ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I think many of us have been where you are, OP. We can sympathize. Sometimes we just can't make sense of a break-up. Closure comes slowly, from accepting that the pieces probably never will fit neatly together. I also get what you mean about missing the family. After my last significant break-up (after years together) I found myself really missing my ex's parents and siblings. They were lovely people and had become my family too. But it's part and parcel of a break-up, unfortunately. It fades over time, in my experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I think many of us have been where you are, OP. We can sympathize. Sometimes we just can't make sense of a break-up. Closure comes slowly, from accepting that the pieces probably never will fit neatly together. I also get what you mean about missing the family. After my last significant break-up (after years together) I found myself really missing my ex's parents and siblings. They were lovely people and had become my family too. But it's part and parcel of a break-up, unfortunately. It fades over time, in my experience. Her family were lovely, they took me in and I took them to my hearts too. Past gfs I've always got on with their family but yet again, just like her, it was something above and beyond what I've experienced before. I can't wait to look back and read these posts and laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Rko28: I just wanted to come in and tell you I am very sorry for your pain. My ex-boyfriend made a complete turn around and left after 6 months and this without any explanations. I thought we were in love, actually the last thing he told me was I love you, then he left forever. It's hard to get over it and when you find 1 answer there are 3 more questions popping up in your mind. It's a real roller coaster but time heals it all and it will for you as well. My favorite saying is when a door closes it's because a better one is about to open. Months after this man broke up out of the blue I met my current boyfriend (1.5 year dating now). He was the better door waiting to open for me. There is something better waiting for you Rko, till then take good care of yourself and delete her from your social media. Her request that you keep her is cruel and indicative she's not hurting the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Why didn't she tell me at the time? Some of the reasons she gave in ending it were fixable. Same here. A month before she broke up she was talking about moving in with me...next month she's gone. And some of the reasons I didn't even find out until a later email...and ya...fixable in my eyes. But they get to a point where it's easier and makes more sense to walk away than to actually work on it. Part lazy, part not convinced the relationship should be saved anyway. And maybe there is someone else in the picture, who the f*** knows. Gah! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Coming up to 3 weeks since my break up out the blue (you can read on here) I broke NC this weekend asking for her back, weak move I know but a mixture of alcohol and feelings don't go well. She replied saying she misses me but says it wouldn't be right for us to get. Back together. Last night she posted a picture of her on Instagram looking so beautiful and perfect. I had to delete her off all social media at that point. I can't see her looking like that and not be with her. When will this feeling end? I feel just as bad and low as I did when she broke it off, only positive is that I'm eating now. I want her back so much. I've never wanted someone so bad in my life Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 In due time. "Time heals all wounds." Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 When will this feeling end? When you stop breaking NC and instagram-stalking her, which is putting you right back to square 1. If it's worse when you drink, then stop drinking for a while. I want her back so much. I've never wanted someone so bad in my life Unfortunately she has made it crystal clear that that is never going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 It wasn't a stalk, she popped up on my timeline, I immediately unfollowed. It was the 1st time that I have drank in ages, was my friends wedding. I'm not really a drinker and only do it on occasions as this. She has made it clear, you are right, but why am I holding on to hope that isn't there and acceot My it? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Are you doing positive things to occupy your mind and time? Going to the gym? Extra time at work? Time with friends or a hobby? That seems to help. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 It wasn't a stalk, she popped up on my timeline, I immediately unfollowed. It was the 1st time that I have drank in ages, was my friends wedding. I'm not really a drinker and only do it on occasions as this. She has made it clear, you are right, but why am I holding on to hope that isn't there and acceot My it? You are at the moment in denial, a natural stage of grief. Your mind finds it too hard to process that she is gone for good, so it is better to still hope that you have a chance, that she will come back and that all will be well once again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 I'm very active, I do martial arts, running, gym and football, see family and friends everyday, but it's always there at the back of my mind. Last week I had a job promotion interview to prepare for, I struggled to focus on it with her in my mind, luckily I got the job. When do feelings start to subside? In past relationships I'm sure I've started to feel better by this point Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Coming up to 3 weeks since my break up out the blue (you can read on here) I broke NC this weekend asking for her back, weak move I know but a mixture of alcohol and feelings don't go well. She replied saying she misses me but says it wouldn't be right for us to get. Back together. Last night she posted a picture of her on Instagram looking so beautiful and perfect. I had to delete her off all social media at that point. I can't see her looking like that and not be with her. When will this feeling end? I feel just as bad and low as I did when she broke it off, only positive is that I'm eating now. I want her back so much. I've never wanted someone so bad in my life[/quote Boy ur only at the start of it long way to go yet. I'm 9 mths in and whilst it's a lot easier now there are moments....its still painful u still miss em it aches. The more u loves the more it hurts the longer it takes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Have you dated since? Or look at other girls that way? I feel shutdown, I can't find any other girl attractive Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Have you dated since? Or look at other girls that way? I feel shutdown, I can't find any other girl attractive OP, it's been 3 weeks. You have to be more patient with yourself. 3 weeks is very little time when the break-up was not mutual and you so badly wanted it work. Of course you don't find anyone else attractive right now; you're still in the first stages of grieving the end of the relationship. You holding out hope is normal, and something many people do in the aftermath of a break-up like this. You're not yet ready to fully accept the truth, which is also okay. That will come bit by bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) OP, it's been 3 weeks. You have to be more patient with yourself. 