Anger problems and alcoholism.

[Art_Critic]

I guess i am not full blown alcoholic yet, but i better stop it now before i turn into one.

 

BTW.. I didn't fit in your list either.. but guess what.. I'm an Alcoholic...

 

You can't stop drinking..... that alone should help show you have have to quit.

[whichwayisup]

I admit it. I have anger management issues and problems with alcohol.

 

I lost my soon-to-be-GF because of alcohol and anger issues last weekend.

 

What kind of tips you have for me?

 

How did you get rid of alcohol and how did you learn to control your anger?

 

I have been struggling with my anger issues ever since i was a kid, so it's not just about alcohol that causes a furious rage inside me.

 

I undergo therapy and it has helped, i already started to feel better but last weekend i lost my head again and lost the most amazing woman because of that.

 

I have now decided not to drink alcohol at all anymore, how can i keep it that way?

 

Also my anger causes problems, i say evil things, i threat people and i behave very aggressively when i get angry. Otherwise i am the nicest guy you probably know. I am very kind, sensitive and considerate man, but when i get angry i would like to burn the whole earth, including me. So i am pretty much completely opposite person when i become angry.

 

Any tip is more than welcome. I have lost too many people because i cannot control myself when i've drunk.

 

AA, getting a sponsor and continuing therapy, even consider anger management too. Seems you need to learn to change your behavior, you're so used to letting anger rule your life and you've lost way too much... You learn how to have techniques to slow down your anger and not have anger spew out of your mouth so you won't hurt others with your words.

[Protec]

You don't have to answer in the affirmative to each of those categories to be considered an alcoholic. What I see is you making excuses and minimizing. No more patting yourself on the back for being able to have just one with lunch, you CAN'T!

 

"Full blown" or not, until you realize that you cannot touch a drop, recovery is out of reach. How much longer are you going to delay this? What is it going to take? An arrest? Jail? Prosecution for domestic violence?

 

Get to work.

 

 

I am working. This is my new record in years. Only 1 beer during 1,5 weeks.

 

Also, it's not just alcohol that causes my anger issues. It's something else. Of course alcohol boosts it and makes it easier to get angry, but i've been very angry even without alcohol...

 

Alcohol is bad, of course, but it's something else that makes me wanting to drink. Maybe depression, i don't know. Need to find out.

[Art_Critic]

Alcohol is bad, of course, but it's something else that makes me wanting to drink. Maybe depression, i don't know. Need to find out.

 

To start you need to stop drinking and then figure out why you drank and then you won't want to drink anymore.

 

You need help....

[Protec]

To start you need to stop drinking and then figure out why you drank and then you won't want to drink anymore.

 

You need help....

 

Yes. I do go to therapy. I was bullied almost my whole childhood (years 8-15)

 

So i guess that has something to do with it. Also we had some problems in the family (we lost our apartment few times due lack of money). So it was very hard time for me when i was in my teen years. Bullied in school and on top of that all the problems at home, and i was even homeless for few weeks (luckily i managed to stay at my relatives place when they were on vacation).

 

So i've also been through a lot. I know i don't manage rejections well or sudden changes in life.

 

Gonna talk with my sis tomorrow if i can go back to psychiatrist. I do have some qualities of ASD in me, but just quite slightly.

 

Truth is i get easily stuck in my life. I just can't get anything done. Sure, i make music and that is about only thing that insterests me in life.

 

And currently i am depressed about the behaviour of the woman i dated for a while. Currently she acts like she doesn't even know me.

 

And it confuses me.

 

Afterwards we separated, she told me that she had all kinds of dreams about us being together and having future together etc. because she liked me so much.

 

And it hurts. Why the hell does she have to tell that AFTER we got separated. It makes me even more sad...

[Art_Critic]

I'd like to hear you say that Alcohol is a problem in your life and your life has become unmanageable and that you need to quit for good and for all.

 

Anything else is just the denial talking..

 

You can't just have one beer... you have to quit.

[Protec]

I'd like to hear you say that Alcohol is a problem in your life and your life has become unmanageable and that you need to quit for good and for all.

 

Anything else is just the denial talking..

 

You can't just have one beer... you have to quit.

 

I admit yesterday i had such a craving for alcohol. I was shopping groceries and walked past alcohol section.

 

"Just one...one can't hurt right? Just one to relax my brains..."

 

But, i struggled through it. I bought a six-pack of coke instead. So, now i am addicted to caffeine...but i guess that's better than alcohol.

 

I am constantly tense, nervous and i have hard time concentrating so i think about having alcohol. Because usually i concentrate better when i've had beer or two, to take away the "noise", from my brain.

