Wife ended 6 year relationship 2 months after we got married

[aussie_fella]

Hi Just a Guy. Thankyou for your words of wisdom. An update on things: So I saw my wife last week for a catchup i went out for a dinner with her to say hi etc. Ended up going to her new apartment which i had not seen since her moving in 2 months ago. Was ok to see her. I mean its weird though, i seem to have been making more progress on my life than she has. She has been doing nothing but working 6 days a week etc. I have been excercising, going to counselling, reading self help books etc and am feeling a whole lot better with my life, to the point that when i see her i almost feel sorry for her now.

 

She has alienated alot of her family and friends at this time. Its really sad to see and no-one really knows whats going on with her life.

 

She is now asking me for life advice which i am perplexed at because she is the one who left,now i am sorting my crap out she seems still in the past and does not know what she is doing with herself!

 

I asked her about any chance of reconciliation, and she seems so confused still. She said that we were just not good for each other. I cannot argue with that, i told her then it doesn't really matter how much better i become now if its all too onesided. If she thinks this way then yes moving on is the BEST thing i can do for myself.

 

She still wants to catchup in the future "as friends", i guess it makes her feel better about herself and not so alone after leaving me. She is soo conflicted and i can tell that she wants to hang out more with me and do things etc. I don't have any major problem with this as i feel i am starting to move on, i have been feeling interest in dating other women, going out and meeting new people, feeling better internally etc. I guess if i feel ok with seeing her and i am dating other people then no harm no foul done. As long as i do not feel bad about it, or that seeing her is holding me back from other potential partners in the future? Many here on LS may say Avoid her at all costs and i understand this if it is causing me any problems. but i figure i i can get on with my life and still catch up with her from time to time then that should be ok.

 

Now another thing i need to get off my chest with this whole thing is this: The night before my wife told me she was leaving me, she went out drinking with her girlfriend from work. "A Lesbian" Let's call her "BEE" I have met Bee before and she seemed like a decent person etc. Now after all this my brain keeps spinning thinking that this other women would have filled her head with all kinds of **** to enforce what my wife was already feeling about leaving our marriage. A few days after she told me she was leaving me she said "maybe i should just be a lesbian" which i thought was a bit crazy talk.

 

I could have just left this thought at that, but recently my wife went on holidays for a week hiking etc and i swear i remember her at the time telling me that she was going by herself, when i saw her last week she told me that she was with Bee. I was a little bit surprised by this. When my wife told me that the weather was quite cold etc i jokingly said "you could have cuddled up to Bee" to which my wife did not even really respond.

 

Fast foward to the xmas break and my wife who told me last week she had no plans etc for xmas was now suddenly going interstate with you know who "BEE" for 5 days.

 

I know this could be paranoia here, but i am a bit worried that my wife might be either (A)"getting her head filled possible manhating advice from Bee", (B) Getting just friendly support / advice from her or © is having a lesbian fling with her (D) al 3????

 

I know that we are seperated at this time, but do i have the right to know if something is happening here between my wife and this women/ anoyone else? Does anyone have any advice on this , like is this something i should just outright ask her "in a non accusing manner" like "I just want you to be honest with me, but i have been nothing but honest with you and i expect the same from my wife, i need you to tell me if anything has gone on between you and anyone else?"

 

Or do you all think i should not even bother? I feel like i need to know as i need the truth here. This will make a big difference to if i would ever want to remain friends with her in the future or not. It just seems a bit suss to me that she is now going everywhere with this women inc holidays etc. God my brain is ticking over with theories atm and i know its not good i just need to know and move on.

 

Anyways thats my latest updates here. Will kept everyone posted as it happens.

 

Hope you all had a gret xmas and looking forward to 2018 for a new start!

 

Cheers

[BluesPower]

So here is the deal, I am betting she is done. You go NC and just let her be.

 

For what it is worth, she is screwing around on you. Probably for a while, why she married you or you her, that was a stupid decision.

 

So, you have to grow up, get clean, completely and stay that way. This woman is done, you have blown that with your decisions.

 

It is time to grow up, become an actual grown man, and live a clean life, then you can find someone new...