3 weeks is very little time when the break-up was not mutual and you so badly wanted it work. Of course you don't find anyone else attractive right now; you're still in the first stages of grieving the end of the relationship. You holding out hope is normal, and something many people do in the aftermath of a break-up like this. You're not yet ready to fully accept the truth, which is also okay. That will come bit by bit. How will I start accepting the truth though? I feel good that I've cut off social media and won't be seeing her face unless I see her in real life which isn't the most likely. I've had relationships end before when it wasn't mutual, I've been ok after a couple of weeks. This is the 1st time I've felt this low for so long. I was sure she was the one and my soul mate Edited June 27, 2017 by Rko28 Forgot end part Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 How will I start accepting the truth though? I feel good that I've cut off social media and won't be seeing her face unless I see her in real life which isn't the most likely. I've had relationships end before when it wasn't mutual, I've been ok after a couple of weeks. This is the 1st time I've felt this low for so long. I was sure she was the one and my soul mate In time. You've now cut off the source of your triggers, so you will start to feel your emotions settle as you recover from this social media blip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 In time. You've now cut off the source of your triggers, so you will start to feel your emotions settle as you recover from this social media blip. The triggers are in my head and memories, social media, apart from yesterday, has been ok. Working with her brother doesn't help Link to post Share on other sites
Funny bunny Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 So you got a new job where you won't be seeing her brother anymore? That's a really good start although it doesn't feel like it now. I am two months in after breakup and I keep telling myself "he didn't love me enough to stay to work through our problems and I did care enough, so he is not worth it" it hurts so bad but somehow this has reaaaally helped. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpingiron34 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 chhh im at like a year and 2 months post break up, things are entirely better but man i cant lie im still haunted by that break up and have a few days here and there where im straight zombied about it. The only thing that helps is knowing that other people have experienced how god awful being broken up with is. You prolly wont get other girls for awhile but keep trying and failing and failing some more. Which made me more depressed but, then i finally started just hooking up with them after failing so much. Now i really dont have a problem, keeping them though idk i guess im still crazy from being stabbed in the heart so 9/10 they run but it only takes 1. Your first mission out of this mess is to go try and kiss any girl, work your way up to kissing a hotter girl than your ex. That right there was the turning point for me now i can be in the same place as she is in public and it dont bother me. 2nd mission is read everything on this fourm. Its all correct stay no contact trust me i just went through it. Every time contact was broken in my situation it ended with us both hating each other more. My relationship was 5 years with the first girl i ever kissed had sex with. I loved her so much it makes my throat close still when i think about the stuff she did But, if i can make it so can you. Life sucks but, it only takes one other girl to change your mind again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Ok will try and reply to both: I'm still in same dept as both her brothers so no escaping, it did cross my mind to leave but then I got this promotion. Well Saturday in the wedding I did kiss another girl, felt terrible about it but I thought I had to just get over it, I also slept with her, in her words "just for a bit of fun" it's not like me at all and tbh it made me feel worse. My friends said tonget over someone get under someone. Not for me. The next day is when we had a brief conversation. I also joined tinder and pof, matching with some pretty girls but there is no attraction or motivation to speak to them my end. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 The feelings in the immediate aftermath of an unwanted breakup are so painfully intense that we feel we'd do anything to do away with them. Some will disagree, but I think most of us are usually better off in the long-run if we brace the storm and allow ourselves to really feel all of this turmoil, rather than trying to short-circuit it. People who insist on rushing the healing process develop poor coping mechanisms for handling future similar issues. For a lot of people, this is usually in the form of needing a new romantic interest to "move on." The ultimate goal should be to move on, and yes, love again. But these things can't be rushed, and you can find yourself in a not-so-great relationship if you insist on short-tracking the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 I'd love to get rid of them, I am worried what this is going to do to me long term and moving on. This girl was THE best I'd ever met and never felt a connection like this before, I was ultra happy and thought she was too, it's so scary to think I could meet someone new and feel all this again and think everything is going great for it to happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 She also said to me that she wishes so Much she could change how she feels in order to be with me again. Is that giving me false hope? Link to post Share on other sites
Funny bunny Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Yeah that is something that would confuse me too... I'm the dumpee in my current breakup (4yr relationship, breakup 2 mos ago). But if we step into the dumpers shoes think about what they are saying. They are saying they don't feel anything for us anymore but wish they felt differently because it sucks making someone else suffer. My ex said something similar they day he broke up with me. He said "Man...this sucks.." As in the situation sucks because it does and he can't change the way he feels about me anymore no matter how much I pleaded. I am the one who messed up in our relationship so the guilt is for me to bear. I pushed his love away for me. Just keep going NC and talk to us here if you have to. Read all the breakup forums. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't look at her pics anymore. Don't check social media. Don't do anything that will let you find out about how she is doing. It doesn't help. NC is doing miracles for me. Two weeks ago I would wake up with chest pain every morning and finally yesterday and today I didn't experience that. Give yourself time and forgive yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 She also said to me that she wishes so Much she could change how she feels in order to be with me again. Is that giving me false hope? No, she's just being honest. She knows you're a good guy, and should want to be with you, but she doesn't and she can't really help the way she feels. That's all that means. Link to post Share on other sites
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