 

Because my mind is everywhere at the same time, when i get few drinks, i focus better. I have no idea why that is.

[amaysngrace]

I am constantly tense, nervous and i have hard time concentrating so i think about having alcohol. Because usually i concentrate better when i've had beer or two, to take away the "noise", from my brain.

 

You have stuff floating around that you need to sort through. Do you journal? Sometimes getting those thoughts out on paper and out of your head can really help and make it easier to work through.

 

Have you tried it?

 

You don't even need a fancy journal. Just a regular old notebook and a pen will do.

 

Good for you for choosing soda rather than alcohol!! With the money you're saving you may want to check out having Hint water delivered for an even better option.

I recommend blackberry.

[Art_Critic]

So, now i am addicted to caffeine...but i guess that's better than alcohol.

 

Every single AA meeting I have attended had a coffee pot brewing in the same room as the meeting...

[Protec]

Every single AA meeting I have attended had a coffee pot brewing in the same room as the meeting...

 

Drinking coffee right now

 

Is it normal to feel irritated and crave for alcohol while trying to get rid of it?

 

I mean i've been kinda grumpy for weeks now. Of course maybe the fact that i f'd up my lovelife with a nice woman increases that grumpiness.

 

Also i am planning on moving. This apartment where i currently live drives me insane because of noisy neighbours and the other neigbour smokes me to death.

 

So i hope i get some peace of mind in that new apartment. At least it's supposed to be smoke-free, so maybe i am finally able to keep my windows open so i can at least get fresh air in!

 

That is one major reasons why i am so angry. And prone to drinking.

[Art_Critic]

 

Is it normal to feel irritated and crave for alcohol while trying to get rid of it?

 

Sure it is, this too shall pass over time.. just don't buy into the craving, call a friend instead.

The misplaced anger should also dissipate over time and till then occupy yourself with other things.. such as a hobby..

 

It took me about 2.5 months before the fog started to clear and my head stopped spinning and thoughts started slowing down.

While your Blood Alcohol Content goes away rather quickly the after effects of Alcohol on your brain and emotions takes a while to go away.

 

Make sure you eat well and don't drink any Alcohol and if you find yourself going for a drink call your sister or a friend and just talk to them.

[Protec]

Sure it is, this too shall pass over time.. just don't buy into the craving, call a friend instead.

The misplaced anger should also dissipate over time and till then occupy yourself with other things.. such as a hobby..

 

It took me about 2.5 months before the fog started to clear and my head stopped spinning and thoughts started slowing down.

While your Blood Alcohol Content goes away rather quickly the after effects of Alcohol on your brain and emotions takes a while to go away.

 

Make sure you eat well and don't drink any Alcohol and if you find yourself going for a drink call your sister or a friend and just talk to them.

 

 

I've been angry my whole life. I guess i drink mostly to supress that anger.

 

Today in therapy we talked about my "dark side". It is very dark indeed!

 

Normally i am very nice guy, kind, loving, happy and smiling. But when i get angry i turn into complete opposite. I am evil, violent, i say awful things, i threat people, i hurt people...

 

I even once saw dream about my "other self".

 

Twisted image of myself, looked like demon, sharp teeth, skin looked like ash, grey hair, completely black eyes, twisted voice. Super fast, super strong...

 

I remember the "evil me" chasing me in my dream, i tried to run away and fight back but the evil me caught up and took a choke hold on me, lifted me up, looked me into eyes and said "You cannot win me".

 

I still remember that dream like yesterday. I woke up and was scared as hell, i was all sweaty and heart racing.

 

SO, my anger is really so strong and even i am afraid of it. And it has been with me ever since i was a kid. I don't know if it was because i was bullied, because of violent movies i saw when i was a kid...

 

I just want to control it. Anger can be good if channeled properly.

[knabe]

Someone else upthread mentioned anger management courses. I think this is an excellent idea. See, we all feel anger; it is our behavior that is the issue. A good anger management course is PRACTICAL, with tools to change behavior. Talk therapy is great for linking anger to the past, but unless you have tools, you will continue the old, comfortable way of expressing and managing it.

[Protec]

Someone else upthread mentioned anger management courses. I think this is an excellent idea. See, we all feel anger; it is our behavior that is the issue. A good anger management course is PRACTICAL, with tools to change behavior. Talk therapy is great for linking anger to the past, but unless you have tools, you will continue the old, comfortable way of expressing and managing it.

 

Yes. I need to ask my therapist about anger management classes. It's not that i get easily angry, no. It's just that certain things trigger my anger.

