Going to a bar alone to meet guys

[RecentChange]

Nice girls don't go to bars alone and try to make eye contact with strange men.

.

 

Hahaha good thing I never lived my life worried about being a "nice girl" and you know, staying in my place like a nice girl would.

 

Nope, I love being a kick ass woman who can do and does as she pleases.

 

Command respect and you will get it.

[Woggle]

Men are afraid to approach women alone at bars because if you talk to the wrong one you will be treated like the biggest creep in the world and accused of harassment.

[smackie9]

I do whatever I please too....gets me into trouble a lot lol.

[fiskadoro]

When I see a woman alone in a bar, I assume she is waiting for friends, or perhaps killing time. I think the idea that she might be a "prostitute" is somewhat ridiculous; it's mostly in the movies (and foreign countries) that prostitutes wait at the bar. I have never seen that in the US, and I doubt there are many people who have been to as many different bars as I have.

 

As a guy, I know (or I should!) most assumptions I make about a woman by herself at the bar are my own pitfall and hangups. For many, many years I enjoyed going to bars by myself. I would want my female friends and relatives to enjoy the same freedom; bars are NICE!!! It's ingrained in all of us to think "limited" thoughts about women doing "surprising" things, unfortunately, but we also must fight the urge to think that way.

 

Years ago I met a woman by herself at a bar during a happy hour in a commercial district of a massive city. I thought there might be some opportunity there but I wanted to not be "that guy" who hit on a woman who was perhaps just being garden-variety friendly. I always remember her because she seemed so polished and confident to be just starting a convo with a stranger in a bar. My takeaway from that was, a confident woman who makes small talk in a place where a lot of women might fear to go will be seen in a good light.

 

I saw Smackie's post above and I agree that there are lots of guys who might not be able to deal with a woman chatting them up at a bar, but then again.... wouldn't you want to date a man who had the huevos and maturity to deal with a woman who was doing nothing more elaborate than being a mature human in a public place?

Edited October 6, 2017 by fiskadoro
additional thought

[smackie9]

This year I went for a green beer alone on St. Patty's day. I saddled up to the bar, ordered a drink and some food, tried to strike up some conversation with those around me, some were old fart regulars. I felt like I was an alien. People gave me a weird look and totally ignored me. I get along with everyone, but going in alone got that weird vibe from people. I bet money on it, if I was with a coworker, things would be different.

 

 

I will get some different opinions at work and see what others will say. I work with people of all ages so it will be interesting.

[smackie9]

When I see a woman alone in a bar, I assume she is waiting for friends, or perhaps killing time. I think the idea that she might be a "prostitute" is somewhat ridiculous; it's mostly in the movies (and foreign countries) that prostitutes wait at the bar. I have never seen that in the US, and I doubt there are many people who have been to as many different bars as I have.

 

Come to Vancouver. There were hookers trying to work the club I worked in years ago, and I have seen them downtown Vancouver (they do get kicked out), lots of escorts hitting the dance clubs here. You can tell who they are.

 

And wow have you not been to Vegas?? They are everywhere.

[RecentChange]

Different strokes for different folks.

 

I usually very quickly find a stranger to chat with. I love meeting people and talking with humans from all walks of life.

 

Business trip? One evening talked all night with a man who reminded me of my father. Sometimes I meet cute young bloods, other times some professional on the road as well.

 

I go out by myself probably once a month. Usually when the Mr is out of town on business, or I am out of town doing the same.

 

Truthfully I really enjoyed talking with men, it's rare I meet a female while out, but it happens on occasion as well.

 

I have met men I would be interested in dating.... If I was dating.

 

I love the freedom of going out alone, going where the wind takes me, no one to confir with first.

 

Knock on wood, never have gotten into any sort of "trouble" - sure I have had to tell a drunk dude to BEAT IT while I waited for an Uber etc... But I have never been in a scary situation.

 

Never been mistaken for a working girl either....

 

Edited to add. I DO NOT go to "clubs". Beer bars, classy cocktail lounges, financial district bars.

 

Clubs are totally a different scene - not for me, often very sleazy.

Edited October 6, 2017 by RecentChange

[MajesticUnicorn]

Omg I’m sorry but are we really saying that women that go to bars by themselves look like prostitutes? LOL.

 

Idk where y’all live but it is not weird or unsafe or unheard of where I’m at for women to go enjoy a drink by herself. Nor is it strange in the various cities I’ve travelled for work. It’s better than hanging out by myself in a hotel room. And I don’t think that makes me attention seeking...and if a guy is gonna see me alone and think I’m an alcoholic or prostitute I don’t wanna talk to him anyway!

