Wife wants to casually date

[Just a Guy]

Hi No user, you have been given a lot of advice before this. The last poster's remarks might be a little controversial but they are probably worth your mulling over. I do not know whether the previous poster suffered from BiPolar disorder or not but her conduct does resemble that of women who suffer from this disorder. During the manic phase, some, not all BiPolar women become promiscuous and have sex with men other than their husbands. Your wife is likely doing this if she is meeting up with men. Did you have any specific rules for separation such as no dating/ meeting members of the opposite sex? If so then your wife has breached that rule and you have to view it seriously.

 

I don't know what your boundaries are but till date you have been very accepting of your wife's rather lax behaviour with regard to marital fidelity and remaining true to her vows. If you try and 'nice' her back then that will fail. As the Biblical term used to state 'Gather up your loins' and be the man that you are and show her some consequences. File for divorce and practice the '180' so that she knows that you are not going to take things lying down. Respect yourself and you will find that she will start to respect you. As a matter of interest whose idea was it to separate? Hers, yours or was it a mutually proposed plan? Warm wishes.

[BaileyB]

Long story short my wife and I seperated a month and a half ago. I kept asking if we should work on our relationship, which she kept saying we should date other people. she still has her dating profile out there and is talking to multiple people. She says it is just a way for her to feel wanted and thinks its fun. She states that if is just an outlet to feel of trapped in a marriage with 4 kids, mind you 3 of them are 3 and a half year olds and very needy. I get that she wants to feel young and pretty.

 

Its hard for me to process, that tonight she is actually going to meet up with someone. I keep stressing as long as she doesn't hookup with anyone it'll be fine. She said a few days ago that she would only go out with someone once. I'm having a rough time thinking that after she how's out they will still chat and meet up again. Anyways she said I'm free to do the same. She wants to think of it as foreplay for spice things up. When I think of it that way I'm excited, but when I dwell on the fact that others are talking to my wife and going to meet up for drinks with her I get pretty mad.

 

A married woman doesn't get to date. I can't believe that you are allowing this - if she wants to date, she is welcome to do so... as a single woman.

 

Seriously, it disturbing to think that your wife thinks meeting other people will be an outlet from her life as a married, mother of four. How insulting to you and your children.

 

Even more insulting - that she thinks you should consider the fact that she is flirting and "dating" other men as foreplay. No thank you! That is the most ridiculous thing - if you believe this crap, you deserve each other...

 

I feel sorry for your children - they are being raised by an ungrateful woman in a very unhealthy home. Divorce this woman - let her live the life of a single woman as she wants to do. Take care of your children...

[aliveagain]

Yea no **** I feel weak, she's bi-polar and on a manic episode right now. My problem is do I just let her be self destructive right now and destroy everything she has loved, and then be left with nothing. Or do I try and take care of her and smooth things over. I'm not one to abandon anyone in the time of need. She's turning into an alcoholic, doing too many pills, and destroying our relationship. I get that I should file for divorce, but part of me knows this is not my wife acting out. She said the other night she needs help, and to take her seriously. I did and called places for her to get into, but she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet. She is the mother of my children, and I can't forget about that. I don't have a clue.

 

I am going to be very blunt, she is the one choosing this behaviour, she knows right from wrong. My ex was bipolar, did everything your wife is doing except leave me, she instead chose to have a two year affair. She too shunned her responsibility for her children, stayed out partying, didn't come home many nights(claimed she couldn't drive and was staying at a girl friends). Alcohol, pills and medication do not mix and makes everything much worse because the medication doesn't do what it's supposed to do. She will stop taking her medication because she likes the high she gets when she's on pills and alcohol, the sex is drastically heightened when she is manic and off her medication.

 

She will not be thinking of you or her children while this is going on, she will be looking to get her needs met no matter how many guys or women it takes(my ex wasn't gay or bisexual but ended up in several threesomes and girl on girl). She will experience terrible depression when she comes to her senses realizing what she has done then go out looking for more action to escape her reality. Wake up, you can not nice her back, damaged bipolar people who are not taking their meds make really bad decisions.

