He's broke, with a capital 'B!'

[JamesDaniels123]

I think that if you saw enough potential in him then you wouldn't want to sleep around anyway. In my opinion your standards are very high.

[Blanco]

On the OP's side, I have known far too many women who have carried the slack for a boyfriend/husband who isn't contributing to the relationship financially. This doesn't always mean the guy is a bad person or is malicious. Life happens and sometimes, good-meaning, intelligent people find themselves really up against it. I don't know this guy's backstory, but it's possible he's just had a bad run of it, coupled with some poor choices. It doesn't mean he's a bum or degenerate.

 

Personally, I have really struggled in recent years due to some dumb financial decisions years ago. It has been a grind to keep current with the bills that come with living and smoothing over the past mistakes. I live on my own, pay my own way, but it has been really hard some months. I know I'll get out of it, but I'm realistic in knowing it won't be overnight.

 

This is one of the main reasons I've chosen to not actively date in a long time. A woman who loves you for you is great and what we should want, but I'm not wearing the blinders on how much it's asking of a partner to withstand your insolvency, especially when it's unclear when that might change. I've chosen to withdraw myself from the dating pool until I am more stable and able to contribute to things that shouldn't be tough to do in a relationship, such as nights out.

 

All that being said, I think the OP shouldn't pursue this guy. She already speaks of him with clear resentment. That will only intensify if she gets involved and has to actually pay their way for dates, groceries, etc.

[coolheadal]

You don't think money can make a world of difference to someone who doesn't have any?

 

 

 

Maybe she wants a guy whose income is more stable than "sort of."

 

 

 

$12K a year is below the poverty line.

 

 

 

You're talking about poverty. You said $12k/year was sufficient. That is literally below the poverty line of $15k/yearly. Yes, we are at that point because you said it was sufficient, not because I'm fishing for negatives. The "positive world" you live in is one that the government deems eligible for charity from tax payers who earn more money. So this guy making $12k a year is dependent on everyone else to feed and house him because he doesn't make enough to do it himself. The guy isn't picking food out of the trash because tax payers are buying his food for him in this hypothetical scenario you created.

 

 

 

Why can't his bad credit be used as a basis to judge his ability as a potential partner? It reflects the fact that he can't make sound financial decisions or pay people back on time. Why are you acting like there is no red flag here?

 

 

 

I'd seriously consider our compatibility because the majority of my waking hours are spent earning, saving, and investing money with the utmost care. So I'd be very hesitant to entertain dating someone whose attitudes were so incongruous to my own.

 

 

 

How can we click if I spend all my energy trying to make sound financial decisions and she doesn't care at all and makes poor ones? Why can't I use this to determine incompatibility?

 

 

 

So do you think everyone who's made money is just "lucky" and didn't have to to anything for it? Do you think the OP just "lucked" into her job and apartment and that she didn't have to go any kind of school, or get any specialized training, or compete with other qualified applicants, or make any kind of sacrifices or compromises to get where she is? Do you think that this guy she dated is merely "unlucky" and isn't in his position as a result of poor choices he's made? At 30, you've got to be extremely "unlucky" to not have your bases covered in the event of something horrific happening. You should have the necessary skillset to handle life by that age.

 

 

 

I don't "struggle" for money because I bust my ass 12 hours a day, 7 days a week making it, neglecting things I'd much rather be doing but don't because I know how necessary it is to be self-reliant and independent in today's day and age. I don't expect hand outs or people to just "share" their hard earned money with me just because I don't "feel" like working or make poor decisions. Knowing how many hours of sweat equity I put into building my net worth, I don't really respond well to your notion that I'm just "lucky," as if I just won the lottery and didn't have to do any work or make any sacrifices myself, or that this guy is "unlucky" and that he made poor decisions that lead to him to where he is, and that that's not a valid basis to judge someone's character. Tell someone who spent years studying until midnight in medical or law school that their paychecks are a result of "luck."

 

 

 

"Feeling" something can do more for you doesn't mean it actually can. Food and shelter are bigger priorities than love. You can't experience love if you don't survive. Money can't buy you love but it can buy you food and shelter. I can't believe I have to explain this.

