OatsAndHall Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 But what's next - "I didn't know I had HIV!"? I don't do liars. Exactly.. Like I said in my earlier post, it only takes ONE of these situations for people to learn to be wary of folks that lie. I had a girlfriend in college who screwed on me when she was drunk and lied about it. I took her back, even knowing the truth, only to find out that the dude she slept with was diagnosed with HIV two years later. He had no idea when he contracted the virus and this was back in the day when an HIV test took six weeks to go through. Those were the worst six weeks of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Regardless of whether you're serious with her or not she shouldn't have lied, I understand that people shave a few years here and there but to jump a few age brackets is too much. There is a lot of false advertising around nowadays, people do it with their pictures, weight, height, job title etc. I find it off putting when someone has to lie about certain things in order to meet someone, even if they come clean I find it sad that they had to lie in the first place. My pictures are current when I was on there those sites. I had women lied about her age, by 20 years. Lied about smoking, doing drugs and drinking also. I still gone out with her. People would say your mom just let. It was pretty rough for me back then. I don't know why woman lie about the age and show younger pictures of them selves 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I don't get why you would even bother doing research for something casual. Just roll with it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Because a lie that significant never comes alone. I'd never be able to trust a person like this ever again, and would have detached for my own safety. You're second sentence says you only want something casual, nothing serious anyway so why do you care? You're not going to marry her or bring her home to meet mom anyway. Stick to that or move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 She's just a chronic liar most likely. For cases like this I run extensive backgrounds checks, and trust me, always more comes up. People are either prone to lying or they aren't. It is nearly never a one off lie. I just started seeing someone I met online and we've met up in person twice and have had a good time. Both of us are interested in casually dating, nothing serious. I decided to Google search this person like I sometimes do with people I date and one of the results that came up was for one of those people search sites and it showed that she was actually 10 years older than she told me she was. She looks young enough to pass for the age she told me. I thought maybe this site could be mistaken with her age. Then I stumbled upon her LinkedIn page and it showed the year she graduated college and the year she got her masters degree. Based on the age she told me she was and what I saw on her LinkedIn page, she would have graduated college at age 12, and received her Masters at age 14, so its impossible for her to be the age she told me. I also found an alumni website and confirmed that she graduated the year that is shown on her LinkedIn page. So its obvious she lied to me about her age by 10 years. It really weirds me out and I don't understand why she would do that. Neither of us are interested in a serious relationship, but it still bothers me that she lied so should I confront her about this or just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I don't get why you would even bother doing research for something casual. Just roll with it. I take it you have never had a stalker or run across someone who was married on the OLD sites. I applaud him for doing the research; it's prudent in today's dating world. I posted up a thread last weekend about a woman I was chatting with recently that turned out to be married. She was selling herself as divorced on OLD. I would've ended up out on a date with her if I hadn't done my homework. I wouldn't have ended up with a crazy witch trying to break into my house if I had done some homework on her before I dated her either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Ugh this is such a difficult one. Although it shouldn't be! I am 43, and I got ID'ed buying wine last week. On tinder I am routinely approached by men who look like they could be my father. The few I have met, are totally intimidated by me (which I do not find attractive). I dont want to lie and I dont. But sigh, I do wish men would ease up on the she must be much younger than me business. Half the time they have lied anyway and are much older than they said they are. Online dating is a complete pot shot and the majority of people doing it are lying. How much you want to hold it against them, is up to you and your circumstances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Ugh this is such a difficult one. Although it shouldn't be! I am 43, and I got ID'ed buying wine last week. On tinder I am routinely approached by men who look like they could be my father. The few I have met, are totally intimidated by me (which I do not find attractive). I dont want to lie and I dont. But sigh, I do wish men would ease up on the she must be much younger than me business. Half the time they have lied anyway and are much older than they said they are. Online dating is a complete pot shot and the majority of people doing it are lying. How much you want to hold it against them, is up to you and your circumstances. That means you look younger than 43.. Take that as compliment by dear! No one can guess my age. I will never look my age. Thank God! I don't feel my age and I don't want too live like those my age. Because they're boring. I like to have fun.. That's what I going to do have fun! Heck with the social rules whoever I want to date I'll date. No one can say otherwise. Let them look who cares. Whoever you wish if your not happen with them then get up and say well it's not working then leave. Older men are stuck with the fact they're not getting younger and don't take care of themselves enough. Or they live such a rough and tough life where they look like crap! Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Casual or not, the lying would give me a limp noodle (if I had a noodle). Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 There are many lies other that STD lies that have consequences. Am not downplaying STD lies, btw. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I'm trying to figure out why you went to all these measures for someone you aren't even serious about? To have ammunition to punish her with? Stop investing right now. Don't date her. Problem solved. All the rest of this mess is just overarching drama. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 casual to me equals fun/sex with no expectations of seeing each other regularly or exclusivity. who cares if she lied about her age. just bang her until she fades away or you break her hip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) You like her, are having fun, and it's casual. I wouldn't say anything. People seem to think it's an awful lie, but I think most people, especially on casual apps stretch the truth about this kind of thing. It's not much different than manipulating your photos. Or saying you love hiking when you've never walked 10k with a pack. Or 100 other things people do to market themselves in a good light. If you were after a serious RL, then you would need to have a chat. And maybe keep an eye out to see if this is a once off or a pattern. Edited October 20, 2017 by joseb Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 If someone does this, they are telling you the first of many lies. Ghost, confront, whatever it is you are going to do but END THIS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Ugh this is such a difficult one. Although it shouldn't be! I am 43, and I got ID'ed buying wine last week. On tinder I am routinely approached by men who look like they could be my father. The few I have met, are totally intimidated by me (which I do not find attractive). I dont want to lie and I dont. But sigh, I do wish men would ease up on the she must be much younger than me business. Half the time they have lied anyway and are much older than they said they are. Online dating is a complete pot shot and the majority of people doing it are lying. How much you want to hold it against them, is up to you and your circumstances. OP, girl you're dating was wrong to lie but you also asked why she lied and I'm posting to co-sign this as a likely explanation. It gets rough trying to date men around your age in your 30's depending on your location and criteria. Then the ones that are eligible most of the time seem to want someone younger even though you're both the same age. It's super lame. This doesn't excuse what she did, just not surprised that she did it. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 OP, girl you're dating was wrong to lie but you also asked why she lied and I'm posting to co-sign this as a likely explanation. It gets rough trying to date men around your age in your 30's depending on your location and criteria. Then the ones that are eligible most of the time seem to want someone younger even though you're both the same age. It's super lame. This doesn't excuse what she did, just not surprised that she did it. I hear this a lot but I'm not sure how true it is. I'm a guy who likes to date women his age. If she's my exact age, that's perfection. I like a gal who was born in the same era. I feel like I have a lot more to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I don't understand the reasoning behind lying about your age to avoid being messaged by older men. Are there dating sites that don't allow filtering by age? If you're 45 and you don't want 55-year-olds messaging you, block messages from men over 50. Don't say you're 35. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I don't understand the reasoning behind lying about your age to avoid being messaged by older men. Are there dating sites that don't allow filtering by age? If you're 45 and you don't want 55-year-olds messaging you, block messages from men over 50. Don't say you're 35. I think it's more likely that she wants to appear in more searches from guys she might want to hook up with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Right, wrong, or indifferent, or conditions notwithstanding, its still a pathetic move on her part... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cristoforo Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 (edited) Thank you to all that responded. It is true this is just something casual but I don’t think it’s crazy that I’m a little bit bothered by her lying to me about her age. I don’t think I’ll confront her about it and honestly I might just end it soon and stop seeing her. Also I don’t think it’s that big or deal that I googled her name. More people should do the same with people they start getting involved with. I’m glad I did google this person and I did it again and I found out something I had not known when I made my original post. Her name popped up on a site about “home wreckers” where scorned wives post about women who had affairs with their husbands and wrecked their marriages. There was a post from one woman who said that that her husband had an affair with this particular person im seeing. It mentioned her exact name and where she was from. Apparently this woman then got harassed by the person I’m seeing. Someone else posted a response saying that the woman im seeing likes to bang married guys and is basically a whore. He also said anyone who has seen this woman should get an STD test. I saw some posts earlier that mentioned the STD issue. With this new information coupled with her lie, this is not really a person I think I want to keep seeing, even if it it’s just a casual thing. Edited October 20, 2017 by Cristoforo Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I hear this a lot but I'm not sure how true it is. I'm a guy who likes to date women his age. If she's my exact age, that's perfection. I like a gal who was born in the same era. I feel like I have a lot more to talk about. It is true and it has been my experience. Especially once you get past mid 30s. There are also all kinds of assumptions made. Like if a woman is in her mid-late 30s and she is childless, she must be very desperate to have kids. I have been straight up asked if I am looking to "trap them" and some didn't even believe me that I don't want kids. It's kind of bizarre. I think I look reasonably good/fit for my age. I could easily say I am 5 years younger, nobody would be able to tell and I would have many more options. I had men my age approach me in a bar and once they found out how old I was, they lost interest. Even if they are couple of years OLDER than me. Lame. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Thank you to all that responded. It is true this is just something casual but I don’t think it’s crazy that I’m a little bit bothered by her lying to me about her age. I don’t think I’ll confront her about it and honestly I might just end it soon and stop seeing her. Also I don’t think it’s that big or deal that I googled her name. More people should do the same with people they start getting involved with. I’m glad I did google this person and I did it again and I found out something I had not known when I made my original post. Her name popped up on a site about “home wreckers” where scorned wives post about women who had affairs with their husbands and wrecked their marriages. There was a post from one woman who said that that her husband had an affair with this particular person im seeing. It mentioned her exact name and where she was from. Apparently this woman then got harassed by the person I’m seeing. Someone else posted a response saying that the woman im seeing likes to bang married guys and is basically a whore. He also said anyone who has seen this woman should get an STD test. I saw some posts earlier that mentioned the STD issue. With this new information coupled with her lie, this is not really a person I think I want to keep seeing, even if it it’s just a casual thing. RUN ...... just RUN ...... and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 She's a liar and a homewrecker, so good decision not to see her again. Even the lie is enough of a reason. I honestly don't see why one would lie about age like this. If she's a regular OW, she'd likely have no qualms about cheating on you either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I hear this a lot but I'm not sure how true it is. I'm a guy who likes to date women his age. If she's my exact age, that's perfection. I like a gal who was born in the same era. I feel like I have a lot more to talk about. I'm glad to hear this truly, but I have to levy your one perspective against the dozens of women and probably dozens of men who say the opposite. Just going by the numbers based on my perspective, this isn't the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Her name popped up on a site about “home wreckers” where scorned wives post about women who had affairs with their husbands and wrecked their marriages. I don't know that such a site is a reliable source of information. But because it's one more thing that is making you uncomfortable, cutting your losses is your best option. Be the better person though. Tell her you found her name on this site so she can take steps to remove it if it's untrue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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