Weird Breakup out of the blue [UPDATE: Horrible coping 6 months]

[ExpatInItaly]

Agreed with all of the above - the way forward here is very strict No Contact. Any information about her will sting and set you back.

[springy]

Hos likely is it that she started talking to hon while in the actual relationshio?

 

We broke up in may and from what i know she started seeing him in the beginning of june.

 

When i confronted her about it she told me "you know him and i have been best friends for 7 years"

 

Then later on admitted it.

 

Figuring this out really doesn't matter like you think it does. You've got to stop obsessing over this. Even if you found out she did, it doesn't change the end result that you are no longer together. Hopefully you have cut all communication with this girl and stopped obtaining info about her. You shouldn't confront her about anything else for any reason, ever.

 

No one expects you to be over her right now, but the fixation on did she or didn't she needs to be managed so it doesn't consume you. Shift your focus to you, to the new school year, new friends, and your future. Be determined to move on like she has moved on and stop wasting your mental and emotional energy on her.

[Wobugan]

Figuring this out really doesn't matter like you think it does. You've got to stop obsessing over this. Even if you found out she did, it doesn't change the end result that you are no longer together. Hopefully you have cut all communication with this girl and stopped obtaining info about her. You shouldn't confront her about anything else for any reason, ever.

 

No one expects you to be over her right now, but the fixation on did she or didn't she needs to be managed so it doesn't consume you. Shift your focus to you, to the new school year, new friends, and your future. Be determined to move on like she has moved on and stop wasting your mental and emotional energy on her.

 

I am 100% determined to move on, i know this does not really matter just finding it so wierd that she just weeks afterwards decided to go back to a ****ty ex flirt from 4 years ago.

 

All communication is cut as well as all communication from my families side.

 

Such än ugly way to end such a brautiful relationship, my guess is they started talking during our relationship.

 

But what does it matter i could never take her back just a shame she went back to a ****ty ex.

 

I have to stop the obsessing it is killing me headaches Every day is so ****ing annoying filled with hate resentness and regret i dont want to be like this i really dont.

Edited September 10, 2017 by Wobugan

[Wobugan]

Still have intense headache every day because i keep thinking about her and us. I seriously have a train in my head.

 

Thinking a lot about how she must have decided to start talking to this guy seeing him just after we broke up feels so absolutely disgusted it feels exactly like she threw everything beautiful we had and took a big **** on it.

 

 

How she blamed it on the distance when he is living in the same city.

 

How she told me i shr hopet we back together.

 

How she texted me wishing me well and talking to my family.

 

How she sent me breadcrumbs making me even more confused.

 

It makes me so ****ing angry, i would never have done this to her.

 

We had everything and she threw it away för what?! The guy she is seeing now has nothing of what i do, no big loving family no future a complete ****ing loser.

 

These 5 months have been the worst of ny life i have cried everyday the stress and agony i have felt is something i have never felt before. I have never felt so little, my self confidence is ruined completely.

 

I just want my ****ing life back. How the **** am i going to manage UNI studies in this state.

 

I used to be cheerful, enjoying life and happy i have become resentfull, pessimistic and scared to ever love someone again, i am filled with anger and hate.

 

She gets everything, the city i want to live in a new boyfriend no feelings of sadness it all feels so ****ing unfair.

 

What in ****ing earth did i do to deserve this?

 

This girl can **** off and rot in hell

 

This is the last time this happens to me, never Will i ****ing be dumped and treated like crap again never ever.

 

I cannot feel any pure happiness any empathy for anyone or anything i can just feel this ****ing hurt, hate, sadness and depression.

 

She gets everything she gets to be happy.

 

I Will build myself, get my education work out hard try to love again and live a happy ****ing life hopefully.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Wobugan

[AndreaItalian]

Hi. My dear friend wa are on the same boat.

Women have the power to jump from man to man. When they feel their feelings are dying out in a relationship they start immediatly to look for something else.

 

especially if they are young.

 

The pattern is always the same. The relationship is great, everything seems fine and you see a bright future ahead of you together.

 

Well...that is no so not how she felt. She started losing her feelings for you long time ago.

 

Distance, routine, sex appeal, they all vanish without you noticing because they dont talk, they just act and give weird signal..but usually when you pick them up it's too late.

 

I'm so sorry for you. The same happen to me but in a different way and i really don't want to tell you the story because if i do i will feel again all the pain and the suffering.

