GIGS ex texting me

[Been]

Block her number. Stop playing her game.

You weren't friends you were in a relationship she threw away.

You want me to tell you why you get these random texts? Because she wants to keep that door open with you in case she needs to run back to you when everything goes bad for her. Hell you've already shown her your still AROUND for her. Everytime you text her you just confirm it.

I had ex who treated me like crap. We broke up and the NEXT day she's texting me "checking up on me" and telling me shes here for me if I need anything. Sounds awesome right? Except the fact that she treated me bad,disrespected me on a constant basis and now she's going to be there for me? She couldn't even be a decent girlfriend and yet she wants to be a part of my life? Its the same with you. She just wants that line of communication open for HER needs not yours. BLOCK HER.

[VisionL09]

Thank you everyone.

 

again, i can't block her because of some responsibilities that have to be met but i will continue what i've been doing and that's to never initiate contact and ignore her calls and texts.

 

I'm still missing her and what we had so much and i still feel sad from time to time .. specially when i hear a song that reminds me of us and our moments(has happened quite a lot) but everyday has been better..

 

I never thought any of this would happen and that i would one day be in a breakup forum sharing my experience because this woman was my everything and we always talked about being together forever. It obviously didn't happen that way.. but life just keeps going...

Edited October 31, 2017 by VisionL09

[VisionL09]

I woke up from a nap about half an hour ago and i had a dream where me and my ex were out doing groceries. She basically ends up breaking up with me and there i am begging her to take me back while she's being cold, distant and trying to push me away(exactly like the real break up). I then wake up with a lot of anxiety and the NEED to talk to her. I continue to have these dreams where i'm basically reliving the break up and all the emotions and feelings that came with it and it just feels really really bad. It was happening a lot like 3-4 weeks ago and it just happened again right now. Did this happen to anyone who went through a bad break up? It's not a good feeling at all because i wake up expecting her to be there to make things better but that's obviously not going to happen and so i deal with really bad anxiety for about 20 minutes ..

[NopeNah]

I woke up from a nap about half an hour ago and i had a dream where me and my ex were out doing groceries. She basically ends up breaking up with me and there i am begging her to take me back while she's being cold, distant and trying to push me away(exactly like the real break up). I then wake up with a lot of anxiety and the NEED to talk to her. I continue to have these dreams where i'm basically reliving the break up and all the emotions and feelings that came with it and it just feels really really bad. It was happening a lot like 3-4 weeks ago and it just happened again right now. Did this happen to anyone who went through a bad break up? It's not a good feeling at all because i wake up expecting her to be there to make things better but that's obviously not going to happen and so i deal with really bad anxiety for about 20 minutes ..

Yes. It happens to most that are dumped/cheated on 'out of the blue'(This is normally not the case,but people don't see the warning signs happening and it seems that way). Those dreams could be,I don't know; Telling you exactly what NOT to do..Just saying.

[VisionL09]

My ex messaged me on sunday night and said "How are you doing", i did not reply to this..

 

On Tuesday at 4 pm, i get another text from her and it has a meme. The meme says "Y'all change your whole life for a guy and sit in the house while he cheat on you with the same type of bitch he didn't want you to be ... GO BE A HOE" with a really excited squidward from spongebob... my ex then says "crazy how true this is lol"

 

I hardly even went out while with her. I'm 25 and have been to 0 clubs and maybe just a few bars with friends or family because i'm just not a party person and i just don't like that environment very much. She on the other hand just turned 21 and has been to way more bars and clubs than me. Like i mentioned before, while we were still together, she was going out to clubs and bars while i was home and i did not care about this because i did not want to stop her from having fun.

 

I also would have NEVER cheated on her and she knows that i'm a very honest guy and would have never done anything to her involving another girl..

 

I don't know why she would send that stuff to me .. It just makes no sense because she knows that i'm a very loyal honest guy and she was the one doing all this messed up stuff behind my back before she broke up with me.. what is her motive with this crap?? i have not replied but i'm thinking of doing it because this is complete non sense .. is she angry she isn't getting attention from me or something?