 

Just like you were told from the beginning... She HAS BEEN FOOLING AROUND ON YOU.

 

For real, you just need to let her go and start fresh. She is gone...

[Chilli]

Eh aussie.

l'm sorry about the sitch, damn.

l think the friends def' been in her ear. Sadly l've had personal experience with that one and the signs are all there with yours, it's pretty common.

 

l don't think she'll turn lesbian though on that side of things, maybe experiment a bit and she does sound confused so that's probably a big part of it too l'd say..

But she sounds far more straight than bi, which was how my ex w was , she was bi but only semi, with a bit of coaxing though your w might've turned for a while or gotten confused, she sounds pretty confused about all sorts of things really not only that.

 

Anyway no reason why you can't just ask her if there's been anyone else the way you've been thinking.

She might tell you , might not.

 

All the best with everything , your doing wonders mate, good for you.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie, I think chilli is spot on. I do not want to elaborate but I know of a case where the wife left her husband a good twenty years or so of marriage because she had turned lesbian. The couple had two children, a boy and a girl who were both adults at the time. Your wife may be on the fence and just experimenting with the idea to see if it gels with her. Hence her confused state. However, I think the attachment for you is still there and once her experimentation is done and over with, I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to reconnect with you. Of course by then you may be on a completely different track and may have a new partner to whom you are fully committed. I may be wrong but you will just have to wait and see how this plays out. Just throwing out some thoughts. As usual Blues is right, she has been having an affair of sorts, if you can call it that, with Bee. Warm wishes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie, it's the New Year now and a new beginning for everyone. So what's the news from your spot in the world? In reading your posts I get the feeling that you have still got a lifeline attached to your wife. Or should I call it an umbilical cord? I think it is time to go a bit scorched earth emotionally speaking with her. You have to chart out your own life going forward. No more meeting up with your wife on your own initiative. If any meet up has to happen then it should be because she is chasing you. In the meantime you go ahead and develop your social life. The way I see it is that this desire of yours to sleep with a consenting partner is really because you are still coping with the hurt of having been dumped by your wife. That coping mechanism may backfire on you. It is better to involve yourself in healthy outdoor activities which physically exhaust you so that you have less desire to sleep with someone. Sex can lead to emotional entanglements and you don't really want that at this stage. Live life for yourself and spend time with your single friends.

 

Have you considered filing for an official separation? Like I said that would send a loud and clear message to your wife that you are moving on and are no longer hung up on her. As I said before, if she has any genuine feelings left for you this will be a wakeup call for her and she will make all out efforts to get back with you. If not it means she is done as should you be. Once the separation is in place give yourself ample space and time to coolly go about fashioning your future life including finding the woman who is going to be a part and parcel of it. One word of advice would be to not latch on to anyone who has baggage and is hauling it around like a sack of potatoes. Look for a clean fresh personality with no hangups about a past filled with pain. Warm wishes.

[aussie_fella]

Hi all. Just a quick update in the ongoing events and life of aussie_fella.

 

Happy 2018 to you all here! Hope this is a much better year of personal growth and learning for us all.

 

I have been doing alot of exercise / hiking etc and positive things which does make me feel alot better. I feel i have more of a clear path to follow at this stage of my life and doing things for myself which has been great!

 

Back to an update on my wife / life.

 

I saw her the other week and yes i guess there is a small amount of umbilical cord attached here.

 

I asked her about Bee this other woman and she told me that they kissed but did not have full sex etc. I don't know if she is full of **** or whatnot, but it does not matter i guess. An emotional attachment is the same to me!

 

I asked her if there is a relationship going on between them. She told me that it is a support thing for her at this time and i dont think she is a lesbian maybe just in a weird place atm due to breakup etc, i was a bit confused when she used the word "soulmates" when describing this woman and i started thinking **** me! Not even 4 months out of our marriage and she just waltzes into some new life without me, dumping most if not all of our friends to possibly with some lesbian chick from her work that shes known for 6 months.