 

 

 

1). Linking a song doesn't mean its message is universally valid

2). If you don't have the ability to earn enough money to provide a decent standard of living, the likelihood someone will "love" you decreases dramatically. Go tell some poor kids living on the streets that they don't need money to survive, they just need love. The guy in OP's scenario is not all that far removed from this. If he didn't have his brother to live with, he'd be using taxpayer money to house himself, or be on the street. But in spite of all this, OP's love (and "shared" money) will solve his problems? Give me a break.

 

I am born and raised from NYC as well, so that place is all about money. But linking a song about you don't have to be rich to fall in love. Sure. Your views are different than mine. 12K so what still money. If you love the person you accept their life into yours. If you don't then look else where. I am not about money I have it but and not going to throw that into the pot. I come off as excepting you for who you are, not buy the money you have. I guess you would date a person who had equal money level as you. See I don't play that game. It's about connection, it's about liking and loving that person. My Ex-Wife had no money today she is Director of HR makes 250K so what! She has money, is she any different than she is today, nope same mean woman still. Money doesn't change the fact who you are inside but it just means the status quo is that your in top money earning bracket. I don't care about this system and I will be just happy to know I live [positive and will date who ever I see fit. You can do what you like. But I doing it my way and I can sleep at night knowing I a great confident man who has career and don't have to worry about money.. My house is paid off I don't have to think about some bank trying to milk me for more money. I got out of that system long time. Dating who you click with is more important than money!!!!

[gaius]

You just have to figure out whether he's a winner or loser. A winner might end up in a bad situation but he'll get himself out and eventually prosper, while a loser will continually make mediocre to poor decisions and constantly struggle.

 

So far from what you've said, unless he has some sort of contact in the real estate business that's gonna give him a job when he finishes, sounds like a total loser.

[OatsAndHall]

Oh my lord why is this going overboard like this. I really don't have to work, but it's something to do. What I know about money you can't take it with you can't sleep with, but that special someone in life can make a world of difference. For you to be here on LS you have to be making a living how else can you run your PC electric isn't cheap. Bills, food, gas, taxes, etc. you need money to live, yes I know that. But this guy is sort of working. How much should he have a month 1,000 sounds like what can muster. Yes love can bring you happiness, why would you say poverty, who's living on the streets, picking out food out trash. We're not even at the point. Your fishing for negatives here. I have to stop you right there it's a positive world I live in.

 

The guy is working as UBER driver or the lfty one same type of job. He can't apartment must have bad credit history, I don't like how we all have to live based on our credit history score. I say have the money in the bank and use DC or DCP as CC based on the money you have instead of giving out loans at high APR % based on your income level. Enough of that rant.

 

You date someone

They tell you they don't have any money

So your telling me your going to say see the door on your way out.

You could like then love this person first, what happens if you click.

You just never know who they are.

Not everyone lucky to have money some ask for help

Hopefully they'll pay you back if they can.

 

So your telling me you never struggle for money? I feel love can do more than the money can every do. Did you listen to the song, Money can't bring you happiness, but love for someone else can!

 

You have missed the point of what is being discussed.. No one is placing a dollar value on this guy. No one is saying, "Gee, he works as a retail clerk and only clears $25k per year: you should dump him."

 

They guy is 30 years old and he doesn't have a job and he doesn't sound like he's ever had a firm employment. At 30 years old, a responsible adult would have SOME kind of career inline for himself.

 

Bottom line; a guy in his thirties should have established a stable financial life for himself. He should be holding down steady employment and be out on his own; not driving Uber and couch surfing. His current and past situations are showing that he isn't a responsible adult and that's not kosher.

 

I have dated a few women who were flat-out broke but they worked hard at their jobs, provided a home for themselves and paid their bills. I ended up picking up the tab for a lot of dates but I was alright with that because they were adults who were trying to make ends meet.

[normal person]

12K so what still money.

 

Are you serious? "It's still money," as if the quantity of it doesn't have any sort of implication or real world impact? Imagine if you borrowed $100K from the bank and after a while, you paid them back twenty bucks. They ask where the other rest of it is and you said "Huh? What do you mean? I gave back $20. It's still money." Unbelievable.

 

 

If you love the person you accept their life into yours. If you don't then look else where.

 

My point is why don't you think someone's financial decisions are grounds to determine your compatibility? I can assess their qualities in everything else but if they're six figures in debt because they cashed out their IRA to buy Beanie Babies and Pogs, I'm just supposed to pretend like that isn't a reflection of their intelligence, judgment, or character? Really??

