Dumper girlfriend reached out for closure and goodbye. But cancelled?

[basil67]

She was able to do so. She was free that entire day after work I know her schedule and when she gets off it's identical to mine. And she did cheat on me. She slept with that guy while we were together, in vegas. I only found out about after we were already "broken up". She is the one that's playing games with me though. When she texted me she was totally panicky and almost guilty and desperate to talk. If she really wanted to meet me she would have met me at the place I suggested. I'm not playing games. I'm showing her I'm not available like I used to be. She has to take a number to see me. She was watching Netflix anyway that night so thats how you know it's a mind game. IMO

 

Ok then. She really didn't want to meet you. I guess she only offered the meet up out of a sense of politeness. When you failed to answer her messages she decided to quit bothering with you.

 

This whole thing sounds like an epic stand off of game playing on both sides which can only result in further alienation for both of you.

[Pkami]

Ok then. She really didn't want to meet you. I guess she only offered the meet up out of a sense of politeness. When you failed to answer her messages she decided to quit bothering with you.

 

This whole thing sounds like an epic stand off of game playing on both sides which can only result in further alienation for both of you.

I didn't fail to answer her messages. I did answer her messages and told her I was free to meet. She cancelled because she was trying to control me and get a reaction out of me. Which didn't happen. That's why I feel it's a waiting game. The thing is, she isn't used to me acting like this. She's used to me pampering to her every whim, meeting her whenever she's liked, responding to her texts the way she knows I'll respond. Obviously that never worked before so I've been taking this different approach, and it started to work, but again, I feel like she doesn't want to look desperate as well, so she's waiting for me to break.

Edited August 3, 2017 by Pkami

[basil67]

I didn't fail to answer her messages. I did answer her messages and told her I was free to meet. She cancelled because she was trying to control me and get a reaction out of me. Which didn't happen. That's why I feel it's a waiting game. The thing is, she isn't used to me acting like this. She's used to me pampering to her every whim, meeting her whenever she's liked, responding to her texts the way she knows I'll respond. Obviously that never worked before so I've been taking this different approach, and it started to work, but again, I feel like she doesn't want to look desperate as well, so she's waiting for me to break.

 

I'm not seeing it how you are. But if you're sure that's what it's all about, ask yourself why you want a game playing cheater back.

[Pirandello]

The more you give her responses and the more she will string you along, she is playing games right now, in her mind she has the upper hand because she has her new guy and she has you talking to her.

 

You must cut all contact, you have no other choice. Don't drop her stuff off, you risk seeing her and she will hurt you more.

 

My ex told a family member of mine she will call me soon to get some things of hers when the dust settles...

and a week before saying that she said she was expecting me to call her... She the one who broke it off and i was suppose to call ? you see where i am getting at? They think they have the upper hand and we have to chase them. No contact gives us back our power, take your power back.

 

Do you think i will answer the phone when she calls ?

Edited August 3, 2017 by Pirandello

[Marc878]

So I dated a girl right. She broke up with me for false reasons claiming I didn't give her enough attention, she didn't think it would work long term, blah blah. But the truth of the matter is she cheated on me. With someone who is 14 years older than her, and has a lot of money. She denies the cheating. And denies choosing him for his money. Our relationship was amazing.

 

Not really or she wouldn't have dumped you would she? You are projecting your feelings onto her.

 

She told me everything about how she felt for me, how happy I made her, how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, everything. She broke up with me in February, and after that we continued seeing eachother and having sex and pretty much being a couple again without a label until June. Meanwhile this guy she chose over me would fly out here and see her occasionally while we were "broken up" but still having sex. He would literally be texting her as we lay naked together. I couldn't take it anymore and we officially separated on June 17th. She reached out on July 10th asking to meet for a "real goodbye" and "real closure". She even messaged me on FB thinking I blocked her number because I didn't respond right away. She was really panicky. I played it off like I've been busy and I told her when I was free. I texted her the day I was free and said I'm free to meet at this place at this time. She tried suggesting another place and I didn't respond. She then texts me again 5 hours later with, "cant make it today, sorry." Why would she cancel plans that she wanted in the first place? I have been broken for some time now, and I haven't texted her since that day. It's coming up on a month since she cancelled and nothing from her. Is she waiting for me to break because I have the power back? Or what's going on?

