Open marriage stopped suddenly.dealing with loss.

[somanymistakes]

OP never answered why get married?

 

the marriages and open relationships are completely opposite of each other

 

maybe marriage was done to get some twisted kink out of it

 

Not everyone thinks that marriage is only about sex, you know.

[hammyy2k]

Not everyone thinks that marriage is only about sex, you know.

 

very cleverly using the statement that marriage isnt just about sex

 

you're right, its not just about sex and thats why its unreasonable to have open marriage, it deosnt make sense

 

its limit is also two people not million.

Edited October 17, 2017 by hammyy2k

[spanz1]

i can see why your husband does not want his boss messing around with his wife.

 

Can you find JeffII somewhere?

[Jg81]

i can see why your husband does not want his boss messing around with his wife.

 

Can you find JeffII somewhere?

 

I'm sure I could. I'm not actively looking but a distraction might be nice.

[road]

 

I'm not sure why people assume that because someone is great in bed I am going to leave my marriage or get a divorce.

 

Because after being on infidelity forums for decades

this is what happens 99% of the time when a couple

decides to open their marriage. The WW dumps her

BH for the OM.

[GoldenR]

Yes...what we see mostly here is the wives in open marriages leaving the H for one of her partners. Or a whole bowling team.

[Jg81]

Yes...what we see mostly here is the wives in open marriages leaving the H for one of her partners. Or a whole bowling team.

 

Does it go the other way often as well in open marriages? Husbands leaving for other woman?

 

I doubt I could handle a whole bowling team. Lol. I'm assuming that is a reference to another post?

[elaine567]

Does it go the other way often as well in open marriages? Husbands leaving for other woman?

 

I doubt I could handle a whole bowling team. Lol. I'm assuming that is a reference to another post?

 

I think it really depends on the motivation for the open marriage.

Sometimes it is purely about sex and variety and both partners have really no other agenda.

Sometimes it is about one or other partner wanting to play the field to ultimately find someone they click better with.

Sometimes it is suggested by a partner who already has an OW/OM in mind and they just want to "legitimise" their cheating.

Sometimes it is "forced", one partner puts up with the openness as they have in effect no other option, they hate it but have no say in the matter as they do not want to lose their marriage.

 

I am sure there are many other scenarios.

Motivations can change with time too.

[Maraud3r]

Ever heard of Oxytocin? It's a hormone produced during sex. It leads to pair bonding and the likes. The levels of it go down with each subsequent partner especially in women from what we know nowadays.

 

Basically, once you go into brain chemistry and pick up a lot of other breadcrumbs. There is a good reason why humans tended to gravitate towards certain settings for marriages, because of how damn long out children take to grow up. It also means a lot of the life styles which have become popular, are pretty much short term indulgence versus long term effects.

 

 

 

Anyway. Divorce Jeff, try to get back with Ben. The way you talk about it, how you are getting moody and resentful. You seem more attached to Ben and to prefer him. The question obviously being whether he wants to go steady with you and support you in the same way Jeff did.

 

As for Jeff, he set the grounds for this. He accepted this and abetted it. He ultimatively has nobody to blame for the outcome of this other than himself. Your marriage seems shot already and I'm fairly sure it's downhill from here.

[road]

Does it go the other way often as well in open marriages? Husbands leaving for other woman?

 

I doubt I could handle a whole bowling team. Lol. I'm assuming that is a reference to another post?

 

I can never recall a story happening the other way

with an open marriage. Just the WW leaving the BH.

[stillafool]

I feel nauseas reading this thread.

 

 

What is the purpose of marriage? Why do it?

 

It does make you wonder why these people don't stay single so they can bang whomever they want.

[stillafool]

Does it go the other way often as well in open marriages? Husbands leaving for other woman?

 

I doubt I could handle a whole bowling team. Lol. I'm assuming that is a reference to another post?

 

No mostly the husbands start seeing the OW on the side.

 

You never know.

[elaine567]

I can never recall a story happening the other way

with an open marriage. Just the WW leaving the BH.

 

We had a woman who could not have intercourse due to sexual assault. She was in a one sided open marriage in order for her husband to get sex.

He promptly found a willing woman (whose husband also could not have sex). and as time went on they developed feelings for each other, spent more and more time together, she became in effect the OW, and the marriage ended.

[standtall]

I just read this..how can you even call whatever you have with your "husband" a marriage? Why bother? Just get divorced and sleep with everybody....just sayin.