 

I am not about money I have it but and not going to throw that into the pot. I come off as excepting you for who you are, not buy the money you have.

 

I can't fathom how you think peoples' solvency isn't at all a reflection of the difficulty and/or importance of work they do, and choices, sacrifices, and compromises they make. How is that not a part of "who they are?"

 

I guess you would date a person who had equal money level as you. See I don't play that game. It's about connection, it's about liking and loving that person.

 

I've never met a woman my age with more money than me. I don't care if she has what I have because it's not realistic. What I do expect her to have is a decent job so she can support herself, and a home to maintain some semblance of safety, independence, and dignity. I want a woman who makes her own way, makes her own contributions to society, takes responsibility for her own actions, acts sensibly, and doesn't rely on others to just "share" what they earn without giving anything back despite her own careless behavior. Those are the qualities that I like and love. Those are things I value and look for in a woman. Her career, her aspirations, and her financial sense are a reflection of that. Why is that bad? You're acting like eschewing those notions is some kind of virtue and that it's somehow more noble to not consider these things, as if they don't "count."

 

Dating who you click with is more important than money!!!!

 

It's almost as if you haven't actually read my post...

[Hoosfoos]

He shouldn't be dating during such a transitional period of his life. I know I wouldn't be. In putting conditions on him to determine whether or not you want to stick around, you are setting the two of you up for failure. It already sounds like you have one foot out the door. Accept him now, warts and all, or move on.

[Els]

I only read the first page, but my thoughts...

 

You're going to get a lot of flak from this board for this, but I think your expectations aren't unreasonable. I suppose it depends on your age, but AFAIK you are in your late twenties at least, so it's fairly common for women to want men who are able to support themselves and get approval for rental apartments at that age or later.

 

That being said... I also think it's fairly obvious that you aren't really feeling it for him. It's evident in the way you talk about him and in how you describe your interactions with him. In that case, I think it's somewhat unfair and inconsiderate for you to string him along in hopes that in 3 months' time if he jumps through the necessary hoops you "may consider" him. Don't do that. Just be honest with him and let him know you're not really feeling it. He may be "broke with a capital B", but he's still a fellow human and deserves your honesty.

Edited October 29, 2017 by Elswyth

[Highndry]

You have missed the point of what is being discussed.. No one is placing a dollar value on this guy. No one is saying, "Gee, he works as a retail clerk and only clears $25k per year: you should dump him."

 

They guy is 30 years old and he doesn't have a job and he doesn't sound like he's ever had a firm employment. At 30 years old, a responsible adult would have SOME kind of career inline for himself.

 

Bottom line; a guy in his thirties should have established a stable financial life for himself. He should be holding down steady employment and be out on his own; not driving Uber and couch surfing. His current and past situations are showing that he isn't a responsible adult and that's not kosher.

 

I have dated a few women who were flat-out broke but they worked hard at their jobs, provided a home for themselves and paid their bills. I ended up picking up the tab for a lot of dates but I was alright with that because they were adults who were trying to make ends meet.

 

Did you even read her post? He is working as a driver for Lyft and Uber.

[Els]

Did you even read her post? He is working as a driver for Lyft and Uber.

 

That's technically not a job, though, and most certainly not "firm employment". All Lyft and Uber do is connect people with other people who offer to drive them - they don't "employ" drivers. It's quite unstable from day to day, and almost all decent apartments won't approve a person whose "employment" consists solely of that. Because unless you have substantial savings (which this guy doesn't), they know there will be weeks when you may be unable to pay rent.

Edited October 29, 2017 by Elswyth

[Highndry]

That's technically not a job, though, and most certainly not "firm employment". All Lyft and Uber do is connect people with other people who offer to drive them - they don't "employ" drivers. It's quite unstable from day to day, and almost all decent apartments won't approve a person whose "employment" consists solely of that. Because unless you have substantial savings (which this guy doesn't), they know there will be weeks when you may be unable to pay rent.

 

LOL, ok, now Uber's not even considered a job. Got it.

[jay1983]

To rent an apartment the leasing office will ask for last check stubs to verify income. If they're dissatisfied, they'll ask for a month's rent deposit. That's in the US though

[coolheadal]

You have missed the point of what is being discussed.. No one is placing a dollar value on this guy. No one is saying, "Gee, he works as a retail clerk and only clears $25k per year: you should dump him."

