your update with your post number 28, how does it smell to you? Combine that with her Google Searches, "I want to sleep with my boss, monogamy, My boss wants to sleep with me" can you make sense of it? She didn't Google anything about being bullied or trapped into sleeping with him. If it's not about the money why did she choose to withhold this information from you? Why would she choose to share personal information with him rather than with you her partner? Why does someone confide with the person who is bullying her, refer to him as her best friend and consider sleeping with him(we don't know if she did or didn't but I would bet some other forms of intimacy may have already occurred, kissing, touching)rather then leave her job if it's not again about the money? Clearly, this man was taking your place and she allowed it to happen. She could have shut it down with one word(regardless of what he planned), "No." I would hold off on asking her to marry you until you have all the truth. Do you honestly think you have all the truth? Thank you AA... If he does not understand that one, he just cannot understand. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 " Maybe she is feeling trapped, maybe a boss is making sexual advances, sleep with him or commit suicide? You know she has anxiety issues. it is a plausible idea. He is hitting on her every day, she needs the job, and is afraid of losing it. but is afraid of losing you. I would say be super supportive of her and gently ask her what is going on. She will either tell you of sexual harassment at work, OR her newflound love for her boss, and then you can formulate a real plan Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hi Folks, I would say she is a GF for a reason. She is not OP's wife nor is she his fiancee, just a GF. While the relationship they have may be a committed one, the one big take away from this incident is that the OP's GF cannot be trusted in situations which demand her complete commitment to the OP. If after four years she is still not sure of her relationship with the OP then it bodes ill for any future relationship cemented with rings and vows. One does'nt need to catch someone in bed with their lover to know they are cheating. All the proof is already with the OP. It is his call now as to whether he wants to cook his goose or not. Best wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Hi Folks, I would say she is a GF for a reason. She is not OP's wife nor is she his fiancee, just a GF. While the relationship they have may be a committed one, the one big take away from this incident is that the OP's GF cannot be trusted in situations which demand her complete commitment to the OP. If after four years she is still not sure of her relationship with the OP then it bodes ill for any future relationship cemented with rings and vows. One does'nt need to catch someone in bed with their lover to know they are cheating. All the proof is already with the OP. It is his call now as to whether he wants to cook his goose or not. Best wishes. I think you'll find said goose is being ladled with juices, seasoned and about to be put back into the oven. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hi Robbie,, so where are you with figuring out what you want? Has your GF given any explanation for what she has been doing and how she has been feeling? Has she communicated any sense of remorse for her desire to sleep with her boss or is she completely unruffled by the discovery on your part that she wanted this? How have you been coming to terms with this situation that is staring you in the face? What, if any, have been the consequences for her? There are a lot of questions that need to be addressed if you want to do so. Whatever you may be thinking, unless these issues are addressed head on they are not going to die down or go away on their own. You may like to withdraw the tag of GF from her and treat her like just some other woman with whom you have no romantic links. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 It's looking like Robbie would just prefer to rugsweep this whole thing and go back to business as usual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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