GIGS ex texting me

[VisionL09]

You don't have to apologize to anyone on here OP and don't allow them to make you feel ashamed for how you feel. I would like to wager the people whom seem to act like they have it together have made some embarrassing mistakes themselves in their life. If they're getting annoyed, that's their problem. This is a forum for support..whether it's comfort or advice. Life is already tough as it is. Some people seem to forget that not everyone seeks advice. Sometimes just hearing that someoene else has been in your shoes once upon a time is enough.

 

It's your thread. Do your thing.

 

Yes exactly, I'm a very private person and keep pretty much everything to myself but for some reason i've been the complete opposite with all this. I've been wanting to tell almost everyone around me because it does make me feel better when i talk about it, and like to hear people give advice and show support which is why i started this thread.. and maybe someone can use what's being said on here one day

[VisionL09]

Last night at 1 am i get a call from a random number which i did not recognize and i decided to pick up .. it was my ex and this is how the quick 20 second convo went..

 

Me:Hello

her:hello

i instantly recognized her voice so i felt my heart sink because i did not expect it to be her but i still asked who is it

Me:Who's this

her:it's me

Me: what..

i said "what" in an uninterested tone like "what do you want"

her: are you busy right now?

me: um no..

her:can we talk

and when she said can we talk she almost sounded like she was going to start crying or something, i panicked because i did not want to talk to her..

Me: um let me call you back..

i then hung up

 

i then get a text from her 10 minutes later from the same number and she just says my name.. i did not reply and then she calls me again from the same number 20 minutes later and i didn't answer. that's all that happened.

 

I am not her therapist or counselor so she needs to stop coming to me whenever she FEELS anything whether it has anything to do with our relationship or not.

 

I wonder why she called and texted from a different number. I thought maybe she lost her phone and so she had to get a new phone and number... maybe it's her friends phone... or maybe it's one of those apps where they you can get a fake number which you can use to text and call people which she's done before .. A LOT.. and tbh that's why blocking this girl won't do that much because if she wanted to get in contact with me, me having her number blocked wouldn't stop her at all because she uses those apps and she can just text or call from a fake number ..

 

did i do the wrong thing this time?

Edited November 13, 2017 by VisionL09

[Marc878]

You did the right thing so keep it up. Nothing there for you.

 

You don't want or need her breadcrumbs.

[VisionL09]

You did the right thing so keep it up. Nothing there for you.

 

You don't want or need her breadcrumbs.

 

yes i don't want to entertain any breadcrumbs and i'm definitely not interested in helping her sort out her emotions.

 

naturally i am not a selfish person but just like how she told me the day she officially broke up with me .. "I have to be more selfish" and now it's time to put my heath and well being over everything and specially above her and her messy life..

 

she blamed me for everything that went wrong and it felt like every time we talked after the break up she came up with 10 more excuses as to why she had to leave. I now am living a drama free life and only get drama when she decides to text or call me and meanwhile so much stuff has happened to her and she even said that her life is "a hot mess right now". She's having issues with her parents, lost best friends and other bad stuff which i really don't even have to talk about.

 

There's nothing i could have done to stop this from happening. I loved that woman more than i love myself and it was hard for me to let her go and let her be free but it had to be done. now i just hope that she stays safe out there, specially because of the things she's doing and the people she's doing it with..

 

i'm saying all this because i've been feeling some guilt for not being there for her after i told her that i would be there for her no matter what about 6 weeks ago, but i just can't do it anymore and again i have to be more selfish and take care of myself before anything since talking to her brings pain..

[Beachead]

yes i don't want to entertain any breadcrumbs and i'm definitely not interested in helping her sort out her emotions.

 

naturally i am not a selfish person but just like how she told me the day she officially broke up with me .. "I have to be more selfish" and now it's time to put my heath and well being over everything and specially above her and her messy life..

 

she blamed me for everything that went wrong and it felt like every time we talked after the break up she came up with 10 more excuses as to why she had to leave. I now am living a drama free life and only get drama when she decides to text or call me and meanwhile so much stuff has happened to her and she even said that her life is "a hot mess right now". She's having issues with her parents, lost best friends and other bad stuff which i really don't even have to talk about.

 

There's nothing i could have done to stop this from happening. I loved that woman more than i love myself and it was hard for me to let her go and let her be free but it had to be done. now i just hope that she stays safe out there, specially because of the things she's doing and the people she's doing it with..

