Bufo Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Something in addition to what I posted earlier. They saw each other courtesy of you about 15 years ago. Have they seen each other since? If so, how often? What she said makes no sense if they have not been in regular contact. What factual basis does she have for believing and saying that BFF would have been a better choice to marry? It may be that she just figured out some very hurtful words to use against you. I agree with the others that not a word from him about his marriage is odd at best. Have you two been in regular contact over the years? You emigrated to someplace. Is he halfway around the world? What would cause him to confess a fifteen year old quickie affair to his fiancé before they were married? Sorry for all these questions but I just can't jump to the conclusion many others seem to have reached. Good luck to you when you confront your wife about what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I can't see any benign explanation of her wishing she'd married BF. Even if she said it to hurt you, why would she say THAT? Unless there's context OP didn't report that would give this some other interpretation, it's pretty damning. Broken window for sure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) Just throwing this out into the universe to get some differing opinions. Married for 15 years. I'm a Brit and moved abroad to be with my wife. During the courtship she would visit me and as I was working I asked my friend to show her around and just hang which he did and they get on well. It became a running joke that he had a thing for her and then some time passed. Years later I found out from FB that my best friend had got married. He'd been my best man so obviously I was shocked to find this out and although we didn't talk for a few years after when I later confronted him he told me it was because they didn't want my wife to be there. When asked why it was supposedly about an email argument that they'd had and let me tell you I saw the emails and it was NOTHING and certainly nothing reacting this way. It made me think that something bigger had gone on that I don't know about for not to invite me or my parents (with whom he was great friends) over such a trivial thing didn't sit right. Move forward to present day. We're having a fight and she says that during the times she and my BF were hanging out he spent the entire time warning her about me and how I would be just using her and then she dropped a bombshell of sorts. Now she has a cruel tongue and has a habit of saying things just to get a reaction but this just hit me and has been on my mind ever since. Basically she said that HE would have been the better choice to marry. We have a child so I didn't get into any further as he was still in the house and I intend to continue the conversation but what do you, Internet stranger, make of all this? Apologies for the wall of text and relaxed grammar. Oh, and broken window notwithstanding, this is how I interpreted possible cause & effect between your reported events first time I read first post: I later confronted him he told me it was because they didn't want my wife to be there. I thought that maybe BF confessed before marrying his fiancee in order to get all skeletons out of his closets. Continuing this line of thought, I conjectured that whatever she'd learned from him about his relationship with your wife was big enough that she seeing the rest of your family would have been too hard. This happened to me. If this is the case, there's a second stage that will hit you at some point: BF had the character and commitment to confess but not your wife. We're having a fight and she says that during the times she and my BF were hanging out he spent the entire time warning her about me and how I would be just using her ... Ew. Spiteful little vixen. And cruel. Otherwise, what prompted her to throw all this venom in your face? What had you just said?? Anyway, whatever the reason, I think she's given you enough with this one revelation to show that: He was not being loyal to you WAY back then, when he was your BF soon-to-be Best Man, if he was more concerned about her future with you in it. At the very, very least, this information tells you that his loyalty was greater to her than to you. Much. That he would have worked actively against you right there is Whether betrayal on a major scale. (a) If everyone SAW they were enough to joke about it, then it wasn't a joke. (b) More than close: He'd denounced you to her privately. There was at least an EA between them. his antipathy toward you was cause or effect is irrelevant: He was not your "BF"; you just didn't know it yet. When ex-BF blamed his wife for not wanting to invite your family to the wedding, he was omitting his own reasons I feel. Think back: When you were joking way back "that he had a thing for her," how did they react? Edited August 18, 2017 by merrmeade 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Hi Merrmeade, your analysis is great. I think it is spot on. Sadly,, though, the OP seems to have taken a vacation from his thread. I think, when people don't like what they are hearing, they make themselves scarce. The sad part is that what has been said is probably closer to the truth than the folks writing in realize but the OP is aware of the circumstances in more detail. This is the reason he is staying away because what people are telling him is hitting close to home. Be that as it may, he is the one who will lose if he does'nt get his head out of the sand and start taking some proactive action. Till then the rest of us can hope for the best for him. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Oh, and broken window notwithstanding, this is how I interpreted possible cause & effect between your reported events first time I read first post: . I thought that maybe BF confessed before marrying his fiancee in order to get all skeletons out of his closets. Continuing this line of thought, I conjectured that whatever she'd learned from him about his relationship with your wife was big enough that she seeing the rest of your family would have been too hard. This happened to me. If this is the case, there's a second stage that will hit you at some point: BF had the character and commitment to confess but not your wife. Ew. Spiteful little vixen. And cruel. Otherwise, what prompted her to throw all this venom in your face? What had you just said?? Anyway, whatever the reason, I think she's given you enough with this one revelation to show that: He was not being loyal to you WAY back then, when he was your BF soon-to-be Best Man, if he was more concerned about her future with you in it. At the very, very least, this information tells you that his loyalty was greater to her than to you. Much. That he would have worked actively against you right there is Whether betrayal on a major scale. (a) If everyone SAW they were enough to joke about it, then it wasn't a joke. (b) More than close: He'd denounced you to her privately. There was at least an EA between them. his antipathy toward you was cause or effect is irrelevant: He was not your "BF"; you just didn't know it yet. When ex-BF blamed his wife for not wanting to invite your family to the wedding, he was omitting his own reasons I feel. Think back: When you were joking way back "that he had a thing for her," how did they react? OP will not accept these words of wisdom because he chooses to live in Egypt, also known as the land of Denial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 It's amazing how certain people are about what's going on in the head of someone who isn't here and posted a total of three times to this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 It's amazing how certain people are about what's going on in the head of someone who isn't here and posted a total of three times to this thread. Damn but thanks - and to road. I'm always doing this... Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 . We have a child so I didn't get into any further as he was still in the house and I intend to continue the conversation but what do you, Internet stranger, make of all this?. What I would do? Run out, get DNA test kits for the kids, and see if they were really mine! Sounds like she had a physical affair with this guy, and he ended up dumping her, but you were oblivious to it all. Also, it means that it is likely she has cheated on you with other men too. She self justified it by saying to herself "you were her 2nd choice for a husband, and she deserves better". If i were you, i would get a test for STD's just in case she gave me anything nasty. After that? Marriage counseling if you want the relationship to improve. sounds a little rocky right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
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