[Buriall]

Thats exactly it, shes looking for attention from you whether its positive or negative. Shes trying to push your buttons to get you to reply...and why havent you blocked her still?? are you waiting on her to say come back i miss you?

[Throwawayaccount12]

is she angry she isn't getting attention from me or something?

 

Yes. And shes doing anything to try to get that attention, even though its abusive and manipulative. Don't respond. What responsibilities do you have that shes still in your life? Can these be changed so you can get rid of her?

[VisionL09]

What responsibilities do you have that shes still in your life? Can these be changed so you can get rid of her?

 

It has to do with money and hopefully everything will be fixed in maybe 2-3 months.

[marky00]

I find this notion of NO CONTACT to be peculiar. For some, such as yourself, it seems that NO CONTACT entails CONTACT. By allowing someone to CONTACT you, you are not in NO CONTACT. If you want peace of mind and help yourself to move on b/c you feel that their 'presence' or any reminder of their presence is distracting, well, then you go NO CONTACT. Allowing someone to communicate with you and you not responding is still contact.

 

I disagree.

 

Giving someone a silence sandwich is most definitely No Contact.

 

Your saying you need to permanently block someone to get over them?

[HumanMachine]

I disagree.

 

Giving someone a silence sandwich is most definitely No Contact.

 

Your saying you need to permanently block someone to get over them?

 

No contact works both ways - you don’t contact them and in turn you do everything possible to stop them contacting you.

[dumbass2]

It has to do with money and hopefully everything will be fixed in maybe 2-3 months.

 

Well, not sure what the money issue is, but if you don't feel you can just walk away because it's a really large amount, then unfortunately you're gonna have to deal with all this pain until you get it resolved because the only answer is at this point with everything that's gone on, is NC.

[basil67]

I disagree.

 

Giving someone a silence sandwich is most definitely No Contact.

 

Your saying you need to permanently block someone to get over them?

 

The OP's choice to not block her has given her her the power to upset him. This prevents him from moving on. If she didn't bother contacting him or he wasn't upset by what she writes, then he wouldn't need to block her. Mind you, why anyone would want to receive texts which they don't want to answer is beyond me.

 

Not everyone needs No Contact. Some couples just talk less and less after breaking up and drift apart. Others just don't care enough for either to bother getting in contact anymore.

 

Lastly, No Contact doesn't have to be permanent. It's just till both of you have pretty much forgotten the ex and moved on.

[VisionL09]

So after she sent that meme, i decided to reply to her a day later because i just kept thinking about how dumb it was. i told her to stop being so negative towards me and to stop being so hateful. i told her that i finally gave her the space she wanted and asked why is she still being so hateful if this is what she wanted.. i also addressed the meme she sent because i never would have cheated on her and never put other females above her because i was so emotionally invested in her.. she really meant so much to me and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her because of this.. i told her that our relationship is now done and to take responsibility for her actions instead of saying she's doing something now because of me.

 

a day later , At around 3 am eastern time i get couple of texts from her and one says this

 

"You know what? I'm drunk right now so f*ck it. You wanna act like you were such a good guy but you put women who were straight up hoes above me. this is why you cancelled. I'm so happy i'm single and i don't have to answer to anyone, specially ain't **** men like you who provide nothing but think they can control my life. also id much rather you'd cheat on me than be a broke overly, sensitive child like you were. "

 

I had this woman on a pedestal above literally everyone in the whole world, even my own goddamn mother, because she was the most important thing in my life for 3.5 years and i tried my best to make her feel special literally everyday so i just don't understand where all this stuff is coming from and what she's trying to get out of me when i want no drama between us.. She also mentioned "that's why you cancelled" cancelled what??? what the hell is she even talking about..

 

She also sent a pic of her at a club/bar with revealing clothes and with a girl i've never seen before and then she sent a lot of smily faces..