 

My wife insists that they are just friends but i just don't know what to think. I told her she has no reason to lie if more than that has occurred and the worst is already over. I told her that i wanted her to make sure that she is not being taken advantage of here being vulnerable just out of a 6 year relationship and some woman lesbian possibly a man hater but hard to say, takes her under her arm and they go off an god knows what relationship / i don't know???

 

I know everyone on here will tell me as before to stay away from my wife. that is really hard to do as i love her so much and she tells me she loves me and misses me when i see her which is only every 2-3 weeks.

 

When i was over her place last week, after talking about this other woman etc, we have been communicating better than when we were together. I have taken the time to work on myself and i see it shining through when we talk, ie i fully listen, am more stable, more supportive etc. i think this is a good thing for me to learn as i just don't feel right getting involved with anyone else until i resolve these things about myself. Even if my wife and i don't get back together i feel like i do still want to be friends with her as we have been through alot and still care about one another.

 

She tells me that she enjoys my company and im sure it gives her a kick which is great for her but maybe not so great for me. I am aware of the potential downsides to this and everyone here will say stay away which is good advice, however i am almost to the point where i want to be her friend and still get on with my own life and do what i need to.

 

Whilst i was there she said some things which caught me off guard. We ended up snuggling on the lounge for an hour, fairly non sexual, I had 2 wines and she said "maybe you have had too much to drink and you might have to stay here tonight" and "i have had a bit to drink and i might drop my boundaries IE get a little sexual with me" what the hell do i make of all this??? I told her i was aok to drive and left 45 mins later.

 

Is this her being confused? seems like it. She seems a bit over the shop, telling me about this other woman, then half suggesting that something might happen between us that night. Maybe this other woman really is not sexual with my wife and my wife was just lonely? I would not sleep with my wife in this circumstance. I told her that i would give things another go but was up to her, she told me that it is a thing in her personality that once she ends a relationship that is it for her as she was worried about getting hurt again in the future by me. I told her we could just be friends and take it REALLY SLOW, nothing sexual, just catch up from time to time to show her the better man i have become and treat her right. She seems possibly interested i can see her torn over this, to want to poss give things another shot, but is sticking to her guns for now which i understand.

 

Anyways thats me for now. I'll keep you posted on how things progress! Im sure people will have some words of wisdom here and im sure they will say avoid my wife etc, but i don't feel like i need to fully avoid her as i am feeling like im getting on my own plans / goals without her and i would love to be able to grow from this and become a better man. Even if she moves on with man / woman lol i just want to learn all i can from this to grow!

 

Thankyou and happy 2018!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie_ fella, after reading your New Year post I guess I am a little disappointed. The fact is that you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartbreak. Inspire of your reading your wife's mental state as being confused, the fact is that she is much more level headed and cool and collected than you are. Somewhere in your posts you have mentioned that you asked her if a reconciliation was possible in the future. Her reply was very telling. She said that there is a personality trait within her which mandates that once a relationship is over for her it is over, period. There is no going back for her. I do not think she could have enunciated it any more clearly than this so that your chances of winning at the races or at the casino would rate higher than the possibility of getting back with her. All you are doing is banging your head against a solid stone wall and you could spill your brain s out on the side walk and nothing would change for her.

 

The fact that you say you can be friends with her is just an empty wish. How can you be friends with someone who has hurt you so deeply and insensitively, taking you by complete surprise while you see nothing wrong with that? Of course she will be happy to have your support without the baggage of a relationship. It will prove to her that she is something special and that a guy like you cannot do without her emotional shoulder to lean on. By trying to be friends with her you will not be able to break the hold she had over you and she will keep reeling you in as and when she needs your help and support. She is like a bad habit that you are not able to shrug off. It is only when you snap ties with her cleanly and completely that you will start healing and growing as an individual. For the sake of your future please let her go, if not abruptly, then in a few spaced out steps which will help both of you to adjust to not having the support and company of each other. If you font do this then in my opinion you are going to have a long period of painful withdrawal symptoms which will drain you emotionally and leave you permanently scarred for a lifetime. Something to think about. Warm wishes.

[aussie_fella]

The fact is that you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartbreak. Inspire of your reading your wife's mental state as being confused, the fact is that she is much more level headed and cool and collected than you are.

