He's still in love with his ex...

[Cookiesandough]

I am feeling guilty. I don't know if I did something wrong. It is this guy. Basically we dated two dates. I cut it off because I admitted that I liked him and he said don't get attached and he's hung up on his ex. I blocked him. A couple days ago he sent me a messages on a dating app, not even one that we met on, they read:

 

 

Don't block me yet. You could at least give me a chance.

 

: I can't stop thinking about you. I would be willing to try.

 

 

:I would be willing to take the time to get to know you and have more than just a casual thing if you were willing to be more patient. I wish we could have talked about it before you just blocked me

Sent 3:29pm

 

 

He sent some other stuff but it's in reference to our date. There were about four other messages . I ignored it. Then today he sends me :

 

I don't understand why you couldn't be more patient. Give me time to take my walls down. You didn't even try. I guess I'm not that important

 

 

WTH guilt trip Batman. I blocked him now. But I feel so ****ty. He is going through so much crap if he is to be believed. He's making me feel like I abandoned him or something. We had two dates. I am feeling really ****ty about this whole thing. Is this manipulative or did I do something wrong again?

Edited September 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Fair]

Don't continue to date him. Read over your post and ask yourself how you'd respond to the question if it was written by someone else and you were the unbiased observer.

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks, fair. I definitely won't be dating him! I am really glad I got out when I did at this point but he said I guess I'm not that important That hurt me a lot bc I was playing a therapist to him and heard about all his problems. I don't know if I should feel guilty. I don't know anything anymore.

[No_Go]

Thanks, fair. I definitely won't be dating him! I am really glad I got out when I did at this point but he said I guess I'm not that important That hurt me a lot bc I was playing a therapist to him and heard about all his problems. I don't know if I should feel guilty. I don't know anything anymore.

 

Cookies he is just terrible, you dodged a bullet. My last LTR ex guilt tripped me as well - he was very eloquent in his constant blames on me, and it just dragged the break up to 8 FULL MONTHS if you can believe it :/

 

You don't need to feel guilty, you need to move on of this piece of s**t.

[bene]

Basically we dated two dates.

 

/.../

 

WTH guilt trip Batman. I blocked him now. But I feel so ****ty. He is going through so much crap if he is to be believed. He's making me feel like I abandoned him or something. We had two dates. I am feeling really ****ty about this whole thing. Is this manipulative or did I do something wrong again?

 

Sorry if I'm too blunt but he's a grown man and somehow he managed before having the two dates with you. Do you really think that after a few dates suddenly you are the only one who can "save" him? He's not a kitten you found in the alley and now feel responsible to look after. Whatever crap he's been through has probably been his own making at least to some extent.

 

I'd be very careful if someone you barely know already needs something from you. It is not a healthy start to a relationship.

 

I honestly think considering what you have written about yourself that you do not need a troubled man in your life and curiosity is a poor excuse in getting involved with someone who is potentially dangerous. I don't think this is what you really want deep down and what you can handle. This is why people warned you about writing about personal issues in your dating profile - it attracts abusers.

 

I have learned my lessons with the oh-so-troubled-only-I-can-save-him types and I know they can be mysterious (the mystery is usually overestimated because your brain just fills the gaps) and somewhat tempting but it is not worth it. You shouldn't be the one bending over backwards, he should think what he can offer you to keep you interested. First red flag is if the guy himself says that he is no good. You know the saying - when people show you who they are, believe them.

 

I honestly wish you well and hope that you would find a good guy.

Edited September 26, 2017 by bene

[olivetree]

I am feeling guilty. I don't know if I did something wrong. It is this guy. Basically we dated two dates. I cut it off because I admitted that I liked him and he said don't get attached and he's hung up on his ex. I blocked him. A couple days ago he sent me a messages on a dating app, not even one that we met on, they read:

 

 

Don't block me yet. You could at least give me a chance.

 

: I can't stop thinking about you. I would be willing to try.

 

 

:I would be willing to take the time to get to know you and have more than just a casual thing if you were willing to be more patient. I wish we could have talked about it before you just blocked me

Sent 3:29pm

 

 

He sent some other stuff but it's in reference to our date. There were about four other messages . I ignored it. Then today he sends me :

 

I don't understand why you couldn't be more patient. Give me time to take my walls down. You didn't even try. I guess I'm not that important

 

 

WTH guilt trip Batman. I blocked him now. But I feel so ****ty. He is going through so much crap if he is to be believed. He's making me feel like I abandoned him or something. We had two dates. I am feeling really ****ty about this whole thing. Is this manipulative or did I do something wrong again?

 

Don't feel guilty, but do feel turned off.

[Dis]

Cookies he is just terrible, you dodged a bullet.

 

I dont know, they're both not over their ex's. They could be each other's bandaids for awhile. Jk

 

How I feel feel about this and all the other threads...

 

*face palm*

[No_Go]

I dont know, they're both not over their ex's. They could be each other's bandaids for awhile. Jk

 

How I feel feel about this and all the other threads...