 

What the hell is she trying to prove with all this crap?? On the previous text i even told her to stop being so negative towards me and that she can do whatever makes her happy and if that's being a hoe then good for her .. i just don't understand what she's trying to prove with all this stuff .. she's finally the free person she wanted to be and now she's choosing to torment my life when i finally let her go and accepted what she wanted... why????

Edited November 10, 2017 by VisionL09

[HumanMachine]

Just block her and be done with it

[VisionL09]

After those texts i got from her last night(my previous post), i decided to message her almost 2 hours later. I told her that i want absolutely no drama between us and told her to please stop showing so much negativity because i want us both to be happy. I told her that i'm glad she's out having a great time because i honestly want no drama with this woman and really want her to do what makes her happy. I also told her that in our relationship, i never put another woman above her because she was the most important thing in my life and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and i wasn't going to let ANY girl destroy what we had. I also mentioned how it's crazy how last night, i was hanging out with friends and i kept thinking about those good memories of our 3.5 year relationship meanwhile she's thinking so bad of me when she was the one who dumped me and completely broke my heart..

 

She then replies like 2 minutes later and says that she doesn't hate me and that it's not in her heart to hate me.. but she clearly has so much hate towards me.. She also adds that she's just being a drunk bitch right now

 

2 minutes after that she sends a selfie of herself and she goes "A cute drunk bitch" i did not reply to any of this..

 

6 minutes later she sends this text "Omg (my name) you hurt my heart so much i'm literally about to cry right now , but then again not really but then again i feel bad but not that much, idk how to feel to be honest. you were such a big part of my life it's so weird that you've vanished" She then calls me 30 seconds after sending that text but i did not answer. She then sends another text 6 minutes later and goes "I'm so fine, you F*cked up".

 

i did not reply to or entertained any of this and she was pretty much just talking to herself at this point. 20 minutes later i get another call from her and again i did not answer, and 1 minute after that i get a text saying this "that's so cute you were thinking about us. I think about us too" and that's all that happened..

 

She's being really childish and it's funny how she tried and continues to try to make it seem as if i am everything that went wrong with our relationship but look how unstable she is. She got emotional when i told her about how i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her because she probably remembered the type of guy that i was and she realized that she's been acting like a complete b*tch for no reason at all. I've even surprised myself at how mature i've been about the entire situation after the first 2 weeks after the break up were hell for me because i felt things i never felt in my life and i didn't know how to react properly and wasn't coping well at all. It also doesn't make sense how she said that " i vanished" when she was the one who kicked me out and PUSHED me out..

Edited November 10, 2017 by VisionL09

[VisionL09]

I Just got another text from her saying "Ew disregard everything i said last night. Bye." she's clearly embarrassed at everything she said and at the way she acted, because i know her and she usually says "bye" as a joke when she's embarrassed about something. She would do that a lot when we had innocent arguments and she ended up being wrong, she'd then be like "ok bye" but not actually mean goodbye. She said to "disregard" everything she said but I mean i was already doing that last night after reading all that nonsense and i knew alcohol played a role in all the crap she was throwing at me which is why i completely ignored all those texts and her phone calls and didn't entertain her. I'm impressed at the maturity i've shown and hopefully this is the end to her doing all this dumb stuff and all this negativity she continues to send my way

[Beachead]

Alright OP,

 

Let me redo my advice based on all these updates because I can see you are having a difficult time letting her go.

 

She has feelings but also has problems with you that caused the break up and is now having a rough time facing the reality of her decision because she is confused and it hurts.

 

Do not, and I repeat do not help her get over the break up by letting her engage in meaningless conversation like this. Either she is baiting you into connecting with her until she's through with you because quitting you cold turkey is too much pain to handle all at once..or she could genuinely be having second thoughts about breaking up and wants to get back. Or..it could be a mix of both.

 

Everytime you respond back to her, you are communicating weakness and teaching her that she can walk all over you as she pleases. All this back and forth is just fluff. Cut through it, take the lead and get to the point with her. Ask her what it is she wants. Ask her if she wants to be in a relationship again or not. If the answer is yes, address all the problems that amounted to breaking up and sort it out with her. If the answer is no, block her and be done with this because she is wasting your time and you are letting her waste your time.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Beachead

[VisionL09]

Alright OP,

 

Clearly you can't let her go and cut contact so let me redo my advice based on all these updates.

