Been a while

[anika99]

Update.

 

He broke NC. Same ****, I miss you, I miss us, yada yada. Finally tells me he loves me after 4 years. The ****ty part is that it didn't even feel good. You love me but throws can't go anywhere so it's pointless. All the women on here who are waiting to hear those words, thinking it will make them feel better. I got news for you, it doesn't. Almost annoys me more because it's like "I knew you loved me asshat, and after four years, Save it"

 

I am convinced though that the MM that say it after a month or two, really are using it as manipulation, or they mean it in limerance. My MM is an asshat but at least he didn't use the I love you card to manipulate me, but I also never told him. After he told me, he asked. I said "do you think I would be here after all this if I didn't"

 

Anyway, he wanted to see me. I said no, he begged, then he got mad and now we are back to not speaking. I care less and less each time.

 

That's my hamster wheel update

 

He may not have used the I love you card to manipulate you in the past, but he's definitely done so now. He didn't like you trying to walk away so he figured he'd toss out an "I love you" to see if that would reel you back in. When it didn't work then he quick to turn off the affection and got pissed at you. He said I love you to manipulate you and got angry when it didn't work.

 

You say you normally go for the excitement of the bad boys and your MM is the opposite of that, but he's not really. The MM may not have the typical bad boy image but he's still providing you with the same drama, the same excitement and the same highs and lows you got with your bad boys. its still you chasing the same dysfunctional relationship, it's just in different wrapping paper this time.

 

As for crying after being with another man, I think if you really want to end with the MM for good it may be in your best interest to stay away from men altogether for awhile. Dating new people as a distraction from the pain only works for a few people. Many people just feel worse and become even more convinced that they will never get over their ex and never love again. Because being with someone we don't love can never come close to being with the one we do love. Sometimes you just have to sit out from the dating world while nurse your emotional wounds and heal. Sounds rather dreary I know but it can be a wonderful time of really connecting with yourself and discovering your inner strength. It will be lonely and painful but it won't feel that way forever. Takes about year before you see the results. A year sounds like a long time but it's not. You need to see it as a worthwhile investment in yourself.

[Ronnie33]

He may not have used the I love you card to manipulate you in the past, but he's definitely done so now. He didn't like you trying to walk away so he figured he'd toss out an "I love you" to see if that would reel you back in. When it didn't work then he quick to turn off the affection and got pissed at you. He said I love you to manipulate you and got angry when it didn't work.

 

You say you normally go for the excitement of the bad boys and your MM is the opposite of that, but he's not really. The MM may not have the typical bad boy image but he's still providing you with the same drama, the same excitement and the same highs and lows you got with your bad boys. its still you chasing the same dysfunctional relationship, it's just in different wrapping paper this time.

 

As for crying after being with another man, I think if you really want to end with the MM for good it may be in your best interest to stay away from men altogether for awhile. Dating new people as a distraction from the pain only works for a few people. Many people just feel worse and become even more convinced that they will never get over their ex and never love again. Because being with someone we don't love can never come close to being with the one we do love. Sometimes you just have to sit out from the dating world while nurse your emotional wounds and heal. Sounds rather dreary I know but it can be a wonderful time of really connecting with yourself and discovering your inner strength. It will be lonely and painful but it won't feel that way forever. Takes about year before you see the results. A year sounds like a long time but it's not. You need to see it as a worthwhile investment in yourself.

 

I honestly don't think he said it to manipulate me. I agree that he knows and fears he's losing me. He didn't just say it out of the blue. We were arguing and I told him that he never gave **** about me. I was trying to hurt him because sometimes I just want him to feel how bad I feel. That's when he flipped out and said "I don't care!! After four years you think I don't care!! i love you!! You think I would go through this if I didn't!!"

 

As far as the bad boys. I can see that. The affair was exciting, the sex was hot and passionate. At the end of the day though I hated it.

 

I'm not scared to be alone. I actually am liking it. The guy I hooked up with is a friend I care for. He would like more but I'm obviously not ready for that and he knows that and is still a great friend to me.