Blindsided by Dumper

[110Girl]

Sometimes when I feel down, I google a picture of my ex's rebound... This might sound mean but he completely downgraded. Its the only thing that makes me feel better in all of this. >:]

[110Girl]

Wel today I saw a couple of cute guys that piqued my interest. I didnt pursue but I admired from a distance. Told my friend they were cute.

 

Since I lost so much weight from stressing and barely eating, I got a couple of compliments about my looks. People were like "whats your secret??" and I just was thinking oh god if you only knew...

 

But anyway today is slightly better? Pain still is there.. When will it go away.. Sigh. I still cant believe he is able to stay silent for so long.

[110Girl]

WOW I made it to 2 weeks of NC

 

Im so proud of myself. That took a lot of self control. Last couple of days I almost broke NC with random urges to call or text him because the last couple of days were the most painful.

 

Me admiring a couple of cute guys and getting complimented really helped my self esteem and brighten some things up. Im traveling right now, but I found that if I can travel in this kind of mental state and somehow function normally then I can really do anything!!!

 

Im really searching high and low for any positives and hanging on to it. Obviously pain is still there but my mind is beginning to reject him. I used to think highly of him and now its starting to become a blur of nonsensical memories that are a bit far off in the distant. And honestly the "good times" arent even something I can refer to anymore because I just dont care. It doesnt make me sad thinking about the "good times", I feel more annoyed than sad. More like "what a waste of my precious time".

 

Every single day I hate him a degree more than the previous day. And I believe I didnt even think about him for a good couple of hours today because I was too busy having fun talking to my best buddies. It was only when I was quiet and alone when the pain resurfaced because I was alone with my thoughts.

 

Im starting to see how I need to constantly be busy now. Maybe I will start updating this thread by week of NC rather than daily. Maybe one day I wont even care enough to keep count! Wont that be an amazing day...!!

[Sunnymae]

110 girl I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar and I found the following videos helpful.

Do you do any breath work? It really helps to calm my mind and change my emotional state quickly.

 

Improve Your Relationships - Membership Community ? ALAN ROBARGE / IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

 

[110Girl]

Thanks, its mentally exhausting.

[110Girl]

Day 15 of NC

 

Wow i did not feel sad at all today except for a tiny bit in the morning. I figured it was because I was sleep deprived and im almost ALWAYS cranky when im sleep deprived.

 

But then the rest of the day...nothing...even when i thought of him i felt nothing. I thought about him and the rebound...nothing.

 

Amazing. Not only did I feel nothing. I was so happy socializing and being with people and I have been traveling for a few days now.

 

I hope this is not just for today and its every day.

 

Today was actually a good day.

 

Oh yeah apparently word went around that im single and suddenly a lot of guys have been coming out of the woodworks and im getting positive attention. Although i wont act on it (i dont do rebounds bc im in rebound territory if i act on it), but its definitely a confidence booster and very refreshing...

Edited September 3, 2017 by 110Girl

[Gr8fuln2020]

Day 15 of NC

 

Wow i did not feel sad at all today except for a tiny bit in the morning. I figured it was because I was sleep deprived and im almost ALWAYS cranky when im sleep deprived.

 

But then the rest of the day...nothing...even when i thought of him i felt nothing. I thought about him and the rebound...nothing.

 

Amazing. Not only did I feel nothing. I was so happy socializing and being with people and I have been traveling for a few days now.

 

I hope this is not just for today and its every day.

 

Today was actually a good day.

 

Oh yeah apparently word went around that im single and suddenly a lot of guys have been coming out of the woodworks and im getting positive attention. Although i wont act on it (i dont do rebounds bc im in rebound territory if i act on it), but its definitely a confidence booster and very refreshing...

 

Good day. Hopefully it is a sign that you are moving on. Good luck!

[110Girl]

Day 16 NC

 

Felt nothing today either.

 

The first week where i was feeling the worst, i was doing nothing. The days where im feeling the best, i had a whole day packed schedule of things that were fun and great and time consuming and social.

