Gaeta Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 That I didn't get the hint he wanted out... Imagine him telling me, 'Well, I tried to tell you indirectly but you could not get it, so now tonight we're meeting so I can spell it out: I don't like you! ' Or something similar That's why I tried to give him an exit - to save myself from the embaradsement of the above situation. The embarrassment is still on him, a 36 years old who can't speak up and needs to resort to *hints* is embarrassing. You may be smart but you can't read minds. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 I think he's coming to tell me something- hopefully just to dump me, although over text would have been painless. Or alternatively, to reveal what's torturing him. Something is there unrelated to me, that's for sure, question is will he share it. On my end: my fear is how to stay calm, receptive, drama-free to whatever is coming. Hopes: NOT to be awkward. Even if it's last meet, just to be painless. If we keep the status quo I'd just stop initiating and enjoy my vacation. Any thoughts / advice? I'm mortified because I'm facing potentially awkward conversation and lots of inknowns. Entering a mine field with eyes shut. So are you willing to overlook possible red flags & dealbreakers if it's due to some issue(s) that he has? If indeed he does have these issue(s). Or are you hoping the issue(s) are fixable? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 I don't think in this case is about letting the man be the man. It's about low interest. If a girl reacted like this man when asked out I'd tell the guy , she's not into you man, you're wasting your time. Low interest is low interest regardless of gender. You did ask him out and didn't act like you were waiting for him to do all the heavy lifting. So while it may be a bit comforting to think that if you acted more like the man in a relationship this willl work out , it's not about that at all and it is not working out as much as you might try to bring the horse to the water. Don't be afraid it's going to be ok either way, you're going to be ok . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 No idea! Of course if it is something bad happening in the background like family issues or illness I'd be willing to stick around and help if I can. If it is something more serious where I can't help I'd back off, move on, and just be supportive but not self-sacrifice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 I guess I almost hope it is a low interest. My other scenarios are much more grime At that point I'm more worried about saving myself from a potentially super awkward conversation, I'm not even thinking ahead of this. I don't think in this case is about letting the man be the man. It's about low interest. If a girl reacted like this man when asked out I'd tell the guy , she's not into you man, you're wasting your time. Low interest is low interest regardless of gender. You did ask him out and didn't act like you were waiting for him to do all the heavy lifting. So while it may be a bit comforting to think that if you acted more like the man in a relationship this willl work out , it's not about that at all and it is not working out as much as you might try to bring the horse to the water. Don't be afraid it's going to be ok either way, you're going to be ok . Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Hey girl! Ok, so you're getting plenty of feedback on everything (which I agree with for the most part) so I'll chime in in regards to your question about how to be calm and not so nervous... The whole build up of this situation...the guy's unavailability, the guy's disappearing acts, your attraction to him, your infatuation with him...has made you put him on a towering pedestal I'm not trying to be mean or anything but the guy is a child, not at all masculine, not at all possessing any traits a dignified, respectable man would have. And you my friend, are a strong, powerful, beautiful independent woman that normally wouldnt even glance twice at this man-child For example, I'm chatting with one of my orbiters at the moment. When I first met him years ago, I thought he was so cool, sexy, masculine etc etc. But as time went on I realized he's just a lonley, dysfunctional, miserable grown up frat boy and frankly I'm way too good for him. He's always popped up over the years because deep down he wants a woman like me, wife material, educated, stable, but he's too lost to manifest what he really wants (family, wife, kids). He says he's changed and I've always had all the qualities he's wanted and he wants to make it work (blah blah ). He keep coming back because I took him off that pedestal a longggg time ago!!! Now when I see him, I no longer see this sexy James Dean type, I see this sad dude that's never going to get me So girl, take him off that pedestal. You're better than some Peter Pan, p***y that doesnt even have the balls to send a text saying he's not interested. Meet him today looking good, hair done, outfit on fleek, makeup on point and see him for the guy he really is. A guy thats not good enough for YOU! #girlpower Best of luck girl! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 Thanks, girl! That's what gets me: "doesnt even have the balls to send a text saying he's not interested" If it is really the case and he comes over tonight to tell me in person, after I gave a clear exit yesterday... I'll be a bit mad I just hope he cancels if that's what he wants to share in person.... ***What are your bets: will he show up tonight??*** Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Ok so I didn't read the whole thread. There's just too many pages! What are these dude's transgressions that make him a Peter Pan? I'm not following. So far I have: -doesn't know what he wants in a relationship -claims he isn't relationship material -hasn't kissed OP (but I think he wants to be friends first?) -left OP hanging for four days before confirming plans -overall declining communication 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 That's all correct. I think the peter pan is much of an overstatement. Also it is likely irrelevant to today's issue. Basically the deal is a guy possibly losing interest but not telling me directly (maybe he wanted me to get the hint from declining communication?), I tried to give him an exit but he said we'll meet again. Happening very soon. Any suggestions what to expect? How to handle? I know I created the situation myself. My predictions: 1) he's coming to 'dump' me in person or 2) to admit something unpleasant that makes him hold back. Either way it will be nerve wracking, for both, and I should do my best not to scare him additionally. Advice how to behave? Ok so I didn't read the whole thread. There's just too many pages! What are these dude's transgressions that make him a Peter Pan? I'm not following. So far I have: -doesn't know what he wants in a relationship -claims he isn't relationship material -hasn't kissed OP (but I think he wants to be friends first?) -left OP hanging