 

It's been one month now and she's having the best time of her life. To her i am dust. I am nothing. Almost 3 years together have absoluteley no importance.

 

What is importan for a woman is what she feels right now, this very instant.

 

So this girl is done. I'm sorry. But everyone need to find a b****c to realize how women act and think.

 

At least you learned it at a young age..i got it at 31...so late man...

 

What you have to do is to realise that women will stop searching for their perfect man only if the man they are with will satisfy their needs..

 

not only biological but dreams

 

They need to feel like they are in front of the men of their fantasies...

 

So now you go on with your life and concentrate your self on these 3 main areas

 

Appareance - Money - Social Status

 

along with that you have to work on your self to develop a character that attract women

 

Go on boy. channel the rage and fury into building your success.

 

She will have this guy now but probably it won last

[Wobugan]

Still feel so much ****ing hate towards her for how she directly went to this guy.

 

So much ****ing hate and resentfullness inside me i have gotten so Cold towards everyone i know i dont care about anything Else than myself i am not how i was prior to when we broke up.

 

I Will never go through something like this again i propose myself that.

 

I want my ****ing life back.

 

I cannot find any calm i cannot focus in School i am a wreck still to be honest but everyday i get a little bit better. I cry sometimes still.

 

The image i have of her just being with this guy is ****ing horrirific.

 

I absolutely hate her from the bottom of my heart, never felt so betrayed by anyone in my entire life.

 

Its such a shame she went there otherwise i would have no problem being "friendöy in the future neither would my family.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Wobugan

[CeciliaCylara]

Still feel so much ****ing hate towards her for how she directly went to this guy.

 

So much ****ing hate and resentfullness inside me i have gotten so Cold towards everyone i know i dont care about anything Else than myself i am not how i was prior to when we broke up.

 

I Will never go through something like this again i propose myself that.

 

I want my ****ing life back.

 

I cannot find any calm i cannot focus in School i am a wreck still to be honest but everyday i get a little bit better. I cry sometimes still.

 

The image i have of her just being with this guy is ****ing horrirific.

 

I absolutely hate her from the bottom of my heart, never felt so betrayed by anyone in my entire life.

 

Its such a shame she went there otherwise i would have no problem being "friendöy in the future neither would my family.

 

Does your school offer counseling sessions? I've been seeing a therapist provided at my university to help sort out my thoughts with the breakup using a third person who'd listen. It's been a HUGE help for me and helped me see what I can do for myself to heal. It's something to consider should it be available to you.

[Jt93]

Hey Wobugan,

 

I am in a weirdly very similar situation to yourself.

 

Same age, 5 year relationship, split up in may, All seemed well and then all of a sudden she ended it.

 

There is another person involved too but you can read it all on my thread if you are that interested.

 

Im now at 4 and a half months, and ive been on 2 dates with 1 girl who is my buddys GFs friend. That was too soon and i wasnt ready.

 

I have spoken with a couple of girls, mostly online but none that cam to any fruition, that is rather frustrating but i think im only talking to them to fill the void in my life rather than wanting anything from them.

 

The best thing i have done was to go NC completely. Yeah its hard and i feel unbelievably lonely at times and i struggle to concentrate too, but you must understand that this pain wont last forever, as much as it feels like it will. Keep bettering yourself, you said you have got into Uni, well done! go and meet some new friends and socialise to try and take your mind off things, i got myself a new job too but i dont start until Feb and i booked myself a 2 month holiday between now and then so i have things to look forward too.

 

Just ignore her and leave her be. She doesnt want a relationship with you and you must see that it is good that she done it now rather than getting evwen more invested in your life. It sucks but you dont want her back. EVER.

 

You are not alone in this, and you wont be the last person to go through something similar. It would be nice to keep each other updated on how things are going.

[Woodburner]

Wobugan,

Been there. You're story sounds eerily just like mine.It has become obvious to me that this is fairly common. I feell for you. Sge had this process going on for awhile without telling you, so, I hope you can pick up the pieces and move on. You have my thoughts.

[Woodburner]

How can a woman move on so easily? Just boom gone?

[ExpatInItaly]

How can a woman move on so easily? Just boom gone?

 

Women - and men - who move on easily are already long gone emotionally by the time they end the relationship.

[Buriall]

How can a woman move on so easily? Just boom gone?

 

You can literally drive yourself crazy with how's and why's. Look at the facts, she's gone and as hard that sounds all you can do is pick up the pieces and move on.