 

They guy is 30 years old and he doesn't have a job and he doesn't sound like he's ever had a firm employment. At 30 years old, a responsible adult would have SOME kind of career inline for himself.

 

Bottom line; a guy in his thirties should have established a stable financial life for himself. He should be holding down steady employment and be out on his own; not driving Uber and couch surfing. His current and past situations are showing that he isn't a responsible adult and that's not kosher.

 

I have dated a few women who were flat-out broke but they worked hard at their jobs, provided a home for themselves and paid their bills. I ended up picking up the tab for a lot of dates but I was alright with that because they were adults who were trying to make ends meet.

 

I disagree with rule.. No one can be forced to get a career if they life cycle didn't end up that way. If he has struggle to this point without this so call career which to me is another way the system works against you if you don't follow the norm. Frankly he has the right not to have a career at age 30, 40, 50 or higher doesn't matter. What maters is the fact he has a job that can support him and one other. The OP sounds like she working and might even have a career which isn't so important if you come to think about it. If you work make the money saved it in the bank (another norm way of doing things) you can have large safe in the house and store you funds in there or under the mattress. Listen everyone going to live different than the ideal way we are suppose to live. Go to school, go to high school, go to college and get a career. What happens if this guy just gone to high school and skipped college and never got a career. Your telling me your wont' be his friend, she shouldn't date him either just because he doesn't have a career. Really come now. So important to you have a guy in their 30's to have a career. What about all those who work for Junk Food Chains, all those who work in retail. Even if they didn't finish school and got to the level of Manager, Director, CEO just happen to be in those high level jobs. This guy can do the same if he wanted too. It's not fair us to be judgmental of those who didn't follow the norm.

Edited October 29, 2017 by coolheadal

[Art_Critic]

According to glassdoor a typical driver makes 30k driving for UBER..

 

https://www.glassdoor.com/Salaries/uber-driver-salary-SRCH_KO0,11.htm

 

Also... The IRS categorizes an UBER driver as self employed, so if the IRS accepts the income from UBER'ng I would think an apartment complex would too...

 

This off topic discussion of the UBER being a job or not isn't really the point though..

She isn't a fit for him and she should tell him that.

[Williamjacob]

According to glassdoor a typical driver makes 30k driving for UBER..

 

https://www.glassdoor.com/Salaries/uber-driver-salary-SRCH_KO0,11.htm

 

Also... The IRS categorizes an UBER driver as self employed, so if the IRS accepts the income from UBER'ng I would think an apartment complex would too...

 

This off topic discussion of the UBER being a job or not isn't really the point though..

She isn't a fit for him and she should tell him that.

 

She can date him, just like I've dated nutty women, because we would like too if they make us feel good about our selves. Taxis service that consider a job. To me this is a love story with two different people from different backgrounds.

[coolheadal]

Are you serious? "It's still money," as if the quantity of it doesn't have any sort of implication or real world impact? Imagine if you borrowed $100K from the bank and after a while, you paid them back twenty bucks. They ask where the other rest of it is and you said "Huh? What do you mean? I gave back $20. It's still money." Unbelievable.

 

 

 

 

My point is why don't you think someone's financial decisions are grounds to determine your compatibility? I can assess their qualities in everything else but if they're six figures in debt because they cashed out their IRA to buy Beanie Babies and Pogs, I'm just supposed to pretend like that isn't a reflection of their intelligence, judgment, or character? Really??

 

 

 

I can't fathom how you think peoples' solvency isn't at all a reflection of the difficulty and/or importance of work they do, and choices, sacrifices, and compromises they make. How is that not a part of "who they are?"

 

 

 

I've never met a woman my age with more money than me. I don't care if she has what I have because it's not realistic. What I do expect her to have is a decent job so she can support herself, and a home to maintain some semblance of safety, independence, and dignity. I want a woman who makes her own way, makes her own contributions to society, takes responsibility for her own actions, acts sensibly, and doesn't rely on others to just "share" what they earn without giving anything back despite her own careless behavior. Those are the qualities that I like and love. Those are things I value and look for in a woman. Her career, her aspirations, and her financial sense are a reflection of that. Why is that bad? You're acting like eschewing those notions is some kind of virtue and that it's somehow more noble to not consider these things, as if they don't "count."