[mortensorchid]

I used to go to bars alone when I didn't have someone to go with (male or female friend). Once, about 10 years ago now that I think of it, I was at a bar with a guy friend. He said he was going to go to the bathroom then we would leave. I sat alone at a bar stool and watched people around me, minding my own business, not saying anything to anyone. Then this guy comes up to me, leans in and says "Don't look so sad, someday some man will come along and he'll treat you nice and make you happy." I looked at him, then he walked away. I was blown away because I must look so sad.

 

And it's 10 years later and ... Nothing's changed. If anything I'm even more isolated than I was then. It's what it is.

[coolheadal]

OP is not doing it on principle or because she enjoys it though, she is doing it because she thinks it will be easier to attract guys. I think the type of attention and from who is what will be in question here. It's awkward where I'm at but yes you will get attention because you're advertising for it. Not all attn is good attn though. I think she will have better luck bringing a friend or two and being more open and having fun. Maybe even approaching men herself which is going outside social norm but less so than sitting alone drinking waiting for guys to approach Jmo

 

I agree with you point here! But I am from NYC and it's not right way to go about it she should really bring another single female friend who wants a guy too. Buying them drinks is okay OP can spend some money on the guy at the bar if she wants too. Talk and get to know each other exchange phone numbers and go to a better club to dance with her friend too.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I only go to a bar alone when I am traveling and yes, they descend like flies but usually not the type I would go for.

 

I have also experienced meeting up with a date at a bar and sitting at a table. When the date leaves to go to the toilet, a random guy would attempt to sit down and chat me up or give me his number in his absence.

 

That was in the previous city I lived in though - current city is dead and there is barely any people anywhere

 

It's hugely city dependent.

[Springsummer]

I used to go to bars alone when I didn't have someone to go with (male or female friend). Once, about 10 years ago now that I think of it, I was at a bar with a guy friend. He said he was going to go to the bathroom then we would leave. I sat alone at a bar stool and watched people around me, minding my own business, not saying anything to anyone. Then this guy comes up to me, leans in and says "Don't look so sad, someday some man will come along and he'll treat you nice and make you happy." I looked at him, then he walked away. I was blown away because I must look so sad.

 

And it's 10 years later and ... Nothing's changed. If anything I'm even more isolated than I was then. It's what it is.

 

damn, you sound like me... isolated and often look sad.

[coolheadal]

I used to go to bars alone when I didn't have someone to go with (male or female friend). Once, about 10 years ago now that I think of it, I was at a bar with a guy friend. He said he was going to go to the bathroom then we would leave. I sat alone at a bar stool and watched people around me, minding my own business, not saying anything to anyone. Then this guy comes up to me, leans in and says "Don't look so sad, someday some man will come along and he'll treat you nice and make you happy." I looked at him, then he walked away. I was blown away because I must look so sad.

 

And it's 10 years later and ... Nothing's changed. If anything I'm even more isolated than I was then. It's what it is.

 

Wow! Why so sad? Cheerup my dear you need to be happy (positive energy) even smile instead of frown. I drove through OH a few weeks was it cold or what. Anyway your never alone here we're always here all us!

[Gaeta]

 

If you are insecure, naive, or terribly uncomfortable doing things on your own, it's probably not for you.

 

I am not insecure, naive or uncomfortable doing things on my own and I won't go to bars on my own for common sense reasons. Maybe we don't have the same type of 'bars'. To me, and many people where I am from a 'bar' is a pick up place. A woman sitting on her own at a bar is looking to be picked up. That's how it's perceived here. Might be a Canadian thing, smackie and I have the same opinions on 'bars'.

 

So if where OP comes from it's pretty normal to go alone in a bar then by all means.

 

By the way, where I am, if a man shows up alone at a bar, he's pretty much a p&g looking to get laid. The judgment is not only on women alone in bars but on men as well.

[Springsummer]

I’ll go to a bar alone sometimes.

 

Usually its either after work (so I am in professional attire), or perhaps I am killing some time before meeting my husband or some friends.

 

I know they call my hometown “Man Jose” because there are so many young, professional, single men here….

 

damn...I am going to "Man Jose" if they don't extend my consulting contract.

 

not even caring about getting permanent gov job anymore. women way out numbered men in my city.

 

I should have went long ago though:(

[Springsummer]

oh, ya, French/Montreal guys seems flirty and bold, unlike the ones here...should have moved there as well.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a woman & I have gone to bars alone in NYC. I've been hit on. I have never been mistaken for a prostitute. I have also been left alone when I sent out a vibe that screamed, I'm here for the wine; talk to me at your own risk. Part of it is how you carry yourself.

 

Drunk & sloppy alone in a bar does equal danger but 1-2 drinks in a nice place, especially if you are somewhat of a regular does not carry the sexist stigma it used to & that is being advanced here.

 

There is also a big difference between sitting there, perhaps smiling & having a friendly conversation vs. shamelessly falling all over a stranger & practically mauling them.

[girlinNYC]

Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

 

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.

