When you really aren't comfortable going to a party with your spouse??

[Mapper71]

I was able to log on and see H's messages on Facebook and there was a message from the guy's wife to everyone going to the party saying "If you plan on crashing at the house to let them know so so can plan accordingly" H responds to her with "I don't think we'll be spending the night, but let me ping Mapper and see what she says". That's when he sent me the message asking if I'd want to stay there and I responded with I didn't. He then messages her back saying "Well save us a spot and we'll play it by ear. I plan on partying all night, but Mapper may peter out by midnight". Midnight??? And that's EARLY?! You'll be lucky if I make it until 10pm! We're getting there at about 5:30. He's going there with the total mindset that he is going to get rip roaring high and drunk and party like he's in college. He'll be 50 next year. I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone in my age group that goes to a party just assuming they will be too wasted to leave.

 

Oh and to make things better, I see he also messaged the guy and said "Do you have any shrooms left?" and the guy responded "Unless someone brings some, we are all out". This is what I'm talking about. Not just the pot, but psychadellic mushrooms. I am guessing that the last time he stayed there a few months ago after they went to a concert that they did mushrooms. And I guarantee you that he will have a conniption if I leave early or make a big deal about it in front of everyone and tell me that I should stay and do mushrooms too. Eventually he'll get all snide and go "You do whatever. I'm having fun and staying."

[stillafool]

I was able to log on and see H's messages on Facebook and there was a message from the guy's wife to everyone going to the party saying "If you plan on crashing at the house to let them know so so can plan accordingly" H responds to her with "I don't think we'll be spending the night, but let me ping Mapper and see what she says". That's when he sent me the message asking if I'd want to stay there and I responded with I didn't. He then messages her back saying "Well save us a spot and we'll play it by ear. I plan on partying all night, but Mapper may peter out by midnight". Midnight??? And that's EARLY?! You'll be lucky if I make it until 10pm! We're getting there at about 5:30. He's going there with the total mindset that he is going to get rip roaring high and drunk and party like he's in college. He'll be 50 next year. I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone in my age group that goes to a party just assuming they will be too wasted to leave.

 

Oh and to make things better, I see he also messaged the guy and said "Do you have any shrooms left?" and the guy responded "Unless someone brings some, we are all out". This is what I'm talking about. Not just the pot, but psychadellic mushrooms. I am guessing that the last time he stayed there a few months ago after they went to a concert that they did mushrooms. And I guarantee you that he will have a conniption if I leave early or make a big deal about it in front of everyone and tell me that I should stay and do mushrooms too. Eventually he'll get all snide and go "You do whatever. I'm having fun and staying."

 

So why are you going to the party again?

[Mapper71]

The night went pretty much as I had imagined it. Although I will say that the party was fun. I didn't see anything illegal going on, not even any pot although there probably was. They had brought in a DJ who was a high school friend of the guy and that made for a fun time. However, we got there a little after 5PM and, as I suspected, I was ready to go about 10PM. At least H was coherent the whole night and attentive to me, but I said I was going to leave and he was okay with it but he goes "Well I wish you'd stay". Well I wish you'd come home with me like any other normal husband would do, but you are so dead set on partying that you won't. I was home and in bed by 11PM. He spent the night there and didn't show up back home until almost noon and he looked horrible. He said he was up until 3AM. So basically 10 hours of partying! Within 5 minutes of getting home, he puked in the bathroom, took a shower and then took a 4 hour nap. He spent the rest of the night on the couch feeling queasy. He knew this was going to be the outcome, but yet he STILL did it.

[Mapper71]

Well Mapper YOU knew the outcome yet you did it too... and you stay too.

 

You have no one to blame but yourself.

 

I didn't spend the night there. I didn't go there knowing I would drink myself into oblivion and not be able to drive home. I was home and in bed by 11PM!

[Redhead14]

You cannot control him. That's the bottom line. You can only tell him what you want and need from him. If he doesn't want to accommodate you, then you have to decide whether or not this is something you can live with and let go of or leave him.

 

He is an adult, albeit a drunk apparently who has no self-control nor desire to change his ways. He is who he is. And you are who you are. Those two people are just not compatible in terms of lifestyle preference.

 

This thread isn't really about going to parties . . . this is about a bigger issue altogether. Stop trying to win this little battle. You're losing the war. You need to focus on that in order to come up with a broader and more focused and effective approach. Go see a counselor. He or she will help you strategize.

[Whoknew30]

Honestly, going by what you've wrote, you're a whiner. No one likes that. There's nothing more annoying to people then to see a grown adult that is capable of helping themselves but won't & just wants to pout & whine.

 

I don't know if you're husband has addiction issues or not but even if he does, you chose him as a grown woman, you knew what you were getting. As "normal husbands go" I don't see any glued to their wives at parties with good friends. Married couples hang out with others to socialize, spouses see each other at home. I think you just don't like his friends & feel uncomfortable, so you expect him to babysit you. I'm just being honest, if others are watching this, that's why they dint like you. You're the bump on the log. Your normal, doesn't sound normal in my experience. You count others drinks, sounds like you watch & judge everything.

 

If you don't like a situation, don't go. It sounds like your husband wants you there, to have a good time with you but starts having fun & then hides by the end of the night bc you're sitting there looking miserable.

 

If he's such an issue, then you have two options...leave or try & fix it. Niether will be accomplished by whining, only actions. Good luck.