 

You are a puppet on a string. Most would not take breadcrumbs and have such Low respect for themselves to stay in this situation.

 

Obviously you have no value for yourself.

 

IMO block her on everything and find someone who's worth your time.

[RocketQueen]

No contact is hard. Being dumped is hard. I have gone through both and know the mindf&@k it can be. I'm also out of the other side now -totally happy and at peace with the split but also aware of my inability to see things objectively back then.

 

We tend to give every little action a reason/theory/scenario. It's human nature to try and put a little meat on the bones of a situation we have no way of knowing purely because we're looking at it from a different angle to our Ex. Regardless of any feelings that may reside for both of you, you are both at a very different place on the same road.

 

It's always best to just look at the facts, ignore everything else.

 

*She cheated on you in Vegas.

*She cheated with you on her older boyfriend who you can't see why she would like him (I think you listed around $775k reasons!)

*She wanted to meet up for closure after you pulled the plug on her push and pull game.

*She cancelled (when you didn't respond in her favour )the bit in brackets can't be seen as fact, more theory.

*She watched Netflix instead.

*You haven't heard from her in three weeks.

 

Just looking at those facts , if a friend was telling you their Ex did this would you encourage them to allow them any headspace at all?

 

I am not trying to be harsh, I'm speaking from the PoV of someone who took 2 years and 2 weeks to get over my Ex who I ALLOWED to come and go out of my life. I would tell people they didn't know him like I did etc etc. Bottom line is that didn't matter. I needed to sort my head out and move on.

 

Ironically, when I did truly get over him (you know you have when you don't feel the need to express it to everyone) he crawled out from the woodwork and said everything I had waited two years to hear. Two years too late.

 

Now he just 'Waves' occasionally on Facebook to let me know he's still alive.

 

Please try and move on. You you have no idea how good you can and will feel again and IF she does ever get back in touch, you'll be in a better place to be objective. Any attempt at reconciliation before that is more likely to fail.

 

Good luck. Be strong.

[Pirandello]

very good post RocketQueen, Bottomline her actions not her words, she can tell you all kinds of BS to trick you, in the end it's her actions that matter.

 

She is messed up man, she cheated on you and on the other guy, i would just block her for good man.

 

There is plenty of good honest women out there, all you need to do is find 1 good one.

[Pkami]

I did end up dropping the stuff off that Monday when she texted me. It was extremely brief. I drove up to where she was at and she was sitting in her car. I walked the stuff over and said hey here's your stuff. She said thanks or whatever and I said well I gotta go back to work. She said damn that sucks, living the dream? I said yep, but I'll cya. And drove away. Then no contact until Wednesday where I told her I was free. But she still has a pair of my boots. Expensive boots. I would like them back from her and she mentioned she had them before that Monday.

Edited August 4, 2017 by Pkami

[Pirandello]

Get your boots and go NC ASAP! the sooner you go NC the better, don't prolong it, you need to distance yourself.

 

I told my ex, i will disappear from her life as soon as she told me she wanted a break. I sent someone to her house to get my things because i promised i would not go back to her house. I was with her for 5 years, so i know it would hurt if i would go back to her house.

 

I started NC a week after the breakup, i broke it once to text her happy birthday on the 10th day of june, but never broke it again. so on august 10th will be 2 months of NC.

 

Yes i was tempted to break it recently when she told my aunt she was expecting my call, but i resisted because i knew if i broke it again i would be suffering again and going back to square 1, and she would have satisfaction that i broke it and then just say something like, it's over don't even try to get me back, or i met someone else or i have moved on... blah blah blah... The dumper wants like a final gloat just to piss you off and reinforce that they made the right decision, because even at this time they are having doubts, they can have mixed feelings, Guilt. They want to ease their pain. With time by doing NC the negative feelings will slowly dissipate to make room for the good ones she had with you. Got to be patient, time is a healer.

