She is seeing someone else

[Gillys]

I really appreciate your reply. It is hard to imagine, but it can't feel like this forever, I suppose. Can I ask why you think she sounds abusive? IF you don't mind the question. I am at a stage now where I am feeling excessive doubt/questioning myself. You don't have to answer that question.

 

I can't wait to get back to uni. It's so time consuming and intense that months will fly past and I won't even have time to think about this. It's been so difficult being away from uni and going through this; there's been nothing but free time.

 

Honestly my ex did the exact same thing. Dumped me, then came back and acted like we were in a relationship again for almost a month then left me again out of nowhere. I fell for it several times. Eventually, she told me "we were never in a real relationship" and "I never loved you". We were together for a year and she had brought up our future together & living together plenty of times over that period. So what both of our exes did seems like mental torture to me. They were selfish and use people without considering other people's feelings. I fell for my ex's games for 9 months and each time it hurt worse than before. You sound like you're doing way better than I was in the early stages of the breakup.

[clist8511]

Honestly my ex did the exact same thing. Dumped me, then came back and acted like we were in a relationship again for almost a month then left me again out of nowhere. I fell for it several times. Eventually, she told me "we were never in a real relationship" and "I never loved you". We were together for a year and she had brought up our future together & living together plenty of times over that period. So what both of our exes did seems like mental torture to me. They were selfish and use people without considering other people's feelings. I fell for my ex's games for 9 months and each time it hurt worse than before. You sound like you're doing way better than I was in the early stages of the breakup.

 

When she came back and acted like you were together, how was that initiated? Did you both agree to meeting up. did she just turn up, did you ask for another chance...?

[Gillys]

When she came back and acted like you were together, how was that initiated? Did you both agree to meeting up. did she just turn up, did you ask for another chance...?

 

 

She asked me to come over and we hooked up. Then we slipped back into acting like a couple. Then she texted me one day and said she didn't want to see me for 2 months until she got over me. Two months later she found a replacement..

 

While she was establishing her relationship with the rebound, she would run back to me and give me hope anytime they had issues in their relationship. I was an idiot and fell for it for months. I got false hope and she got the best of both worlds. The last time I saw her she was still together with the rebound

Edited September 10, 2017 by Gillys

[Downtown]

I've been gaslighted, haven't I?

C-List, that likely depends on whether her NPD traits are stronger than her BPD traits. The term is taken from the classic 1944 movie, Gaslight, in which a husband (Charles Boyer) tries to drive his new bride (Ingrid Bergman) crazy. His objective is to get her institutionalized in a psych ward so he can run off with her family jewels. The term therefore is used by abused partners to refer to the deliberately "crazy-making" behavior of narcissists and sociopaths -- both of whom tend to be very manipulating.

 

Unfortunately, the term also is frequently mistakenly used in reference to BPDers who, in my experience, are far too reactive and impulsive to be good at manipulation (which requires careful planning and flawless execution to be successful). My BPDer exW, for example, is extremely controlling -- in an opportunistic sense. She is far too reactive to whatever intense feeling sweeps over her to be any good at scheming and manipulating. It's not that she doesn't do the scheming but, rather, that she is to reactive to properly execute her plan.

 

Whereas narcissists and sociopaths don't believe a word of the outrageous allegations coming out of their mouths, BPDers generally are fully convinced that this nonsense is true. The reason is that, because they are filled with self loathing and shame, their subconscious minds protect their fragile egos from seeing too much of reality. This is accomplished -- entirely at the subconscious level -- by projecting hurtful thoughts and feelings onto the BPDer's partner.

 

The result is that, at a conscious level, the BPDer is convinced the projection is absolutely true. And a week later, when her feelings have flipped 180 degrees, she will be just as convinced that the new projection is true also. Hence, the beauty of projection -- and the reason it is such a wonderful ego defense -- is that it is entirely GUILT FREE because it arises from a thought distortion, not from a lie or deliberate manipulation.

 

I mention all this to explain why I view BPDer behavior as very controlling but -- due to the lack of deliberate manipulation -- as not constituting "gaslighting." That is, BPDers are acting out of fear and, unlike the Charles Boyer character, usually are NOT trying to drive you crazy.

 

I genuinely feel as if I'm living in a dream, and that I can't tell what is real and what isn't.

