Well, she moved out and is getting a divorce

[OMSich]

What I can't understand is that you have known this woman for 10 years, been a LTR with her, been in an affair with her and when she leaves her husband and moves into an apartment, you are nowhere to be seen.

You call her briefly and then swan off to Cabo.

You say you love her yet this all seems to me fo be incredibly hands off.

Should you not have been right in there "helping"?

I am not suggesting that you needed to do the work of ten men lifting all the heavy stuff, but running errands, making cups of tea, ordering a take away etc. may have been very much appreciated by her, no?

 

Great question Elaine. But how do I go about doing this if she wont respond? Yes, Ive only called twice in a week now. But the second she asked after the event I set her up with a life changing job through my best friend. Hell I offered her to stay at my place while she searches for apt. I reached out every day after, to brunch to go to pool, etc. Trying to be there and open if she needed me. I told her I was worried about her. I asked if I could help her move, but she said that would be akward understandably so. Me and my bro n law took her and her friend out to a 700 dollar dinner. Then I called the next morning twice. Second time right after I forgot to share a detail about the job. Which she already knew and had to go because the movers were there. And that was last we spoke. I called the next day and nothing. Should I have called that day again to see how move went? Maybe I could be doing more, but I think the effort was there. Hell I dont know. I want to know whats going on in her mind. I know she loves me.

 

Maybe the Cabo trip subconsciously upset her. I just don't know. My heart is wrenched.

 

I feel that there should be communication both ways. And if she needed space or whatever the heck she could just ask me for it. I would understand.

 

But the more i think on it i believe she is telling me she needs her space by not responding in her own selfish way. And that I should respect that. I dont see this playing out that she wont ever contact me again. That would be pretty ****ed up especially if the divorce becomes final and shes working for my best bud. Hes waiting on corporate to approve the req so thats in a bit of a holding pattern.

Edited August 1, 2017 by OMSich

[OMSich]

Welp. The negative nancies were right. She called. She signed divorce papers. Wants to be just friends and is taking a job w my best bud.

 

Life is good!

[elaine567]

Welp. The negative nancies were right. She called. She signed divorce papers. Wants to be just friends and is taking a job w my best bud.

 

Life is good!

 

Oh dear.

My condolences...

 

Well at least you now know.

A bit self serving of her to accept the job though...

Maybe you dodged a bullet there.

What does your friend say about all of this?

 

Lesson learned though, NEVER get involved with people who are still involved with someone else, it is just not worth it.

Edited August 2, 2017 by elaine567

[Art_Critic]

Welp. The negative nancies were right. She called. She signed divorce papers. Wants to be just friends and is taking a job w my best bud.

 

Life is good!

 

Dude... sorry man.. it sounds like she used you...

 

How does that make you feel ? BTW, don't be her friend.. that is just inviting heartbreak into your life.

 

How does your best bud feel about giving a job to someone that you are no longer connected to ?

[aileD]

And that's why they call it an exit affair....

[Deidre]

Oh Im moving on. Shutting it down. Nothing left for me to do here. She will find me when she is ready. Shes clearly asking for space (in a selfish way) for whatever hundreds of reasons that have been brought up here, so I will respect that and continue to live my life.

 

Just ****ing funny that when she finally is going to be free, NOW is the time I am supposed to move on...

 

Aint life grand?

 

Thanks everyone, I will update if anything comes.

 

I would totally move on. lol Like NC. Just my opinion, but don't live your life based on what another woman is doing...or if she wants you or not, etc.

 

Don't be ''friends'' with her, because people like her don't really mean it when they say ''let's be friends.'' They say that so you'll be there when they want to use you again...after all...you'll be friends.

 

So, I'd totally move on. Lessons learned, and go NC. NC will set you free of this.

[pheonixrisen]

Y

Welp. The negative nancies were right. She called. She signed divorce papers. Wants to be just friends and is taking a job w my best bud.

 

Life is good!

