BluesPower Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 So, lets see here... She gets to stay in her job, where she met her Affair partner, And where she is probably still seeing him, and you are OK with it because she makes good money. Am I understanding this correctly? Somebody help me understand... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 So, lets see here... She gets to stay in her job, where she met her Affair partner, And where she is probably still seeing him, and you are OK with it because she makes good money. Am I understanding this correctly? Somebody help me understand... This WW has shown that she can not have jobs that take her on business trips. This WW needs a new job in a new industry where NC with the original OM will be maintained to avoid restarting the old affair and her from having any new affairs. But what do I know from decades of being on these types of forums? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The only way to rekindle the romance with your wife is to sexually please her. To do this you will have to have sex with a lot of other women besides your wife..This will give you the confidence you are seeking. Probably beter to use the services of escorts than get into messy afairs. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 What sucks is that either Drifter or Southern Sun could be right in your scenario, or even both. There was most certainly an element of damage control on my end as a BH. Drifter explained it quite well and it's a horribly unhealthy place to be. At the same time, it's possible that the OP's wife is truly remorseful and that they "could" recover their marriage and sex life. I don't blame a BH that makes the attempt but Drifter's post is a cautionary tale that shouldn't be taken lightly. As a BS, you really have to think on your boundaries and really enforce them or you can really lose yourself in the process. I lost myself and lost my fool mind. I don't recommend repeating what I did. But in the end, you manned up and left. You didn't stay in the misery so you could hate, wallow, and use her for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 But in the end, you manned up and left. You didn't stay in the misery so you could hate, wallow, and use her for sex. I could debate with you about some of this but your point is well taken. I was in reconciliation because I wanted a truly repaired marriage at the end of it. If I was going to go thru all of this bullcrap, it was for a restored and good marriage. It needed to be a marriage worth being in. Once it became apparent that it was no longer possible, I threw in the towel and I'd advise anyone else in that position to do the same. But it took me a good long while of accepting less than I was worth before I'd finally had enough. There's a bizarre combination of feelings of rejection and loss (of the only investment I'd cared about) that leave you in a desperate position of damage control. I wanted my life back, my wife back. I needed affection and affirmation. And my wife was still there, and at least put on a facade of willingness. And so I did my best to stop the bleeding and salvage things. All the while, my wife was in her own state of damage control, just trying to stop the wheels from flying off in front of her job, family, friends. It's a perfect storm. Eventually your head catches up with things and gains some control over those emotions. That started to happen with me, and my wife kept getting caught lying, denying, minimizing, blah, blah, blah. I will say that my decision to be done was the single most liberating experience of my life. It was such a relief to know that, well, at least THAT bullshLt is over. Trying to reconcile is torture. I'd never even try again, ever. Even if the marriage "could" recover (which is ridiculously rare), it's just not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Hi Gavin, thank you for your reply to my question. Your answer satisfies the reason I asked in the first place. Blues Power is right. You are, in a way rewarding your wife for having cheated on you by NOT insisting that she leave this job even though it suits her to a T and she is both good at it and earns a good salary from it. There is no incentive for her not to cheat again and your performance in the bedroom will only help her to reinforce her desire and decision to do so. You have spoken of having to take risks in any venture that people undertake including marriage. However, here all the risks are being undertaken by you. What risk is your wife taking? She knows that she can cheat on you brazenly and you will do nothing about it except maybe reward her further. In the kind of job that she is in,which by the way you seem to be proud of her on her behalf especially because she is a shining star in a male dominated industry, she is likely to meet any number of fit and horny men just wanting to get in her pants and for her this would be the icing on the cake! I mean which woman except one whose boundaries were written in stone would not succumb to temptations of this kind? She has a husband who is not good in bed and cannot satisfy her at home. On the other hand she has any number of men buzzing around her, fit and horny and brimming with eagerness to service her. To top it all by choosing her men carefully she could also be furthering her career because if these men are in a client relationship with her company for consultancy services provided, they would more willingly sign on the dotted line if she sweetens the deal for them. She's a winner all the way round. You, on the other hand, are her safe bet at home, her anchor if you will. You are the father of her children, you are around to provide husband services for everything else except sex and provide the very necessary facade of respectability and stability that she needs as a working woman and wife. Why would she want to change anything? You are the perfect c....d to her rampaging Hotwife and she is more than happy with that situation. I said in my first post that after she has got used to mind blowing sex from a virile man for a year or more she will be loath to give that up so easily. All the more so when she has nothing to lose if she just takes it a bit underground. You have your choices carved out before you. Choose wisely. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Man do I feel sorry for you Buddy.!!! you are so f**k you don't even know that it is staring at you in your face... hopefully will be here for you and now I know round two comes around and found out she hasn't even stopped and all that other stuff you'll find it you'll see... coming back it works if you work it... Link to post Share on other sites
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