 

-Getting betrayed (in any way)

-Getting lied to (white lies not included)

-Things i cannot control

-If i am getting underestimated or people think i lie

 

I rarely get angry for physical pain or something like that. I don't. I have actually pretty long fuse.

 

I am not like i yell to people in traffic, or shove people out of the way in crowded places, or so on.

 

I am usually very calm. So i don't know if i am the typical anger management patient.

 

I don't know. Maybe we will find out.

 

I am still bummed about that i lost the woman. I actually saw her today. She works nearby where i go to therapist and she told me she is sick, so i decided if i could cheer her up and bring her a Subway

 

But she is very cold towards me...it hurts my soul. Since i am now back to my normal self. I am very sensitive and caring man. But for some reason there is some anger hidden inside me...

[knabe]

It's not that i get easily angry, no. It's just that certain things trigger my anger.

 

This is the kind of statement that an anger management class will help. See, "things trigger my anger" assigns outward blame, as if you are a helpless victim of triggers. You are not. You CAN learn not to react in anger, regardless of triggers.

 

That is called taking responsibility.

[Protec]

This is the kind of statement that an anger management class will help. See, "things trigger my anger" assigns outward blame, as if you are a helpless victim of triggers. You are not. You CAN learn not to react in anger, regardless of triggers.

 

That is called taking responsibility.

 

 

My anger comes so fast my body doesn't keep up with it. That's why i always burst into tears afterwards because it's such a shock to my body. It's been the same ever since i was a kid. I think i should have gone to therapy / anger management 10 years ago. I was seriously bullied in school. So it's somekind of defense mechanism. My body is so used to it probably it's hard to change it....but i will try. I have to. I need to. I have no choice but to succeed. If i ever want to have a normal, loving relationship, i need to get rid of my anger.

 

Well, getting angry is fine, if there is a reason, but you cannot let it go overboard.

 

But now, i am taking responsibility and quit drinking alcohol. This is the first step. So far so good. This is my new record in years.

 

Even my ex-gf sent me a message she does not want to be my friend anymore. Nothing. Still don't feel like drinking.

 

I am actually looking for a new apartment now. I went today see one which i liked, i need to call 1st thing in the mornign if i could get that apartment.

 

Neighbours in my current apartment are horrible. They party every weekend in the upstairs and the next door neighbour tries to smoke me to death.

 

That also increases my anger.

Edited September 14, 2017 by Protec

[Protec]

I got the new apartment i wanted...

 

This is strange. I usually never get what i want.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe it's a sign

[Protec]

Maybe it's a sign

 

Could be. It's a rental apartment so not my own. But the reason i want to move is, because i am seriously allergic to tobacco smoke and my neighbor in this building smokes all the time.

 

So i want better quality of life. And the new apartment / building is smoke free. No smoking allowed even in balconies.

 

But this could mean a fresh start so to speak...This apartment that i live now, was my ex girlfriends, we lived together for a while. I've lived alone in this apartment for 2 years now. So there is always this "memory" of her in this apartment.

 

But i wonder...

 

If my "GF" had not left me because of my anger incident, i would not have gotten so depressed that i would've gone to local "casino" to play games and won the 1000 euro so i can pay the rental deposit. I am unemplyed you know, so i don't have lot money....

Edited September 15, 2017 by Protec

[GemmaUK]

How often do you see your therapist OP?

 

It's been almost 2 weeks since you started the thread and it doesn't appear as if you've looked into AA nor anger management as yet.

[Redhead14]

Could be. It's a rental apartment so not my own. But the reason i want to move is, because i am seriously allergic to tobacco smoke and my neighbor in this building smokes all the time.

 

So i want better quality of life. And the new apartment / building is smoke free. No smoking allowed even in balconies.

 

But this could mean a fresh start so to speak...This apartment that i live now, was my ex girlfriends, we lived together for a while. I've lived alone in this apartment for 2 years now. So there is always this "memory" of her in this apartment.

 

But i wonder...

 

If my "GF" had not left me because of my anger incident, i would not have gotten so depressed that i would've gone to local "casino" to play games and won the 1000 euro so i can pay the rental deposit. I am unemplyed you know, so i don't have lot money....

 

If my "GF" had not left me because of my anger incident, -- Your depression is not about your GF. You are depressed because of your anger. That anger is deep and repressed/suppressed and unresolved anger causes depression. Whether you realize it or not, it is likely that you are depressed all the time and that is why you drink.