 

Hey Just a Guy thankyou for the feedback.

 

i deeply appreciate your getting back to me. I have a few questions which i thought i would ask you. I need to clarify some thoughts and feelings and get this clear in my mind.

 

1. When you say she is more cool and level headed than myself, i am assuming you mean that she is cool and collected about the decision to end the relationship? I would agree with you here, her decision to end it rings loud and clear. However her reckless actions surrounding all of this since my wife left me suggest she is not level headed about the decision. She has been super unstable after making the decision to end our marriage - she was drinking alot, going semi lesbian for her work mate, abandoning her friends and family and in general just all over the shop. Are these the actions of someone who is level headed? Perhaps these are just the consequences of making her decision and this is her way of getting through it.

 

 

2. I suppose the other night when she was cuddling me and saying about her boundarys might be dropping are just breadcrumbs?, or perhaps more of the "i can get all the comfort of a relationship from this guy without actually being in a relationship with him?" God forbid if we actually slept together that could get messy.

 

 

3. The whole wanting to be friends with her could have something to do with the Borderline Personality Disorder, where i idealise her despite her having screwing me over by leaving our marriage so suddenly and hurting me a great deal. From my reading into BPD this is a common thing and it can be a bit clingy / co-dependant. If thats the case then yes i need to BREAK this ASAP! Do i just tell her this is not working and i cant be friends with her and go NC from there? Or just fade out slowly by going LC and let her initiate any contact from here?

 

4. Lastly, i forgot to mention in my last post that i ended up sleeping with another woman."She is a friend of a friend" She is also going through a dreadful marriage breakup - Her husband left her for another woman and they have 2 kids etc. We met out one night and hit it off. I have been very clear that this is a rebound thing and i am totally not in a position mentally to be in another relationship etc. She was receptive to this and also told me she was not after a relationship as it has only been 6 months since her husband left her and she is still processing things.

 

We ended up hooking up again 2 days ago and although i don't have any feeling of love for this person, i do respect her and treat her well of course. Being with another woman has helped me regain my confidence. I feel like i have my mojo back once more which has been like a dark cloud lifting from me. It has helped me see that there is a life after my failed marriage and all the excercise / self improvement and counselling have helped me to bounce back!

 

I still think about my wife despite this which is crazy! Maybe going NC completely with my wife will help this? Of course it will Seems like this is the last link of the puzzle and the way to move on is just to move on from her. Simple in theory right but the heart tricks and confuses me.

 

Thankyou and if any other folks out there been reading my story feel free to chime in.

 

Cheers

[Marc878]

Total NC with the wife.

 

If you chase they move farther away.

 

She’s wanting to cake eat.

 

She’s also a liar. admitted kissing in an affair = sex

[aussie_fella]

Hi Marc878

 

Yeah thats the feeling i get too. I just want her to be honest is all i asked for. I thought the same thing, kissing = screwing around whether there was full on sex involved or not. I doubt that she would have" just kissed" this other woman. They spent 8 nights together in the past 3 weeks as if they would have only kissed??? Even in the slightest chance they they did not have full on lesbian sex, there is still that emotional attachment there that hurts me.

 

Is there any use in even trying to get honest answers from her re this? it might helps me with my resolve to know that she is screwing around. NC seems best god damn its hard though.

 

Is there any point in telling her about my fling? I know it's really is none of her business, but my intention here would be to show her that i am moving on and it might just help? Maybe if i tell her i have slept with someone else then she might be able to honestly tell me about this other woman. Or to hell with it all don't ask forget about her life? i just want the truth and be done!

 

Even if i call her out on being a liar, she will most likely back up anyway / feel threatened, i just want it all on the table i can't handle secrets etc.

 

Thanks mate!

[Marc878]

Cheaters are notorious liars that’s all you’ve gotten or will get. Talk is a waste of your time.

 

Every betrayed spouse wants to believe no sex because they are in denial. Which is where you are. It’s a sexual affair. A blind man could see it. You just don’t want the truth.

 

Telling her about the other woman is just you trying to manipulate. Something a teenage does.

 

Stand up and walk away.

