This is hard for her? Really??

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I spend at least a little time after the break up wishing annoying things upon them -- nothing too terrible just that the phone rings when they get in the shower; that they run for & miss elevators; etc.

 

LOL! I will admit that about a year ago I spotted my ex-H several lanes down in the grocery store checkout, looking super annoyed and impatient at whatever was holding up the line in front of him, and I got a secret thrill out of it .

[zawadi16]

That is probably exactly what she is thinking, OP.

 

She isn't clueless. She knows you still care, and you know you still care too. People who don't care don't waste time and energy trying to make someone jealous.

 

Since when has looking at and liking an ex’s social media mean that you still care?

[d0nnivain]

Since when has looking at and liking an ex’s social media mean that you still care?

 

 

If you didn't care you wouldn't look. You'd be completely indifferent.

[zawadi16]

If you didn't care you wouldn't look. You'd be completely indifferent.

 

Hmmm. My second to last ex I started liking his pictures months after we broke up. During those I believe 3/4 months I didn’t like his things. I broke up with him and I didn’t care when I was liking his posts. So you’re saying that I still cared because I liked his posts months later?

[d0nnivain]

Hmmm. My second to last ex I started liking his pictures months after we broke up. During those I believe 3/4 months I didn’t like his things. I broke up with him and I didn’t care when I was liking his posts. So you’re saying that I still cared because I liked his posts months later?

 

 

Not exactly but when you are well & truly over somebody, you disconnect in all ways. Staying connected in social media . . . I don't get the point of not severing all connections. I don't need that level of insight into an EX's life.

[Emmafive]

Hmmm. My second to last ex I started liking his pictures months after we broke up. During those I believe 3/4 months I didn’t like his things. I broke up with him and I didn’t care when I was liking his posts. So you’re saying that I still cared because I liked his posts months later?

 

That’s the difference between you and OP. Months later you can be indifferent (depending on why you broke up). OP is doing this and the breakup is still fresh clearly indicating that he still very much cares.

[basil67]

10 characters

[Leojax]

10 characters

 

Huh what does that mean?

[Leojax]

Bad karma is going to come your way.

 

When this high wears off you’re going to be kicking yourself. You only do all this stupid petty stuff when you still want the person. Almost 100% of the time it ends up backfiring. When it does, you’re going to wish you hadn’t because you’re going to push her away and I suspect that’s not ultimately what you want.

 

So you think I still want her?

[Emmafive]

So you think I still want her?

 

.....umm yea, duh lol

[Been]

It depends. If the persons wronged you in a horrible way then it is only natural to want to gain some revenge in some sort of way. And that's the honest truth.

But by doing that you kind of put your life on hold. And in reality they are a waste of time.

Also what has to be factored in is how much do you have to see your ex-same town,same job etc.

That in itself can be difficult being that if you have to see them on a constant basis they are a reminder of the bad things they did to you.

[Leojax]

It depends. If the persons wronged you in a horrible way then it is only natural to want to gain some revenge in some sort of way. And that's the honest truth.

But by doing that you kind of put your life on hold. And in reality they are a waste of time.

Also what has to be factored in is how much do you have to see your ex-same town,same job etc.

That in itself can be difficult being that if you have to see them on a constant basis they are a reminder of the bad things they did to you.

 

Well she technically didn’t do anything. I just had a gut feeling. I wanted to stay but just couldn’t.

Edited November 27, 2017 by Leojax

[Leojax]

.....umm yea, duh lol

 

You can want someone and not want to be with them

[Emmafive]

You can want someone and not want to be with them

 

Wrong. If you want someone you want to be with them.

 

You can like someone and not want to be with them—this much is true, but that’s different than wanting.

 

You Op, still want to be with her.

[zawadi16]

You can want someone and not want to be with them

 

No, that's not how it works.

[stillafool]

Well she technically didn’t do anything. I just had a gut feeling. I wanted to stay but just couldn’t.

 

Then just leave her alone.

[LenaBean94]

Wrong. If you want someone you want to be with them.

 

You can like someone and not want to be with them—this much is true, but that’s different than wanting.

 

You Op, still want to be with her.

 

I disagree. You can want them but not the relationship.

[Been]

What was your gut feeling?

[Leojax]

What was your gut feeling?