[Pkami]

Get your boots and go NC ASAP! the sooner you go NC the better, don't prolong it, you need to distance yourself.

 

I told my ex, i will disappear from her life as soon as she told me she wanted a break. I sent someone to her house to get my things because i promised i would not go back to her house. I was with her for 5 years, so i know it would hurt if i would go back to her house.

 

I started NC a week after the breakup, i broke it once to text her happy birthday on the 10th day of june, but never broke it again. so on august 10th will be 2 months of NC.

 

Yes i was tempted to break it recently when she told my aunt she was expecting my call, but i resisted because i knew if i broke it again i would be suffering again and going back to square 1, and she would have satisfaction that i broke it and then just say something like, it's over don't even try to get me back, or i met someone else or i have moved on... blah blah blah... The dumper wants like a final gloat just to piss you off and reinforce that they made the right decision, because even at this time they are having doubts, they can have mixed feelings, Guilt. They want to ease their pain. With time by doing NC the negative feelings will slowly dissipate to make room for the good ones she had with you. Got to be patient, time is a healer.

Well crap. I'm already a little over 3 weeks of NC. If it ends up making her reach out I don't want to screw up my progress!

[Pirandello]

i understand how you feel, it's like saying to yourself, my boots or my sanity ?

 

it's up to you, just don't let her screw with your head.

 

show her that you are in control of your emotions, and you won't let her play with them.

 

I would picture my emotions in a vault, like in a bank.

Only i , have the combination of this vault and she can't access it.

 

keep picturing that in your mind and take her off that pedestal and you go up there. Show her that you are in control and no contact gave you back your power.

 

that's it that's all for now...

[Pkami]

I ran into her last night at a bar. She saw me and immediately looked cold and like she didn't want to see me at all. She turned her back to me like she wanted me to go away. Tried whispering in her guy friends ears something like "can we go? My ex is here." I don't know. But I eventually was like, erika can I talk to you? She eventually turned around and I asked her about her wanting to meet a few weeks ago. She said "yeah, that was like a few weeks ago and I figured it was just over now." I said well "I do want to be on good terms with you, but I feel like you hate me or something." This is the point where she started opening up to me. She assured me that she absolutely doesn't hate me, the conversation continued to a point where she said that everything we had in the relationship was completely real. She said that she truly did and does love me, but became unhappy with the relationship because of her own inner faults and mental problems. (Past relationships she was abused, raped, etc..) That it wasn't anything I did at all, she's just really bad at relationships, bad at love. I said erika, if you chose this guy for the $755,000 just tell me the truth. She claims that it's not the money still, and that they just "hit it off" and the "attention". She also claims that she really didn't cheat on me, but "did some shady ****". I hugged her eventually and she started crying into me. She said that she just wants me to be happy and that she is so sorry for everything that she's put me through. I forgave her at that point, I said I forgive you, it's okay babe. It's okay. We held eachother a little longer and eventually just went separate ways. I am trying to tell myself that she really did choose this guy for his money and stability that he offers, simply because that would be an easy relationship for her, or the type of person she apparently is. She told me she does love me and pretty much that I deserve better than her, because of how ****ty of a person she is, she said. She knows I would have loved her no matter what, but I guess she didn't want to hurt me in the future because of whatever reasons. Man this sucks.

[RocketQueen]

It really is hard. I feel for you as I remember as if it were yesterday how it feels.

 

At this point, you really do have to tell yourself anything to try and ease the pain. I never knew emotional pain could physically hurt, until my break up.

 

But it really does get easier, I promise. Hang in there and ride the crappy wave of emotions. I wasn't prepared for the hit that came after the anger and rawness subsided. The nothing-ness was hard, but like each emotion it quickly goes if you don't dwell on it too much.