 

I bet you anything she has endless reasons why she's gone and trust me you don't want to be with somebody like that. Take care of yourself for awhile focus on the things you want to achieve. The right person will come into your life and stay. Stop chasing the wrong one so you can find the right one.

[Octavian8]

I just wanna say my heart goes out to you man. I've just experienced an extremely similar situation as you, you can check out my posts to get the full story if you're interested. But the gist is she started getting distant for a few months, and then she drops the "I think we should see other people" bombshell on me. Just like you she told me that if we're meant to be well find our way back to each other, that she still loves me, and that she hopes that she realizes were meant to be together but she wants to explore her options first.

 

It's absolutely gut wrenching man I know exactly how you feel. The bitter pill that we have to swallow is that this is really common in relationships, especially at this age. The "honeymoon period" ends usually somewhere around the 1.5-2 year mark, and thats where the relationship really gets tested. Some people decide they still want to stay and recognize the relationship is transitioning to a more stable and less exciting stage, while others chase that feeling with someone else, because they feel you're not the "one" anymore. Usually at our age they just decide to leave and chase that feeling, until they can't anymore, and then they finally settle down further down the line.

 

Either way man don't blame yourself it is 100% her decision, although I know it seems completely unfair. You've done nothing wrong. I know its brutally painful, but know that you're not alone in your pain. Theres lots of us out there suffering with you for the same reason. For now you gotta maintain NC to heal yourself and don't give yourself any hope she'll come back. Don't hang on to her words. Just take this time heal and strengthen yourself. It's okay to mourn.

[Wobugan]

Women - and men - who move on easily are already long gone emotionally by the time they end the relationship.

 

I know this i just find it so ****ing wierd how she han want to go back to such a ****ty old flirt who treated her like crap.

 

Will this last with this guy? I do not want her back out of self respect but u do still love her. I love us and 2hat we used to be.

 

I mean wtf in 3 years i Will have a degree in economics i currenröy rum 2 companies besides my studies and doing extra work as an economics assistant also working out atleast 3 Times per week.

 

What the **** does she see in this ****ing dirty drug ex?

 

Everything with our families and everything just right down the ****ing drain.

 

 

I have a ****ing weekend to Venice looked för 4k before we broke up with this girl.

 

I got ****ing exchanged for this crap? They must have talked during our relationship otherwise it would bot ve this ****ing fast.

[Fever of love]

How can a woman move on so easily? Just boom gone?

 

 

Its evolution my friend. Women are wired to move on quickly, and never look back, because in our evolutionary past men were killed all the time by accidents, animals, or other cavemen.

 

The woman who would not have sex with a new man due to sentimental feelings for her now dead husband, would not survive to pass on her genes, and so we are all, men and women, descendants of women who gave no f*cks for exes.

 

This is why women move on quickly, whereas men often hold a flame all the way to the grave.

[ExpatInItaly]

Its evolution my friend. Women are wired to move on quickly, and never look back, because in our evolutionary past men were killed all the time by accidents, animals, or other cavemen.

 

The woman who would not have sex with a new man due to sentimental feelings for her now dead husband, would not survive to pass on her genes, and so we are all, men and women, descendants of women who gave no f*cks for exes.

 

This is why women move on quickly, whereas men often hold a flame all the way to the grave.

 

I'm sorry, but this is a load of malarkey. Take a look around these boards to see how many heart-broken women are still pining after the men who dumped them or cheated on them, or even abused them. Some men move on quickly, too, never to look back.

 

It is not a gender issue.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know this i just find it so ****ing wierd how she han want to go back to such a ****ty old flirt who treated her like crap.

 

Will this last with this guy? I do not want her back out of self respect but u do still love her. I love us and 2hat we used to be.

 

I mean wtf in 3 years i Will have a degree in economics i currenröy rum 2 companies besides my studies and doing extra work as an economics assistant also working out atleast 3 Times per week.

 

What the **** does she see in this ****ing dirty drug ex?

 

Everything with our families and everything just right down the ****ing drain.

 

 

I have a ****ing weekend to Venice looked för 4k before we broke up with this girl.

 

I got ****ing exchanged for this crap? They must have talked during our relationship otherwise it would bot ve this ****ing fast.

 

Unfortunately, this is probably true.

 

It is hurtful and you have a right to feel angry. But it will be important moving forward that you don't give so much power to those feelings that it prevents you from moving on and finding a great girl someday.

[Wobugan]

Took a glimpse of her Instagram today first time in a few weeks so different she is.