The irony is that -- because BPDers are so sincere and genuinely convinced that their absurd projections are true -- they generally have a greater "crazy-making" effect than can ever be achieved by the manipulating narcissists and sociopaths. This is why that, of the 157 mental disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual, BPD is the one most notorious for making the abused partners feel like they may be losing their minds.

 

As I noted earlier, nothing will drive you crazier sooner than being repeatedly abused by a partner whom you know, to a certainty, must really love you. The reason is that you will be mistakenly convinced that, if only you can figure out what YOU are doing wrong, you can restore your partner to that wonderful human being you saw at the very beginning.

[clist8511]

"The irony is that -- because BPDers are so sincere and genuinely convinced that their absurd projections are true -- they generally have a greater "crazy-making" effect than can ever be achieved by the manipulating narcissists and sociopaths. This is why that, of the 157 mental disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual, BPD is the one most notorious for making the abused partners feel like they may be losing their minds."

 

I challenged her about her behaviors, and she was really upset. She listed all the things I thought she'd done wrong, and had reasons for all of them. She genuinely sounded upset and I felt very bad and guilty. This is why I'm saying I don't even know what's true, anymore.

[clist8511]

Anyway. I just don't feel like I'm coping. I know it was a mistake to have met up with her and slept with her a couple of weeks ago, but I was subconsciously hoping we'd get back together. We didn't. And now I'm crushed. The strange thing is that I thought about meeting up with her so hard - I felt like I could handle it. I prepared myself for feelings and rejection. But the last couple of weeks have probably been the most painful in this entire break up. I feel lost, empty, scared, angry, hurt, embarrassed, lonely. Everything. I feel stuck. I miss her and she doesn't want to ever see me again. No matter what I said, she wouldn't change her mind. I've started drinking, and feel suicidal. No one around me understands (I think they think the break up happened so long ago that I should be at least half over it by now) so I can't even talk to anyone. Therapy feels limited, I don't feel like it's helping. Nothing's helping.

[donotmicrowave]

Anyway. I just don't feel like I'm coping. I know it was a mistake to have met up with her and slept with her a couple of weeks ago, but I was subconsciously hoping we'd get back together. We didn't. And now I'm crushed. The strange thing is that I thought about meeting up with her so hard - I felt like I could handle it. I prepared myself for feelings and rejection. But the last couple of weeks have probably been the most painful in this entire break up. I feel lost, empty, scared, angry, hurt, embarrassed, lonely. Everything. I feel stuck. I miss her and she doesn't want to ever see me again. No matter what I said, she wouldn't change her mind. I've started drinking, and feel suicidal. No one around me understands (I think they think the break up happened so long ago that I should be at least half over it by now) so I can't even talk to anyone. Therapy feels limited, I don't feel like it's helping. Nothing's helping.

 

Hey, you. I've read this entire thread now, we all know it's quite the mess!

 

I decided to post, as I was left 6 months ago, but am now enjoying life, and fine with being single!

 

It was a 4 year relationship, long distance. I literally left everything to move to him. My job, my house, friends and family. So, after he left me, my life just did a 360. I had to start everything all over again.

 

It felt like I lost everything. And in a way, I think I did. But what you get from losing everything is a whole new perspective. It isn't about whether my glass is half full or empty, I'm just grateful that I have a glass.

 

The first months, I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like you do. I even attempted suicide. But once I decided that I'm just wasting my time, hurting myself and putting other people around me in a very comfortable situation, I literally told myself (sorry for the language) "f**k it, I'm done". Then it took me less than a month to move on.

 

You are the only one stopping yourself. It's not what she's saying or doing, she has nothing to do with your life. She doesn't deserve a spot in it.

 

People say "ohh noo I gave my heart to that person," well heart isn't an item you just lend to someone, it's a place, isn't it? Throw her out completely. Learn to be okay with that empty space.

 

This all sounds super cheesy, but that mindset probably saved my life. Go out there, do stuff, be creative, help others around you (charity work in a shelter made me so-so happy), date people, go run till you cry out of pain from your muscles and heart. Just go make your life happen. Right now, you're sitting still. You're going nowhere.

[MarvelFan1]

Hey, you. I've read this entire thread now, we all know it's quite the mess!

 

I decided to post, as I was left 6 months ago, but am now enjoying life, and fine with being single!