 

Make her accountable, separation is a cheaters way of cheating without the guilt of facing you the next day. Let her know you will not stay married to a wife that is openly dating on dating sites. Talk to a lawyer because you need to take yourself out of infidelity and you can not control a wife who is bipolar and not on her meds. The only thing(take it from experience) that works is taking a hard line, don't give her a choice because she will manipulate you(they are master manipulators) until she gets what she wants with you waiting in the wings. She will destroy your finances so protect yourself, start the divorce process if she wants to live on her own and casually date. Let her know that she will have to pass a polygraph test if you even decide to reconcile at this point(don't even know if a polygraph works on them but the threat of one may keep her faithful). Don't end up like me, years of hell, raising another man's child believing it is yours. You deserve better, demand she gets help or divorce her starting tomorrow, go for full custody of your children. Stop playing nice because you can't win, talk to a lawyer first thing tomorrow morning.

 

P.S. if they haven't told you yet, infidelity is one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder. This is why it is so important to keep their medication up to date, the medication will constantly need updating.

Edited July 9, 2017 by aliveagain

[Imajerk17]

Looks like about everyone is saying about the same thing and I agree.

 

Here's the thing OP: If you contort yourself into a pretzel and do the Pick Me Dance, you not only will NOT save the relationship and lose her respect, but you will also lose *your own* self-respect in the process. Don't do it!

 

Oh, and yeah--if she is "dating", she is having sex and it isn't with you. That things between you and your wife deteriorated so quickly does make me wonder if she already had someone lined up, BEFORE you and she separated.

[sandylee1]

Something very similar happened to a man I was supporting. He was desperate to keep the marriage and convinced himself that her sending pics was okay.. That conversation about cooking recipes was fine... I told him it would escalate. He continued to allow it.

 

Until he saw a pregnancy kit in her purse and they hadn't been intimate in a few months because of her sexting and boob videos.

 

He's filed now.

 

You need to put your foot down. If she wants to be on dating sites... Your next move should be to seperate and file.

[BaileyB]

Yea no **** I feel weak, she's bi-polar and on a manic episode right now. My problem is do I just let her be self destructive right now and destroy everything she has loved, and then be left with nothing. Or do I try and take care of her and smooth things over. I'm not one to abandon anyone in the time of need. She's turning into an alcoholic, doing too many pills, and destroying our relationship. She said the other night she needs help, and to take her seriously. I did and called places for her to get into, but she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet.

 

Codependency at it's best. Willing to sacrifice the wellbeing and security of your family for a woman who is willing to burn the house down.

 

Get her the help she needs. Give her the resources and encourage her to seek treatment. After that, it is her responsibility to do what she needs to do to get better. And if she doesn't accept help, it is your responsibility to set boundaries so that she doesn't take you and your children down with her...

[QuietDan]

No she isn't with the kids really at all except when they are with the au pair. I guess I just tried to make it as short as possible, and left out a rather big part of the equation. She just wants to have conversation and be interested by someone else. It ****ed up I know. But if she is unfaithful she will confess. I know its a messed up situation and I'm not too sure where to go except ride it out. She knows its messed up as well and doesn't want to put me through it. She just has issues and I'm not sure if I can be along for the ride.

 

Don't count on her confessing. The thing is, she is working on other options and investing in other relationships. She is bringing in other people with different agendas than keeping your marriage together in a healthy place. With the current sex and porn culture she is venturing into with her values and critical thinking and judgement skills regarding a healthy marriage in a questionable or compromised state, in all likelihood she will end up physically cheating. There is a very good chance she has already cheated. It sounds like under the current situation it is more about when and how much and not if....

Without a drastic change of energy to push this situation into a different course of events....

There is a pretty good chance your wife is going to become seriously involved with someone else.