 

You guys have history ...yet never settled before

 

Then she has an affair ....she is free ..and still does not want to settle .

 

You are a means to an end ...not the end to itself !

 

An exit affair ...what you may be seeing now is who she really is .

 

If I were in your shoes I would not be okay with this treatment ...and would make the job unavailable

 

One of life's biggest lesson is ...there are no free dinners ..hope she gets to learn that ..good luck

 

A bit sacarstic sorry (take it with a laugh)

You were laughing in you OP...i guess the jokes on you .

[OMSich]

Oh dear.

My condolences...

 

Well at least you now know.

A bit self serving of her to accept the job though...

Maybe you dodged a bullet there.

What does your friend say about all of this?

 

Lesson learned though, NEVER get involved with people who are still involved with someone else, it is just not worth it.

 

100% life lesson learned. Ive never figured I would be an affair guy. But it happened. Never again. I got swept up. I should have a long time ago told her I loved her, wanted to be with her, but not like this. And if you are single again and healed, then and only then reach out to me if you want to be together. But alas, I stuck it until the end...

[OMSich]

Dude... sorry man.. it sounds like she used you...

 

How does that make you feel ? BTW, don't be her friend.. that is just inviting heartbreak into your life.

 

How does your best bud feel about giving a job to someone that you are no longer connected to ?

 

Im feeling like total ****. I want her. I dont want anyone else. But I am going on a date in a couple days with someone new. And will continue to. I may not find someone as beautiful, but thats ok. Maybe this was all about lust for me. As the affair went on, and after the first time he caught us, we saw each other less, became more boxed in, and much less sex. This evolving of the affair was very hard on me and i did become more needy and insecure. This in my opinion is where she is at with us. How i acted towards the end. She kept bringing uo examples of stupid **** i did. But i keep thinking how can we judge a relationship potential from a time where we had no freedom and was boxed in.

 

Funny thing is my buddy (AP new boss) his wife (im very close to both) and me were all going to late lunch yesterday. And he invites AP. She agrees to come knowing im there and we have a blast drinking, planning a trip to Vegas, cooking out, etc, etc... none of which I bring up and remain silent on those.

 

My buddy and his wife seem to think she just needs time and space (just got a divorce on Tues) and she isnt really ultimately going anywhere. Doesnt matter. Im no longer contacting her. She would have to come to me 100% and pursue me. I told her i dont want to be just friends.

 

As far as the job. Do i want her to have it and then be with another man. **** no. But this is a life changing event for her and maybe im a sucker but I couldnt come to terms with taking that away from her. My buddy says its up to me. He only wants what i want. Buddies wife said wasnt good idea. But we both agree that she will make him more money. So its good for him too. Really tough spot for me.

Edited August 3, 2017 by OMSich

[Manwoacareer]

Now what!? Lol

 

Ive known this girl for almost 10 years now. We used to live together. We were in a long relationship, etc. We were younger and stupid and it did not work out. Very hard on both of us. But she is the love of my life. We are different people now. Though she ended up getting married a couple years ago and I thought that was it. But a year after her getting married she found me and immediately we started an affair. Never took myself for that guy, but I guess I was wrong. Hot n heavy, love talk, and she was miserable in her marriage to which she rushed into. She talked about divorce in Jan and about us starting a family together.

 

Back up a bit he found out about us after 10 months in. He stuck around. We tried to stop but couldnt. The last few months have been hard on me. The sex was fewer and far between than before after a year of newness wearing off and he found out and as we all know as the other person after a while the notion of your love in a nothers persons bed is rough. Its been a bit messy as of late and i can sense a bit less attraction towards me lately.