 

You have to take ownership and not "blame" someone else for the way you deal with things. She is not responsible for your plight. You have sole control/responsibility for your life and behavior and choices. The sooner you fully accept that reality, the sooner you may find yourself on a better path and have some ability to use forethought and better judgement even in times of difficulty. You have a victim mentality. Lose that and adopt a survivor mentality and use the strength of that mindset to help make you feel more in control of your future and behaviors.

[Protec]

If my "GF" had not left me because of my anger incident, -- Your depression is not about your GF. You are depressed because of your anger. That anger is deep and repressed/suppressed and unresolved anger causes depression. Whether you realize it or not, it is likely that you are depressed all the time and that is why you drink.

 

You have to take ownership and not "blame" someone else for the way you deal with things. She is not responsible for your plight. You have sole control/responsibility for your life and behavior and choices. The sooner you fully accept that reality, the sooner you may find yourself on a better path and have some ability to use forethought and better judgement even in times of difficulty. You have a victim mentality. Lose that and adopt a survivor mentality and use the strength of that mindset to help make you feel more in control of your future and behaviors.

 

No you got it wrong. I wrote it wrong. I was not depressed because she left me, i was depressed because i caused that she left me. And because of all those together, i won some money and now i can switch apartments.

 

I really try to. Last weekend my friend had a birthday. Did he invite me? No. Few weeks ago my other friend had a birthday. Did he invite me? No.

 

So...i am really trying to figure out should i just go lonewolf here completely and try to make somehow new friends from gym etc.

 

I am angry because it's ALWAYS me who calls to friends and asks if they are having a night out or if i can visit them etc. Always me. It's been like that my whole life and i don't understand why.

 

MAybe they are just wrong kind of friends i guess.

 

I have many thoughts in my head. I've never had a true friend. I told my friends about my depression etc. and it feels they got even more distant than before.

 

I've had very rough year, i was in police hearing, i got fired from a permanent job because of my panic attacks, i've gone very deep. So i think i am doing pretty well.

 

I wanted to buy alcohol just now. I REALLY wanted to. But i didn't.

 

I am irritated all the time. I am nervous. I feel like exploding and i have no idea why.

 

I was more relaxed and laid back when i got few beers. Alcohol does not trigger my anger. I am angry even right now and i haven't even touched alcohol.

 

I just came out from a walk. BEcause i felt like exploding earlier today too so i went out and walked for an hour.

 

This is very hard.

[Protec]

How often do you see your therapist OP?

 

It's been almost 2 weeks since you started the thread and it doesn't appear as if you've looked into AA nor anger management as yet.

 

I see therapist once a week, 45 minutes per visit.

 

We talked about my anger with my therapist. It's not that i have quick temper. I maybe get angry once a year. But when i get angry i lose control totally.

 

It's very hard when the situation comes trying to stay cool and think rationally.

 

I think, when spending almost my whole childhood and teen years angry (and lots of suppressed anger) caused this.

 

There are these questions... Why i don't have a true friend? Why i am always alone? Why nobody ever calls me? Why i am the one who always calls to friends etc.? Why my friends do not invite me to their birthdays while i have known them for over 20 years?

 

Maybe i just should go IDGAF mode. Why should i care about my friends if they don't care about me? Why should i call them always if they never call me?

 

I saw my friends girlfriend few weeks ago and she said "Hey, my man really could need a coffee friend once a while, why don't you give a call and visit someday?". What i really, really badly wanted to say was "Hey, phone works 2-ways. He can call me too"

 

I am always the one who calls. I am tired of it. F* *k em.

[GemmaUK]

I see therapist once a week, 45 minutes per visit.

 

We talked about my anger with my therapist. It's not that i have quick temper. I maybe get angry once a year. But when i get angry i lose control totally.

 

You aren't being honest with your therapist at all.

You say you get angry once a year? That's when you get out of control angry and lash out with ACTUAL VIOLENCE.

 

Your last post is angry.

I'm just not close enough to kick - but also it's clear you're not quite at that level of angry yet.

 

I get angry, I have never once in my life hit anything nor anyone.

I don't shout and scream nor verbally abuse anyone.

I don't need to nor wish to because I am in control of my own emotions and understand completely where they come from and why so I am able to rationalise.

You kicked a phone box or lamppost or something because your gf was standing close to a friend you were out with.

 

Kiddo, your anger is not normal level anger. It's with you the majority of the time. Talk to your therapist properly and openly about it or you will never be able or get the chance to work on it and find ways to resolve it.

[Redhead14]

Therapists can usually tell when a client is in denial and/or minimizing their "issues" . . . most clients don't show up for therapy if they only get angry once a year