 

 

 

It's almost as if you haven't actually read my post...

 

We both just have different opinions you and I about this, no need to hack-jack the OP thread!

If you want to talk about this further open a post in Rants here on LS.

Otherwise Shanti (means peace)

[normal person]

What happens if this guy just gone to high school and skipped college and never got a career.

 

If he makes the decision not to go to college, then he lessens his chance of employment in positions that require college degrees. It's on him to accept the fate of his choices, not on everyone else to overlook them. Why are you so quick to discount the efforts of people who work for things and make decisions to benefit themselves? You act like people who care about their lives and futures enough to secure their livelihoods and make conscientious decisions are somehow not more appealing than people who don't care and make less conscientious decisions. It doesn't make any sense. If the guy never got a career, then he has to live with the consequences of that decision, including the lack of appeal to women who want a man with a career, as is the case in this thread.

 

 

Your telling me your wont' be his friend, she shouldn't date him either just because he doesn't have a career.

 

That's basically the topic of the thread.

 

What about all those who work for Junk Food Chains, all those who work in retail.

 

Whatever someone's job, they have to accept the advantages of disadvantages of that job, not expect people to overlook or discount them.

 

Even if they didn't finish school and got to the level of Manager, Director, CEO just happen to be in those high level jobs.

 

Yeah, those CEOs just "happen" to be in those positions and it's not at all a result of any business acumen or diligence, right?

 

This guy can do the same if he wanted too. It's not fair us to be judgmental of those who didn't follow the norm.

 

So wait, you think the guy can just walk into a store and become the manager or CEO, but for some reason just doesn't want to, instead sleeps on his brother's couch, and you still think OP should overlook these choices?

[lovephule]

The airbnb is essentially volunteer work. The property owner will not be able to pay him at all until they invest in more property, which isn't around the corner.

 

OP what does this sound like to you?

 

On another note, do you have any inkling as to the ways in which he does or doesn't contribute to his current household? You mentioned a brother, a SIL, and two children.

[Els]

LOL, ok, now Uber's not even considered a job. Got it.

 

You must not read the news very often. Uber specifically states that its drivers are not employees and fights very hard to maintain that definition. There is pushback towards that in some countries, and in a few of those, Uber lost the battle. But in general the intention of the system was to not employ any drivers and to keep them as "self employed" as they legally can.

[BlueIvy]

I want to get some opinions from the audience here. I met a guy online, we exchanged a few emails and decided to meet. We had lunch and he asked if we could split the check, sure. We had drinks after and we split that check. We had coffee at Starbucks and I went straight to the counter and ordered my stuff with card in hand. I'm more of the traditional type and I feel that guys should pay on the first date at least. The following dates can be flexible.

 

We got to talking and he tells me he's taking an online course to get a real estate license, he's managing an Airbnb for someone (on a trial basis- without pay during the trial run), he's driving for lyft and uber (which is his main source of income now). He recently moved his stuff into storage and is staying with this brother/wife and 2 children until he gets his own place.

 

He applied for an apartment but they took too long to approve him before he had to move out of the place he was renting. Turns out his application got denied so he's still looking. I've been on 2 dates with him so far. The second he did pay for after learning my feelings about the topic. We've talked a lot about things and I see potential there. I asked him how long he thinks it would take him to get his act together. He said 3 months, to get a real job, find a place and get his finances back in order.

 

At first, I was like "oh, absolutely not!." I turned down his request for date #2 because it was just too much. I'm looking for a stable guy interested in long-term. I've since decided to give him an opportunity to clean up the mess. I said that I would continue to date him BUT that I would not be able to progress into an exclusive (bf/gf/only seeing each other) anything with him until I saw stability on his end. If he can get it together in the 3 month window and we're both still interested by then, I would be open to dating exclusively. Right now though, no. He wanted me to clarify whether or not I'll be seeing other guys in the meantime. I said absolutely!

 

He should be happy that I am being so understanding about this setbacks and willing to see him despite those factors. I have a good job, my own place, and car that's paid off, I travel often and I don't need anyone to take care of me. I do need to be able to view my partner as my equal though. If he's not bringing this A game then I can't work with that.

 

What do you guys think about this? A I being too lenient on this guy? Should I be running for the hills? Do you think that you could see yourself dating someone who was broke?

I would run for the hills,lol.