[Cilantro]

Hi No user, you have been given a lot of advice before this. The last poster's remarks might be a little controversial but they are probably worth your mulling over. I do not know whether the previous poster suffered from BiPolar disorder or not but her conduct does resemble that of women who suffer from this disorder.

 

No I am not bipolar and I have the psychologist's recommendations to prove it. What I am, however, is a sensitive, generally well-meaning woman suffering from anxiety who was scorned and betrayed, and wanted to get even. The anxiety was a direct consequence of the betrayal in both my marriage and my job (which was a high-stress job as a high school teacher, in a chaotic urban school district that became infamous for not giving any existing employees raises in nearly 6yrs, while hiring fresh new teachers for the higher salaries they wouldn't give us faithful ongoing employees; at times I literally spent my entire paychecks just to be able to show up at my job, so at times it was a no-pay job; in turn it caused me large amounts of stress--emotional, psychological, and financial; if that makes me "bipolar" then so be it) And, during the times that I went on dating sites, dinner dates, and male strip clubs to get "back" at my husband for his dalliances, I never actually had sex with any of those men. I can honestly attest that. I did the bare minimum to match what my husband had likely done. It's unlikely OP's wife hasn't had extramarital sex, but it is in fact possible.

[road]

No I am not bipolar and I have the psychologist's recommendations to prove it. What I am, however, is a sensitive, generally well-meaning woman suffering from anxiety who was scorned and betrayed, and wanted to get even. The anxiety was a direct consequence of the betrayal in both my marriage and my job (which was a high-stress job as a high school teacher, in a chaotic urban school district that became infamous for not giving any existing employees raises in nearly 6yrs, while hiring fresh new teachers for the higher salaries they wouldn't give us faithful ongoing employees; at times I literally spent my entire paychecks just to be able to show up at my job, so at times it was a no-pay job; in turn it caused me large amounts of stress--emotional, psychological, and financial; if that makes me "bipolar" then so be it) And, during the times that I went on dating sites, dinner dates, and male strip clubs to get "back" at my husband for his dalliances, I never actually had sex with any of those men. I can honestly attest that. I did the bare minimum to match what my husband had likely done. It's unlikely OP's wife hasn't had extramarital sex, but it is in fact possible.

 

This is not how to recover a marriage after an affair.

[magnesium]

Codependency at it's best. Willing to sacrifice the wellbeing and security of your family for a woman who is willing to burn the house down.

 

Get her the help she needs. Give her the resources and encourage her to seek treatment. After that, it is her responsibility to do what she needs to do to get better. And if she doesn't accept help, it is your responsibility to set boundaries so that she doesn't take you and your children down with her...

 

 

I'd take it a step further and just say kick her to the curb like yesterday. She already cheated; the marriage is done.

 

Get the divorce proceedings started, and make sure the courts know about what she did, the drinking the pills.

[Nousernamesleft]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

[BluesPower]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

 

Please listen... My brother, you are in a complete state of denial about what has been going on.

 

Do you believe that she has not been sleeping with these other men? You yourself know that she is irrational and sick.

 

Really, what makes you think that all of those kids are really yours in the first place? I am not trying to hurt your feelings in any way.

 

I want to relay a little of my story so that it may help you.

 

My STBXW had 2 affairs that I know of, She was a drug addict for 20 years out of our 26 year marriage. Worst of all, she kept her drug addiction hidden until about 2 years ago.

 

I spent 26 years of my life loving and caring for a damaged woman. I had all kinds of reasons for it; 1) She is too sick for me to divorce and abandon, 2) What if I don't get full custody of the kids 3) Can I take care of the children by myself, 4) and on and on...

 

So I stayed, I thought that I was doing the honorable thing. I raised my 3 kids as a single dad because she was wasted all of the time.

 

I wasted 26 years of my life, HALF OF MY LIFE caring for this woman because I loved her. Eventually, I had a stroke because of the stress of all of this.

 

It was not until I almost died that I had some time to reflect and finally understand that what I as doing was completely crazy.