[DKT3]

Does it go the other way often as well in open marriages? Husbands leaving for other woman?

 

I doubt I could handle a whole bowling team. Lol. I'm assuming that is a reference to another post?

 

Doesn't seem to go that way much....most women in open marriage slowly lose respect for the husband and start to view him as beta, you certainly have.

[BluesPower]

Guys and girls...

 

I admit that I can be overly blunt at times, so I am not holding myself out as a paragon of virtue.

 

But Guys, some of these responses are overly critical of a lifestyle that is valid for some people. And in most cases, who are we to judge that lifestyle choice.

 

OP's husband is a big boy and is obviously holding his own in this relationship. And if he or his wife fall for someone else that is part of the entrance fee to this type of lifestyle.

 

Yes she misses the New (honeymoon) sex with the husbands boss, but she stopped when her husband asked, according to the rules.

 

He was in his rights to ask her to stop and she did the right thing.

 

Maybe she was getting too attached, especially when they were having sex one on one while hubby was away. Which OP, may need to become one of your rules, as it is usually a rule in these situations that you limit the alone time or eliminate it in a swinging/open situation.

 

But in the spirit of LS, those of us that do not agree should not disparage those that embrace this lifestyle.

 

For me, I love having multiple woman, and I am secure enough that none of this would bother me.

 

The problem is when I have had multiple women, eventually I have multiple Jealous, Pissed off woman, even though they know the score from the beginning.

 

So I am now a one woman man...

[central]

It does make you wonder why these people don't stay single so they can bang whomever they want.

 

Most people just cheat - somewhere in the 20% to 50% range, depending on the stats you believe. Why don't they just stay single so they can bang whomever they want?

 

 

Open marriage provides all the benefits of marriage, while also providing some of the benefits of being singe: i.e., ability to have sexual variety. And it does so without the cheating that less ethical and responsible people pursue instead. People in open marriages want to be married (usually). Marriage is largely a financial and social contract that has clear benefits in these areas, though most people want to make it a sexual contract as well. Since marriage is a contract, there's no reason not to negotiate variations if the couple so desires. The only limitation ehre is what may happen if the marriage fails - and then there may be legal ramifications. Marriage can also be a good thing when having children, although it's no better than a committed long term relationship for this purpose.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Jg81, I guess you should look for Hotwife/Swinger forums to post as you will get empathetic answers there to your questions. The folks here have been hurt badly by infidelity and your choice of lifestyle is like stepping on their toes when you post here. Wish you the best.

[hammyy2k]

Most people just cheat - somewhere in the 20% to 50% range, depending on the stats you believe. Why don't they just stay single so they can bang whomever they want?

 

 

Open marriage provides all the benefits of marriage, while also providing some of the benefits of being singe: i.e., ability to have sexual variety. And it does so without the cheating that less ethical and responsible people pursue instead. People in open marriages want to be married (usually). Marriage is largely a financial and social contract that has clear benefits in these areas, though most people want to make it a sexual contract as well. Since marriage is a contract, there's no reason not to negotiate variations if the couple so desires. The only limitation ehre is what may happen if the marriage fails - and then there may be legal ramifications. Marriage can also be a good thing when having children, although it's no better than a committed long term relationship for this purpose.

 

what a mother load of BS

 

just trying to make any excuse under the sun to justify their weird logic

 

if marriage is a financial contract can we say that two company merger is also a marriage?

 

can we use marriage as a business strategy in the course please

 

you are allowed to eff anybody and do unethical things while also maintaining financial stability

 

will be a very good idea

 

if marriage is a contract, no where does the marriage allows the two parties to seek multiple relations, neither does it say anything about both parties making financial contributions like a bank or security deposit and then follow certain rule and terms after that.

 

can you enlighten about terms and conditions of marriage ''contract''?

Edited October 18, 2017 by hammyy2k

[hammyy2k]

Guys and girls...

 

I admit that I can be overly blunt at times, so I am not holding myself out as a paragon of virtue.

 

But Guys, some of these responses are overly critical of a lifestyle that is valid for some people. And in most cases, who are we to judge that lifestyle choice.

 

OP's husband is a big boy and is obviously holding his own in this relationship. And if he or his wife fall for someone else that is part of the entrance fee to this type of lifestyle.

 

Yes she misses the New (honeymoon) sex with the husbands boss, but she stopped when her husband asked, according to the rules.

 

He was in his rights to ask her to stop and she did the right thing.