 

File for an annulment or continue to wallow in this for someone who doesn’t want you and you’ll never be able to trust.

 

You can’t be this hard up you can do better

Edited January 15, 2018 by Marc878

[road]

At this point to not tell about you dating.

 

If your WW wants back. Then at that point it is the time

for both of you to be honest about what happened.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie_fella, I can see that you are on an emotional roller coaster and at this point of time in your life that is quite understandable. You asked how I think your wife was cool and level headed when walking put on you? The fact is that she walked out two months after the solemnizing of your marriage which is a pointer to her cold hearted decision making and only a cool and level headed person would be capable of doing that. Her actions subsequent to moving out are just a reaction of her having called time on the marriage. It could be something like withdrawal symptoms and not an indication of confusion on her part. If she was confused she would have come running back to you in a week or ten days after leaving you. However, she has resolutely stuck by her decision and given you no indication that she is coming back. Please do not fool yourself. You will get hurt.

 

You are absolutely right about her throwing breadcrumbs your way. She wants to keep you on a leash to salve her conscience and to fill a void which obviously is there considering you were at her side for six years. In this she is the one who stands to benefit while you will scrabble to get at these breadcrumbs and thank her for them.

 

Whether your desire to be friends with her is the result of your BPD or not is something only a professional can tell you. Maybe Downtown can help you out here. All I know is that it should be a complete no-no for you as it would prove to her that she is a special princess who you cannot do without. As far as you ate concerned it would be something demeaning for you. Maybe years later it may work out but not right now when she has dumped you so unceremoniously and walked out on you. I had suggested a slow detachment program from her for you if you cannot do it abruptly but detach you must. As far as your sleeping with this other lady, if she is still married and not planning on a divorce I would think it is wrong. If she is done and is already well on the divorce path then I suppose it's alright as long as you for not get emotionally entangled with her. As a man you may just be in it for the sex but for her it may be a way to find a new mate. Remember women usually give sex for getting love so be careful. You do not want to have to deal with hurt feelings and a woman scorned. Also, this lady has baggage, a lot of it which you may not like to be saddled with.

 

For the rest, keep up the good work on yourself and give us periodic updates on your progress. Warm wishes.

[kenpatric]

At this point to not tell about you dating.

 

If your WW wants back. Then at that point it is the time

for both of you to be honest about what happened.

 

Yes, being honest and open can make most of the situations understandable and solved. You are a nice guy who looks really determined in himself. Keep the good work continue.

 

Tell her about everything damn open and straight. If worked out, great! if not, move on and stay out of her life. Things may not make sense that much in these days but if sober you look back after few months and being healed would be great.

 

Also, to make sure you don't get relapsed back with drugs and stuff. Try to change your surroundings and friendships if possible. Don't just trust your guts that you'll control yourself. Make yourself physically distant with everything that attracts those drugs to be near you.

 

Warm Wishes!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie_ fella, how are you doing? Any updates on your situation? Would like to hear from you on your progress. Do not quietly fade away into a corner licking your wounds. Keep coming back here to ask for help and advice as there are a lot of good people here who will support you in your forward movement. Wish you a bright and happy future.

[aussie_fella]

Hi there. So quick update. Have basically started to want nothing to do with my wife now. The more i think about how screwed up the whole situation is with her cruel and cold hearted actions leaving our marriage so soon and suddenly the more i want to walk away.

 

I called her 2 weeks ago all blubbering and upset and i now feel like an idiot. She is gone and has re-stated that its over and im now going NC again for at least 3 months if i can handle it / hopefully not run into her at mutual friends social events etc.

 

I have been really busy working / doing some exercise and looking for my own apartment now, "have been staying with friends the past few months since she left. Will be nice to have my own space again.

 

So yes alot of rebuilding my life and guess what, i am excited for this and feel like i am taking back some control and power in my life again. I am now seeing as my contacting her as negative for my self improvement. I just feel there is not point even talking to her as she is done and i will just keep pining in hope she will change her mind.

 

I read something interesting the other day which helped that said "make some notes of all the things that you liked about your ex and what she did for you that was positive, now think about being with a new woman. Now think, what is it that this new woman cant provide you with that only your ex could" IE There are other women out there and they too can make you happy and love you etc. Not only your ex had the power to do this, but other women too.