 

She has feelings but also has problems with you that caused the break up and is now having a rough time facing the reality of her decision because she is confused and it hurts.

 

So she could be doing what most exes do and is baiting you into connecting with her for an ego boost, or until she's done weening herself off of you..or she could genuinely be having second thoughts about breaking up and wants to get back.

 

All this back and forth is just fluff. Ask her what it is she wants. Ask her if she wants to be in a relationship again or not. If the answer is yes, address all the problems that amounted to breaking up and sort it out. If the answer is no, block her and be done with this because she is wasting your time and you are letting her waste your time.

 

Take control and get to the point with her.

 

Thank you so much for your reply. ok so there's a few things i want to say. It is not i that can't let her go because look, i'm not interested in talking to her at all. She's the one who has initiated all contact since mid september and i try my best to ignore everything and have done a pretty good job but at times she starts attacking me and being really negative with things that aren't true and i just feel like i have to defend myself.. and those are the only times i've replied to her, but i have ignored her every single time she tries to casually message me..

 

recently, she said i put girls above her and i felt like i needed to address that because that wasn't the type of guy i was at all and i continue to tell her to stop with the negativity and that i want no drama between us and i believe my last 3-4 texts were all about me telling her to stop with the drama and that i want no problems with her.(span of 3 weeks)

 

People also continue to tell me to block her and cut all ties but i can't block her right now because like i've mentioned before there are responsibilities i have to take care off with her and i don't want her to think that i've forgotten about it and then have that cause more problems.

 

You're right about how i shouldn't help her get over the break up and that is exactly why i have ignored her when she tries to casually contact me, but me ignoring her is what pisses her off and that's when she starts to act angry towards me and try her best to get a reaction out of me.

 

I feel like it's still too early to ask her if she wants a relationship with me again, because she's still doing the same exact things she left me for and seems like she's having a great time. She's still going out with people i don't even know and drinking heavily for the first time in her life since she just turned 21 and doing god knows what else.. Maybe months from now i'll feel comfortable asking her that question but right now i don't even think i want to be in a relationship with her.

 

I'm going to work on ignoring literally everything from now on including when she messages me being negative and angry. If she sends something that i feel is false and something that i feel i need to address, i will try my best not to and will just let her burn herself out.. and if she some how forces me to talk to her, i will do what you said and ask her what is it that she wants from me

Edited November 11, 2017 by VisionL09

[Throwawayaccount12]

Bruh, you gotta stop responding at all!!!! ONLY reply to her if its relation to your financial business. Otherwise you're both going round and round in circles. You say you don't engage with her, but she deliberately says something to piss you off, and you engage in it. Don't. Only respond to things about your responsibilities, because, after all, you've said throughout this thread you only contact her about your financial stuff. And yet, none of the messages are in relation to those responsibilities.

[VisionL09]

Bruh, you gotta stop responding at all!!!! ONLY reply to her if its relation to your financial business. Otherwise you're both going round and round in circles. You say you don't engage with her, but she deliberately says something to piss you off, and you engage in it. Don't. Only respond to things about your responsibilities, because, after all, you've said throughout this thread you only contact her about your financial stuff. And yet, none of the messages are in relation to those responsibilities.

 

Yes that's the ONLY thing i will respond to and will keep it strictly business and we have talked about it but not much because she always seems to be angry about other childish stuff. i don't put any of it on here because i just don't want to put that stuff on here and she seems to not even care about it much honestly because again she's always talking about other negative stuff and yes you're definitely right, i have to stop replying to all that nonsense she throws at me when she's angry.. thank you

[VisionL09]

