Anger problems and alcoholism.

[Art_Critic]

and that whole post is why they call it denial....

 

Protec.. why won't you give Alcohol up ?.. I guess good things happen to you when you are under the influence ?

 

What good and positive things has Alcohol brought to your life ?

[Blanco]

Just because alcohol is not the root of your anger problem does not mean it's not a problem. That'd be like thinking you can't be an alcoholic because you're already a drug addict.

[amaysngrace]

And i highly doubt i've been depressed / Alcoholic my whole life and i did not even drink alcohol until i turned 22.

 

So what? Some people had their last drink 22 years ago but it doesn't mean they're not an alcoholic.

 

Have you gone to an AA meeting? Journaled? Or done anything else that's been recommended you try to help improve your life?

 

I know change can be scary but are you really that comfortable with feeling uncomfortable? Dysfunction is your buddy or something?

[Blanco]

Dysfunction is your buddy or something?

 

You must not be familiar with his other threads.

 

Protec, you're doing what you always do: Ask for help, then ignore everyone's suggestions, and continue to lament how crappy things are.

[healing light]

Hey, I haven't read most of your posts--just your first few.

 

I highly recommend EFT (emotional freedom technique) for the anger and associated beliefs that you describe. It's very easy to learn on YouTube and I've used it for myself to deal with the aftermath of a lot of trauma/abuse/etc.

 

Also, do you have mercury amalgams/silver fillings in your mouth? If not, as a physical measure I would consider looking into the Andrew Cutler protocol for low-dose chelation therapy (irregularly scheduled/high dose chelators are dangerous) for this lifelong mood problem that you describe. I'm heavy metal poisoned so I'm biased, but you would be surprised how many people on the spectrum or with ADD/ADHD have a hidden heavy metal toxicity, that, once chelated, resolves a lot of mood swing issues and other symptoms. Just something to consider. Best of luck.

[Protec]

You must not be familiar with his other threads.

 

Protec, you're doing what you always do: Ask for help, then ignore everyone's suggestions, and continue to lament how crappy things are.

 

It takes time. I tried to find some anger management classes but they cost money for some reason. There is also anger management class on the same place where i go to therapy but for some reason my therapist have not mentioned anything about it...i guess i need to ask about it from her next time.

 

I finally feel better again, i went to gym last friday and tomorrow i have a job interview for a part time job. When i get money and maybe something to do, i don't drink so much.

 

It easy to say on the internet "do this, do that". It takes time. I do my best. Back then people told me not to contact my ex. I simply could not do it. Now? I don't even think about calling or messaging her. It just takes time.

 

I am seriously motivated getting better, i am not sure if i can ever cut down alcohol complelety. But even if i can cut it down so i drink only few beer at weekends, would be massive improvement. I can be days without alcohol, but then sometimes i want to relax and take few beers while watching movie etc. But i try to cut it off completely, since i really have to lose weight and drinking alcohol and eating snacks and sweets will not help.

 

Right now i feel positive about my future, i got myself a new apartment by some miracle, and i am finally finding out what i want to study. i've been a limbo for a long time. I just simply don't know what i want to do for living.

 

I am very jealous to those people who are in they 20's and already in their dream jobs. I am 33. soon 34 and i still have no idea what really interests me .

[Protec]

and that whole post is why they call it denial....

 

Protec.. why won't you give Alcohol up ?.. I guess good things happen to you when you are under the influence ?

 

What good and positive things has Alcohol brought to your life ?

 

Well, nothing positive.. I just have some times problems to relax.

I have no idea how to relax. I have tried listening music, eating something good, meditating, sometimes i feel so nervous and unrelaxed.

 

But I have been able to cut down my consumption a lot now. And i intend to cut it down even more.

[Justanaverageguy]

So first question - did you have any traumatic experiences in childhood that precipitated the anger issues ? Just curious as it sounds like something that emerged at a specific point in time.

 

Based on what you have described it sounds like you have a lot of ungrounded energy. Very on edge - frayed -anxious\nervous energy. Your nervous system, thinking patterns and likely also breathing patterns and heart rate are over excited - then you use alcohol which is a depressant - to essentially suppress these and dull them down so they are easier to manage. Problem is when it does erupt its amplified even worse then normal.

 

Clearly the alcohol thing is not healthy or sustainable - you're using its depressant characteristics to calm yourself and compensate for your unbalanced overexcited system. I think you need to look at trying to solve both issues concurrently if you want to get back to being a healthy person - because the alcohol is a coping mechanism at present - an unhealthy one - but to be able to give it up you need to develop new healthier coping mechanisms to bring yourself back to a place of balance.