 

i'm saying all this because i've been feeling some guilt for not being there for her after i told her that i would be there for her no matter what about 6 weeks ago, but i just can't do it anymore and again i have to be more selfish and take care of myself before anything since talking to her brings pain..

 

Completely understandable. If you two hadn't dated and remained friends, I'm sure you would have been there for her and I'm sure you would have been there for her if you two were still together. But, you two did date and she did break up with you and consequently broke your heart. So now you can't be there for her anymore because you're hurting too and mending your broken heart will require your attention everyday for a long time. Can't be there for anyone else unless you're healthy mentally so focus on yourself. Her problems are hers to look after. Don't feel guilty. I would have done the same.

[VisionL09]

You don't have to read any of this but thank you if choose to ...

 

 

I miss her so much. I miss that special bond we had and how we were ALWAYS there for each other no matter what. We were best friends but we were also so in love with each other and i felt like we were meant to last forever. I was doing fine but these past 2-3 days have been really bad for me because the good memories are literally haunting me and everything is reminding me of her and us. I wish she would have realized how special our relationship and our bond was and how rare it really was before she decided to walk away. It's so hard when you know you're meant to be with someone but you have to let them go and can't really do anything else. I think that deep down she knows that what we had was very special too but she's being distracted by other stuff that some people are just more into than others. Even after all the messed up things she did and told me after the break up i still have so much love for this woman and i wish things would have turned out different.

 

Maybe i was just being dumb in believing that at such a young age i found the person i would be with for my entire life.. i know a lot of people out there think this because i'm only 24 and met her when i was 21 but the thing is that if it were all up to me, we would still be together.. but there's only so much one person can control in a relationship.. I don't think i would have ever left her because i "fell out of love" or anything like that because i understand that being in love is more about effort and trying for someone you love and care about.. and i would have NEVER given up on this woman..

 

She gave up on me because she wanted to live that different life of partying, drinking, doing drugs, getting home late, maybe having that freedom of being able to do whatever she wanted with the opposite sex, etc without having to worry about me, what i'll think or what i'll say.. It's been hard for her to completely cut me off because she's still showing that she still has feelings for me but all in all she just has her mind on other things right now and she doesn't want me to get in the way of any of it so she's trying her best to get over me, which sucks that these are the reasons why our relationship came to an end..

 

We were literally perfect for each other which is why it didn't make much sense to me how she kept saying that we weren't compatible. 3 and a half years of so much love and now all of a sudden we aren't compatible? Like some of you have said, She's just young and inexperienced with life and she wants to be free and experiment but didn't know how to tell me. It's hard to accept something like that after she promised me that we will always be together and that she will never leave me but i'm slowly learning to accept everything. It still hurts so much and i've missed her more than anything in the last 2-3 days but there's nothing else i can do but to just continue moving on..

Edited November 18, 2017 by VisionL09

[VisionL09]

I want to talk about a big part of my story which i have left out and don't think have mentioned here yet. This made the BU that much painful for me and i today it is what makes me feel bitter towards everything she did even though i still have a lot of love for her, and it is also another reason why all of this falls under a GIGS break up or whatever ..

 

The day she officially broke up with me she told me "I have something F*cked up to tell you" after giving me like 20 reasons as to why she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She then chose not to tell me after i told her that my sister was sitting right next to me and I'm showing her some of our texts since my sister was helping me go through everything. I guess my ex felt embarrassed and then she told me "ok no i don't want to tell you now".

 

Fast forward to like a week later, we called each other and we start talking about our relationship because i was still looking for answers and this is when she was saying things like we weren't compatible and that she wanted to be single and also telling me that she's a piece of sh*t and that i deserved better and that right there confused me. this is when i was trying to reel her back in and i remember saying "look we can't just throw away the special relationship we had so please let's try" I look back at that now and i realize how stupid that was of me but i wasn't thinking clearly right there because i was just so hurt and wanted her. This is when i tell her "oh what was that F*cked up thing you wanted to tell me that other day" She then goes "I slept on another guys bed that one night after a party"(Night before she officially broke up with me) which is why that night when she told me she needed space she went MIA for like 15 hours.. i felt like someone stabbed me in the heart.. I remember there was silence for like 10 seconds and then i ask "did you do anything with him?" She then goes "no i didn't" and then i go "ok then.." and i remember her telling me this "You're lucky he's a good guy and he didn't do anything bad to me" like excuse me? i'm lucky? but i stayed quiet. today i feel disgusted at myself for accepting all that and looking past it but 5 minutes later i went back to telling her that she should try and not throw away our relationship and she goes no what if i cheat on you cause i'm different when i'm drunk and i said let's try and see.. it's really pathetic, i know, but I'm wiser today and have definitely learned from that experience and will NEVER act this pathetic for another person.. then she says this "Tonight i'm going to hang out with that guy i slept with so.." and this is when it became more of an argument because all that stuff was really F*cking me up and never expected it from her. Tensions were so high and she then goes I have to go nap and then she left.. While she naps i tell my mother everything and she snapped some sense into me and she calmed me down and this is when i blocked her and deleted all our pictures, videos etc..