 

*face palm*

 

Oh, but add this quotes:

 

"...he's on probation for selling tree ...his life is a mess ...He admitted he has kids. ..he can't get emotionally attached and just wants to screw randoms

...I get a creepy feeling from him like he could be dangerous or manipulative later. He says he gets super jealous."

[CryForNoOne]

I need to find just a normal guy who is interested, but I guess I'm looking for some exciting feelings. We were at a club on our date and some guy asked him for a "8 ball" I had no idea what it was... he said he didn't have it and a fight almost broke out.

An 8 ball is an eighth of an ounce of cocaine. I figured everyone who goes to clubs knows this. I only go to bars and its very very prevalent these days. I'm totally ambivalent about the $h!t other people put in their bodies but I will say it's slightly discouraging that almost every single woman I've met through OLD broke out cocaine if they invited me over. Perhaps the ones that won't sleep with me are all clean, but it seems to me that cocaine has made a HUGE comeback with white girls who like to go out.

 

P.S. I'll add that I know several guys who dangle coke as a lure to hookup with women they meet at bars. Sadly, it works really really well...

Edited September 26, 2017 by CryForNoOne

[Fair]

Thanks, fair. I definitely won't be dating him! I am really glad I got out when I did at this point but he said I guess I'm not that important That hurt me a lot bc I was playing a therapist to him and heard about all his problems. I don't know if I should feel guilty. I don't know anything anymore.

 

That's all you'll ever be to guys like this... a therapist... that's all they date you for right from the start. To unload on you. And since you are a woman, they hope you'll be able to shed some insight into the inner workings of the minds of their ex, usually the end objective having to do with using the knowledge they gain in order to get them back.

 

I'm glad you stopped seeing him. Trust me, you'll be looking back as time goes on asking yourself what in hell you were thinking by wasting even a moment of your precious time on this jerk.

[TheFinalWord]

You are too good for this guy. Is this the one that said he's not going for anything serious? Yet, he unloads serious emotional baggage on you. I think you made the right choice!

[Cookiesandough]

I deleted my OLD profiles a few days ago. Tonight, the subject of this thread messages me on INSTAGRAM. I hardly use my instagram except to try to get my ex to talk to me. I didn't even know you could find people on instagram without knowing their direct username, but apparently all you need their phone number (cue me being freaked out by all the guys ive shared my number with on OLD) to see it. He messaged me on a dating app we had not met on pretty soon after I blocked his phone asking if we could see each other more and I ignored and blocked there.

Anyway he writes me this...does anyone know what it means? why he did this? ?

 

"I guess you found someone else. Haha figures. Every time I date someone, after we break up, they meet the love of their life. I'm good luck chuck. I don't blame you though. Maybe I just got my chance and blew it. My good friend told me people come into your life because you have the lessons they need and you may be the only one who can teach them, that my lady would come and she may just still be learning her lessons. I told her she probably already has come and I didn't have any heart left to share with her, because I gave it all away to someone else. But yea, I'm a stepping stone. I realize that. Nevertheless I wish you the best. "

 

 

Is he most likely drunk? Is that some kind of pity message? What's the point of this? Please just to put this into perspective we had been on two dates. I did tell him I have feelings for him but I didnt know that opens a pandora box...especially since I felt comfortable saying it since we both admitted we were hung up on our exes. Why would someone track someone down and write something like this to them? Is he a NARCISCIST (obsessive when ignored/doesnt respect boundaries)? People are incredibly confusing?

 

lol @ him thinking i found the "love of my life"

Edited October 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

Haha, my ex was not that romantic - instead of writing me that I found the 'love of my life' he wrote me 'you must have a new d*ck by now'. Guys are "nice".

 

He was most likely drunk. Unless I'm missing the context, he's hung up on his ex and she probably started dating someone else, and he's butt hurt and tracking down other 'evil women' that rejected him.

 

If I were you - I'd say - I have found the love of my life indeed, thank you, and leave it at that. Or just not respond at all but than he may pester you.

 

I deleted my OLD profiles a few days ago. Tonight, the subject of this thread messages me on INSTAGRAM. I hardly use my instagram except to try to get my ex to talk to me. I didn't even know you could find people on instagram without knowing their direct username, but apparently all you need their phone number (cue me being freaked out by all the guys ive shared my number with on OLD) to see it. He messaged me on a dating app we had not met on pretty soon after I blocked his phone asking if we could see each other more and I ignored and blocked there.

Anyway he writes me this...does anyone know what it means? why he did this? ?