 

It was a 4 year relationship, long distance. I literally left everything to move to him. My job, my house, friends and family. So, after he left me, my life just did a 360. I had to start everything all over again.

 

It felt like I lost everything. And in a way, I think I did. But what you get from losing everything is a whole new perspective. It isn't about whether my glass is half full or empty, I'm just grateful that I have a glass.

 

The first months, I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like you do. I even attempted suicide. But once I decided that I'm just wasting my time, hurting myself and putting other people around me in a very comfortable situation, I literally told myself (sorry for the language) "f**k it, I'm done". Then it took me less than a month to move on.

 

You are the only one stopping yourself. It's not what she's saying or doing, she has nothing to do with your life. She doesn't deserve a spot in it.

 

People say "ohh noo I gave my heart to that person," well heart isn't an item you just lend to someone, it's a place, isn't it? Throw her out completely. Learn to be okay with that empty space.

 

This all sounds super cheesy, but that mindset probably saved my life. Go out there, do stuff, be creative, help others around you (charity work in a shelter made me so-so happy), date people, go run till you cry out of pain from your muscles and heart. Just go make your life happen. Right now, you're sitting still. You're going nowhere.

Wow, love this post, donotmicrowave, literally made me smile and gave me a massive positive boost, for how I've felt as of late, thank you ?

 

I love the "I'm just grateful I have a glass", line. I'm stealing that.

[donotmicrowave]

Wow, love this post, donotmicrowave, literally made me smile and gave me a massive positive boost, for how I've felt as of late, thank you ��

 

I love the "I'm just grateful I have a glass", line. I'm stealing that.

 

You better steal it and spread it all you can hahah!

 

But it's quite fascinating, I think. To be hurt to the point where you just keep hurting and hurting. Whether someone did you "wrong" or the other way around, to be heartbroken simply shows your feelings are/were genuine.

 

Anyone who's been in love has been very lucky, considering what an amazing (sadly addictive) feeling it is! The painful bumps are important lessons that lead us to something much better (unless we sit and dwell over it for way too long!!)

 

I'm really glad I managed to make someone smile, knowing that makes my day. Thank you for telling me!!

Edited September 17, 2017 by donotmicrowave

[clist8511]

You are the only one stopping yourself. It's not what she's saying or doing, she has nothing to do with your life. She doesn't deserve a spot in it.

 

People say "ohh noo I gave my heart to that person," well heart isn't an item you just lend to someone, it's a place, isn't it? Throw her out completely. Learn to be okay with that empty space.

 

This all sounds super cheesy, but that mindset probably saved my life. Go out there, do stuff, be creative, help others around you (charity work in a shelter made me so-so happy), date people, go run till you cry out of pain from your muscles and heart. Just go make your life happen. Right now, you're sitting still. You're going nowhere.

 

Hi, thank you for the reply.

 

I agree that being proactive helps. I don't think I'll be dating anyone just yet, though. Perhaps I'll look into volunteering. I was doing it before but stopped because of uni. I just feel so devoid of energy and motivation at the moment. But thank you for the advice.

[MarvelFan1]

Hi, thank you for the reply.

 

I agree that being proactive helps. I don't think I'll be dating anyone just yet, though. Perhaps I'll look into volunteering. I was doing it before but stopped because of uni. I just feel so devoid of energy and motivation at the moment. But thank you for the advice.

Helping others is so rewarding and will make you feel good, and you can't go wrong with extra positivity.

 

I have volunteered to help out at the army cadets, hopefully I get accepted. I'm giving up free time to help out kids and learn some life skills and pass on what I know, what a way to make new friends and occupy ones time

[clist8511]

"I miss waking up and seeing a message from you. I miss talking to you on your lunch break. I miss you calling me on your way home.

 

I wish I could just tell you that I loved you and that you'd say it back. You've said so many different things that I don't even know what you're feeling about me, anymore. I wish I could feel what you're feeling so I KNOW. So I know whether you still care about me, or whether you don't at all.

 

I want to contact you later tonight, when you're in from work. But what would I even say? Everything I've already said? Will you get angry with me? Will you block me, again? All I want is your love. Why can't I have it?

 

I don't even want to go back to uni because I won't be able to talk to you about my day, or ask you for advice or input on something because you've already been to that uni (stupid, I know).