 

We didn't talk for 2 weeks but then i broke no contact. we texted for like 3-4 hours and this is when she told me that she's over me and doesn't think about me and that something messed up happened to her and she didn't even think about telling me. Now 1 week after that, after things calmed down and i was starting to accept everything and i was finally giving her that space she wanted so bad, she initiates contact and that day we end up texting a lot and she even called me and our phone call lasted almost 2 hours so we talk about a whole lot. She finally tells me about that messed up thing that happened to her. She also goes more into details about that guy she "slept" with and she told me that she didn't cheat on me but she started hanging out with him behind my back maybe 2 weeks before she broke up with me and that this is a guy she knew for a long while and didn't say much else about that because of that messed up thing that happened to her. I remember saying "you did something so dark to me.." and this is when she goes "So i tell you about the messed up thing that happened to me and this is what you say?" and i just think man whats the point and so i say "You know what nvm" and just forgot about that and just gave her my support..

 

Umm.. It looks like she left me for this guy and is one of the REAL reasons as to why she left me, I'm not 100% sure but it damn sure looks like it, and then she also wants to go out and party, drink, do drugs, and be able to do whatever she wants with anyone, Which again is why i say this is GIGS related. Today I'm 100% sure they're not together or even talk to each other because that messed up thing that happened to her involves him.

Edited November 23, 2017 by VisionL09

[Marc878]

You’ll either move on with your life or continue to linger in this.

 

Only you can keep you where you are.

 

You control your phone and yourself.

 

At this time you’re giving control to her.

 

Why?

[VisionL09]

You’ll either move on with your life or continue to linger in this.

 

Only you can keep you where you are.

 

You control your phone and yourself.

 

At this time you’re giving control to her.

 

Why?

 

I haven't talked to her in almost 2 weeks and I mean.. i've been doing pretty good. Yesterday, i spent time with my cousin and friends and had a good time. Today My family is having a party and im excited about that so again i'm doing fine but It hasn't even been 3 months since we broke up so I still think about a lot regarding the breakup and i decided to talk about this huge piece of my story since i haven't mentioned it yet, and maybe in the future this can help someone who's in the same exact place i'm in. I'm trying my best to move on and just because i come here to talk about what's on my mind and share an important part of my story doesn't mean I'm giving her any control.

[HumanMachine]

That’s great but is she blocked?

[VisionL09]

That’s great but is she blocked?

I know this is going to disappoint a lot of you but no she's still not blocked. She will be by december but i don't think i'm getting anything from her anymore anyways, unless it's her talking about that money stuff but meh i don't see her dropping any more breadcrumbs after what happened last time

Edited November 23, 2017 by VisionL09

[Beachead]

I know this is going to disappoint a lot of you but no she's still not blocked. She will be by december but i don't think i'm getting anything from her anymore anyways, unless it's her talking about that money stuff but meh i don't see her dropping any more breadcrumbs after what happened last time

 

You'll do it when you do it. Don't sweat yourself about it, breakups are difficult. Once you've been through a few situations like this where your emotional well-being has been stretched thin, you won't stick around and suffer this long.

 

Sometimes, we have to touch the fire to understand why we shouldn't.

[VisionL09]

You'll do it when you do it. Don't sweat yourself about it, breakups are difficult. Once you've been through a few situations like this where your emotional well-being has been stretched thin, you won't stick around and suffer this long.

 

Sometimes, we have to touch the fire to understand why we shouldn't.

yes i understand but thank you i appreciate that

[VisionL09]

update..