 

"I guess you found someone else. Haha figures. Every time I date someone, after we break up, they meet the love of their life. I'm good luck chuck. I don't blame you though. Maybe I just got my chance and blew it. My good friend told me people come into your life because you have the lessons they need and you may be the only one who can teach them, that my lady would come and she may just still be learning her lessons. I told her she probably already has come and I didn't have any heart left to share with her, because I gave it all away to someone else. But yea, I'm a stepping stone. I realize that. Nevertheless I wish you the best. "

 

 

Is he most likely drunk? Is that some kind of pity message? What's the point of this? Please just to put this into perspective we had been on two dates. I did tell him I have feelings for him but I didnt know that opens a pandora box...especially since I felt comfortable saying it since we both admitted we were hung up on our exes. Why would someone track someone down and write something like this to them? Is he a NARCISCIST (obsessive when ignored/doesnt respect boundaries)? People are incredibly confusing?

 

lol @ him thinking i found the "love of my life"

[Cookiesandough]

Haha, my ex was not that romantic - instead of writing me that I found the 'love of my life' he wrote me 'you must have a new d*ck by now'. Guys are "nice".

 

He was most likely drunk. Unless I'm missing the context, he's hung up on his ex and she probably started dating someone else, and he's butt hurt and tracking down other 'evil women' that rejected him.

 

If I were you - I'd say - I have found the love of my life indeed, thank you, and leave it at that. Or just not respond at all but than he may pester you.

 

Just wow!!! He sounds like a real peach. Your ex was very butt hurt, indeed. No, that was all the context. Just that message. I did tell him shortly before I blocked on other app "I enjoyed my time with you, but I don't think I'm what you're looking for. You did help me forget about my ex for a little bit and I hope I was able to help you forget about your issues for a little bit too. You will find someone beautiful who cares for you." *cue begging and have to block*

 

People are so confusing. The fact that he's going through all this effort to find ways to message me is what is the eeriest thing. I mean guys typically don't like being cut off, to the point that when the last guy I told I needed a break was blase and said he understood I was actually confused, but never anything like this.

 

I am opting to ignore him because frankly im a little scared and glad he doesnt know where I live/work. I was just trying to understand. But what you said makes sense. Thank you, No_Go!!!!!

Edited October 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[lovephule]

Motivation? He saw you deleted your profiles and figures you've gotten serious with someone, that's all. Was he drunk? Possibly.

Please just to put this into perspective we had been on two dates.

 

A little more perspective:

That hurt me a lot bc I was playing a therapist to him and heard about all his problems.

 

Not typical for two dates, at least in my experience.

 

Tapping into someone's deep emotions very quickly and cutting him off just as quickly is a surefire recipe for things to get messy.

[olivetree]

He's wallowing in self-pity and probably deluded himself into thinking he was giving himself closure with that message.

In reality, he's looking for a response.

[Cookiesandough]

yes lovephule, you're right I should not have done that or lied to him to begin with

 

olive, that's what I think too. Theres no question, but it's clear he is trying to provoke a response.

 

 

thx you guys. im pretty certain theres no way left now for him to contact me except when i go back OLD in a month or so lol

[joseb]

Just seemed like a pretty innocuous message to me to be honest.

It wouldnt bother me to see it.

 

Now from your post, what stands out on you to focus on is this:

 

"I hardly use my instagram except to try to get my ex to talk to me"

 

That's a real issue. This guy is just background fluff.

[lovephule]

yes lovephule, you're right I should not have done that or lied to him to begin with

More saying if you're gonna do it, do it with your eyes open.

 

I'm all for your dating and learning from experience, and don't think that putting your nose in the corner and not coming out until you're "fixed" is viable. Taking the winter off is super practical though.

[kazen]

This guy is actually a manipulator. Many advance techniques he uses. I think this situation would have played out differently had you not posted it on this forum and had others warn you and you bail out early. He had you where he wanted, you were hooked. He went the stalker route and found you told me exactly the type of person he was. He is diabolical. His last message was also a last ditch effort to send you a subliminal message that you needed him but he's not available. That was his tactic to get you all along. You develop feelings for him base on the "qualifying" tactic and he knows it. So he assume the only reason you got away was because another guy bested him.

[healing light]

Different take here. This guy told you he had abandonment issues. And this man does have issues. Then you cut him off abruptly after saying you had feelings for him.

 

What he was offering had more red flags than a bull run, but you triggered his abandonment issues. So his message is not really about you, it's what I call a 90/10. A 90/10 is when 90% of a person's reaction is due to their past history, a "trigger" issue, and 10% is about what actually occurred. In this instance, the 10% is about you cutting him off unexpectedly, the 90% is his history of being abandoned.

 

So this trigger issue has caused him to project onto you all the qualities that he wishes he had in a mate. It's caused him to believe that he just let "the one" get away, but really it's about him trying to subconsciously fix his abandonment issues. The way the subconscious wounds generally operate if you read about psychology is that people mirror/attract situations where they try to "fix" their issue from early imprinting in the form of another person. So, in his case, if he could win your love now it would appease the times he wasn't able to get the love he needed from others who abandoned him in life.

 

That's why his pursuit seems so over the top and overblown. It's not really about you, it's a bigger reflection of his issues. He sounds like he's moping and trying to get deep with you in his message and throwing himself a little pity party.

 

Next!