 

Im pretty sure if i go back to doing nothing the bad feelings will come back. So im going to make sure im very busy from now on. I feel like thats the best medicine for healing.

[110Girl]

Day 17 of NC

 

I felt nothing today either. This is awesome.

 

Traveling and socializing has helped tremendously.

 

Im back home now.. So I hope the weird feelings dont creep back up again.

 

On a different note: It looks like a certain friend of mine wants to not be my friend anymore. The reasoning was: that i seemed to change since the break up happened and it freaked them out...??? Okay. Well. I guess all i have to say to that is bad times bring out the best and worst in people.

 

Its okay though im good. I dont feel sad over losing a friend either. Their reasoning was really stupid and it made their motives for being my friend very clear.

 

Life always finds a way to filter your life for the better..

 

But yeah i dont feel sad over the break up anymore. That is amazing. Just force yourself to go out there and do fun activities and be social and travel. Its amazing how much of a positive effect it will have on you.

[110Girl]

Day 18 NC

 

Felt nothing today either. This is great.

 

I was thinking if I should probably stop posting updates and maybe do a monthly update or something.

 

No breadcrumbs yet but dont even care right now im too distracted to care. Im NEVER going to talk to him again anyways so it doesnt even matter.

 

I cant believe it took me 2.5 wks to get over a cheater after a 4 yr relationship. It seems a bit fast. But i can say the emotions i felt in the first 2 weeks were almost unbearable to handle. So idk if it means i felt the worst and now its back to normal. I just hope it stays this way.

[110Girl]

I do find myself thinking about my ex but without the intense pangs of pain that i was experiencing a week ago.

 

Now im wondering like if ive reached the healing process of acceptance? Possibly the early stages of it.

 

I dont miss him. I was thinking if i do ever hear from him or not i dont really care. I remember when I almost broke NC last week, but now I feel like after that rough patch, doing NC is going to be way easier and smoother than ever.

 

Im able to live my life without him in it. I can see myself being happy without him in my life. I suddenly feel like the negativity of the void i was feeling has transformed into a feeling of freedom..? Maybe I panicked at the new found freedom right after the break up. And now im looking at the void in a positive light. I can actually be with whoever i want to be with. I can go anywhere i want to. Do whatever i want to. I feel free.

[110Girl]

This is either Day 19 or 20 of NC

Day 1 of NC was Aug 20

 

Even though today I felt nothing. Today i had a thought about breaking NC. That was weird. So even though I may feel nothing, he is still somewhere in my head.

My mind is subconsciously trying to reject him from all levels. First phase was very emotional and now maybe its settling down to the logical phase taking over with a couple of emotional twitches during the transition...the beginning of my acceptance phase.

Dont worry I never broke NC but it was interesting nonetheless. I like analyzing my own psychology as I am getting over this whole thing.

[110Girl]

hey guys so I decided not to keep track of NC anymore I just plain do not care. Lol

 

Thanks for letting me vent on this forum I believe it helped me a lot.

 

Ive reached a point where I am embarrassed at how i behaved right after the break up and i wish i can go back in time and slap myself and tell me to wake up. Feelings are forces of nature .. Annoying lol.

 

Its kinda scary how blinding feelings are. NC is truly a great way to clear the air and evaluate from afar with logic gaining more and more control.

 

Anyways thanks again guys..

[fieldoflavender]

hey guys so I decided not to keep track of NC anymore I just plain do not care. Lol

 

Thanks for letting me vent on this forum I believe it helped me a lot.

 

Ive reached a point where I am embarrassed at how i behaved right after the break up and i wish i can go back in time and slap myself and tell me to wake up. Feelings are forces of nature .. Annoying lol.

 

Its kinda scary how blinding feelings are. NC is truly a great way to clear the air and evaluate from afar with logic gaining more and more control.

 

Anyways thanks again guys..

 

It's okay I feel that way all the time and with each day don't understand what I saw in him, why I let him push me around, and why I did not break up like 6 months before. But sometimes we are blinded when we are in the situation. The important thing is we're not blind anymore.

 

And we won't let it happen again.