I miss her more and more everyday

[Redhead14]

There's not a lot of info out there, except on a definition of what it is - essentially swinging from one person to another while still in a relationship.

 

How long do these relationships last? Is it similar to a rebound in terms that 90% fail?

 

 

How do I accept I was monkey branched when it hurts like a mofo?

 

 

Do you consider monkey branching to be emotional cheating?

 

 

Dumb question but I'll ask anyway: do monkey branchers go back to the ones they left for someone else?

 

 

Just not sure what to do or think. I'm finding it difficult to move on with my life (although I am) when I've been monkey branched. I thought it was a rebound, but the person was lurking in the background while I was with my ex. Doesn't make it hurt less.

 

How do I accept I was monkey branched when it hurts like a mofo? -- Reflect on the fact that monkeys, while they may be cute, fling poop everywhere and don't care where it lands and they leave their poop on every tree they swing to.

 

the person was lurking in the background -- It's not like she picked up some prize. The guy is a vulture and a low-life. If that's what she likes, you should be happy she didn't stay with you. I think it means you're too good for her. She likes slumming. Charming . . .

 

It doesn't matter how long they last. What matter's is that you don't have to deal with her anymore. And are free to find yourself a quality woman who knows what she wants and puts in the effort to find that.

 

Or, if the new guy was actually a good guy and she's using him next, try to have some sympathy for him because he may soon be rowing the same boat you are.

 

Get busy with your life and your friends. Focus on just YOU for a while.

[Throwawayaccount12]

How do I accept I was monkey branched when it hurts like a mofo? -- Reflect on the fact that monkeys, while they may be cute, fling poop everywhere and don't care where it lands and they leave their poop on every tree they swing to.

 

the person was lurking in the background -- It's not like she picked up some prize. The guy is a vulture and a low-life. If that's what she likes, you should be happy she didn't stay with you. I think it means you're too good for her. She likes slumming. Charming . . .

 

It doesn't matter how long they last. What matter's is that you don't have to deal with her anymore. And are free to find yourself a quality woman who knows what she wants and puts in the effort to find that.

 

Or, if the new guy was actually a good guy and she's using him next, try to have some sympathy for him because he may soon be rowing the same boat you are.

 

Get busy with your life and your friends. Focus on just YOU for a while.

 

Lmao love the analogy and my ex flinging **** around.

 

I guess it's hard because it was a same sex relationship and the odds of finding someone silimar but different are harder because only 5% of the total population are female and gay. And the more I filter what I want, the less of a chance there is to find someone like that. Oh well I guess. I enjoy spending money on myself in the meantime. Don't need anyone.

[Redhead14]

Lmao love the analogy and my ex flinging **** around.

 

I guess it's hard because it was a same sex relationship and the odds of finding someone silimar but different are harder because only 5% of the total population are female and gay. And the more I filter what I want, the less of a chance there is to find someone like that. Oh well I guess. I enjoy spending money on myself in the meantime. Don't need anyone.

 

Yeah, instead of idealizing her, reframe her in the proper light

 

Don't need anyone -- I hope that's true . . . you shouldn't really NEED anyone. You may want someone to add to the happiness you already have for yourself, but you don't really need them. And, you sure as H E double L don't need her!

 

I filter what I want, the less of a chance there is to find someone like that. -- You keep that filter in place. I would rather be alone and a little lonely sometimes, than be with someone who doesn't really give me a fulfilling relationship and still feel lonely and alone.

 

Go out and buy yourself something you've always wanted (without breaking the bank, of course). Redecorate your place -- new curtains, new throw pillows. Put some flowers on the table. Treat yourself well. You should know how to do that better than anyone

Edited September 16, 2017 by Redhead14

[Throwawayaccount12]

I feel like I'm going to crack. It's been almost 2 months nc, just over 4 months break up.

 

I'm trying my best to heal, but I miss her like crazy. I thought I was getting better, but it feels like every day it's getting worse again.

 

I almost tried to go and see her and I almost emailed her saying I miss her. I didn't do either of those things, but every day I think about it.

 

There's a long weekend this week, and although I know this is stupid, but I can't stop thinking about how we would've spent the night together sleeping over her friends place. And it hurts thinking she'll be there with the person she monkey branched off of me for.

 

I don't miss being in a relationship, I miss being with her; I miss her.

 

I don't know if she'll ever reach out. I'm blocked off everything, and so is she except instagram and iMessage. She has all her exes on social media, even the one who cheated on her. I can't stop thinking that maybe that's a sign she'll be open to that one day, but I will never settle for just (Facebook) friends. I can't stop thinking of how when we were together talking about if one of us was to dump the other, would we ever get back together? She said if it was based on circumstances, probably would give it another shot.

 

She said our breakup was circumstantial. This was before I found out I was being monkey branched as well, which made the breakup go from clean to messy with fighting.

 

I feel like 2 months is a long time to go nc... at least for me.

