Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 You cheated on her multiple times. There have been several break-ups. It seems her self-esteem is damaged to keep wanting to return to you and a toxic relationship. It doesn't matter that she wants to come back -- what matters is the fact that this is broken and you both should go separate ways. Let her go. What you both have has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with two people linked together by dysfunction. She's young. She's impressionable. She's making bad decisions for herself. Do the right and mature thing by letting her go since she is not able to make that healthy choice for herself. I told her this is what she wanted. to be DONE with me to remove me from her life. and she replied by saying "this is not what i wanted. what i wanted was YOU. for us to not be jealous and toxic." We have such a weird/twisted/sick but very appealing/sexy allure to our relationship? I will admit i love drama and crazy. I grew up with it much like she has. she comes from divorced parents. But a part of me wants to entertain the wild roller coaster again with hope that maybe she is the one? am I being ridiculous or has anyone heard of these sort of relationships before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 When she contacts you again, take the call & ask what she really wants. Explain you are willing to work but if she isn't interested in reconciliation she really needs to stop bothering you. It's not fair. very well put. me ignoring her calls and texts by going NC makes me feel bittersweet. I feel like its good that i'm ignoring and she will eventually get the point. but the other side of me feels like im missing chances to communicate my thoughts and feelings before she eventually fades away and i lose my chance to talk to her when she does reach out rather than me being the one to reach out which is never good. I have an ego complex where I shoudn't show emoition or feelings with someone who decided to remove me from their life. it shows weakness and shows they have all the power over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Taticake Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Please do her a favor, if you really love her...please wish her well and let her find somebody who actually deserves her. God I don't know why she keeps begging you back everytime YOU cheat. You are never gunna learn. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 I have pleaded with her so many times and said I have stopped doing what I have been doing. obviously the trust is not there anymore and she can't see past it. so she continues to play victim instead of forgiving and working things out. so she continues to say the same things over no matter what I tell her she wont believe me. but yet she still contacts me? i feel like shes asking for problems by contacting me even knowing i did her wrong. That's twice you have stated she is playing the victim. What part of she is the victim do you not understand? No you're trying to manipulate her by doing the NC thing to force her to see things your way. You state you have an ego complex. From the sounds of it, your ego is the only thing you care about so you're using manipulation to feed it. She is contacting you, because you destroyed her. What part of that don't you understand? If/When she calls you again tell her you're sorry for everything, you understand you hurt her, you would like a chance to show her you are willing to fix things, but you feel it best that in order for *her* to heal it would be best if she didn't contact you until she's has decided on whether or not to work it out. You in the meantime should take a real close look at who you are as a person, because your ego is making you a fool. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 We have such a weird/twisted/sick but very appealing/sexy allure to our relationship? I will admit i love drama and crazy. I grew up with it much like she has. she comes from divorced parents. But a part of me wants to entertain the wild roller coaster again with hope that maybe she is the one? am I being ridiculous or has anyone heard of these sort of relationships before? I grew up with it too. Toxic family and all. When I hit my 40s, I realized how many years I wasted on drama crazed relationships. When the relationship was volatile, it was exciting albeit painful. When the relationship was stable, I was bored as hell. In the long run, it never works. It only breeds pain. The highs and lows just aren't worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Clearly your desire for drama isn't working for you, or you wouldn't be posting about it here. Look, you're a grown man behaving like a teenage boy. You're too old for these games. You don't understand the gravity of your bad choices, and what effect that will have on her - both now and in the future. She is hurt and trying to reconcile the man she thought you were with the man you really are; she is very conflicted. It's not about "playing the victim." Sooner or later though, she will likely drop you completely. Another man who she feels actually respects her will roll into view and you will be yesterday's news. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 I have pleaded with her so many times and said I have stopped doing what I have been doing. obviously the trust is not there anymore and she can't see past it. so she continues to play victim instead of forgiving and working things out. so she continues to say the same things over no matter what I tell her she wont believe me. but yet she still contacts me? i feel like shes asking for problems by contacting me even knowing i did her wrong. Like I said...clueless. You are only thinking of yourself. Work on that before dating anyone, including her. Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 C'mon dude... She has every right to distrust you. I am not sure what you are exactly trying to achieve here, but I don't think there's anyone out here that's going to pick your side. Donnivain gave some good advice though. If you are genuinly sorry and want to try again, then follow his suggestion. However, if you're only in it for the drama, then please let her go. Work on yourself instead.A lifetime of drama just isn't healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 How many more threads are you going to open on this subject? Don't like the advice, too bad, that's all there is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 I'm going to go against thee grain here and say NOW she is kinda playing the victim. When she didn't know he was texting other women then yes she WAS the victim of trusting him and being betrayed. However once she found out what he was doing she is no longer the victim if she continues to want to talk to him-being aware of what someone is doing or will do to you takes away the victim scenario as they are AWARE now of what that person is or was. I personally think-and this is an educated guess mind you- that she is so pissed off at what he did that she is looking to somehow pay him back-wouldnt surprise me if upon getting back together if she reversed the roles. People have a BaD habit of wanting to inflict some kind of revenge on someone who has slighted them especially someone who was dishonest with them in a relationship. If I were you I would just cut off contact with her. You broke the trust. She can't get over that and its just going to keep replaying itself in the relationship somehow. Take the high road for once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 Clearly your desire for drama isn't working for you, or you wouldn't be posting about it here. Look, you're a grown man behaving like a teenage boy. You're too old for these games. You don't understand the gravity of your bad choices, and what effect that will have on her - both now and in the future. She is hurt and trying to reconcile the man she thought you were with the man you really are; she is very conflicted. It's not about "playing the victim." Sooner or later though, she will likely drop you completely. Another man who she feels actually respects her will roll into view and you will be yesterday's news. this is the thing. I want to be the man that respects her. I know she knows deep down im a good guy at heart. maybe why she keeps trying. I want to be with her and work things out. That's what I promised from the 1st time she broke up with me. when we got back together 2 weeks after I stayed true and didn't slip up at all. we just got into another fight over something else and it escalated and then she brought up the cheating again. Plus this time around she had the influence of other guys shes met from the gym, which I know she went out on dates with plus she got back on tinder the week after we broke up (my friend saw her profile). I don't know if this was an act of distraction or revenge or just "moving on" but clearly she hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Part of this is she is a very young woman who probably doesn't know her own mind yet. If she won't be definitive then you need to block her for your own piece of mind. You can't keep playing the dying mouse to her cat as she toys with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 I'm going to go against thee grain here and say NOW she is kinda playing the victim. When she didn't know he was texting other women then yes she WAS the victim of trusting him and being betrayed. However once she found out what he was doing she is no longer the victim if she continues to want to talk to him-being aware of what someone is doing or will do to you takes away the victim scenario as they are AWARE now of what that person is or was. I personally think-and this is an educated guess mind you- that she is so pissed off at what he did that she is looking to somehow pay him back-wouldnt surprise me if upon getting back together if she reversed the roles. People have a BaD habit of wanting to inflict some kind of revenge on someone who has slighted them especially someone who was dishonest with them in a relationship. If I were you I would just cut off contact with her. You broke the trust. She can't get over that and its just going to keep replaying itself in the relationship somehow. Take the high road for once. Hit the nail on the head right there. she even said "I wish I cheated on you." out of hate. That is my biggest fear if I tried working things out. she is tainted. she is no longer the genuine girl I met thanks to my behaviors. So i can no longer trust her motives anymore on reconciliation. I just want the OLD us back. before the drama. I know I need to move on and not make this mistake again with the next girl that treats me right. But this girl was SO GOOD to me. There has to be a way to reverse the darkness from her. How? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 If I were a guy, I'd want a girlfriend who is strong, secure, independent, knows how to enforce boundaries, makes decisions and sticks to them especially when she has been wronged instead of a girl who is willing to compromise herself over and over again by dumping and then running back to a bad dating choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Taticake Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 This person IS a troll!! None of these things ever happened to him...they just sound too absurd!!! If you look through his old post "sleeping with my landlord's daughter" he stated that he was 22 years old...well that was 2 years ago...how did you turn from 22 to 30 in just 2 years?? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Hit the nail on the head right there. she even said "I wish I cheated on you." out of hate. That is my biggest fear if I tried working things out. she is tainted. she is no longer the genuine girl I met thanks to my behaviors. So i can no longer trust her motives anymore on reconciliation. I just want the OLD us back. before the drama. I know I need to move on and not make this mistake again with the next girl that treats me right. But this girl was SO GOOD to me. There has to be a way to reverse the darkness from her. How? There isn't. Every action has consequences. You know what you did. As a result she broke up with you. Now you think she has a darkness. Even though you caused that darkness, it's not within your power to fix it because you took away her ability to trust. Block her & move on. There is nothing else unless you can manage to build a time machine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 This person IS a troll!! None of these things ever happened to him...they just sound too absurd!!! If you look through his old post "sleeping with my landlord's daughter" he stated that he was 22 years old...well that was 2 years ago...how did you turn from 22 to 30 in just 2 years?? my login has been used by a friend of mine. but anyways...why would anyone waste time and come up with some extensive story?? makes no sense. here is the issue that was brought up to discuss. done. please remove yourself from this thread if you cannot add to it. appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 There isn't. Every action has consequences. You know what you did. As a result she broke up with you. Now you think she has a darkness. Even though you caused that darkness, it's not within your power to fix it because you took away her ability to trust. Block her & move on. There is nothing else unless you can manage to build a time machine. Never thought being dumped and feeling regret for the actions done that led to this outcome would be worse of a feeling than being dumped out of loss of interest or appeal etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 She will look to get back at you out of revenge if you do get back together. Only difference would be once she did it she would ghost you forever- in her mind she would have the last word. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Reality check ! You have a wandering eye, own up to it , take responsibility for your wrong doings .... like an adult does. You did wrong, she did not. Would you be OK with her writing dirty messages to other men ?? I don't think so. You broke her heart. You should not be in a relationship until you are ready to commit to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 She will look to get back at you out of revenge if you do get back together. Only difference would be once she did it she would ghost you forever- in her mind she would have the last word. My thoughts as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 It says a lot that you're worried you've forever tainted this girl, not because of what it's done to her, but because of how it might cause her to treat you going forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 She will look to get back at you out of revenge if you do get back together. Only difference would be once she did it she would ghost you forever- in her mind she would have the last word. Spot on the money Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsprimal Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 She will look to get back at you out of revenge if you do get back together. Only difference would be once she did it she would ghost you forever- in her mind she would have the last word. But she did get her last word by breaking up with me. Maybe she genuinely feels like she regrets her decision? I honestly don't feel like that is in her nature. she loved me so much and even said shes not ill hearted to do such a thing even if she felt like she wanted to seek revenge. I know this to be true from her actions throughout the relationship. But who knows. she is young and could throw a curve ball at me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 But she did get her last word by breaking up with me. Maybe she genuinely feels like she regrets her decision? I honestly don't feel like that is in her nature. she loved me so much and even said shes not ill hearted to do such a thing even if she felt like she wanted to seek revenge. I know this to be true from her actions throughout the relationship. But who knows. she is young and could throw a curve ball at me. She does everything for me. Extremely affectionate and shows PDA everywhere we go. She cleans my apartment all the time, leaves love notes for me when I get home from work. Always talks me out of my insecurities of her cheating (because I have a guilty conscious). She literally grabs my head and tells me she loves me and that she will never leave me and to stop thinking so much. She said why would she want to ruin something so special to her because behind my past dog like attitude I am a genuine guy and I am a hopeless romantic. You took her for granted and you're just not ready for a relationship or to settle down. You have a good 10 years more experience in relationships and dating than she does... since your experience involves becoming sexually engaged with other women, I suggest you do not become a "role model" I guess people are too selfish to understand the damage you can do to others based on ones actions when it involves cheating. She is a victim because of two reasons. You've been hurt before so you are passing on the hurt. I have just gone through many girls that have messed with me emotionally to the point where I became this typical douchebag. But I am not anymore and genuinely love her back and two you clearly don't understand the pain your passing on to her and how she is trying to hold on and repair that pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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