 

 

Thanks again for all the support on here it has helped me alot. I will keep the updates coming from time to time and will be sure to keep posted on positive events more so than negative ones as im looking to be good!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie_fella, thank you for the up date. Keep posting about everything, negative and positive. The folks on here will be able to help you with the negatives as those are where you will need help. Anyone can laugh with you in happy times. It is the ones who can give you a shoulder to lean on during the rough times that really count. Warm wishes.

[aussie_fella]

Hi all. Just another quick update on things.

 

 

So basically things have been mostly good. I have kept up the good work on myself and gym / running when i have time and feeling much better. I still have my up and down days from time to time and i go through a slew of emotions from having great days and not thinking about her and going to hate towards her and negative feelings.

The other day she texted me to say that her father was having health problems and said that i should not tell anyone about it etc and that she was not even meant to know about it. After texting her back to say "How serious is it / is he ok etc" she didn't return my text back for 3 frigging days!!! Then she texted me back not even answering my previous question saying "ok yep sure" and i am going to go into a busy period of work soon and don't take it the wrong way if i don't contact you for a month"" WTF!!!! She tells me her father may be dying then does this whole im too busy to even txt me for a month or so! i feel like a piece of crap. I cant believe this is the same person i asked to marry not even 6 months ago.

It really hurts me and i dont deserve this.

 

 

I see she went out with all my friends wifes etc on a girls night out bday last week but yeah shes too busy to txt me how her father is doing after saying he might be dying. I am actually starting to hate her for all she is worth. She has done nothing but treat me like **** after she left me and so sick of it!

 

Its been almost 2.5 weeks since that lame hurtful text and i wish it had been 2 years the way i feel.

 

 

i have not been pursuing her in any way in the last month. I think ive only had 10 conversations with her since she left me 5 months ago and not many texts either.

 

 

She also is saying that she is going to events on facebook that i already said i was going to , for eg a friends rock concert coming up. I posted that i was going some time ago and now i see she is interested in going too now. Does it get to a stage where i can just tell her i don't want her around do not want to see her etc???

 

Another note the Other Woman i was seeing a while back has moved on and seeing someone else now which is good as she was getting too attached to fast, i told her that i am in no place for a relationship so back to working on myself now. It still hurts so much thinking about my wife i wished it could have worked out. I feel like i have seen a side to her i do not like much at all after she took off.

 

 

When does all of this get better i do not know. I keep saying i will be ok in a year but i don't really know.??

 

 

What are everyones thoughts on why my wife is turning nasty almost playing games and will this hate i have for her be replaced with love and acceptance of her decision to leave me.

 

 

I feel like i am the one who is being wronged here and i don't deserve it im so sick of it and even though i do not contact her anymore i still feel like i have been wronged and i wish untoward thoughts for her. sucks i know but thats where im at.

 

 

Cheers everyone.

[Marc878]

Hi all. Just another quick update on things.

 

 

So basically things have been mostly good. I have kept up the good work on myself and gym / running when i have time and feeling much better. I still have my up and down days from time to time and i go through a slew of emotions from having great days and not thinking about her and going to hate towards her and negative feelings.

The other day she texted me to say that her father was having health problems and said that i should not tell anyone about it etc and that she was not even meant to know about it. After texting her back to say "How serious is it / is he ok etc" she didn't return my text back for 3 frigging days!!! Then she texted me back not even answering my previous question saying "ok yep sure" and i am going to go into a busy period of work soon and don't take it the wrong way if i don't contact you for a month"" WTF!!!! She tells me her father may be dying then does this whole im too busy to even txt me for a month or so! i feel like a piece of crap. I cant believe this is the same person i asked to marry not even 6 months ago.

It really hurts me and i dont deserve this.

 

Why do you contact? All this does is prolong your stay in limbo.

 

I see she went out with all my friends wifes etc on a girls night out bday last week but yeah shes too busy to txt me how her father is doing after saying he might be dying. I am actually starting to hate her for all she is worth. She has done nothing but treat me like **** after she left me and so sick of it!