for four days before confirming plans -overall declining communication Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Advice how to behave? I told you to send him on the next train to Canada about 20 pages back. My advice remains 2 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 That's all correct. I think the peter pan is much of an overstatement. Also it is likely irrelevant to today's issue. Basically the deal is a guy possibly losing interest but not telling me directly (maybe he wanted me to get the hint from declining communication?), I tried to give him an exit but he said we'll meet again. Happening very soon. Any suggestions what to expect? How to handle? I know I created the situation myself. My predictions: 1) he's coming to 'dump' me in person or 2) to admit something unpleasant that makes him hold back. Either way it will be nerve wracking, for both, and I should do my best not to scare him additionally. Advice how to behave? I dunno, do most people meet in person to dump someone they haven't even kissed when he could just tell you in a text and avoid the awkwardness? I could see him telling you he doesn't see you romantically in person if you've built a good friendship and he wants to keep it. I am not saying that this is what I think is going to happen, btw. How do you plan to start off the discussion? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 Ok - following the advice! Booking his train ticket. GAME OFFICIALLY OVER I told you to send him on the next train to Canada about 20 pages back. My advice remains 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Ok - following the advice! Booking his train ticket. GAME OFFICIALLY OVER The fire is quenched 3 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Ok - following the advice! Booking his train ticket. GAME OFFICIALLY OVER Did he bail?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 That's all correct. I think the peter pan is much of an overstatement. Also it is likely irrelevant to today's issue. Basically the deal is a guy possibly losing interest but not telling me directly (maybe he wanted me to get the hint from declining communication?), I tried to give him an exit but he said we'll meet again. Happening very soon. Any suggestions what to expect? How to handle? I know I created the situation myself. My predictions: 1) he's coming to 'dump' me in person or 2) to admit something unpleasant that makes him hold back. Either way it will be nerve wracking, for both, and I should do my best not to scare him additionally. Advice how to behave? Just be yourself and stop contorting and twisting yourself to try and be what you think someone else wants. You don't need advice on how to dress, how to behave, how to not scare him, etc. When you reach a place of emotional maturity, you won't be asking for that type of advice and you won't want to settle for less than a mutual relationship. You won't want to take on someone's issues unless you are in a reciprocal partnership that has developed over time with clear communication and shared goals and respectful, grown up interactions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Did he bail?? No he did not. She makes a joke about buying him a ticket to Canada to get rid of him. I hope it's to Yukon Canada. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Just be yourself and stop contorting and twisting yourself to try and be what you think someone else wants. You don't need advice on how to dress, how to behave, how to not scare him, etc. When you reach a place of emotional maturity, you won't be asking for that type of advice and you won't want to settle for less than a mutual relationship. You won't want to take on someone's issues unless you are in a reciprocal partnership that has developed over time with clear communication and shared goals and respectful, grown up interactions. Exactly. Now OP is acting like this guy is a cute puppy she absolutely wants no matter if it bites her, pee on her carpet and chew her best shoes, he's just so cute she wants him!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 No he did not. She makes a joke about buying him a ticket to Canada to get rid of him. I hope it's to Yukon Canada. Yes he did :lmao: More amuzed than annoyed. He tried the fake rescheduling tactic but for me is over. Fire quenched as Bastile said Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Yes he did :lmao: More amuzed than annoyed. He tried the fake rescheduling tactic but for me is over. Fire quenched as Bastile said Since this is over, I can resurface now. Let me get this right: he tried to reschedule again, this time in the last minute? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Yes he did :lmao: More amuzed than annoyed. He tried the fake rescheduling tactic but for me is over. Fire quenched as Bastile said what ????????? How did I miss this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 Since this is over, I can resurface now. Let me get this right: he tried to reschedule again, this time in the last minute? Indeed and again with maybe / perhaps / possibly on that and that time leaving to me all the logistics & complaining about his busy schedule (whereas mine is not busy perhaps?? Juggling house, job, community work, article writing and what not on the side??) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 what ????????? How did I miss this! Oh Gaeta because it's last minute development This was pure madness guys. Guy is a flake full of sh*t. I got into this mainly because it reminded me of my past science endeavors- which is good because I may get back there - but from a different position/angle. It also reminded me how a lot of stuff back in academia is selling hot air behind some pretty words Overall entertaining experience and somewhat insightful! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Indeed and again with maybe / perhaps / possibly on that and that time leaving to me all the logistics & complaining about his busy schedule (whereas mine is not busy perhaps?? Juggling house, job, community work, article writing and what not on the side??) And that is the man only a few hours ago you were ready to support in any family issue and illness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Indeed and again with maybe / perhaps / possibly on that and that time leaving to me all the logistics & complaining about his busy schedule (whereas mine is not busy perhaps?? Juggling house, job, community work, article writing and what not on the side??) Hahahahaha! I'm beyond speechless. I told you so from 10+ pages ago: This type of guys (or girls, for that matter) are always "busy". p.s. Not a real question: How old is this guy again? Talk about Peter Pan! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 And that is the man only a few hours ago you were ready to support in any family issue and illness. I still will - as a platonic friend. He's just not a relationship material and glad he proved it. Link to post Share on other sites
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