 

I don't even want to watch the TV because you're not there on the sofa with me, on your side, smoking out the window."

 

I wrote this over in some other forum.

 

You see, even if I were to send her this, she wouldn't react. She would just give me a very blunt, non-emotional answer. I feel like screaming most of the time; "Why can't you understand how much I'm feeling?!! Why won't you just take me back!?!?" It's horrible. Frustrating. I feel like ripping my hair out. If someone told ME this stuff, especially someone I'd just been with for nigh on three years, I would be inclined to reconnect with that person. There'd still be sufficient emotional attachment for me to feel something.

 

But all she ever says is it's 'for the best' or 'we need to move on' etc. She's so pragmatic I hate it. I wish she were more emotional.

[MarvelFan1]

"I miss waking up and seeing a message from you. I miss talking to you on your lunch break. I miss you calling me on your way home.

 

I wish I could just tell you that I loved you and that you'd say it back. You've said so many different things that I don't even know what you're feeling about me, anymore. I wish I could feel what you're feeling so I KNOW. So I know whether you still care about me, or whether you don't at all.

 

I want to contact you later tonight, when you're in from work. But what would I even say? Everything I've already said? Will you get angry with me? Will you block me, again? All I want is your love. Why can't I have it?

 

I don't even want to go back to uni because I won't be able to talk to you about my day, or ask you for advice or input on something because you've already been to that uni (stupid, I know).

 

I don't even want to watch the TV because you're not there on the sofa with me, on your side, smoking out the window."

 

I wrote this over in some other forum.

 

You see, even if I were to send her this, she wouldn't react. She would just give me a very blunt, non-emotional answer. I feel like screaming most of the time; "Why can't you understand how much I'm feeling?!! Why won't you just take me back!?!?" It's horrible. Frustrating. I feel like ripping my hair out. If someone told ME this stuff, especially someone I'd just been with for nigh on three years, I would be inclined to reconnect with that person. There'd still be sufficient emotional attachment for me to feel something.

 

But all she ever says is it's 'for the best' or 'we need to move on' etc. She's so pragmatic I hate it. I wish she were more emotional.

I type messages like this on my phone about every two/three weeks. It's a way of dealing with the breakup for me. I know that I don't mean what I say and that we would never work being back together, as much as I think I want it. Loneliness can make you think a lot of things and skew a persons perspective.

 

I don't hear from her, she doesn't hear from me. That's all I need to know. If two people really want each other, they would both be trying, at both ends. I just have to let everything take its course and slowly move on. I may fantasise about us getting back together with smiles and rainbows, but in my heart of hearts, I know the reasons I broke up with her and why, to go back would be foolish and undo any healing so far. Me sending her a message would only hurt her further anyway. Don't pick the scab and let sleeping dogs lay, that's what I tell myself and I'd advise the same to you. It took me a long time to accept that's what's best.

[clist8511]

I know that I don't mean what I say and that we would never work being back together, as much as I think I want it. Loneliness can make you think a lot of things and skew a persons perspective.

 

I may fantasise about us getting back together with smiles and rainbows, but in my heart of hearts, I know the reasons I broke up with her and why, to go back would be foolish and undo any healing so far. Me sending her a message would only hurt her further anyway. Don't pick the scab and let sleeping dogs lay, that's what I tell myself and I'd advise the same to you. It took me a long time to accept that's what's best.

 

Sounds pretty much the same as my situation. Our relationship was horrendous, and I wouldn't want to live like that, again. Idealizing and nostalgia are such powerful things, aren't they?

 

Perhaps it is loneliness making me feel this way. I literally have ONE friend, now. My other friend is acting a bit odd and is hard to talk to so I feel like I'm running out of people to talk to. Every so often I realize that I'm at home on my own and I have a mini freak out. This would be at least a tiny bit easier if I had people around me

[clist8511]

I have recently come out of a very unhealthy relationship with someone who I believe to have been emotionally and psychologically abusive, and I suppose what I'm interested in are people's views on how to handle and manage the thoughts and realities of never seeing someone again.

 

While at this stage my emotions are running very high for this person, I recognize that she is an extremely dangerous and toxic individual who doesn't have any respect for me as a person. I am in a battle of heart and mind, if you will. My heart misses her (what an idiot) but my mind knows I am worth a hell of a lot more.