 

Keep us updated, you know where we are if you need to vent

[Pkami]

Like is there a certain timeline to healing from heartbreak? I want to not feel the pain anymore. I wish I just just forgive AND forget. But it's hard when you have to let someone you love deeply go. Being that this was my first girlfriend, the first human being other than family to say that she loves me. I teared up when she first said it!! My first everything with a girl. I felt myself bonded in a way with another girl like never before. I know it's going to be hard, but I wish I knew like when the pain will go away.

[Been]

You shouldn't have talked to her. Being on good terms with her helps you how? Its just an excuse for yo to talk to her.

[Pkami]

So I dated a girl right. She broke up with me for false reasons claiming I didn't give her enough attention, she didn't think it would work long term, blah blah. But the truth of the matter is she cheated on me. With someone who is 14 years older than her, and has a lot of money. She denies the cheating. And denies choosing him for his money.

 

Our relationship was amazing. She told me everything about how she felt for me, how happy I made her, how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, everything. She broke up with me in February, and after that we continued seeing each other and having sex and pretty much being a couple again without a label until June. Meanwhile this guy she chose over me would fly out here and see her occasionally while we were "broken up" but still having sex. He would literally be texting her as we lay naked together.

 

I couldn't take it anymore and we officially separated on June 17th. She reached out on July 10th asking to meet for a "real goodbye" and "real closure". She even messaged me on FB thinking I blocked her number because I didn't respond right away. She was really panicky. I played it off like I've been busy and I told her when I was free. I texted her the day I was free and said I'm free to meet at this place at this time.

 

She tried suggesting another place and I didn't respond. She then texts me again 5 hours later with, "cant make it today, sorry." 3 weeks go by and I run into her at a bar out in town. We made eye contact and she acts like she didn't want to see me at all, even turns her back on me and whispers in some of her loser guy friends ears something about me.

 

I eventually asked her to talk and she turned around. The conversation started off really weird and nerve wracking. But eventually I said I wanted to be on good terms with her. She starting opening up to me. She assured me that she doesn't hate me, and that everything we had in the relationship was completely real, and she truly did love me, and still does.

 

She became unhappy because of her own inner faults and mental problems, but still claims to of not chosen this new guy from her hometown for his money. And still claims to of not cheated on me with him, but did some "shady ****". We are in the military and we both get out soon, and go separate ways. So the guy shes now dating is back home. She just said they"hit it off." Like we didn't hit it off. I never did anything wrong to this girl, I treated her like a queen.

 

The conversation got to a point where I grabbed her and hugged her and she starts crying. She said she just wants me to be happy and how she is so sorry for everything she's put me through. Other things were discussed but that was the main takeaway. We held each other a bit longer, while in front of her new **** buddy and eventually we go separate ways. My question is what is wrong with her?

 

Why would she break up with me, continue sleeping with me for 5 more months of being "broken up", while planning a future with this guy from back home, now she goes out to the clubs and sleeps with randoms, WHILE having a new, 36 year old boyfriend.

 

She's 22 btw. And she recently blocked me on Facebook when I posted something in a Pokémon group we are in, nothing even pertaining to her. What is wrong with her?

Edited August 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory words, sl** wh**** and added paragraphs so it can be read

[SammySammy]

What is wrong with you?

[ExpatInItaly]

She's immature and likes plenty of attention. But she's not into you the way you are/were into her. So she's still out there looking. A girl who is truly in love with you doesn't behave the way she did. Period.

 

Now, more importantly - why did you allow yourself to be strung along? You knew she was seeing another man, but continued to give her access to you. You need to reflect more on why you went along with that. Ask yourself too why you even wanted a girl you describe in such disparaging terms - whoring, sl*tty, someone who does "shady things."

 

Unfortunately, it sometimes doesn't matter how much we do for someone else. If they're not into you, they're not into you. Doing things for them, loving them and being there for them do not mean they will stick around. You need to find a girl who equally reciprocates your interest and respects you. This one just doesn't.