 

Yep, but you still stay in contact

 

Its been almost 2.5 weeks since that lame hurtful text and i wish it had been 2 years the way i feel.

 

 

i have not been pursuing her in any way in the last month. I think ive only had 10 conversations with her since she left me 5 months ago and not many texts either.

 

 

You can't stop contact you'll stay where you are

 

She also is saying that she is going to events on facebook that i already said i was going to , for eg a friends rock concert coming up. I posted that i was going some time ago and now i see she is interested in going too now. Does it get to a stage where i can just tell her i don't want her around do not want to see her etc???

 

You should have blocked her. What's this getting you?

 

Another note the Other Woman i was seeing a while back has moved on and seeing someone else now which is good as she was getting too attached to fast, i told her that i am in no place for a relationship so back to working on myself now. It still hurts so much thinking about my wife i wished it could have worked out. I feel like i have seen a side to her i do not like much at all after she took off.

 

 

When does all of this get better i do not know. I keep saying i will be ok in a year but i don't really know.??

 

When you cut her off completely

 

 

What are everyones thoughts on why my wife is turning nasty almost playing games and will this hate i have for her be replaced with love and acceptance of her decision to leave me.

 

 

I feel like i am the one who is being wronged here and i don't deserve it im so sick of it and even though i do not contact her anymore i still feel like i have been wronged and i wish untoward thoughts for her. sucks i know but thats where im at.

 

 

Cheers everyone.

 

At this time the only one keeping you where you are is you

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie, you are giving her too much head space. Just ignore her completely. Do NOT respond to any of her texts. In fact if you can,, change your phone number and give it out to only your close trusted friends on the condition that they do not give it to their wives who are friends with her. Try and avoid Facebook. Do not look at her posts and close your own account so that she remains clueless about what you plan to do. Just avoid her like the plague in every respect. Keep meeting up with ladies on a casual basis. This should just be social and no romanticism and sex at this time. Meeting ladies on a social basis will help keep your mind off your wife/ ex wife. Have you taken up some fulfilling hobby which engages you fully? I guess the summer in Australia will be over soon so you could go boating or join an Australian rules football club. The season should be starting soon. If you are into mobikes or cars you could involve yourself in something like that. The idea is to occupy yourself with things which will force you to keep your wife's memory out of your head. Warm wishes.

[aussie_fella]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I have been completely NC again for the last few weeks and it feels better.

 

Having just moved house last week i finally am starting to get my space again and have my own place which feels really good.

 

Hobbies are something i do alot so i love my gardening / jogging / driving my car etc. I would love to get a motorbike again and do some rides. Been busy with my work which is going well.

 

I spoke with my wifes father the other day as i had not spoken to him at all since the wedding day. I am really glad i did as he was very happy to hear from me as we get along really well. He told me that she has only spoken with him once in the last 5 months which shows her shame / running away i don't know. I think is really disgusting that she has not made any contact with him until a few weeks ago seeing as its her dad and he paid for half our wedding. He is upset at us breaking up and wants us to work things out. I told him that "its her decision", they are going on a family holiday together soon and he wants to talk with her in person about what happened with us.

 

I told him don't pressure her etc as its her decision and up to her what she wants to do. i told him i still love her dearly and i would consider giving things another go but only if she wants to reconcile which i doubt anyway. All the same it was nice to chat with him and he wants to catch up with me for a beer in the future which i would be happy to.

 

Dating wise, even the thought of it makes me cringe. I feel i am very happy to keep up the good work on myself and meet some girls etc but i just don't feel up for anything serious anytime soon. I think justaguy is right there to meet up with women and that but i dont have to pursue a relationship etc with them. Don't feel like that anyway lol. But i do love being around women and have been talking to alot at the checkout / out and about etc.

 

Thankyou again i am standing strong for now. Feeling good about myself and getting through this. Onwards and upwards!

[StoicHusband]

I have been completely NC again for the last few weeks ... I spoke with my wife's father...

 

So, just gotta ask. Did he contact YOU or did you contact HIM. Because this is like day 1 ****: You shouldn't speak to her family/friends. Not even mutual ones who are more likely to be open/protective of her.