 

Acting like a ****ing child, the i used to know is long ****ing gone and with a ****ing White trash. Ny picture of her is completely ****ing ruined.

 

How can she not Think what she did is ****ed up?

 

Anyways they have probsvlt been seeing eachother now since may and so far no public affection posted by them two nothing on fb or Instagram (deleted her of fb as well) is it failing? I hope to ****ing god this goes to hell for her.

 

Shall i block her as well?

 

It sounds horrible but the pain has caused me is un imaginable. I hope she ****ing dies.

 

She has taken such a big **** on our RS i find no ****ing words.

 

I just thought she was different i loved her but now i just feel this ****ing hate every****ing day i want my life back.

Edited October 1, 2017 by Wobugan

[Wobugan]

I blocked her from everything its du ****ing awful that i Will never be able to be friends with her after all we had.

 

She just pissed everything away, everything with family all laughs all kind things Every happy moment just completely down in drains.

 

This Will be my last post in this thread.

 

I am moving on with my life, she Will be forgotten. She is not worth it.

 

How can she realize what we had was special as i do now?

 

I hate her i absolutely hate her, Every awake hour for the past 6 months has been draining me of energy because of this ****. I har ****ing enough

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, you should block her. You should have done so a long time ago, really.

 

In kindness, I think you should speak to a counselor. You're not coping well, which is normal, but I fear you are going to surrender to this hate and not come out stronger for it.

[Wobugan]

Yes, you should block her. You should have done so a long time ago, really.

 

In kindness, I think you should speak to a counselor. You're not coping well, which is normal, but I fear you are going to surrender to this hate and not come out stronger for it.

 

Hi,

 

When you mean a counselor would like School counsling do? I know i am not coping well its just i never believed it would turn out this way its such a huge shock for me.

 

Especislly everything here as well with the move here being away from family School etc being owned money by my previous work it is just so many ****ing things.

Edited October 2, 2017 by Wobugan

[ExpatInItaly]

Hi,

 

When you mean a counselor would like School counsling do? I know i am not coping well its just i never believed it would turn out this way its such a huge shock for me.

 

Especislly everything here as well with the move here being away from family School etc being owned money by my previous work it is just so many ****ing things.

 

Yes, that would certainly be a good start. You will likely benefit a lot from being able to speak to someone who can guide you when you feel angry and hurt.

[Wobugan]

Yes, that would certainly be a good start. You will likely benefit a lot from being able to speak to someone who can guide you when you feel angry and hurt.

 

Will apply to counselor today have ro get my life straight im än ambitious young funny guy this is not me.

 

I Will recocdr from this

[Wobugan]

Have gotten medication etc now from the doctor mitazaprin anti depressant.

 

Guess it all was just to much för me moving to Another city etc School, job ows me money etc.

 

Was in her city today to exchange train felt so overwhelmed all memories just flashing by it was like i was gonna come Home. Home to her.

[Wobugan]

Just have to get this off my chest somewhere

 

over the recent days i have been thinking about her a lot, thinking about what we used to have and how it will be so hard to find that again somewhere else.

 

I just hate how we ended things, absolutely hate how we just fell apart when everything could might be resolved if we just communicated with eachother.

 

Breaks my heart knowing that she is or was with this ****ing junkee who will never be able to give her what i gave her, a loser.

 

We had two loving families, our families were so close and we had it very good financially wise for our age a lot of fine things heading in our way.

 

What could have been if we just talked to eachother i will never know, what could have been if i just had ****ing better grades and could get into UNI into her city the same year she did.

 

The last 2 weeks have been ****ing hell, just have this thought that she will call me one day saying she made the biggest mistake of her life but i know she won´t, my guess she is happy.

 

When i was on the train this week and i took a exchange train in her city it felt like i was gonna meet up her at the train station as usual.

 

Somedays i feel like its the first week of our breakup...

 

Each day i try to improve myself, i study hard as **** i work out 4-5 days per week and take a 1 hour walk in the evening when i get home from my walk i am exhausted but i cannot sleep.

 

I have gotten a very good job on the side of my studies, assistant to management consultants which is what i aspire to be and will be one day.

 

Never in my life have i worked as hard as i do now but still i cannot escape the thoughts of her, to have everything as it used to be i would kill for. But i know it would never be the same even if we got back together.

 

Everything is ruined, 20% of my life deleted and blocked i could never feel the same if we were to get back together, and knowing that simply sucks.

 

Sorry for the rant but just had to write somewhere..

 

BR