 

Maybe she was getting too attached, especially when they were having sex one on one while hubby was away. Which OP, may need to become one of your rules, as it is usually a rule in these situations that you limit the alone time or eliminate it in a swinging/open situation.

 

But in the spirit of LS, those of us that do not agree should not disparage those that embrace this lifestyle.

 

For me, I love having multiple woman, and I am secure enough that none of this would bother me.

 

The problem is when I have had multiple women, eventually I have multiple Jealous, Pissed off woman, even though they know the score from the beginning.

 

So I am now a one woman man...

 

people are only arguing about marriage, they are not discussing monogamy or polygamy

[RecentChange]

if marriage is a financial contract can we say that two company merger is also a marriage?

 

can you enlighten about terms and conditions of marriage ''contract''?

 

In the US – Marriage is a legal contract. This contract is one of rights and obligations, largely FINANCIAL rights and obligations.

 

They include, tax rights and benefits, employment benefits, healthcare rights and benefits, domestic violence protections, and other legal rights – making choices for incapacitated spouses, and the rights to join into a maydrid of contracts jointly.

 

Nothing in this governmental recognition of marriage talks about sex. That is not part of the legal obligations of marriage.

 

Beyond the government mandated rights and obligations bestowed upon a married couple – its up to that couple to set the rules what marriage means to them, and how they will act it out. The a legal marriage says NOTHING about sex.

 

No, two corporations merging is not a marriage. A marriage is between individuals. And creating a LP (limited partnership) or a JV (joint Venture) would NOT include all of the rights and benefits a legal marriage does. But essentially, it’s a similar idea – again, states nothing about sex, or who does the dishes, but sets out benefits, taxes, and other legal matters that would pertain to two individuals who have joined legally.

 

I don’t know what benefit you receive by judging other’s marriages, but its safe to say that your opinion has no bearing on their life.

[hammyy2k]

In the US – Marriage is a legal contract. This contract is one of rights and obligations, largely FINANCIAL rights and obligations.

 

 

what are the terms and conditions of the contract?

 

in other thread you said you didnt marry your husband for financial reasons, so why did you marry him?

 

marriage has existed before US was established, marriage has been present since ancient times.

Edited October 18, 2017 by hammyy2k

[central]

In the US – Marriage is a legal contract. This contract is one of rights and obligations, largely FINANCIAL rights and obligations. ...

 

Thanks for handling the question. I am not in the mood to gracefully handle ignorance and bias today.

[RecentChange]

what are the terms and conditions of the contract?

 

in other thread you said you didnt marry your husband for financial reasons, so why did you marry him?

 

marriage has existed before US was established, marriage has been present since ancient times.

 

Its actually not a "contract" but a government recognized legal status - that comes with right and obligations I described above.

 

Yes “marriage” has been around for eons, and has meant different things in different places in different times. It was the ancient Roman law that declared it would be an monogamous relationship between a man and a woman (in contrast to the polygamy that was common at the time). In the US, there are no such laws regarding a legally recognized marriage. If a married couple chooses non-monogamy, they are not breaking any laws.

 

Why did I marry him? Well it wasn’t to get his money – we have had a joint bank account for well over a decade when we got married.

 

Truthfully, what made us finally marry? Healthcare. I had always had him under my policy through work as a domestic partner, but when gay marriage became universally legal – my company dropped the domestic partner benefits. So, we married so that he could be on my policy.

 

And it made sense to do for a number of legal reasons. Should either of us have a medical emergency, we wanted the other to have those legal rights needed to make choices for each other, things like that.

 

It didn’t affect our commitment to each other. Our agreement as to what our relationship would look like (and its not exactly in line with “traditional marriage”).

 

After living together for nearly 14 years, 14 years of shared funds, shared duties and obligations, it made sense to make it “legal” with the government.

 

It wasn’t about having the government control what goes on in our bedroom, or other facets of our private life. And luckily in the US, that isn’t part of the legal rights and obligations of marriage.

[RecentChange]

So hammy. Now that I have laid out the legal constraints and obligation of a marriage in the US, do you understand why people get married for reasons other than sex?

 

I know you have commented on several threads and it seems for you sex is the defining factor for a marriage.

 

I am telling you for some it is, but for others it isn't - and there is nothing about a legal marriage that defines that - that is up to the individuals who legally bind themselves to marriage to choose. And not for those outside of their marriage to choose what is appropriate for them.

 

What is your legal status? Single, married, unmarried? I am curious as you seem to have a strong opinion on the subject.