 

I wouldn't say it's awkward as I think that's an unfair double standard to put on a woman if she was having a glass of wine alone. Men don't seem to get painted as desperate or an alcoholic if they sit alone in bars so I'm not too concerned about that. If a man will judge me for that then I wouldn't want to keep his company anyway.

[girlinNYC]

I'm sure some people can pull it off, but I know I'd feel uncomfortable and if it's outside your comfort zone it's hard to look like you're having a good time. Plus, like smackie said, people draw conclusions about you when youre a femalle sitting at a bar alone and you might attract the wrong people. Do what feels natural. I say bring a friend but be more flirty and approachable

 

I know where you're both coming from, but I have the confidence to pull it off without acting awkward or desperate. I don't think in this day and age it should be taboo for a woman to meet people, unless she's unsafe and a drunken mess while doing so which I can assure I won't be.

Good perspectives though.

[girlinNYC]

That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?

I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?

No!

Why? Because I don't judge.

 

If someone things I am a 'working girl' or 'alcoholic' if I sit in a bar alone, then let them have it. I do not need to succumb to such primitive, backward ways of thinking. This is 2017.

A girl should be able to enjoy a drink by herself.

 

OP, what I do sometimes is sit in a bar with a book or a magazine. I have a subscription to the Atlantic, I frequently read it whilst having a gin at my favorite local bar.

 

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...

 

I tend to agree with you. Women are people, we are allowed to have a drink. I personally wouldn't want to associate with men who will judge me simply for sitting at a bar as if I'm not as entitled to be there. Hardly anything to base a friendship on. I won't sit there and stare into mid air, I will have work documents with me so I can 'look' over those like I have a purpose.

[girlinNYC]

After office hours sure, it's mostly happy hours. Would you go out on your own in a bar at 10pm?

 

I don't know about the US but where I live people starts going out to bars at 22h30 and 23h. The bars close at 4 am. To go in a bar at prime time a woman would have to go at 23h. It's just not a good idea to be out on our own at that time where people drink and use drugs.

 

Oh I don't plan on going out in the early hours of the morning. It will only ever be post work drinks. I'm very street smart and cautious.

[girlinNYC]

I usually go out alone to bars where there is good music to enjoy and I enjoy myself regardless of who I meet or don't. When there is nothing to do but drink or watch sports, I tend to get bored or self-conscious.

 

Sometimes there is unwelcome attention but most of the time I enjoy meeting new people, mostly men. They enjoy the energy I bring when I am having fun. There is a lot to filter through but high quality people are there. I have found friends, quality dates, and sex with much younger men that way.

 

There is no reason a woman should not go out on her own if she chooses the venue well and exercises common sense.

 

Absolutely I know of the places to go and where to avoid, crowd wise.

Unwelcome attention is easy to dodge I find, hence why I know I will be safe. But either way it's 2017 and a woman should be able to enjoy a drink independently free from judgement. If a man can a woman can.

[girlinNYC]

Idk. I have seen women alone at bars a lot. I myself do the same when I’m travelling. I don’t think it’s weird or taboo. Sure maybe a bit risky, but as long as you do your research and stay in a safe part of town, arrange your rides ahead of time, etc. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

 

I find that I am approached much more when I am by myself or just with one another friend as opposed to when I go out in a group. I suppose it’s easier for guys to approach you that way.

 

I say go for it. As long as you’re safe there’s nothing wrong with being an independent lady and enjoying a drink on your own!

 

Definitely done my research. I don't seem to meet new people or even just have casual chats with them when I'm in a group so it's always good to try new things. I'm too independent for my own good, ha. I prefer the alone angle.

[girlinNYC]

Go with a friend and buy someone a drink if you think they're cute.

 

I mean if men can do it why can't we?

 

But I don't think going to a bar alone is a good idea. For either gender. It just sounds like a bad time to me to be sitting there all alone when everyone around you is in a group.

 

Although sometimes you can be in a crowded place and still feel lonely even if you're with people you know. Maybe the trick is to send the free drink to THAT person.

 

Good luck!

 

I quite like the occasional solitude though. I know of a few really nice places that rarely attract trouble so the crowd would therefore match it I think. I'll be extremely safe, it's just something I want to try for the first time. You never know who you could meet, friendship or more.

[girlinNYC]

It's NYC. A woman alone at a bar is not an unusual sight. Depending on the bar & how much you have had to drink, it's not even unsafe

 

Scout out a good place. Become somewhat of a regular. Limit yourself two 2 drinks & you should be just fine

 

Also think about how you act & your overall body language when out with your friends in a group. If you are clustered together, nobody can penetrate the circle. However if you show up together, have 1 drink then disperse through the venue but checking back periodically smiling & being open to talk to people you may improve your odds.

 

Definitely. I don't plan to get wasted, just 2 drinks will be fine. Open body language without looking desperate is my approach. I think all bets are safe that way.