 

You are doing the same thing. If you do not get a divorce and stop living in fear you too will waste your life.

 

My STBXW got sober for the most part 2 years ago. Do you think that it was my lifetime of care and love that I gave her that convinced her to finally get sober and confess? No... Do you think it was her family that she finally decided to get sober for? No... OK, so it must have been her love for me and the fact that I never left her and always stayed by her side that gave her the strength to get sober.

 

NOPE, not even a little. She got sober because she got 2 DUI's in 2 weeks and spent time in jail. She was afraid of going to jail. That helped her get sober and confess to me what had been going on for 20 years.

 

OK, so surely after she got sober, she saw how much I loved her and she was willing to spend the rest of her life making it up to me. Surely she wanted to show me how much she loved me after everything I had done for her and my family, Right?

 

Not even close brother, she could not figure out what I was upset about. Why was I hurt about the lying and everything else that went along with her bi-polar and her drug addiction?

 

I finally realized that she never ever loved me at all. She just used me for a pay check and breeding stock for our children.

 

Listen, you have to get away from this woman or you will spend forever trying to fix her and trying to help her and it will not matter.

 

I have been there, and this is where you are heading...

[QuietDan]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

I was starting to wonder if I missed that in the few posts you made. I re-read your posts to make sure I hadn't overlooked anything. I am glad you clarified that you haven't been unfaithful. I didn't think you were.

If you read her post carefully, she is excusing and blameshifting your wifes bad behavior because she is involved with simular behavior. Her excuse is that it is a way to cope with job stress and she wants to get revenge on her cheating husband by cheating on him. The majority of her post was about her and her issues and problems. Since she is giving herself an excuse to cheat, she seems to be saying it is understandable that your wife would cheat if your wife was in a simular situation.

What she said did not really have anything to do with you and your situation.

There are going to be all sorts of people posting all sorts of stuff. Some of it may be relavent and helpful. Some of the stuff won't be.

Take what is relavent and helpful. Ignore or debate the rest. There are alot of broken damaged people with all sorts of unresolved issues on the internet these days. I should know... I think I may be one of them...

Actually, thats just silly.

I am the only sane normal person in this world.

Everyone else is a bit off and crazy.

Edited July 11, 2017 by QuietDan

[kgcolonel]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

 

NUM, you thread has a personal note to me. My mother was a paranoid schiz, with bi-polar on top. My dad owned his own rep firm and raised single handedly myself and my brother. That said, yes, it is a tall mountain and yes he did stay married to her through our teens. Had he not, we would have split time with the two of them and all the brothers and sisters on her side have either committed suicide or been to prison...nice huh.

 

I think you are looking at some very hard choices and contrary to much of today's direction, you'll need to put the kids first, stay in the marriage until you have fully raised them inorder to protect them from the mother. Sorry, but this looks like a 14 year sentence but at the same time, raising boys can be a lot of fun with all they bring to the table as well.....hang in there, my heart is with you.

[usa1ah]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

 

 

 

Don't listen to those that automatically assume you must have cheated. They are in the camp of, the woman is always right and the man caused her to do it because a woman is never in the wrong.

[somanymistakes]

Don't listen to those that automatically assume you must have cheated. They are in the camp of, the woman is always right and the man caused her to do it because a woman is never in the wrong.

 

what people are these? I see one person in the thread who ASKED if he'd ever been unfaithful, in the same paragraph as asking whether the wife had been unfaithful before. asking isn't automatically assuming.

 

i'm not seeing an attack camp in the thread anywhere.

[Mr Blunt]

Make yourself and your children number ONE!..I understand that you desperately want to get your wife back but there is very little chance of that, Even if she comes back what do you have? You will be troubled for the rest of your life trying to have a good marriage..You are emotionally devastated and willing to compromise big time to get the hurt to get better. Even if you succeed it will only be very temporary. Look at the future in terms of years not days and start taking actions for you and your children.