 

So my question is, what's the best way to manage the feelings of hope of reconciliation either as friends or partners, and what are good ways of affirming that this is someone you don't want in your life, regardless of what your heart tells you?

 

(I hope that made sense!)

[Cersei]

Make a list of all the bad things your ex has done.

Hang it on the fridge.

When you miss the ex or feel a weak moment, look at the list.

 

That reminder list can really help during the tough times.

[clist8511]

While I still feel the loss and of course I am still very upset, I have realized that the woman I love - the woman who laid with me in bed eating junk food and watching films, the woman who cuddled and kissed me, the woman who was caring and patient - she doesn't exist.

 

The person I have been dealing with for most of our relationship is someone who has no respect for me or my values or emotional needs - blocking me at a moment's notice when she's 'done' talking or breaking up with me because she's 'had enough' and then sailing back into my life after a week or so of me going through, essentially, a break up. Wearing me down so that I didn't know how to step out of that horrid cycle, so that I didn't know how to say no to her.

 

The person I've been dealing with is selfish, controlling, abusive, emotionally stunted, cruel, aggressive, rude, and just not a nice person. She was an abuser. She still is an abuser, I'm just not being abused by her any longer.

 

I repeatedly tried again and again to understand her frustrations, her anger, her problems with me or my behavior. I tried to 'fix' things and tried to 'fix' myself. I'd put my phone away when she came over, so that she didn't get annoyed. I'd change my innate behaviors to the best of my ability so that she felt that I was good enough for her, and so that there weren't any problems. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I became someone I didn't know or recognize. I sank into a deep depression that I'm still coming out of. If I had been with her any longer, I dread to think what would have become of my mental health.

 

I am by no means out of the woods in terms of getting over her. I still want to call her and be with her, but I know that's just my emotions talking. It won't be like this forever. I have decided to focus on myself and remain positive about my own life. To become a better version of myself and to do the best I can and create an environment I can thrive in. I have so much potential now that I'm no longer tied down by that woman.

 

I have made this post to not only remind myself of this epiphany that I'm having when I feel like going back, but to show others here that it does start getting better, the fog does start clearing and you do start getting yourself back - even though it doesn't feel like you ever will.

 

I hate the phrase 'time is a healer' but.... it really is. Trust it.

[clist8511]

Make a list of all the bad things your ex has done.

Hang it on the fridge.

When you miss the ex or feel a weak moment, look at the list.

 

That reminder list can really help during the tough times.

 

That's a very good idea

[Goodguy05]

Time bro...

[HarmonyDriven]

=Maintain NO CONTACT as rule #1

=Get rid of/hide any and all photos, mementos, etc...

=Delete any and all contact #; social media, etc....

 

Out of sight, out of mind = on your way to healing

 

Good luck

[MarvelFan1]

While I still feel the loss and of course I am still very upset, I have realized that the woman I love - the woman who laid with me in bed eating junk food and watching films, the woman who cuddled and kissed me, the woman who was caring and patient - she doesn't exist.

 

The person I have been dealing with for most of our relationship is someone who has no respect for me or my values or emotional needs - blocking me at a moment's notice when she's 'done' talking or breaking up with me because she's 'had enough' and then sailing back into my life after a week or so of me going through, essentially, a break up. Wearing me down so that I didn't know how to step out of that horrid cycle, so that I didn't know how to say no to her.

 

The person I've been dealing with is selfish, controlling, abusive, emotionally stunted, cruel, aggressive, rude, and just not a nice person. She was an abuser. She still is an abuser, I'm just not being abused by her any longer.

 

I repeatedly tried again and again to understand her frustrations, her anger, her problems with me or my behavior. I tried to 'fix' things and tried to 'fix' myself. I'd put my phone away when she came over, so that she didn't get annoyed. I'd change my innate behaviors to the best of my ability so that she felt that I was good enough for her, and so that there weren't any problems. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I became someone I didn't know or recognize. I sank into a deep depression that I'm still coming out of. If I had been with her any longer, I dread to think what would have become of my mental health.

 

I am by no means out of the woods in terms of getting over her. I still want to call her and be with her, but I know that's just my emotions talking. It won't be like this forever. I have decided to focus on myself and remain positive about my own life. To become a better version of myself and to do the best I can and create an environment I can thrive in. I have so much potential now that I'm no longer tied down by that woman.