[elaine567]

Basically she is only 22 and probably doesn't know what she really wants, she finds herself in demand and is having fun.

 

SHE broke up with you, she didn't see a future and you were not giving her enough attention, those are not blah blah blah false reasons, those are valid reasons for why she would break up with you and want to date someone else.

YOU may have thought you were in a perfect relationship but obviously she didn't.

 

YOU, as the dumpee do not get to dictate terms here. Your big mistake was to keep sleeping with her after you broke up and thinking you were back together whilst she still had the other guy in tow.

YOU were emotionally invested, but I guess she had already written you off.

Old habits die hard and the bf was long distance...

 

She is now free to do exactly as she pleases and if partying is what she wants to do, then you just have to accept that.

No-one really likes hurting other people and whilst she may be sorry she hurt you, I see no signs here that she wants you back. Sorry..

 

YOU need to forget all about her and move on with your life.

[Sweetfish]

What is wrong with you?

 

 

LOL... I said the same exact thing in my head and saw this after scrolling down.

[stixx]

What is wrong with you?

 

Way funny. lmao

 

Pokemon, cat and mouse text games, etc. Even if its online and she dont see his post he says "". How does he speak and treat woman in real life.

 

Younger females like older guys because we dont play pokemon, and yes,, we have more money to do things. Its called work. I suggest he gets a couple of them and he wont walk around with empty pockets.

 

This a scary dude. I wouldnt date him if I was a girl.

 

Pokemon. Man-o-Man,,,this guy started off my day just perfect.

Edited August 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[breadbin]

There is some really good advice here OP. She made her bed and you don't have to lie in it. It doesn't matter the reasons she did what she did. It's over. You don't have any control over what she does. But there is one person in this who you can control. You. Forget about her, try and move on. It will be tough. Take it from someone who has been in a similar situation, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm like a moth to a flame and I keep getting burnt!

[Pkami]

Basically she is only 22 and probably doesn't know what she really wants, she finds herself in demand and is having fun.

 

SHE broke up with you, she didn't see a future and you were not giving her enough attention, those are not blah blah blah false reasons, those are valid reasons for why she would break up with you and want to date someone else.

YOU may have thought you were in a perfect relationship but obviously she didn't.

 

YOU, as the dumpee do not get to dictate terms here. Your big mistake was to keep sleeping with her after you broke up and thinking you were back together whilst she still had the other guy in tow.

YOU were emotionally invested, but I guess she had already written you off.

Old habits die hard and the bf was long distance...

 

She is now free to do exactly as she pleases and if partying is what she wants to do, then you just have to accept that.

No-one really likes hurting other people and whilst she may be sorry she hurt you, I see no signs here that she wants you back. Sorry..

 

YOU need to forget all about her and move on with your life.

Those aren't valid reasons for cheating. Or lying to me about how happy I made her.

[Pkami]

Way funny. lmao

 

Pokemon, cat and mouse text games, etc. Even if its online and she dont see his post he says "". How does he speak and treat woman in real life.

 

Younger females like older guys because we dont play pokemon, and yes,, we have more money to do things. Its called work. I suggest he gets a couple of them and he wont walk around with empty pockets.

 

This a scary dude. I wouldnt date him if I was a girl.

Pokemon. Man-o-Man,,,this guy started off my day just perfect.

she's the one who got me playing Pokémon go. She's like 10x better than me.

[Pkami]

Way funny. lmao

 

Pokemon, cat and mouse text games, etc. Even if its online and she dont see his post he says "". How does he speak and treat woman in real life.

 

Younger females like older guys because we dont play pokemon, and yes,, we have more money to do things. Its called work. I suggest he gets a couple of them and he wont walk around with empty pockets.

 

This a scary dude. I wouldnt date him if I was a girl.

 

Pokemon. Man-o-Man,,,this guy started off my day just perfect.

she plays Pokémon go...she's the one who got me into it.