 

I blocked my ex about a week ago and last time i heard from her was when she gave me that call from that random number exactly 5 weeks ago. My birthday came before i blocked her and i did not hear from her. A part of me wished she at least wished me a happy birthday but i was glad she didn't because i know how messy things get when she messages me.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say that things are getting easier because i still have a heavy heart and definitely feel it a lot and some days are still really bad but i am adapting to living with what i feel.

 

After the break up up until a couple days ago i spent a whole lot of time reading gigs stuff and reconciliation stories but i have stopped because that gave me hope that i do not need right now in order to truly move on. I spent so much time doing that stuff because of how the break up happened and how confused it left me. I now know that the reason why she wanted to leave doesn't really matter whether it's gigs etc and if she wanted to leave then there's nothing i could have done, and trying to understand everything will just make me go insane so it is what it is.

 

Yesterday, i went out to this club with some friends because it was my friends birthday. I had a great time but i couldn't help but think about some stuff like for example i caught myself just looking around and thinking "so this is what my ex left me for".. It didn't make me feel bad or stopped me from having fun or anything but i did think about that a few times. When i got home and was finally alone my heavy heart got heavier but i expect that to happen at this point and i know i can deal with it on my own which is something i had a hard time doing before.

 

Her number is blocked, i NEVER check her social medias and i'm going to continue living my life regardless of how much pain i feel. I'm going to keep taking it day by day and trying my best everyday and hopefully things will indeed get easier for me.

Edited December 17, 2017 by VisionL09

[VisionL09]

Today was a bad day because i've been missing her a lot and i kept thinking about those beautiful moments we had, but it is a good feeling knowing that everything is in my control.

 

What i can't see and i what i don't know can't hurt me and i have zero interest in knowing what she's up to today. It has been an important goal of mine to NEVER check her social medias or anything of hers and since she lives in another state then there's no way we will ever run into each other.

 

At this point i know that i've experienced the worst and again, since i'm in control then there's nothing out there that will continue to break my heart unless i go out of my way and look for "pain" which is obviously something i'm not going to do. I will never break contact, i will never check her social medias and i will keep taking care of myself and loving myself like how i've been doing. I'm glad i've become stronger and wiser after all the sh*t i got put through

[Marc878]

Stop projecting yout feelings onto her.

 

She doesn't feel that way about you.

 

You keep saying how perfect it was but love is blind.

 

It wasn't perfect you just never saw it coming.

[VisionL09]

Stop projecting yout feelings onto her.

 

She doesn't feel that way about you.

 

You keep saying how perfect it was but love is blind.

 

It wasn't perfect you just never saw it coming.

 

i never even mentioned the word perfect in my last post but if you're talking about me saying "beautiful moments" then hey i'm just being real.. we were together for 3 and a half years so obviously A LOT of good things happened in our relationship which is why the break up has been so painful for me.

 

you're right about her not feeling "that way" about me, the relationship and having less feelings towards what we had than i did but that's because she started checking out of it way before she even broke up with me. I myself don't feel the same way about her today as i did 4 months ago when we were together, And if what we had really meant absolutely nothing to her then she wouldn't have done some of the things she did post break up when she was literally embarrassing herself and throwing tantrums cause i "didn't care about her anymore" and telling me that she really wished we would have worked out etc.

 

She's a young woman who still has a lot to learn about herself and life, and i also have A LOT to learn about myself and life and as much as i wanted our IMPERFECT relationship to work out, I'm slowly accepting that it just wasn't meant to be.

[Zoolander]

Mate I'm going through something a bit like this but not this extreme. You wanted to be there for her because you care but at the same time you knew she left you without thinking about your feelings

 

You did what you thought was right so don't beat yourself up over taking a while to block her

[SpecialJ]

It took me 4 months to block my ex of a year. After about 3 more months of being blocked, healing really started to happen. Stay strong, it's totally normal for things to start rocky in the early stages of NC. I kept him blocked until I felt totally okay and had dated others... took almost a year after NC finally started.

[VisionL09]

Mate I'm going through something a bit like this but not this extreme. You wanted to be there for her because you care but at the same time you knew she left you without thinking about your feelings

 

You did what you thought was right so don't beat yourself up over taking a while to block her

yes, once i spent enough time alone i realized that being around her was too painful and then on top of that she treated me really bad so i had to keep my distance and at times ignore her. Ignoring her did make me feel guilty at times but i simply deserved better than everything she ended up doing to me.