 

My first recommendation. Magnesium. Both salt baths and oral supplements.

Magnesium is a key nutrient in the body and plays a critical role in regulating and calming the nervous system and greatly effects mental health. Deficiency in this mineral is also heavily linked to depression. Prolonged periods of stress, anxiety drain the bodies reserves of magnesium. When we become deficient one of the common side effects is feeling on edge, unable to relax or calm yourself, racing thoughts and also depression. The body overused it's supply and now can't replenish it so you get stuck into a cycle of continually feeling this way and unable to relax.

 

Now to make matters worse: Whilst alcohol can mask those feeling for a while and allow you to relax - high alcohol consumptionalso significantly drains the body of magnesium. It's like a double whammy - to filter the alcohol your drinking to calm yourself the kidneys excrete large amounts of magnesium. This leaves your body less able to deal with stress and calm itself naturally in future ...... which leads you to drink more - which drains more magnesium and makes you less able to deal with stress .... which leads you to drink more. You get the picture. Vicious cycle. Studies have shown the majority of alcoholics are significantly deficient in magnesium.

 

https://www.activationproducts.com/blog/alcohol-and-magnesium-deficiency/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3544909

 

 

So I would recommend regular Magnesium Salt Baths - 10-15 mins at a time and also oral Chelated Magnesium daily. You should get immediate short term calming effects to your mood and thinking patterns after a bath and start to see more long terms effects after only a couple of weeks. This will hopefully help to reduce your reliance on Alcohol to calm yourself and relax. Cost for both supplements and bath salts are very cheap. I would also recommend another supplement called Taurine which is a key amino acid which numerous studies show it is very safe to supplement with and that it has similar calming effects on the body\mind. A lot of people say - "but isn't Taurine in energy drinks like red bull" - and yes it is. For that exact reason - to calm the body and counteract all the nervous energy that gets produced by the boat load of Sugar, Caffein, Gurana in energy drinks. So it could also help in this regard and is very safe to take.

 

That leads to the next item - whats your diet like ? Are you eating healthy fresh food ? Are you drinking a lot of caffein and stimulant products ? You should aim to clean this up - eat fresh healthy food and remove as many stimulants like caffein and sugar as you can. Pretty obvious - but not always followed.

 

Next you need to develop a healthy way to relax. Seated meditation really isn't the best for people in your head space. Meditation draws more of this unbalanced nervous energy up into the mind so has a tendency to amplify this and make things worse. You should look at practices like Qi Gong and Tai Chi instead - they have flowing movements which focus on what they call "grounding energy". Drawing it down from your mind - so you are not so hyper focus, analytical, overthinking and instead centered and relaxed. Also a diligent daily stretching routing. Kind of a like a modified yoga routine for beginners can also be great .... but you have to stick to the plan and do it every day if you want to see the benefits. Also just exercise regularly - running or hiking out doors is great to remedy the type of issues you described.

 

Lastly something a little left field I often recommend to people with issues calming themselves and relaxing is a practice called TRE - Tension, Trauma Release Excercises. Very unusual and doubt you will have seen something similar before. It involves going through a postural movements that fatigue the muscles to induce and involuntary tremor in the nervous system. Its exceptionally good at releasing pent up nervous, anxious energy. Similar to how your body shakes after a traumatic incident to release stress .... it works the same. By systematically releasing these in a regular controlled way it can stop these building up and coming out as inappropriate anger outbursts. You can normally find practitioners in most locations. Some more details below if your interested.

 

 

Find providers here -> https://traumaprevention.com/tre-provider-list/

 

Hope these help.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Justanaverageguy

[Protec]

@Justanaverageguy

 

Thank you. Yes i take magneium and vitamin supplements. and i have started to try eat more healthy. I drink lots of water and i eat carrots as a snack instead of sausages.

 

I had good therapy session today, i have studied about my own behaviour and my behaviour does have similarities with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

I have diagnosed of cyclothymia but i don't think that is correct one. As my problems are more "personality / identity" related. But therapist said it seems i do really have some traits of BPD.

 

I did have a good childhood IN HOME. I had good parents, but in school i was picked on and bullied a lot. So if any traumatic experiences come to mind, it was because i was bullied a lot in school.

 

One of the worst things they did was that everyone gathered around me, formed a ring, i was in the middle. And everyone stared at me for 15 minutes. If i tried to leave the ring they would not let me out.

 

Other type of bullying was that everyone ran away from me. So i was left alone.

