Highndry Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 nay, a plan old flake would have said something came up or she's sick or something. she straight up told you what the issue was and it's not that she's not free. it's the game playing and lack of contact. "Hey, I won't be coming I'm afraid. Enjoy your Sunday" after she agreed to a date? Bigtime flake in my book. I am seeing something totally different in this whole scenario: Low interest level. If she was excited, you can bank on it she would have gone. My guess is she's not going to make it on Wednesday, either. We'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 (edited) "Hey, I won't be coming I'm afraid. Enjoy your Sunday" after she agreed to a date? Bigtime flake in my book. I am seeing something totally different in this whole scenario: Low interest level. If she was excited, you can bank on it she would have gone. My guess is she's not going to make it on Wednesday, either. We'll see. She obviously has low(er) interest level after he didnt not reach out for 2 days at all...As the girls here have said happens. Interest can change based on a person's behavior. I can't say I've ever been excited about meeting someone online. Hopeful, perhaps. Nervous, sure. Excited? Nah. I don't get that invested before I've even met the guy in person. I have had a case where I have been looking forward to a first date and the guy turned me off with his lack of clarity beforehand so I decided to not meet with him. If you read on he says "let me know when you're free" and she basically explains she is free and her reason for not wanting to meet. I don't know why she would make that up when she could have said she will let him know. She seemed annoyed about it but asked him if its a regular thing and decided to give him another chance i suppose doesn't seem like she's using him for attention because he isn't giving her any Edited October 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Every day that I don't hear from a guy, my interest drops. After day 2-3, his number gets deleted. Corey doesn't know what he is talking about. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Every day that I don't hear from a guy, my interest drops. then you didn't like him that much to begin with 3 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 (edited) The amount of advice given to both genders, I'm surprised relationships even exist and we're not in one massive standoff Agreed. These cat and mouse games are so bad. If a guy loses interest because you pursue him more actively, then clearly he wasn’t the right guy for you. You either are a match - or you aren’t. My boyfriend didn’t even wanna meet when we first started talking on the dating app. It took me one week to convince him. (He had just had a bike accident and was missing most his front teeth. Very insecure about a first impression). I insisted he meet me. I knew what I wanted. After that, I insisted some more. He liked it. He likes that I made an effort. And ever since, he’s been making as much an effort as I have. Mutually. Because we are equals. EQUALS. OH and he keeps telling everyone how I insisted on meeting and he loved that about me. He said it shows character. A “real man” won’t back off if a woman pursued him. A “real man” won’t play games. (Putting that “real man” in quotes because I hate the idea of that term, I think it’s sexist, but if it helps the thread, so be it) Edited October 24, 2017 by heavenonearth 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyRose Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 That depends on the woman or anyone giving the advice, if they're in a relationship that's going very well, then the advice they're giving is going to be of the same quality. I guess there's no harm in sending a short text, but I don't like texting incase something is taken out of context, that's my problem. I've said things in the past that I thought were okay, but wasn't. How often did that happen to you in the past where you texted something and got taken out of context? But regardless, you should always just be yourself. If someone will misinterpret your text then you clarify it. If someone lose interest because of text misunderstanding then it's just not meant to be. Don't let bad experience stop you from texting. Everybody is different. I don't do OLD so I'm not familiar with it but I am a woman who likes to keep in contact with the person I'm interested in. Maybe I wouldn't flake like this girl did, but I too would wonder how interested you are. But I'd stick around to find out for myself. This lady flaked/cancelled on you. You guys don't know each other yet. You don't know her dating experiences. Maybe she used to text guys all the time, initiates it and got burned. The first meeting was a fail. I'd like to say that there is no right or wrong in this situation. Simply two people with different mentality and approach on dating and communication. When she didn't hear from you for 48 hours she most likely felt weird and as she had put it, felt like a blind date. You don't know what conclusion she made up in her head which led her to not go to your meeting. I couldn't tell what time she texted you that she isn't coming but she did reply. She probably felt you weren't that interested. But when you offered to try again another time, she probably realized she was wrong for cancelling and told you her actual thoughts. I don't know who Corey Wayne is, but I'm starting to really not like him. My opinion is she decided to give it another try NOT because she saw you wouldn't budge to the texting regularly, but simply because you had explained and clarified the situation. Remember she said it was awkward seeing someone she barely knows. So after you explained you rather talk in person than text, even though it is still weird and different for her, she decided to give it another try. What she did may not be nice to some, but your lack of contact made her feel a certain way that lead her to doing that. It's not your fault you made her feel that way because it is who you are. So again, no right or wrong, just different people and different approach. If you didn't offer the second attempt to meet you would have validated her negative feelings towards you. But you offered so now she knows you are still interested. Your date on Wednesday could go either way. She might really show up, especially if you keep the momentum going. NOT EXCESSIVE texting, but a text here and there would suffice. Or she realized the first failed attempt to date left a permanent sour taste in her mouth and cancel again. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyRose Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Women like nice guys, they just don't like pushovers. They don't want a guy who will be nice purely because he likes the woman and bend the knee to everything she says or wants. They want a man who stands by his own values and opinions and isn't going to be easily influenced. You can still be a good/nice man, but it has to be a personality trait that comes naturally.. You're going to be nice to someone you don't find attractive, etc just purely because you're a good person. Totally not bashing you and sincerely curious, so following what this Corey Wayne dude says is how you stand by your own values and opinions? A lot of women here including myself have told you different ways we think the opposite of what this dude is saying, yet you agree with him. It may have worked with your last gf but she doesn't represent the entire population of women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 So you wouldn't bother to go on a date with a guy if he didn't contact you for 48 hours? It just seems a little needy, especially when you'll see him in two days. I could understand if we had a date in 7 days time, then yeah I'd "check in" but not when the date is two days away. Yeah the date was already set so she should have been there and probably would have if you didn't give her an insecure 'are we still on?' out. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 If a date is made 2-3 or more days out, I will expect it not to happen if there is no communication at all in between. I've had too many flakes. The momentum gets lost. They met another woman. They forgot or overbooked. They lose interest or think I'm not interested and come up with an excuse and bail. I don't know. I'm really at a point that I don't want to text a lot in between, but absolutely zero communication is problematic, particularly if I'm the one taking the time to touch base. I grew up w/o cell phones. We made a date, we showed up and trusted the other person would show up, pick us up, etc. Yes, there were still no-shows. When I first started OLD, I texted a lot. I'm just not into it anymore. But there's a lot to be said about maintaining that interest level and maintaining that momentum, particularly if you're looking at a date that's five days out. A simple, "How was your day?" If you were aware of something coming up this week, "How did your thing go?" The OP states there was some communication in between that he did not share in the original post, and while it's not what the woman is used to, he didn't completely drop off the planet. It might not hurt to state he's not a big texter, and it also wouldn't hurt to try to match her communication style a little bit and extend a little bit of extra at the start. It helps if the woman also reaches out, but as we know, a lot of women expect men to do all the chasing at least before the fist date, so take it or leave it, I guess. There's no easy solution, but I think the women posting on this thread overwhelmingly agree that there needs to be some communication in between...it can be short, just a touch base...still here and thinking of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 OP, I don't think you did anything wrong at all! Her text indicated to me that she's used to guys who communicate and text a lot before meeting in person. In my experience, a lot of guys are happy to talk for weeks before asking to meet. I personally found that annoying; I guess some women like it. How long was it from the time you started talking to her to when you asked her out? If your last communication with her was on Friday morning, I don't think there is anything wrong with not reaching out until Sunday morning to confirm the date on the day of like you did. I'm kind of surprised that so many women would expect daily communication with a guy who they've never even met! At any rate, I would've showed up on Sunday night after making plans on Thursday night. It's three days. Sheesh. (I could see if it was a week, but three days and over the weekend? Most people are busy.) To me, it would be weird to make plans on Thursday night and then have the guy ask Saturday if we were still on. Like...yeah...of course we are. That would seem really insecure to me. It's been a day and a half since we made the plan! Dating expectations are so weird nowadays. This all could be a big sign of texting incompatibility for the two of you; you aren't a big texter and she apparently is. But, text her today with something to appease her before your date tomorrow, and we'll see if she shows up or chickens out again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 His work is proven to be fair. Yeah he has a topic that focuses on the friendzone, if a woman friendzones you then you say you're only interested in a relationship at the very least and back off. It's simple advice like that to help you stop wasting time on women that aren't interested and focus on those that are. Yeah women love to talk, we get told to ask a lot of questions and let the woman do most of the talking on a date whilst keeping our answers brief. Proven by whom? It didn't work this time, clearly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I'm kind of surprised that so many women would expect daily communication with a guy who they've never even met!. None of us said 'daily'. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 None of us said 'daily'. They made the plan Thursday night. He texted her Sunday morning. Everyone was all up in arms that he didn't text her sooner than that to confirm. There were only two intervening days. Isn't that somewhat asking for daily contact? And then it came out that they last messaged Friday morning. So, they essentially went one day without contact. Two people who have never met and have plans made went one day without contact...oh my God, sound the alarms! Again, I don't think he did anything wrong. I just think she wanted to text with him for weeks before meeting -- hence her reference to it feeling like a blind date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Proven by whom? It didn't work this time, clearly. Yes. Not this time or with Op ex. Or apparently with corey wayne's own ex wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 They made the plan Thursday night. He texted her Sunday morning. Everyone was all up in arms that he didn't text her sooner than that to confirm. There were only two intervening days. Isn't that somewhat asking for daily contact? And then it came out that they last messaged Friday morning. So, they essentially went one day without contact. Two people who have never met and have plans made went one day without contact...oh my God, sound the alarms! Again, I don't think he did anything wrong. I just think she wanted to text with him for weeks before meeting -- hence her reference to it feeling like a blind date. I think this woman's reaction is typical of what he will find on the dating market and if he wants to up his chances he needs to get with the program. Obviously there are more women wanting some type of contact before a first meet or in between the first couple of meets. The whys have been explained. He said she replied Friday morning to her Thursday text, doesn't sound he replied to her that Friday. OP DID you reply to her Friday? If he didn't think her text Friday warranted a reply then she heard from him Thursday, she text him Friday with no reply and doesn't hear from him till on day of the date? That would not sit well with a lot of women. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I actually have a rule with OLD: before we meet, nothing counts and I don't care about daily communication. Given how many men have shown to be not what they portrayed, nobody even gets considered as anything. After me meet, I never contact first. The guy has 48 hours starting from the end of the first meet to contact me. Once that time ticks away, he gets blocked. That prevents lukewarm guys from wasting my time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 (Female here) OP's actions were fine. He texted her Friday and then again Sunday morning for a Sunday night date. How much more contact is needed for a FIRST meet? This woman is either flaky, disinterested, or entitled. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 (Female here) OP's actions were fine. He texted her Friday and then again Sunday morning for a Sunday night date. How much more contact is needed for a FIRST meet? This woman is either flaky, disinterested, or entitled. He did not text her Friday. He text her Thursday, she replied to him Friday but apparently he did not acknowledge that then he got back to her Sunday. If I get a date invitation on a Thursday and I reply Friday morning with: That sounds great for Sunday and I get no acknowledgment, then nothing for 2 days then in the morning of the date I get a text to confirm, it would come across as very sloppy. Like cookie pointed out, those were pre-arrangements, she was under the impression nothing was confirmed until she heard from him Sunday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 It'll happen more often then not, if you're a guy. The flake that is. There was a thread by sevencity, I think it give good insight on the dynamics of dating. Fair enough. Still isn't the end of the world. I mean, how invested would a healthy person be prior to a first meet? It's important for this current "generation" of daters to understand there is no way you can "play" it to have a guarantee. Dating is a risk. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 From Corey's book, he does say women should do 70-80% of the initiating of communication, to keep the polarity in your favour.. Because if a girl is doing most of the communication, then it's obvious she isn't going away any time soon. Anyone can say what they will about that, but his theory has been proven and it's worked in my last relationships. Only thing that ended it was "something missing/spark going" and our job hours not fitting with each other, working weekends, etc. So far I've been doing 100% of it, it's not like she's tried to reach out to me with a simple "hey how's your day?". I find this completely backwards. If a man wants a woman to do the pursuing, the masculine and feminine energy has switched. For the woman, that would definitely feel like "something missing." Corey Wayne is leading his disciples astray. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Fair enough. Still isn't the end of the world. I mean, how invested would a healthy person be prior to a first meet? It's not the end of the world but it sucks. We've booked our evening for that person, we got the hair, nails, make-up done, we drove across town and spent gas. I got stood up a couple of times and it infuriates me. Not because I care for a stranger but for the waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 He did not text her Friday. He text her Thursday, she replied to him Friday but apparently he did not acknowledge that then he got back to her Sunday. I went back to look at the OP. We last spoke on Thursday night and agreed to meet 8pm on sunday (tonight) at said location. We haven't spoken since then, which I'd prefer as I'd rather use the phone to set up dates and talk in person, and if it became a thing down the line then we live around the corner from each other so we could set dates up regularly. I texted her two hours ago this morning with "Morning Looking forward to tonight. Hope you've not been up to too much trouble this weekend x". No reply yet but early hours of the day. If I end up getting no response, do I still arrive for the date? So they set the date Thursday for Sunday and he confirmed it Sunday morning. I am still not seeing the issue here. If anything, she is rude for not responding to his confirmation message with an affirmative or, if she had decided not to go, she should have initiated contact to say so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Totally not bashing you and sincerely curious, so following what this Corey Wayne dude says is how you stand by your own values and opinions? A lot of women here including myself have told you different ways we think the opposite of what this dude is saying, yet you agree with him. It may have worked with your last gf but she doesn't represent the entire population of women. Corey Wayne learned about women from women. But real world things don't always add up to his advise. Women like a brawny man not clean shaved o more muscles, 6 abs stomach, hair style fitting a well groom man. Sense of humor and man that know how to treat a fine woman well. Confident man who knows what he want and when it wants it. Leader type. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Corey Wayne learned about women from women. But real world things don't always add up to his advise. Women like a brawny man not clean shaved o more muscles, 6 abs stomach, hair style fitting a well groom man. Sense of humor and man that know how to treat a fine woman well. Confident man who knows what he want and when it wants it. Leader type. Your posts are a bit hard to read. Anyhow... Women want a dreamy, handsome man, tall and strong, oozing with self confidence and assuredness, financially secure and emotionally mature with a wonderful sense of humor, an understanding ear and doting personality, providing the perfect place for them to find comfort. Men want a gorgeous woman who loves to have sex all the time. Then there's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazonrambo Posted October 24, 2017 Author Share Posted October 24, 2017 Yeah the date was already set so she should have been there and probably would have if you didn't give her an insecure 'are we still on?' out. I didn't before Sunday lol. I said I was looking forward to tonight. Not to be rude but please read the details I post! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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