 

He'll likely tell her everything you said. She'll likely be irritated. This isn't what she wants to do on her vacation.

 

I'm not certain if this helps your situation, buddy. It's really important to just ghost her altogether if it's not like the "last hurrah" before you go NC.

 

Watch out for this in the future.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie_fella , good update! Good to know you are feeling better. In your last post you wrote that your wife plans on going to the rock concert where your friend is playing and which you would be attending. This would be a good occasion to show your wife that you are moving on. Find a congenial girl who is interested in rock music and take her along as your date for the occasion. This will send a clear message to your wife that you have moved on and not pining for her. It will also help loosen the strings which link you to her and help her stay in control of you. This is important. For the rest keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your activities. If you can't afford a new mobile see if you can get a second hand one in good shape or hire one occasionally. Warm wishes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Aussie, so it's been sometime since your last post. Any cheerful updates since then? Would love to hear that your life is taking off again. Did you meet up with your wife's Dad for a beer as you hoped? What about your long term plans? Are you planning a divorce/ annulment in the near future, especially if your wife has indicated it is finally over? Keep posting. Warm wishes.

[aussie_fella]

Hello there. A quick update on my life and ongoing.

 

NC so far onto day hmm let me think, ok i just checked my last msg to the wife and it has been 40 days now woo hoo!!! That is great i don't know how i have made it but this is a step in the right direction for sure.

 

The last time she txted me was some crap about her dad being all sick etc then she did not txt me back for 4 days leaving me hanging re her fathers health. I then get a txt from her around the 10th march saying that she is about to be very busy at her work which i know is true, but then she goes onto say please don't read into anything if i don't get back you over the next month. That was the last straw of me dealing with these insidious breadcrumbs!!! From that day was when decided to do as much NC as i can handle! I was just so sick of the pathetic behaviour on her behalf and treating me less than a friend would, so i just cut her out for now.

 

JustaGuy - No i have not gone to have a beer with my wifes father. He is not in town atm but will be back in a few weeks i think. I still really get along with him and will go and see him as i am close to him and even if it all doesn't pan out the way i want in this relationship its more of a sign of respect to him. I know that talk can get back to his daughter etc but i don't really care to be honest. He is hell bent on trying to get us back together as last time he talked with my wife she was only saying nice things about me and he cannot understand why she left me if she was still saying good things. I think it is her denial and or shame of leaving and maybe she is just shifting the blame of our failed marriage of me i don't know. She is the one that left so yeah is probably guilt on her part.

 

I told him to please not interfere with it all and he said he won't but still wants to talk with her as she has only spoken to her dad ONCE!!! since she left me 6 months ago. So terrible on her part to not even talk to her dad once in 6 months about our marriage etc. I feel sorry for him.

 

Anyways i have been pretty good lately, keeping up the good work. I keep pondering in my head if i do not contact my wife going onto 60 days then 90, sure i will feel better that i have stood on my own two feet etc, but it makes me feel bad thinking that my wife is out there and she has not even bothered to contact me at all either. Im doing this for myself to break the bond we had but her not contacting me makes me feel a bit bad that shes not even bothering to say hi.

 

Do i just keep charging ahead with the NC? I know everyone here will say YES! And that is part of what keeps me going and seeing that it is working slowly but surely break my bond with my wife. Is there an end game in NC? I guess to the point that either she comes back wanting to reconcile or i successfully move on either way. I still feel bad for her not even reaching out once to me and will get worse i feel. Its kinda like a kick in the teeth when shes going "NC" also especially when a few months have passed it makes you wonder if their even thinking about you. And if they are they are thinking about you then they are also going NC on me.

 

Is there a point where NC is finished? I guess once i am completely over the breakup and don't care if i see her again. That still feels like a long way from here. Id damned wish she would just reach out to say hi but it would most likely be breadcrumbs and lies anyway. She liked a facebook post i had up the other day but that was it. Does this get better after 2 months or 3 months of NC??? I hope so

 

Thankyou again for everyones support. Have a great day and will post again soon.