 

That I couldn’t trust her. She hadn’t done anything so I told her if she would just admit to things then we could move forward-just wanted her to be honest with me. She said she wouldn’t confess to something she didn’t do and then said I was punishing her for my ex’s mistakes. After I turned her away and continued to contact her she still wouldn’t admit to anything. So yea, that was my gut feeling.

 

Also, don’t you agree that you can want your ex and not want to be with them?

[Been]

I've learned the hard way that if you don't trust your gut you are going to regret it.

Years ago I had a similar situation where I didn't have any proof but a feeling that something wasn't right. Couldn't put my finger on it.

Finally the proof came to light-she had been cheating the whole time and that was what I was feeling. I just wanted confirmation I wasn't crazy which turned out to be a waste of time ad if I had listened to my gut instinct I wouldn't have had to go through that.

I don't know about wanting my ex and not wanting to be with them. When I'm done with someone I'm done with them all the way. No reason to linger in their life and I have no reason to hang around their life.

[Leojax]

I've learned the hard way that if you don't trust your gut you are going to regret it.

Years ago I had a similar situation where I didn't have any proof but a feeling that something wasn't right. Couldn't put my finger on it.

Finally the proof came to light-she had been cheating the whole time and that was what I was feeling. I just wanted confirmation I wasn't crazy which turned out to be a waste of time ad if I had listened to my gut instinct I wouldn't have had to go through that.

I don't know about wanting my ex and not wanting to be with them. When I'm done with someone I'm done with them all the way. No reason to linger in their life and I have no reason to hang around their life.

 

Yea that’s what I wan thinking. I never thought she was cheating though, just lying. I just didn’t trust her otherwise. I had been cheated on multiple times in my last two relationships and she’s attributing my gut feeling to that because she swears she hasn’t lied to me.

[zawadi16]

Yea that’s what I wan thinking. I never thought she was cheating though, just lying. I just didn’t trust her otherwise. I had been cheated on multiple times in my last two relationships and she’s attributing my gut feeling to that because she swears she hasn’t lied to me.

 

Usually, your gut is right, but in this instance, I would be wary of your 'gut'. Given your history of being cheated on what you think is your gut could very much be your insecurities and fears from your past.

 

Just take a second to think about this:

 

1. you said yourself you don't ever think she cheated sooo what else could it be? so you walked away from a relationship because you think she lied about something, but it's not because she's unfaithful?

 

2. If she is willing to walk away after you gave her a chance to admit it and she still didn't and was willing to let the relationship go did it occur to you that maybe, she genuinely didn't do anything? I personally would think that my SO truly didn't have anything to hide if I gave them a chance to be honest and they walked away saying they didn't do anything. It speaks volumes that (to me at least) that she is willing to let go of someone she loves because her character is being questioned.

[Been]

Most people will not admit they cheated on someone unless that person has overwhelming proof.

Nobody likes to known as a confirmed cheater that's why they hide it.

She isn't going to admit she cheated because quite simply their is no benefit to her doing it.

Your gut will ALWAYS tell you the truth in most cases. It is able to sense things that you cannot explain at the time but latter come to realize after looking back

[zawadi16]

Most people will not admit they cheated on someone unless that person has overwhelming proof.

Nobody likes to known as a confirmed cheater that's why they hide it.

She isn't going to admit she cheated because quite simply their is no benefit to her doing it.

Your gut will ALWAYS tell you the truth in most cases. It is able to sense things that you cannot explain at the time but latter come to realize after looking back

 

Right but even OP said his gut isn’t saying she cheated, but that she lied about something. OP even said he asked her to admit to lying not cheating and she said she wasn’t going to admit to anything she didn’t do. OP’s issue doesn’t seem to be cheating it’s lying.

[Art_Critic]

I wouldn't say this is petty but I'm FB friends with my Step Daughter from my previous marriage that ended 16 years ago...

 

Every now and then I catch a post on my timeline that her Mom posts on that allows me to see that her Mom is the same eff'd up person she was when we were married and I get gratification in knowing I didn't make a mistake by ending the marriage..

 

It doesn't happen very often but once or twice a year or so...

 

hahaha

 

I've not been petty with any ex's other than the normal losing my self respect in how I handled it.