 

Get your attorney to instruct you on how to document facts (she left the children for you to raise so she can date) so that you can get as much custody as possible with your children…I know that you want your wife back and you may even succeed but you will be miserable because she is very damaged..It is a pity that she has serious emotional and drinking problems. She does need help but you are not the one that can help her the most and helping her will bring you down more…The reality in your situation is that you have to choose between your wife and you and your children; you cannot fix both…When you get stronger in the future you can help your wife-ex-wife with some things if you want.

 

I know that you want hope that you and your wife will get back together and have a good marriage but there is very little chance of that. However, there is a very good chance that you can get a LOT better and have a very good relationship with your children.

[drifter777]

Thanks for the comments, I am so confused what to do. I should follow everyone's advise and just file for divorce, but my life is way too hard to do this alone. I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon her yet. Trying to pay the bills and raise triplet boys under 4 by myself is exhausting. She is manipulating me and saying just enough to keep me from getting a divorce. When she comes out of i really need to be there for her. She is an addict and bi polar and her thoughts are irrational. I told her there is no way I'm going to stand around and let her date others. She deleted the profile in front of me and is really stating that she needs help. I found a place and she is ready to get her head clear. Other posters stated it may be to get back at my infidelities, which I will state has never happened. I'm as faithful as a man can be.

 

You cannot control HER illness. You cannot control HER addiction. These are facts that any mental health professional or addiction specialist will tell you. Your patience is simple enabling. Your paying bills & raising the kids by yourself is making her cake-eating easy. She is completely responsible for her behavior and for seeking help - if she even wants it. But you can bet that she is not going to change until she has to change.

 

You can only control yourself. When you are tired of being collateral damage to your cheating wife then come back and re-read this thread. Most of the advice you are getting is spot-on and, although it seems extreme to you right now, is your only chance to begin healing from her abuse.

[Jersey born raised]

Do the two of you use IVF to get pregnant? This may be very important.

[magnesium]

The drinking and the pills are the real demons.

 

It's hard to understand addiction for those of us who never did it, but unfortunately for the addict it is the toughest battle they will ever go through in their life.

 

There was one person whom I would have done anything to get them off the drugs, but eventually I had to run away from her.

 

Even staying clean is no guarantee. I know people have done it, but personally I never met them.

Edited July 11, 2017 by magnesium

[Jersey born raised]

Do the two of you use IVF to get pregnant? This may be very important.

[Mumbles]

The drinking and the pills are the real demons.

 

I'm not sure. If she is really bi-polar then I believe this to be the true heart of the demon. The other symptoms are just that ... symptoms.

 

My wife is a cluster-b disordered woman, importantly for this discussion that is _not_ bi-polar, subjectively cluster-b is much worse. Of course there is always the strong possibility of co-morbidity.

 

The important thing for a codependent who is living with a partner like this to realise (and we in this situation nearly _all_ are codependents) is that, ultimately, they are never going to get better. Therapy and prescribed drugs can, perhaps, help, for a relatively short time and to some degree, but the cycle of manic behaviour will likely as not return in an observable and predictable way over and over again.

 

The advice to run, and run quickly, is not all wrong unfortunately. If you covet a relatively stable home life, a life where you can 'build' something together over many many years, then this won't be the reality.

 

However, if you decide to stay, you have to really think about what you're getting from the relationship. Take things right back to their basics. Thoughts of loyalty and honourability, etc, etc, don't really apply because your other half doesn't live in that world - these things are incomprehensible concepts to her.

 

You have to think about the life you want and build boundaries around those things. Make it clear that there are ramifications to crossing those boundaries. She won't understand where you are coming from, but, she will understand the basic language. Be careful of the nature of the 'ramifications' - empty or weak boundaries that you have no intention of enacting will only drive you into a weaker and more unhappy situation.

 

Straying to my situation with a cluster-b for a moment to give an example, many forms of cluster-b have an irresistible preponderance for promiscuity. Its no good, its not going to serve my purpose, to simply say to her that one of my boundaries is monogamy, that she _absolutely_ must stop sexing other guys. Its setting myself up for a fail because of the type of PD she has.