 

You seem to have your ish in order, so why date someone who is struggling? Your first instincts said hell no. Some women can give a guy a chance while he struggles, that's on them. But it seems you aren't about that life and why should you? It doesn't make you a bad person...

 

Honestly, he shouldn't even be dating right now.He has too much going on.

[Els]

According to glassdoor a typical driver makes 30k driving for UBER..

 

https://www.glassdoor.com/Salaries/uber-driver-salary-SRCH_KO0,11.htm

 

Also... The IRS categorizes an UBER driver as self employed, so if the IRS accepts the income from UBER'ng I would think an apartment complex would too...

 

It's not about not being able to accept the money, it's about having reasonable confidence that the person either has a consistent stream of income or enough savings that even if the income dwindles they can pay the remainder of their lease... to make sure that they don't end up with the hassle of chasing for rent and then having to evict someone. It's pretty normal, here anyway, for rental agencies in desirable places to require either proof of employment or a bank statement showing your balance. Even a contractor on a 3 monthly or 6 monthly contract would face some difficulty, let alone someone for whom the next DAY of income wasn't guaranteed, let alone the next week or month.

 

This off topic discussion of the UBER being a job or not isn't really the point though..

She isn't a fit for him and she should tell him that.

 

I agree. The problem is that some people are using the "Uber is a job!!" argument to try and justify beating on the OP for her requirements, hence the discussion.

[coolheadal]

If he makes the decision not to go to college, then he lessens his chance of employment in positions that require college degrees. It's on him to accept the fate of his choices, not on everyone else to overlook them. Why are you so quick to discount the efforts of people who work for things and make decisions to benefit themselves? You act like people who care about their lives and futures enough to secure their livelihoods and make conscientious decisions are somehow not more appealing than people who don't care and make less conscientious decisions. It doesn't make any sense. If the guy never got a career, then he has to live with the consequences of that decision, including the lack of appeal to women who want a man with a career, as is the case in this thread.

 

 

 

 

That's basically the topic of the thread.

 

 

 

Whatever someone's job, they have to accept the advantages of disadvantages of that job, not expect people to overlook or discount them.

 

 

 

Yeah, those CEOs just "happen" to be in those positions and it's not at all a result of any business acumen or diligence, right?

 

 

 

So wait, you think the guy can just walk into a store and become the manager or CEO, but for some reason just doesn't want to, instead sleeps on his brother's couch, and you still think OP should overlook these choices?

 

So you are telling me you never had hard times in life. So what if he did sleep on the couch or sofa at his brother house. What happen if he played lottery won over 200 million sure his life would change around. He wouldn't have to drive a car for a living to pick-up people. Any company that pays you a check you would be considered a employee unless they are on 1099 where they're mostly contractor that not on W2.

 

1099 - you get all your money (but you have to pay the taxes back)

W2 - - taxes are taken out

Corp to Corp - client pays the corp then the corp pays you still the best one is W2.

[Buriall]

Money is a way of measuring wealth, but is not wealth in itself. A chest of gold coins or a fat wallet of bills is of no use whatsoever to a wrecked sailor alone on a raft. He needs real wealth, in the form of a fishing rod, a compass, an outboard motor with gas, and a female companion.

 

Alan W WATTS

[Cookiesandough]

Money is a way of measuring wealth, but is not wealth in itself. A chest of gold coins or a fat wallet of bills is of no use whatsoever to a wrecked sailor alone on a raft. He needs real wealth, in the form of a fishing rod, a compass, an outboard motor with gas, and a female companion.

 

Alan W WATTS

 

I love it!

Edited October 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[snowbird7]

I would run for the hills,lol.

 

You seem to have your ish in order, so why date someone who is struggling? Your first instincts said hell no. Some women can give a guy a chance while he struggles, that's on them. But it seems you aren't about that life and why should you? It doesn't make you a bad person...

 

Honestly, he shouldn't even be dating right now.He has too much going on.

 

I completely agree with this. I couldn't imagine dating somebody that was homeless.

 

I mean, one of the first questions people ask you about your bf is what he does for a living and where he lives. Sorry, but imho if you date a loser, that makes you a loser. Like my mom always said, 'birds of a feather, flock together', and while this might not be absolutely true, I do think it is basically true.

 

Ditch this loser and tell him to get his act together. Your rejection of him might even be the motivating force that will finally help him get out of his rut.