 

No matter what i did, i was always bullied. I have lots of imagination so sometimes during recess i just watched the sky. Even then people came "OMG you are so weird! What are you doing? Standing here like a robot watching the horizon. You freak!"

 

I just wanted to watch the sky and imagine. I still do it. It helps me to calm down and i can think about stuff. These days i think about music.

 

When i think back about my school years, it gets me bit angry.

 

Eventually, when i got in "high-school" (there is not similar high school here than in USA etc.) i just went completely silent. I shelled myself. I didn't say anything, i didn't do anything. I only did the necessary things, like go to classes etc. But during recess i just was silent. I though "if i don't say anything or do anything, no one cannot have any reason to bully or pick on me"

 

Since i left school, i started gradually to feel better. I got out of my shell little by little, but my guess is that if i ever developed a mental problem during my life, it was durin my teenage years in school.

 

I was basically living inside my head every day. In school i was bullied, but in home i was safe. With my games and music, i am safe and in a place that i understand.

 

So, i am now building a list about my symptoms that cause trouble in my life and i will go to the psychiatrist once i get some money.

 

But this is not just depression, i am sure about it.

[Protec]

I've been spending more time researching about Borderline Personality Disorder, and the anger problems with BPD and me are strikingly similar and what triggers it seems spot on as well.

 

Oh man. That could explain lots of things. It's just so hard when your mind changes so much. That is one of the reasons i really get nothing done.

 

Like seeking help. I go to therapy yes, but sometimes i just feel so fine, so ok, i think "nah, i don't need more help. I feel great!"

[Protec]

I am in my new apartment now. Feels strange to be in new apartment. Well, it's been only a week. But mentally: Nothing has changed. I was happy when i got here, few days i was filled with energy and enthusiasm. Now i am back being myself again. I just cannot enjoy anything anymore. I have AWESOME apartment. I mean, this is BRAND NEW apartment. I can see ocean from the balcony, i woke up to the most beautiful sunrise other day and this new apartment is bigger than old one, much more room, now i can even get the sofa here.

 

But still. something is missing...

[Justanaverageguy]

But still. something is missing...

 

Perhaps the sense of contentment and inner peace ?

 

It sounds like you had a tough time in school so understandable that you would have some residual issues and taken a hit to your self esteem and self worth. You seem to have an affinity for music so I might make one last suggestion of something that I have found very effective in my own life and something I have seen work wonders for others. That is mantra singing \ chanting.

 

Mantra chanting is an excellent calming practice - scientific studies show how it synchronizes the 2 hemispheres of our brains to induce a state of calmness - it could definitely help with the anger. But more then that - the language they are primarily written in - ancient Sanskrit - is sound sensitive. The meaning is not that important. The sound itself is. The effects specific sounds had on the body was studied extensively in Sanskrit and those sounds that were found to have beneficial effects on the body where called divine names and turned into mantras. They were effectively considered to be "sound medicine".

 

Chanting and repeating them has an effect on your bodies health and your mental thinking patterns. Over time I've seen them completely transform people - but to get effects you really need to set a dedicated practice where you use them everyday for say between 20-40mins. Normally a short session in the morning and another in the evening works best. You will feel some effect after 14-21 days .... and after 3-4 months people's thinking patterns are often completely unrecognizable and transformed from their former state. They cleanse negative thinking, anger, depression and help dissipate addictions and restore balance.

 

I have 2 specific mantras that I have used in the past (and still use daily) that I highly recommend. Rather then chanting them on your own to make it easier I sing along to musical versions - I use version from a wonderful performer called Diva Premal. I do this in the car too and from work every day. Makes a massive difference to your mood once you do these for a while. It takes some practice to initially learn the sanskrit words but if you listen along and follow the lyrics you will pick it up pretty quickly.

 

The first is the Gayatri Mantra. Probably the most famous mantra in the Vedic traditions its considered a powerful purifying mantra to destroy negative thinking and clense the body\mind.

 

 

Om bhur bhuvaha svaha

Tat savitur varenyam

Bhargo devasya dhimahi

Dhiyo yonah prachodayat

 

The second is the Aad Guray Nameh. Considered to be a protective mantra to invigorate health and protect you from outside harm.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUQdUm8pg98

 

Aad guray nameh

Jugaad guray nameh

Sat guray nameh

Siri guru devay nameh

 

Many people today are sceptical of things like mantras - I normally just say try an experiment. Try it every day for 3 weeks and see how you feel at the end. The results will likely suprise you.

Edited November 10, 2017 by Justanaverageguy

[Buriall]

But still. something is missing...

 

Be content with what you have;

rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking,

the whole world belongs to you.

― Lao Tzu