 

Its not me excusing her behaviour, its coming to grips with the reality. So, because I've decided to stay with my wife I have to set realistic boundaries that are acceptable to me. In my case, as per advice I've received, its to tell her that: She can't communicate by text or phone with these men when I'm around and I don't want to know the ins and outs of her dalliances with them. The ramifications of crossing those boundaries are that I will immediately eject myself from those situations. I will literally just get up, put on my jacket and leave - no matter where we are.

 

I could go on, by this is not my thread, hopefully it gives some ideas.

 

First and foremost is understand, yourself, what you are getting from the relationship. If all you can list is pain and insecurity then it might be time to seriously consider the 'run for the hills' option. Have a plan and desires for your own life, how you want to live, what you want to achieve - encase those things by your boundary settings and, if you decide to stay with your wife, allow her entry into those things in small measurable ways that can be controlled, because if you give her free reign, she will likely destroy you.

[magnesium]

I'm not sure. If she is really bi-polar then I believe this to be the true heart of the demon. The other symptoms are just that ... symptoms.

 

My wife is a cluster-b disordered woman, importantly for this discussion that is _not_ bi-polar, subjectively cluster-b is much worse. Of course there is always the strong possibility of co-morbidity.

 

...

 

Yes thank you for correcting me. It is the personality disorder which is the real demon, and the increased tendency towards drug usage or other addictions is a by-product of the personality disorder. It's a big mess, as the drugs create much more imbalanced brain chemistry (not to mention financial costs) on top of the original personality disorder.

 

You have a lot of strength for choosing to stay with someone with a cluster-B personality. I can't imagine how hard that is.

[ericsvibe]

Every person is different, but I won't to relate to you my relationship with my oldest sister. She is Bi-polar. She has had failed relationship, after failed relationship. She really wants to change, she has been in treatment for 30 years, but when she falls out of the program, her destructive behavior is hard for me to fathom. Your wife may never get better. My sister has been married 4 times, divorced 4 times. She is very attractive, and on her good days she is very charming. She can woo a man very easily. But eventually, she will go into a manic phase, cheat on her lover like there is no tomorrow, wind up in weird locations due to drug and alcohol abuse, and neglect herself, her husband, and her children. My mom wound up raising her children. Both of her children have severe emotional problems due to this. Even though she is now in her late 40's, she still hasn't changed. She has cheated on her current boyfriend multiple times, he at least isn't going to marry her.

[Chaparral]

Your trying to fix your relationship, and she's looking for a new one.

Its over, and DONE.

Why are you grasping at any little possibility that it can work out.

She's already made the decision WITHOUT your consent, or even discussed in trying to reconcile.

The other posters get it, and I don't understand why you don't.

Once the gate is opened, it will be impossible to close it again.

She will get that feeling of meeting new men in her life, the attention, and mostly, the NEW romance and sex that ALWAYS accompanies it.

 

 

I agree with the others, start the divorce proceedings. Get the papers drawn up, and hopefully shock her into realizing your serious, and not a pussy walk over.

 

 

If she doesn't care, then, you have your reason to continue with the divorce.

 

 

My belief, is she already has someone she's talking too, and would like to see.

This is just a ploy to allow her an exclusion from her commitments to you.

 

 

Humans are cunning and smart, when they want something.

The planners, are the worst of the worst.

Spur of the momenters, are just idiots.

 

 

She's a planner.

 

 

Ted.

 

My biggest concern is that she had someone on the line well before the separation.

That's how these things almost always go.

Have you checked her phone,texting,email usage for at least a year before she started acting up? Folks want to separate to hide their activities not heal.

You don't work on a marriage by missing someone.

In case it hasn't been mentioned EVERYTHING YOUR WFE IS DOING IS OUT OF THE CHEATERS 101 class book!

 

With what you have said, the odds she doesn't have a boyfriend/boyfriends is about 1 out of a hundred.