 

I have made this post to not only remind myself of this epiphany that I'm having when I feel like going back, but to show others here that it does start getting better, the fog does start clearing and you do start getting yourself back - even though it doesn't feel like you ever will.

 

I hate the phrase 'time is a healer' but.... it really is. Trust it.

Amen to that, dude. You sound just like me, when I wrote the same in my, 'Break Up Book', a place where I could write all my feelings and emotions, to remind myself why I left her.

 

I still have the odd thought about her now with a, "What if she messages me", and fantasie about us talking, but then I snap out of it, as I have a habit of putting her on a pedestal or thinking of all the good stuff, which is why I need to focus on fixing myself to move on from her.

 

I've had an pretty solid week not feeling down or missing her. I had a few thoughts, but still enjoying me and my time, the gym has been an amazing source of freedom and happiness.

[Downanddown]

Listen man. Im going through something very similar. 6 year relationship. She dropped me like a bomb. Went back to her ex. 2 kids i helped raise. It hurts like nothing else. The first 2 weeks i wanted to die...BUT..im 2 months past now and trust me when i tell you this...its gets better. I promise you. Hang in there. See your family. They are the best support. You will get through this.

[clist8511]

I woke up in a bit of a weird mood. I think the best way to describe what I was feeling is that I wanted to reach out to her and tell her that I didn't care about the relationship any more, and that I wanted us to be friends (I had this weird vision of us being 'best friends', even kidding myself that we could share details of our love lives with each other) - I have no idea what that feeling was about.

 

I don't really feel like that now. I feel a sense of sadness that, no matter how many times I could contact her or approach her in a variety of ways, that she'd always be angry with me. Her anger never seems to subside, and she is always blaming me for things/actions ("This is why I'm not talking to you/I act like this when you...") it's frustrating. Because a lot of the reasons I act in a certain way is because she's initially hurt me, and then it's turned on its head to be about her.

 

She's never truly apologised for anything she's done to me. All the emotional and psychological ways in which she's hurt me - often to the point I've felt I was having a breakdown, or couldn't sleep, or didn't eat for a few days... she's never recognised any of it. She may have apologised but just gone on to do it again.

 

I think what concerns me the most is why I still have such an attachment to her, why I still want to talk to her, why, if she came back - I'd be with her. I feel like there must be something wrong with me to feel like that. Why can't my brain just remember and stick to all the bad things she did? It would make everything a whole lot easier.

 

And self-blame; I really have to work hard daily to release guilt, blame... She has said so many things were my fault. She's even stated that the reason she never wants to speak to me again is my fault (me being upset and telling her she was abusive was "the worst thing anyone's ever done" to her, despite it being in reaction to HER telling ME I was destroying and sabotaging her life, which is false) - even though before any of that had taken place, she'd already cut me out of her life.

 

I feel annoyed that I even have to go through all of this. Write all of this. Think about all of this daily. She seems to be just getting on with it all. I doubt she's posting on forums daily, Googling "how to let go" every night. I know she isn't, never mind doubting it.

[Devastated77]

I seriously could be you. Except my relationship was for 17 years.

We broke up 5 weeks ago and today, after telling me hes interested in someone else, has blocked me entirely (after telling me he still cares and would always be there for me).

 

Why are exes such cold hearted arsewipes? I dont have many close friends either which is why I find myself on here alot.

 

Im the same - annoyed that we are the ones feeling so hurt and gutted and constantly googling **** (i also keep doing online tarot cards to see if he will come back...lol....i am so pathetic) while they just get off Scot free!!

[Buriall]

I seriously could be you. Except my relationship was for 17 years.

We broke up 5 weeks ago and today, after telling me hes interested in someone else, has blocked me entirely (after telling me he still cares and would always be there for me).

 

Why are exes such cold hearted arsewipes? I dont have many close friends either which is why I find myself on here alot.

 

Im the same - annoyed that we are the ones feeling so hurt and gutted and constantly googling **** (i also keep doing online tarot cards to see if he will come back...lol....i am so pathetic) while they just get off Scot free!!

 

 

You are not pathetic. Train yourself to get rid of negative thinking. You are all beautiful people with amazing souls. It sucks we failed but at least we had the courage to fight no matter the circumstances. Only cowards drop the towel and run when sh*t gets tough,and you don't want that kinda person in your life.