 

Anyway, her husband caught us sitting next to each other at a ball game last week. The next day she told him she is moving out and wants a divorce. Immediately per her request i set her up with my best friend to start a job making triple what she made before. Something we always talked about but couldnt execute because of the closeness it would bring her into my circle while being married and he knew of me. Now its happening. Would she take this job knowing we werent going to work out? Its my best bud she will be working for. So she moved out within a week and is now on her own. Divorce ongoing last we spoke. We hung out a few times since everything was progressing had a great dinner on Monday w my bro n law. She is close w my friends and fam. Ii called her next morning. Then i called again on Wed but now she didnt answer and never called back. I can tell she is being distant. Again, I havent been a great source of attraction the last few months again as its been hard on me. Not being myself, etc.

 

So im hooking her up with a great job and that process is ongoing. Has her own place now. But I havent heard from her in a couple days which is unlike us. And I can see she isnt looking at my snaps like before. Is this to be expected? Hot n cold?

 

My worry is now that she is free that she will end up with someone else after me being in an affair restricted relationship for so long and will now have a great job working for my best bud but sleeping with somone else. She is a 10 in my eyes on the attraction scale. But i dont know how well i would take her ****ing others while working so close w my bud.

 

I dont want to pressure her in any way. I told her i will be here for her as much or as little as she needs me. Do we have a talk about our plans or just go light and lovey and fun when things happen naturally?

 

Just trying to get out of my own head and not hurt the situation any further. But I love her and want to move forward and the unknown now from change is going to be rough.

 

Perhaps im overthinking and need to expect the bumps in the road at this time. And let her come to me? End rant.

From what you wrote, your relationship was already fizzling. I missed the clues before my GF and I finally broke up. I wrote about her before. I helped mine financially. I was a reference for her to get the job sue successfullylanded before her promotion to the higher paying one she presently has with the same company. In the meantime I've lost my job and likely my career.

 

Why am I writing all this? Consider this a learning experience and move on. You have memories of good times to cherish. You helped her get a better job. Not true altruism but you still get the credit. My suggestion is to move on. If she contacts you in the future, you still have the upper hand. Now that I'm writing this I realize that after I stopped pursuing my GF M in the beginning she came running to me. Or was it the loans she needed? Well, what I'm suggesting is for you to give her space to find herself. If and when she comes back to you your relationship will be more secure. That my opinion. I apologize for the typos.

[OMSich]

What a mess. Update. Yep, I’m a loser!

 

Turns out she (about to be 35 and drop dead gorgeous) has been seeing a 27 year old pool maintenance technician with a criminal history that lives 500 miles away. The whole time they have been in contact and started affair of their own since they met on a beach at a concert out of town last May. So no wonder she began pushing me away intimately while trying to keep me around for the job to work. She met this young boy while she was still in the marriage, seeing me fully, then she called for Divorce after husband found out about us again in this part July. They officially divorced in Sept. in her defense, she said she was unsure about us in August, but she still threw me crumbs and was keeping me around to ensure her new job with my best friend was going to stay smooth.

 

Well, she wasn’t good at her job and he essentially fired her (his wife was not a big fan of trusting her in the office) and not long after that she deleted all my friends n family off Facebook and announced her relationship to the long distance 27 yr old on Facebook shortly after.

 

I mean, she really is extremely gorgeous and very cool. So why some pool boy who is 8 years younger and 500 miles away who has a felony record and a drug history. She is actually considering moving there. That’s a tough one for me, it’s like the shock of her falling in love with someone whom I feel is so beneath her. He must have her vagina all tingly or something. She’s locked in currently. But she could have any man she wants her in town with 5 million people.

 

My dumb ass met her for drinks before Christmas, more than once. We got wasted one night and she threw herself all over me. Maybe I just wanted to see if I still had any power. But knowing she is in this new relationship with him, yet still seeing me tells me that her and I are both simply ****ed up. I could never trust her. Ever. As if I needed any confirmation on that.

 

Anyway, I’ve been going to therapy now. It’s the only way for me. Turns out my parents had a ****ty marriage to what I always thought was normal and as a result I have been going for women that are emotionally unavailable. And the freaky dirty sex with her amazing body I was addicted to. And perhaps she the same way. Starting to become an eye opener for me. Yet, the pain still is there but I am finally headed in the right directiion.