I'm sorry to those who think i'm being annoying about my entire situation but it was not easy getting left out of the blue by someone who i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life. It's been 8 weeks and 1 day since she officially "broke up" with me and i still think about us and what we had everyday. I miss that woman, I miss how she loved me and i miss loving her back even more. She was so special to me because she made me happier than anyone in the world. I know that i have to move on and just leave her in my past and that's exactly what i'm trying to do but a part of me is hoping she'd change and realize what she threw away.. I understand that the person i fell in love with is long gone though and that's why i ignore her when she casually tries to talk to me

 

My heart feels heavy today because i had a dream about her and i just miss how we were and how perfect our bond and relationship was, specially when we were together in person. for 3 years and 4 months, we talked every single day and were always there for each other. The distance made things harder than it needed to be and about 6 weeks ago, i remember telling her "None of this would have happened if there was no distance between us ".. and she just said "I'm sorry".. i wish i was fortunate enough to be in her city earlier so i could have done more for her and for us and maybe things would have turned out different..

 

so far, today has been the hardest day in a while but i will continue to fight and try my best to stay strong, and thank you to those who have posted something and tried to help me out

[NopeNah]

You both sound very immature. I could see her at 21 years of age being that way,but that doesn't mean you have to play along. End it! Give her whatever money,or get whatever money. Just get on with your lives. Stop playing games and wasting time.

[VisionL09]

You both sound very immature. I could see her at 21 years of age being that way,but that doesn't mean you have to play along. End it! Give her whatever money,or get whatever money. Just get on with your lives. Stop playing games and wasting time.

 

and here i thought i was being mature lol but i guess i was wrong. I thought i was being mature because as bad as i want to talk to her and have her close like the old days, i'm choosing not to because i understand that talking to her will only bring pain and slow down the healing. Now the ONLY times i've talked to her in the last month is when im trying to tell her that i want no drama or problem between us since i feel like she's attacking me for no reason and that's really all I've been doing which i thought wasn't bad but yes i know that even that needs to come to an end and yes the money stuff will be resolved in maybe 2 months

Edited November 11, 2017 by VisionL09

[Beachead]

I'm sorry to those who think i'm being annoying about my entire situation but it was not easy getting left out of the blue by someone who i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life. It's been 8 weeks and 1 day since she officially "broke up" with me and i still think about us and what we had everyday. I miss that woman, I miss how she loved me and i miss loving her back even more. She was so special to me because she made me happier than anyone in the world. I know that i have to move on and just leave her in my past and that's exactly what i'm trying to do but a part of me is hoping she'd change and realize what she threw away.. I understand that the person i fell in love with is long gone though and that's why i ignore her when she casually tries to talk to me

 

My heart feels heavy today because i had a dream about her and i just miss how we were and how perfect our bond and relationship was, specially when we were together in person. for 3 years and 4 months, we talked every single day and were always there for each other. The distance made things harder than it needed to be and about 6 weeks ago, i remember telling her "None of this would have happened if there was no distance between us ".. and she just said "I'm sorry".. i wish i was fortunate enough to be in her city earlier so i could have done more for her and for us and maybe things would have turned out different..

 

so far, today has been the hardest day in a while but i will continue to fight and try my best to stay strong, and thank you to those who have posted something and tried to help me out

 

You don't have to apologize to anyone on here OP and don't allow them to make you feel ashamed for how you feel. I would like to wager the people whom seem to act like they have it together have made some embarrassing mistakes themselves in their life. If they're getting annoyed, that's their problem. This is a forum for support..whether it's comfort or advice. Life is already tough as it is. Some people seem to forget that not everyone seeks advice. Sometimes just hearing that someoene else has been in your shoes once upon a time is enough.

 

It's your thread. Do your thing.

[sdraw108]

You've said a few times that the only reason not to block her is that you have financial "responsibilities". You haven't said what those are, and obviously it's your prerogative to keep that private on these forums.

 

With that said, I'd be willing to bet that you can extricate yourself from the financial situation if you really wanted to. In reality the only thing that you really can't get away from is children, and you don't have those (I assume, based on the length of your relationship, and what you've said).

 

How hard would it really be to take the necessary measures (even if at some cost to yourself) to end the financial situation so that you can block her?