[VisionL09]

After the holidays, things were getting so much easier for me and i even met a girl like 9 days ago. We've pretty much been talking everyday since we met. She lives an hour away from where i live and she said that that isn't a big deal at all when i said "I wish we lived closer to each other". Were both interested in each other but the last 3 days have been kinda bad for me and it's almost like talking to this girl is making me miss my ex and the relationship we had a whole lot. I even cried the last 2 nights because i felt so much and i just had to let it out. Is this normal? is it too early for me to try and connect with another girl or something.. like what the hell is going on?sigh..

[VisionL09]

umm.. so i want to talk about something but you don't have to read this or reply to it as i feel like I've been doing what needs to be done and don't really need any advice. I just feel like adding this on this thread..

 

As i have said, i blocked my ex's number in december but even before i blocked her number i did not hear from her for more than a month. I had her unblocked on my birthday and i got nothing from her that day(Glad i got nothing btw). I also had her unblocked for thanksgiving and got nothing so i figured she finally gets it and understands that i want her to leave me alone. That obviously didn't matter much since i ended up blocking her number in december anyways but yesterday i get a call from a number with the same exact area code as her. I instantly saw the number and saw what was up and didn't pick up. Now for whoever doesn't know, me and my ex were in a LDR and we basically lived on opposite ends of the country. I know nobody from her city and the only time i've seen that area code on my phone is from her and when she's trying to contact me.

 

Me and a close friend were having a chat a few days ago and he pretty much knows everything i went through. He's told me "oh she'll be back, you'll see" plenty of times and i just keep telling him that i don't really care and that i don't even want to think about getting back with her ever. A few days ago while we were talking he asks about her and if she has tried to contact and i told him no, he then starts talking about things he's done and the time when he had "Gigs". He didn't refer to it as GIGS but he pretty much said that he ended up dumping his girl at the time, which i obviously knew of since they were together for 4-5 years and then months later after messing with some girls he told himself "wtf am i doing, I'm still in love with my ex and all these other girls mean nothing to me" he then calls her and eventually they get back together.

 

He told me that soon it will hit my ex just like it hit him and that one day i will get a random phone call from her and i'm just like "that's cool but meh i don't really care at this point". now fast forward to only 2 days later, i get this phone call and i'm 99.9% sure it's her. I then talk to my friend about it and how i got that call and he goes "You see? it's just like i described". I told him that i didn't pick up and he tells me that i should have but i go " nah i'm not going to play her games and i'm over everything".

 

All of this is just crazy to me and i can't help but to laugh at how selfish and childish some people can be. He is a close friend and all and he has helped me a lot with everything i went through but i highly disagree with how he likes to play with people's emotions and be immature like that which is why he didn't have a problem leaving his gf after 4-5 years because he "wanted to be single" and do stuff with other girls then one day wake up and think oh yea im still in love with my ex let me see what she's up to. He knows how he is and he even said this to me "your ex sounds a lot like me and like how i can be selfish when it comes to peoples emotions and that isn't good at all" which is exactly why i told him that i didn't pick up because i'm not going to play those childish games with her.

Edited January 25, 2018 by VisionL09

[VisionL09]

So it's been like 5 and a half months since the break up and this is the best i've felt in a long time. This week was so empowering because looking back at how i felt in september and october, i never thought i'd feel this good ever again without this girl. I was spending more time with friends and family and for the first time since i met my ex i'm going hours without thinking about her.

I was doing great.

 

On friday night i get a random text from a number i didn't recognize and all they say is "Hey". The number had my same exact area code so i thought it was from someone from my city. I reply and say "who's this" and she says her name. I didn't reply after that and neither did she. The next day(saturday afternoon) i get another message from the same number and she goes "are you busy" and i didn't reply. Nothing else was said. She really went out of her way to make a fake number with my same exact area code just so i would reply. This is comical, but i'm wondering what is it that she wants now when i've made it clear that i want nothing to do with her..

 

I've read multiple times that it's like they can sense when you're truly moving on and that's when they show up again. It was almost like her only intention with all this was just to remind me that she is still there and to get me to think about her more, and i guess it worked because i'm again thinking about her more and even had a dream about her. It really sucks but i'm so much stronger today and this is not going to stop me from continuing what i've been doing to get better.

Edited February 19, 2018 by VisionL09