 

This was never about her. This was about me, and what I’ve been afraid of and avoiding my fears by going for the pain of unavailable women like myself.

Edited January 4, 2018 by OMSich

[Purepony]

Sorry my friend

It’s difficult as it is. Stick with the theraphy and improve yourself in this new year, It’s really not a race over you can date or how fast you couldn’t date to see without their work on yourself and I’m sure something will come when you least expect it

[anika99]

She's a lying, cheating, manipulative user. I don't think her new boyfriend is beneath her at all.

[OMSich]

Sorry my friend

It’s difficult as it is. Stick with the theraphy and improve yourself in this new year, It’s really not a race over you can date or how fast you couldn’t date to see without their work on yourself and I’m sure something will come when you least expect it

 

Thank you. In some weird way I was fighting that “it’s a race” thought process tbh. Therapy is needed for me to work through my issues to love my self in such a way to where getting involved with someone like this becomes a complete no go and unthinkable. Empowering only me to allow myself to find a good girl at some point down the road and to let her in fully. My career and myself is my focus. And to rid myself of negative influences on my life.

 

Just wish I started therapy years ago and I was 10 years younger, lol. Lots to learn about me still. Never will I ever enter into an affair again. If you are reading this, and you have hope still... there is none.

[OMSich]

She's a lying, cheating, manipulative user. I don't think her new boyfriend is beneath her at all.

 

F***king A.

[carhill]

Did a quick scan and sounds like SOP from my experience with MW's. Really underscores the sexual power of the female and how it can be wielded.

 

Since you're of reproductive age looking for a relationship, strong move on the therapy and putting this behind you. Good life lesson.

 

MW's are IME fun to play with if there's nothing else going on and one isn't looking for anything serious. Yeah, they often lie and manipulate but if one accepts that going in it can be kinda fun watching them do what they do. Keeps the vetting skills sharp. I like to see just how far they'll go. Survey says

 

Once you resolve this, meet someone who is healthy and demonstrably loves you, not to be confused with letting you love her, the rest of the stuff will become normalized. I didn't get in front of a psych until we were in MC when I was married and, like you shared, wished I had years ago. That stuff taught me so many tools. You'll make it. Each day is a new opportunity. Now, eliminate all contact methods and means (black hole NC) and move forward. Good luck!

[OMSich]

Did a quick scan and sounds like SOP from my experience with MW's. Really underscores the sexual power of the female and how it can be wielded.

 

Since you're of reproductive age looking for a relationship, strong move on the therapy and putting this behind you. Good life lesson.

 

MW's are IME fun to play with if there's nothing else going on and one isn't looking for anything serious. Yeah, they often lie and manipulate but if one accepts that going in it can be kinda fun watching them do what they do. Keeps the vetting skills sharp. I like to see just how far they'll go. Survey says

 

Once you resolve this, meet someone who is healthy and demonstrably loves you, not to be confused with letting you love her, the rest of the stuff will become normalized. I didn't get in front of a psych until we were in MC when I was married and, like you shared, wished I had years ago. That stuff taught me so many tools. You'll make it. Each day is a new opportunity. Now, eliminate all contact methods and means (black hole NC) and move forward. Good luck!

 

Dude. She was a sexual freak and knew exactly what I wanted, and oh man was that power wielded over me. The sex and my attraction to her is the hardest part to get over and her showing a 27 yr old the jackpot instead. The fantasy of having that and then a normal healthy trustworthy relationship on top... haha.

 

I know at some point she will try to throw it at me again. Hopefully she does move away tbh.

 

I will have to read your story but will do so man.

[Ruffian1]

The sex and my attraction to her is the hardest part to get over and her showing a 27 yr old the jackpot instead.

 

WTF, lol

 

It's ok for men to want younger but not a woman?

 

what's good for the goose . . .

 

What kind of girl do you want? Learn to look beyond the surface of someone.