 

God, this all hurts so much.

 

All these thoughts compounded together are making it so hard.

 

I'm trying my best to not stalk the monkey branch losers twitter, because if there's anything posted for me to deliberately see I.e. Another sext shared on the net for me to see without her consent, I doubt I'll be emotionally stable enough to do my assessments and to not react and do something stupid.

 

 

Sigh.

[Throwawayaccount12]

And I haven't heard from her. I guess I never will. Gigs or not gigs.

 

I ran into her the other day when I was going to the movies. She literally hid behind a pot plant so I couldn't see her, but I did. I didn't approach or do anything, just kept walking. Sigh. Her rebound/monkey branch unblocked me on instagram (I had a hunch and typed their name in). Presumably so I check and get hurt - mind games again. But I refuse to check.

 

 

Why do I still want to be with someone who doesn't miss me, care about me, or even love me, let alone want to or try to talk to me.

 

 

I guess it doesn't matter how good to her I was during the relationship, and before we were dating. It all just comes down to how I reacted after the breakup. I still have a lot of guilt for what I did. I've apologised several times (before I started nc, haven't said or done anything since), but according to her friend, "I can't keep ****ing up and apologising for it". Sigh.

 

 

I'm almost finished with my thesis, and it hurts knowing she wasn't there for me when I was doing it. She would've always cheered me on and motivated me to keep going, to do well. Now, I'm surrounded by silence and it's deafening.

 

I am working on controlling my anger. I stop myself from having angry outbursts, especially while driving. I'm still learning to not have expectations of people so I don't get angry when they don't meet them. I leave the stress of university at home whenever I go out. If I get really upset or angry, I go for long drives now. I think I've found my calming place - the beach.

 

 

And even though I'm changing and growing, I still want her back. And I feel like a fool for the way I feel, because she probably will never talk to me again.

 

I don't know what to do or what to think. Nc is getting harder to deal with.

[Darkchan]

And I haven't heard from her. I guess I never will. Gigs or not gigs.

 

I ran into her the other day when I was going to the movies. She literally hid behind a pot plant so I couldn't see her, but I did. I didn't approach or do anything, just kept walking. Sigh. Her rebound/monkey branch unblocked me on instagram (I had a hunch and typed their name in). Presumably so I check and get hurt - mind games again. But I refuse to check.

 

 

Why do I still want to be with someone who doesn't miss me, care about me, or even love me, let alone want to or try to talk to me.

 

 

I guess it doesn't matter how good to her I was during the relationship, and before we were dating. It all just comes down to how I reacted after the breakup. I still have a lot of guilt for what I did. I've apologised several times (before I started nc, haven't said or done anything since), but according to her friend, "I can't keep ****ing up and apologising for it". Sigh.

 

 

I'm almost finished with my thesis, and it hurts knowing she wasn't there for me when I was doing it. She would've always cheered me on and motivated me to keep going, to do well. Now, I'm surrounded by silence and it's deafening.

 

I am working on controlling my anger. I stop myself from having angry outbursts, especially while driving. I'm still learning to not have expectations of people so I don't get angry when they don't meet them. I leave the stress of university at home whenever I go out. If I get really upset or angry, I go for long drives now. I think I've found my calming place - the beach.

 

 

And even though I'm changing and growing, I still want her back. And I feel like a fool for the way I feel, because she probably will never talk to me again.

 

I don't know what to do or what to think. Nc is getting harder to deal with.

 

I feel you! Though I haven't gone through as much time as you have yet. I got dumped and is NC since 3 weeks today at the same day of the BU. And it doesn't get easier. It feels worse and worse day by day. Pure torture and hell. I really want my ex back even though he said he didn't love me and as you wrote, why do I want to be with soemone who doesn't care for me or love me? I should want better, but my heart want diffrent, I really fell hard for him. First time I ever fell so hard for anyone. But everyone here at LS is really good support. We will push through even tho it feels like it going to end.

 

I can also relate to the hurt of not having the support of your ex. I'm going to have a company wide talk in front of more than 80 people this thursday. I have been working hard on this lecture until till it fell apart 3 weeks ago. So I'm struggling getting it done. It's a major career boost and I shouldn't let this chance slip away. I'm really feeling sad and hurt that he isn't there and supporting me through this. He promised that he would show up for the talk before he broke up. I guess that was just an empty promise since he won't anymore. Not that I want to see his face there anyway as I would start crying... And like you, I'm also unmotivated for this and wish that i could just talk to him as he would always encourage me to keep pushing.

 

NC is super hard. I have the urge to reach out everyday. Evening is the worst and the anxiety is growing stronger everyday. It almost feel like I' going insane, if I havn't already.

 

It will get better and we will get over it even though we can't really see the end of it for now. I myself can't really belive in those words, but logically this living hell can't continue forever. It will be bad for a long time, but eventually (and hopefully) we both will pull though and will see the days in better light.